'you should be dancing...yeaaa...'

it's back!

30 JAN 2004    17:19:35

yep, the 'puting beliung(tornado)+hurricane+kilat sabung menyabung' mood is back. last night i went home with uneasy feelings, and somehow it got worse. i slept in front of the tv with mask of zorro 'watching' me and woke up at 7 am. DAMMMMMIT! got so much things to do, and i'm so bloody tired. nasib baik tak de kelas today-but still...belambak keje kene buat for tuesday..

banyak = 12precedent studies+16 interpretations(and i'm still not sure waddehel is that)+3 models+1 solution+1 A1 full of site analysis

waahh...best kan? that's for tuesday, only. only God knows what 'gajah' is in store for me after tuesday.

okay..enuff ranting for today, laundry+cleaning(myself and my room) is waiting..uh..hope naruto and saiyuki reload will be ready by then...

Yale'S Craps©

28 JAN 2004  08:01:06

Tot that i have recovered from insomnia. apparently not. didn't drink coffee yesterday, coz i wanted to sleep whenever i'm feeling  sleepy. tried to sleep at half past 3, but end up twisting and turning till nearly 5 am. dammit!! got lotsa work to do and i'm wasting it! so i got up and do my work, knowing that i wont be fresh and alert (well..never pon..hihi) for today's class.

yeah, got the brief for my final project, the Finnish Institute. was soooo nervous (and bersemangat) bout everything. :D i nearly decided to back off from doing my final project for a while. nearly. but not yet i guess. don't want to...except..owh! pls la jgn ada aral melintang. (menegak mahupon diagonal)

"...I'm feeling nervous..trying to be so perfect..coz i know you're worth it.."

All i wanted to do is to study architecture. study. not really ambitious to be one of the architect masters one day (looking at my ability, nahh...that won't happen)..people in my life repeatedly asked about -- "r u sure u want to do this?" "you'd probably better in other fields, you know.." but this is my passion. how bad this course strangled me sometimes, i still couldn't find a way to hate it. i know i'm missing a lot of stuff here, but i'm willing to extend, to repeat and to exhaust to death again and again for this. sounds crazy, but i am willing to do that. i've been thru so many heartache, but this is not my time to give up, yet. not yet.

Kati, the project leader asked to submit her an essay on our ambition for this project. i'm worried that i might get too emotional like i am now. i am on the verge of failure, but i hope this burning desire will help me along the way.

bebel..bebel..bebel...

19 JANUARY 2004    07:39:56

First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY FARAH!! (hope you're reading this :p) enjoy, and i wish you all the happiness in the world!

owh, just to put down some points on what happened yesterday:

1. my good-for-nothing landlord actually came to show ppl around the house (yes, he's 'halau'ing us! without asking if we wanted to stay for next yr) while all of us were still sleeping- knock, knock![opens the door].....and waaaallah! we gave (without our consent) the future tenants some embarrassing view (eg, me and my leopard night robe, muka toye--and one of my housemate was still sleeping- as in tergolek tak sedar langsung when the landlord opens the door!) bodoh ke ape? what if someone just got off the shower and tgh pakai baju dlm bilik?what if someone has a habit of sleeping naked?(thank god takde kat umah nih) HE VIOLATED OUR HUMAN RIGHTS!! 

2. we didn't get the house that we checked out the day before! baaad news

3. looked at few houses- and we took the last one! yay! got a house for next year already!! happy happy!! :D cheap rent, good condition, big room (yay!) and nice housemates. ;)

4. lembik the whole day, my sleep was interrupted 7 times!!! i wonder why some ppl just soooo comfortable bugging a sleeping person?

felt annoyed with the house phone- no one to answer the damn phone (with their own reason). always rang when i'm asleep. wanted to switch off the phone, but then, imagine if there is an emergency? and to some ppl (who ever rang us)...don't u have any common sense? i always answered the same phone call, for the same person, by the same goddam person at the same time--and the receiver was never there. ape tak boleh ke ingat yg org tuh gi keje/skolah time tuh? and some ppl just soooo happy to call early in the morning (not so sure if UK has different timezone-- probably more than 8? if so..logically, newcastle alone would probably have 2 timezones??) what were u thinking??? the world don't revolve around you alone!

random whatever:

owh..aku sampai skarang tak paham ngan org yg suke tindas2 org nih. tak de HATI PERUT ke? biasenyeh they have the attitude yg pantang dimarah- but then tindas2 org suke hati- anything sumer suke salahkan org. kata mintak tolong org, but if that thing didn't work out, reti nak salahkan org aje--apsal tak reti buat sendiri ke? i'm willing to help, jgn start pk aku boleh kene buli ikut suke, if one day aku snap- may allah balas balik ape ko buat kat aku-- and don't EVER marah balik kat aku! u caused me to snap! some ppl suke sgt salahkan org lain kat benda yg diye tak usaha pon nak buat. menyampah betul ngan attitude camtuh!

Yale'S Craps©

huhuuh....is this real? muahahahahhahah

17 JANUARY 2004        23:52:09

 
Congratulations! You're Legolas!

Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

muahahah...took 2 different quizzes - but still no change...I'm legolas?? uhh..this is sooo flattering (despite of the 'menjaga kecantikan' thingy) :P

Yale'S Craps©

me, myself and I - The Selfish Edition

16 JANUARY 2003 19:29:00

Haven't cried for quite sometime, until yesterday. now i got a major headache AND heartache. got very, very upset. it's about my exam- the questions were very different and i panicked for half and hour- which is a third of the total exam time. can't finish it. i should have. but most ppl didn't as well. i don't care bout them. i just want to finish all this shit on time, want to graduate this july. not any other time! i just hope i just pass that paper- it's hard when i'm a little determine on things, it's hard when i started to put things in plan- but it didn't work out. so what i did is, take things easily-- as in let myself being lazy, or just do things ala kadar. but those manner has been dunked in the river Tyne (Newcastle upon Tyne, remember? :D) since the school opens.

 whatever it is... if one day some people came to me and simply commented that i'm lazy- probably i should simply too, pop a kain buruk in their mouth, instead of weeping alone in my room OR in unlikely event, saying something that i will regret and make them angry (but ironically how didn't they manage to know that they made me angry first?). and if i meet this type of people over the internet...probably i shd block them- after i gave them my piece of mind (instead of quietly ignoring them). honestly i'm not that type person that can tune out what ppl say to me easily, always preferred that they just shut up. "unless, you're good enuff. or when i ask for opinion "(and that's mean you are good enuff) [adopted frm Elly Selamat's words of wisdom..hehe] well...other than that- you might expect some negative reaction, don't blame me..u asked for it!

.... life has turn me into a stubborn, "kapla diye batu besar ada duduk" [seniman bujang lapok- P Ramlee] person... but as long as u don't go meddling with my life.. i will not bother yours.

Yale'S Craps©

shower oh shower..boiler oh boilerr!!

14 JANUARY 2003    23:26:03

Still in yesterday's mood. actually i've just turn off the pc and went to the bathroom. actually it's been nearly 4 months i actually curse this one girl each and every time i want to use the shower. she 'tumpang' this house over the summer- and left a wonderful, oh-so significant mark --> a broken shower holder!! okay..it may seems a small problem to you...but it is soooo damn annoying lah! how stupid can a person be? and what the hell did she do with the shower holder sampai buleh patah? it seems to me that she got all depressed (for whatever reason) and got sooo close to strangle people, so she strangled the shower head! and it broke, waaaahh..kuat giler!!nak tunjuk kuat pon tak yah la sampai menyusahkan org! nak vandalize..buat la kat harta sendirik! and now she's gone back to her hometown. she did say sorry though- but she SHOULD have replaced it!! mangkuk hayun! i've bought a new shower head and its holder- and guess what? it didn't fit! mangkuk hayun for me as well! so what we (other housemates) did was, we tied the holder with a waterproof tape. and of courselah diye tak tahan sgt. so every time i take a shower, i have to position myself ikut suke arah mana shower head tuh tunjuk, if ubah kang shower holder tuh patah balik. and penah sekali nih i have to lean against the cold tile wall, sejuuukk weeehhhh!!!- terasa mcm bodo aje. terasa bersalah gak curse pompuan tuh everytime aku mandi-- but dah sampai aku kene melekap kat dinding shower yg sejuk tuh utk mandi... mmg cannot help myself but curse to her lah! bengang betul..dah la mood tak baik skarang nih- nak mandi pon tak aman gak- lagi satu, boiler rosak-- waalllaaweeehhh! pandai gile lah kau carik masa..time aku nak pekse..time tgh sejuk nak mampos nih la ko rosak plak ek? and bising gile plak tuh! the needle went completely berserk last night, aku yg annoyed ngan bunyi bising boiler tuh pon jadi panic dibuatnye- what if diye meletup? huwaa...jangan laa..

uhh..enuff bising2 oledi..need to get back to Structure 3.1. challoh!

Yale'S Craps©

THY MOST ANNOYING WEEK EVER!

13 JANUARY 2004        19:38:21

i'm easily annoyed these days...dunno why. and the ironic thing is, i've come across all the most annoying people I've known lately. is it just me or some people are just f**king annoying!?!! i'd better stay away from people, but need to go to my revision classes since the exam's on Thursday. dammit!

the best way to annoy me  --> is by giving stoopid or irrelevant comments--that i can do nothing about it.

                                            --> i don't like to argue on subjective things- discussion is for expressing opinions, not forcing people around. i just don't give a damn on who's opinion is the best. what u think is the best for you, probably is the worst for others..

                                            --> i'm doing MY things MY way- so just stay out of it!

Yale'S Craps©

13 JANUARY 2004        01:23:36

U know what, i'm  feeling sleepy- and see- it's 1 am! huiiyoohh..ajaib giler! hihii...biaselah- exam's on thursday...time2 yg sumer org kene panic attack nih la the best time to stay in bed. :D but yeah, hafta study jugak2 since td ade revision class and i realised that almost everybody had done their revision. but i should be glad, in a way-- coz i only have a tiny weeny bit of work left for the dissertation. yay!

so i did my food shopping a bit before going home, and suddenly i felt like i desperately need my caffeine shot. so i went to starbucks but it was full house. so i went all the way to another starbucks (biaselah..yg tak dpt tuh la yg nak sgt tuh!).. was happy tgk tak ramai org..nobody in queue!(i hate queing- coz the view of the cheesecakes/ paninis /whathaveyou there are soooo tempting!) but only a second later i saw a bunch of people; saw zana, then nadine -  then i smiled and turned towards them -  then i saw something that i'm allegic to- automatically and voluntarily my body made a U-turn! i was hoping that i could sit quietly and have a nice cup of coffee in the shop, but naahhh...i'd rather not. so after i got my order, i went out thru the small door (which i think is for the workers) ...and only then i realised that i ordered a frappucino. ngilllleerrr...dah la winter2 nih! huh..i never thot that i'd do that.some of them are my frens. i think it's rude. but know somehow that i shd save myself! hihi.. td pon dah cukup la rase badmood..

Yale'S Craps©

Ellina's definition of nap= 7 hrs!

11 JANUARY 2003

received and forwarded an email to some frens yesterday, no- in fact today morning (yeah..coz to me- my day starts after 12 midday..hehe) sincere apologies from me if that email somehow made u feel uneasy or angry or anything. i even saw (or probably heard, since we were over the internet) my frens instant reaction. was, and still think that it was something that we should know, or aware of. my instant reaction was -- pissed off giler! but two seconds later, after all the information in the email have been filtered in my head.... i think:

• i shd thank them that they -in a awkward way- provide me room for improvement

• they did show THEIR stupidity and lack of understanding of other's culture- aiyoo.. mmg la basuh poo dgn tangan ...DAN air lah! dunno anything lagi mau ckp.

• i should not be angry since it's their opinion, the related ones can be kept in mind..the unrelated ones- well..can be use to laugh them off--ho ho ho

• Clearly, they are trying to break us off- coz they know some of us will get angry, some will agreed and tuding jari to others and end up gaduh-- well..that IS their ultimate sweet revenge waaaatt...

well..  i do ate free food.. at least i never eat like pigs. owh..i don't even eat pigs. tak tahu ke babi tuh penuh ngan penyakit? tsk tsk..sian....

Yale'S Craps©

i love my friends..but probably i'm not a good one..

6 JANUARY 2004   

today, i've discovered that sometimes, i can't take jokes. probably i'm the only one who doesn't know that kot. but i can take some jokes, but mostly- i just can't, and it depends a lot on who's making the joke. maybe because i'm so used to deliver my anger, sadness or any negative feelings thru making a joke out of it. cynical jokes. sometimes i bang people that annoys me with my cynical jokes, but mostly the jokes are about me, i think. used to think, probably still think that by doing that, i could save myself from hearing people's  negative comment about me. COMMENTS, not advice. i welcome any advice (with solution), but not negative comments. i always think it's better to say "ah, i gained 5 kgs" than hearing someone, whoever they are to say "uh u look fat". tu contoh la. but is it a sin if i gained 5 kgs but i'm having the best time in my life? why do u see that "gain 5kg" word in bold, instead of  seeing "happy"? why do u choose to comment on the negative things rather than pointing out the positive ones? i remembered a guy said to me, 'wow u are happy, i can see that thru your face.' and guess what, that short, simple comment really boost my self esteem. really made me feel that i've touched, and owned happiness.

because i hate  negative comments so much had not  make me a good fren. like this one time, a gurl that i used to hang out with had changed dramatically. my other best frens did try to slow talk/tegur, but i just can't be bothered to do so. worse, i'm making fun of what the gurl did (bukan making fun ape yg my frens tegur) -- maybe she annoyed me a little that made me do that. but if diye x annoy aku pon, i think i will stay quiet. two reasons, one- i'm not perfect myself. second- malas n tak suke kene marah balik. and probably another additional reason is when i'm fully aware that particular person knows what he/she does is wrong- so tak payah la nak tegur2. buat penat aje.

normally org yg dapat negative feeback dr aku- is org yg seek advice frm me. actually i don't mind hearing any negative comments if i was the one who asks for opinion. aku mmg degil. sometimes org tak tahu aku degil sbb aku diam bila org ckp, and they thot i agreed coz they still think that the phrase "diam tandanye setuju" tu still valid. to me, diam tu sometimes kegunaannye just to end the subject or a sign that i'm gonna think about it. or maybe gak diam sbb aku buat2 tak dengar sbb malas nak layan. :p some people said that i'm a caring person. i think i am- only to certain ppl, limited up to certain aspects. and to some yg aku tak care langsung, i'm just as cold and sharp as ice. not that i hate them, just can't be bothered to. and normally these people belong to the group yg buat benda yg diye tau salah, but gatal buat jugak.

ntah..maybe aku penah buat ape yg aku sendiri tak suke in the past..but i hope by writing this in my webbie will remind me not to do so. hope i will remember to give people advice (when they ask for it), not negative comments. maybe i should be a bit more caring. for my self esteem, maybe i should  to speak out my mind more and not to tremble or dumbstruck when speaking to someone that i feel superior than me. (thus feel bullied afterwords)

Yale'S Craps©

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

4 JANUARY 2004

I know it's a bit late, but I wish u all a very Happy New Year! been busy with the dissertation/thesis lately. didn't even celebrate new year, but it didn't matter. I was pretty contented - lepak ngan org yg aku suke lepak, and do things yg aku suke buat, so that's fine with me. but when my buddies in US told me that they were going out to celebrate-- only then i felt like..huwaaaa.. i wish i was there too. not really complaining that i only lepak with a few, very few frens here...but i really do miss hanging around in a bunch of people, like old times in sunway. but nak buat camne kan? the only similarity about lepaking here and back in sunway is- i only lepak with the people that i'm comfortable with. so i should be thankful ;)

new year resolution....hmm.. to improve my life? well..probably i will try to be a little more forgiving, to work harder (fyi, this is a NEW resolution-never had this one before :p )... want to make people around me happy, probably i want to be a little less snappy,....hmm...what else ek? oh yeah..i want to search for a new hobby, to shop less, to stay healthy...but above all...i want to stay happy. I'm happy now, and i hope i will stay the same. ---- and i wish you, all of you, will feel the same way too. and to all my frens- i miss you guys.

Yale'S Craps©