Membebel (sorry, entry sekali-sekala ni panjang sikit) 220309
I was supposed to attend the pre-marital course last week but no, this idiot went to her office to do her work given by the inconsiderate client. of course when i wanted to type the word 'inconsiderate' i really did hesitate. coz i was thinking of a meaner word to describe her. and, this is the third time i had to cancel my course just (rm240 gone) to attend to her freakin demands.
I mean, this is not the first time when we were asked to produce 3-4 weeks worth of work in 2 to 3 days time. and with the 'super helpful' team mates i'm having right now...*sigh* (no words)
Okay, i don't care. i still want to membebel.
I have to admit i do have a sharp tongue thus being misunderstood by others is something so normal to me. but these last few years i've been trying so hard to keep 'em at bay. so when i'm being pressured by a ridiculous, incompetent moron subordinate (yes, i am using that word subordinate) i felt like i just have to yell something really nasty and degrading (and i know, regrettable) that will only satisfy me when i see that person is reduced to tears, hempas meja and left. (but silap2 aku yg kene lempang)
i know i just said something evil but i just cannot tahaaaan anymore!
i think anybody should be familiar with this situation : DATELINE
for consultants, this is like life and death situation. you could lose millions (or billions) worth of project just because you couldn't deliver on time. these millions, during this hard time means sustaining the office. and that actually means you can work without worrying whether you'll still be here next month or out on the street searching for jobs.
Meh sini i story sikit about my teammate. this 'it' is someone who's so irresponsible it never asked the team leaders on what to do nor asked things when unclear nor reported when finished. this 'it' can come to work, chat all day not saying a word or do anything on the project. 'it' expects the architects actually come and requests for 'it's work. and yes, being a bodoh and sombong would mean printing out a seriously out-of-this-world stupid drawing. worse, 'it' has been working on the project since day one. how could you draw a two-tower building with different heights with the taller one on the fucking wrong side? and it's the main elevation for goodness sake! so freaking stupid. if client tgk drawing tu mmg sah aku kene ludah.
dah la buat salah, lepas tu nak kamuk2 pulak sbb kene stay back. dah la ko buat drawing tu kasi kitorang check just before nak submit kat client, ingat aku yang kene stay back sebab drawing bodoh tu tak lagi rasa bengkek ke? tak bole tunjuk drawing tu progressively if not awal2 lagi dah boleh point out you're doing a stupid drawing and save ALL a lot of time.
this is one of my usual conversation with 'it':-
it: apeeee la drawing kau banyak salah macam ni. (wah..chance bagus nak kondem arkitek ni..)
me: drawing ape tu?
it: aku baru tengok ground level ngan level 1 entrance ni pon dah nampak tak sama. level lain aku tatau la ape lagi yang salah..
me: waahhh..banyak stupid mistake ek? gi tanya la diri sendiri. (actually dia la yang buat drawing tu- lagi mau tanya aku. hahaha)
it: (mumbling tak puas hati)
that's not all, u know. being absent, chatting most time of the day, balik awal, emergency leave everytime before submission/presentation/datelines. an hour line drawing takes the whole day (wtf are you doing?). for so many times it was down to me and Na, my senior archi working on the project until early morning - being the superwomen, architects, draftpersons and the kuli bataks yg biasenye kene maki ngan boss (because boss won't maki assistants and draftperson).
I had a good full day cursing 'it' when i learnt that one of the 'emergencies' told to me (a friend jatuh dalam pool, nak teman dia buat checkup <----boley????) was different to what 'it' said to the director (DIA jatuh dalam pool-need a scan) was actually A FALL-OUT WITH IT's BOYFRIEND (remember, the word boyfriend doesn't mean 'it' a girl haha). babi tak? 3 different stories were told to the director, myself and the secretary.
ah, kalau macam tu aku pon nak emergency leave esok coz my friend just told me that my new shoes are hideous..
not to mention the frequent bad-mood days. even the firm's associate pon penah kene tengking when 'it' was working with him. so apelah aku yang takat lead this project.
kene tengking ngan someone wiser with more experience will make u feel soooooo small, sedih but you'd want to prove that you are better the next time. but kene tengking with someone so stupid never even given an effort to study how 38-storey staircase works and yell at you just because they're tensed malam tadi gaduh ngan bf...waaahhh.. sudah sangat lebey ni *sinsing lengan shirt*
now my senior archi is pulling off the project little by little, i'm trying to figure out how to manage the team alone without forcing myself to be a kuku besi nazi style leader. maybe i can avoid that by..urm.. (eeeeeevil thought haha) but i do know that i need to prepare my self not to bertekak menjerit2 in the open-plan office environment when dealing with this kind of homo-sapiens.
31st May Thingy 100309
I was driving home when i suddenly felt like i really miss my friends. I miss hang out with people i know well. i feel like i'm a bit too old to explain myself..why is this and why is that..
Work has been crazy lately, but still very exciting. it's good to hear from other colleagues (with decades of experience) that the job is never mundane, but definitely hard. but of course if i were ever to leave this profession, it must be due to something greater which is of course, family life. (if i ever need to choose either ONE).
Driving 90km daily does take its toll on me.
There are still loads to do for the 31stMay Thingy (hehe..from now on that refers to my wedding event). but mom happily volunteered to handle most of them. she even cancelled the things that i've already booked just because.. she wanted to. me, on the other hand- already expect that she'll pull a stunt like that. if only i didn't waste my money on the deposits..*sigh*
i've realised that i am quite a minimalist in terms of selecting things for the 31st May Thingy. I don't fancy glittery stuff. no silver, no gold, no bronze. i don't want 1001 roses, but only a few really faaaaaaaaaaaattt white ones with lots and lots of green. i don't want any kerawang anywhere (but of course tak bole elak, duh). it was either going for something bold or something really classic. but due to hodoh-ness of the venue, i have to back off from my bold choice of colours.
I do have some news. *wink wink*
Actually I've written down a few entries regarding this matter but for some unknown reason (malas nak publish? penat sesangat lepas type? haha) I've decided to postpone the entry.
I am getting married.
Duh, i think most people wud say 'hah, about time. it has been nearly 5 years!'
hehe. Yeah, the news is, I've set the date. The reception on my side would be on the 31st May 2009. and him in Ipoh would be on the 13th June 2009. Nikah, I am not too sure since mom and his mom are going back and forth - so it would be either 30th May or 31st May.
I've set most things in order now, or at least i've booked most of the important vendors already. catering, reception hall (yg sgt buruk tp dekat rumah), pelamin, make up artist, photographer (i wish i could hire the same team for our outdoor shots...but kene tgk poket dulu huhu). Encik tunang dah tempah all his attires, i only have the kain..tempah je belum lagi. But called the designer already for the reception dress. he's not a big shot designer but his previous works are simply divine. i think the only big shot designer that i could relate to is Syaiful Baharim, but i wouldn't dare to step into his boutique coz takut terperangkap, terus agree and then realised i don't have the money. hehe. :p
I just hope the guy can translate 'me' into the dress. which is to me, still a little fuzzy (cannot imagine, lah)
Oh yeah, it used to be a grey/dark grey beaded chiffon material. but mom and i went back to the kedai kain and exhanged for a white one. (atas paksaan bonda haha) so this time it's a win-win situation, it was 3/4 of beaded chiffon and 1/4 of french lace (mom loves french lace, i don't). Anyways, i really hope it will turn out to be a simple and lovely dress. nothing ra-ra.
Haih...banyaknye benda nak buat. Keje kat opis pon belambak, went back 4-6 am for the whole last week helping out other design team. it was fun but surely i was lembik to the max. but when i saw the model of the whole masterplan (plus the one that i designed), it was all worth it. I love my job.
Ice Lemon Tea, I Hate You! 261208
This is not an entry when you call someone by his/her codename.
This is an entry just to express how i hate the Malaysians' favourite drink, ice lemon tea.
**I can't sleep.. my stomach just can't accept ice lemon tea.. huhu.. saket+kembung perutttttttt... sob..sob..**
Lambat 251208
Bila cuti macam ni la baru terasa penat gila. And for unknown reason i am not enjoying it.
I hate being dependant to people. I don't mind waiting if i'm not in a rush. But it annoys me when someone, who I have waited for him/her in the past, membingit because he/she has to wait for me (in case i'm late). tak nak tunggu, jalan jelah. susah apa. bingit the whole time buat buat spoil the mood je.
But it annoys me more when i'm late BECAUSE i am waiting (depending on) for other people. (a reason why i bought a car, otherwise i'm not bothered at all)
And the one yang kene marah is of course, ME. macam la org yg marah tu tak pernah lambat! shessshhhh. and what, you think i'm glued to the mobile phone ek? have you not heard of the phrase silent the phone during meetings or don't answer phone calls while driving?
People always say things like 'we have to give and take' when they are on the 'take' line. but why can't apply the same when you're on the other side?
Cakap tak serupa bikin.
Bawak Kete 2.0 211208
I think driving in kl is turning me into an aggressive person. But it's good in a way, bcoz it does make me more alert in the morning.
So my 2 weeks of leading a project will come to an end soon as my senior architect comes back from her long vacation. Her absence somehow pushed me out of my comfort zone in several ways. One, i pushed myself to drive to work because i cannot tumpang her to our client's office for meetings. Two, I learnt how to manage a team. Three, juggling. haha.
Haih...I am so penat! but a part of me felt good. Up till this point, i think i have made the right career choice.
Ada Xmas cum Annual Dinner this Tuesday. I've got NOTHING to wear! wargghhh!!! i only have tomorrow to sort this out. Monday dah gi Spore for a day trip. warrghhh!!!
Bawak Kete 061208
* The car remains nameless. I've started to drive everyday to work without dad's supervision. things have been ok so far, Alhamdulillah.
* I went to my senior architect's wedding today. she was so gorgeous in that light green tone (she's fair- duh..sangat senang nak match colour). dalam sengih2 tu tetibe dia tanya soalan bonus 'keje macammana?'
* She's my team leader in the project. she's smart, tough yet very lemah lembut. a trait that I don't possess. in her absence i am struggling a bit, since the project is going under a major design changes that gives me headache and i sort of have to answer to 2 bosses (which confuse me at times). at the same time i've been chasing other datelines - the 'green building' thingy and of course things to be submitted to the clients and other consultants. and dealing with suppliers (which is a major pain in the butt)
* Haih.. I can't wait for her to be back in the office next week. coz i really need time to breathe.
Confirmation 051108
I panicked when the boss called 'eh macik, mari sini we need to talk'. kecut perut coz i suspected that i'm in trouble. My senior archi is on her 2 weeks kawen leave so whatever things going on in the project would be my call- and of course, it wasn't easy on my side since the experience is basically ZERO.
so i sat in front of him delivering all updates. then he asked one q, 'so you can coordinate the guys now? sudah pandai marah ke?'
ah pulak, ade orang komplen ke? mampuih.
i remained silent since i don't know how to answer those questions. then he handed me this letter. 'eh, don't panic. you're doing well. but salary adjustment starting next Jan ok?' it was my Letter of Confirmation. I'm off of my 3-months probation.
Bottom line, I am very grateful. Alhamdulillah.
Hair Dilemma 031208
I have so much to write about but I couldn't find the time to write 'em.
I was in the office pantry, eyes half-opened when someone approached me saying 'you baju semua cantik2, but rambut je tak cantik.selalu serabai.' then the amusing part was when she said 'orang cakap i semua cantik, muka, rambut, baju, kasut...but perangai je tak cantik.'.
suddenly i felt that I don't really need my caffeine shot that morning.
Yes, it is annoying to hear such comments from people esp the angkat bakul part (hahaha). one part of me admitted that I really can't be bothered about my hair. that is one reason i keep it straight. haih. i think it's time to change the stupid hair.
and one more thing, biasalah..tak de orang yang betul2 cantik yang penah i jumpa yang cakap derang ni cantik. only those perasan cantik ones yang cakap.
One thing i like coming to the office every morning is to look at the girls (and my gorgeous director). it's like fashion week man.. but of course la ada these involuntary stylists yang suka bagi free comments (which puzzles me coz the ones yg derang suka comment are those adorable fashionistas! and yg tukang kasi komen ni x bergaya pon- those slacks and shirt people)
As long as derang tak kacau aku sudah, kan.. hehe.
Quiet 301108
It's been a while since i wrote my last entry. There were times that I wanted to write so much, but too tired to write 'em down.
My work demand is getting crazier by the day. Not that I am complaining much since I enjoy the various tasks to do (excepts for writing the bloody minutes of meetings every week!) but I realised I need to take care of my health as well. Had my first appraisal last week. it was good since i could express my concerns in many aspects of my job and laid out my career plans. Things were better when the boss seemed to give his full support. The only thing that made my pocket menjerit kesakitan when he mentioned i should maintain my RIBA membership (which means rm700-ish for membership renewal each year). haih.
Boss: you kena register with PAM and LAM u know kan? have to start your Part III preparation. in life we have to be a little kiasu u know.
Me: erm..boss, can i use that 1 year experience from my RIBA logbook?
Boss: (obviously not answering the questions) Hah!! keep your RIBA membership too! i wallap you if you don't. i want that title oso kenot get. i don't go to uk school.
Me: OK OK. (dalam hati: waa...abes la duit aku!!)
kata nak simpan duit utk kenduri. cemano ni?
The office paid us to be in Singapore last 2 weeks for a study visit. Jalan2 the whole weekend to look at DP's jobs all over the small island (The Esplanade yg rupa mcm durian tu DP Spore buat jugak) sampai kaki luka bengkak2. Lagi the director mau the girls pakai high heels. nak mampos? (dia mana tau since guys don't wear heels kan) but it feels great to be given such opportunity.
Then another the trip to Kuantan for site meeting. and i guess this will go on every fortnightly until 2012 when all 3 phases is completed. Another good exposure for me since I may gain experience on site while handling the other project in kl. Until now I have no idea on how to react to questions like 'eh, belum nak berenti keje lagi ke?' 'tak teringin ke nak keje kat opis lain? dgr kata opis xxx lagi best'.'camne la ko leh tahan ngan xxx(nama bos), kitorang sumer bingit dengar dia marah'.
The thing is, or more to- the only thing i know of is, job satisfaction doesn't come easily. (and those questions doesn't come from fellow architects). of course la kene marah, kita buat salah kene marah, assistants buat salah PON kita kene marah. but we need to weigh it with the experience we gain from the mistakes. or maybe i love my job so much i don't really care kene wallap pon wallap la, i worked my ass off to get here. And I hope i can remain positive to endure future obstacles.InsyaAllah.
I guess we just have to count our blessings eh?
OK, cerita lain pulak.
I know roughly when the upcoming event would be but haven't set the date just yet. At least there is something. Bought some kain earlier this month. I guess we will be wearing grey. I'll try my best to go for dark grey. i like white, i like black, i like grey. but i don't like silver. seriously aware of the fact that the family may push me towards a silver themed wedding (u know lah makcik2 kenot tahan when there is no bling bling kilat effect in weddings) but i hope i can come up with something. i can just hope. Again and again, i want a clean theme- nothing ra-ra, but meriah because people are happy enough to attend the ceremony.
Penat! 021108
Weekend is the only 2 days that I have to settle things. Today i spent the whole morning driving around kl with my driving instructor. It was kinda funny when he mentioned 'aa.dah boleh bawak kete boleh gi dating kat sini' when we drove past a junction to Taman Tasik Titiwangsa. my spontaneous response was 'eh, ade ke pompuan nak gi taman tasik? panas weh!'
Maybe it's just me.
SHE's GORGEOUS! 271008
Wishing ELLY and AZALI congratulations and all the happiness in the world!
And yes Elly, the title is about you. ;)
The long journey to Kuantan was definitely worth it. It was good to be able to catch up with oja as well. and to meet the little Quzier again. He is such a good kid i wish mine (one day, i hope..) would be as well behaved as him.
The weather in Kuantan was sunny, so the pics will definitely be great. the only bugger was - i didn't have my camera with me. Epit borrowed it last week and I thought that he would have retuned the thingy by now. apparently, he didn't!
Back to Elly's wedding. Ah, the dress... seriously it's worth the price! and the funky ring did set her apart from other brides. and yes, that is Elly.
I guess after witnessing so many weddings (mostly photographs of course-, since i was away for most of my friends' wedding) I think one of the most important thing for the couple is to express their personalities. but we don't have to go too far- no need to wear lacy black and red. unless the theme is moulin rouge. hihi. and i don't think couples should follow the 'in' trend. you want it to be timeless, kan?
Haih.. i wonder..
My Baby 241008
'Hello...! saya belum ada nama lagi. tuan punya just couldn't be bothered nak kasi nama. mungkin bobo. or bubu. or price william.. ntahla.'
'Tuan punya baru bawak 2 kali, tapi saya dah bejalan dekat 1800 km dah.' :p
.. 241008
A quick update.
SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI to all!
sorry lembeb sket. raya dah nak habis dah pon.
Am heading to Kuantan with oja (+yus+baby q) to attend elly's wedding! excited nihhh!!
Gi belajar bawak kete last wiken. with the instructor's car- which was a honda accord 2.0. gelabah sbb kete tu besar! but i'm a little inspired now since he assured me that i CAN drive. hahaha. but i need to book him for one or 2 more sessions. then that afternoon i drove around my car with boy. i think he got really panicked but tried to kontrol macho. how can i drive a bigger car better than a small one? haih.
Sian tengok swift (ye, dia belum ada nama) dok dendiam bawah porch umah. honestly i have no regrets getting the blue one. maybe sometimes i do think that the dark grey is cute as well. mom kept saying that she thinks i've made a mistake in choosing the colour (she likes the black one- but i don't). but i beg to differ. i love it.
Work is busy like always. i think it's normal now to go home after 8.30pm (meaning at least 12 hrs of work daily) - a few had asked me if i have considered quitting the job already- but really, i don't! in fact i'm enjoying it. kene marah mmg la tak best, but i love the opportunities that has been thrown at me. i was told yesterday the project that i'm dealing now will ultimately be my 'baby' (aka i will be the project architect). i am SO HAPPY but at the same time scared shitless thinking of the responsibilities. i guess i just have to grow up faster.
And i'm enjoying my daily chat with dad regarding work (mine or him or anything abt construction).
Sengih sampai telinga 290908
A few reasons to be happy today.
One, I finally had the chance to catch up with Elly today. at nandos. haha. one of our fav hang out spot back in newcastle. received a Naruto gift and her wedding card, which is of course, unconventionally cute.
Two, I have managed to replace my licence and got a not-too-bad plate number. hihi. i wanted 205 (duh) but the number has been taken. to i opted for 1005. which i think is ok,lah.
Three- I received my new toy today- dad told me the car was ready to go when my parents reached mofaz with the registration+road tax. hihi. too bad i wasn't there. had to be back at the office. raya is coming up soon and i am so susah hati that i couldn't get things out of the way by tomorrow afternoon.
Boy, i was sengih-ing sampai telinga when i saw it under our house porch just now. hihi. my new toy. :D
Four, i will be having a mini-break soon for raya. yey! (but most probably will be kopak to the max)
A slave. a happy but tired one? 190908
One week felt like 2 days for me. At the moment, I am very very tired.
The learning part is the most tiring actually, but very interesting. The job is tough - and tougher comparing to the uk system coz we (fresh grads) aren't being treated as 'students' anymore- but way more senior in position. So this week i was trying to work out my job 'scope' so that the team work may go smoothly. I am thankful that i have a senior architect that i could ask my (mostly) stupid questions. so far belum kene tengking lagi by the boss- but one of the directors did knock me on the head (not physically,lah) saying- 'hey, you must question everything about the design. you're not a tech assistant!' and that was on my third day of work- was trying to understand the plan while reading the design brief. moreover i was still pening dealing with Microstations. hampir aku nak letak masking tape kt space bar and Esc key to get rid of my autocad habits.
i must be a very, very annoying fresh grad to my senior colleague right now. I remember a few of my professional friends complained about their juniors- and what a pain they are to them. haha. but yeah, I guess i have no choice but to ask for directions!
I have written a few entries since i started work, but at the end of the sentences i decided to publish the entries later. and..that was 3 weeks ago.
kete owh kete..aku mahu kamu!
Happy Birthday MUZ! 140908
Hehe.. I hope she's having a blast on her birthday (maybe after buka puasa eh?)
I am in a happy mood right now. Because it is Saturday (means, no work), all the family members are at home and the biggest contribution would be me getting a car soon. but the third reason isn't definite yet, since my bank loan is yet to be confirmed. just hope that everything will go smoothly. and yeah, I need to re-learn how to drive.
My parents and I went to see a few car models (just 3, actually) last weekend. I was planning to get Savvy due to rave reviews (excellent fuel consumption, reliable engine and control) but I was tempted with Neo due to its comfortable interior and of course, the aesthetics of it. But I dislike 2 door cars (thinking about my short arm trying to reach for things at the back seat-possibly shopping bags) so i left the Proton showroom feeling partial for both cars. And to kill the time before buka puasa we went to Mofaz/Suzuki to look at Swift- that one car after Mini Cooper that I has left me drooling just by seeing it on the road.
Then..i went to look look..see see..drool drool..test drive....yada yada woof woof (to cut the story short) that made me a little angry of myself because I know it is a price that i cannot afford at this moment. but I AM SO IN LOVE with it. The next day I asked encik tunang to tag along to Suzuki Bangsar. Eventho he did mentioned the price, but he was also kind of impressed of the quality/beauty of the car, including the engine (what can i say, he's an mechi engineer).
I think my expression really showed how much love the car mom and dad didn't really pushed me against it. mom loves it. dad likes the features and the easy handling. And Encik Tunang didn't object either (he IS the sensible half) and made a deal that I cannot resist. but i have to bear in mind that I won't be shopping much in the future. hmm..
I AM HAPPY. but am praying hard there will be no hiccups in getting it.
Penat 110908
I've only worked for 2 week, but managed to be out from the office in daylight for only 2 days (the first two days). I'm glad for many reasons that I am in my current design team. One is because the pressure is pretty much less than some teams. Two is that my teammates have been working in the office for several years so i could learn a lot from them (in other word, not many people stay long enough due to perahan tenaga tahap dewa)
One of my architect friends mentioned that you will feel like a complete idiot during the first month. I couldn't agree more. one of the most bodo moment for me was when I couldn't find the elevation/facade drawings in one of the schemes. Paling bodo when i told my teammate- 'tak de lah...you meh la tengok!' she smiled and pointed to one of the files. now i know that..
ELEVATION=PELAN TAMPAK
I saw the word 'pelan' among the files, so of course my brain just filtered them instead of checking it again. huhu.
But I am learning, and kinda enjoying it. Apart from my problem with caffeine withdrawal, times flies when i am in the office. I like it when the next thing u know it's berbuka time, then u come back to do some work- then panic when u realised it's already 10.30pm. But yeah, this is only the beginning. been hearing a lot of shouting and snide comments from other team leaders which makes me kecut perut. and of course, going back late means i have no life.
Phonecalls and Car Dilemma 070908
I was a little puzzled when almost all of the people in the meeting answered their mobile phone during the discussion. and of course, the phone rang- no one even bothered to switch to silent mode. One of the engineer stupidly talked louder than the rest of us who were in discussion. sheesh.
I have to apologized to a few people who called again and again but I failed to answer. It's because I was working, I would have answered if I was free/not in meetings/saw my phone blinking. And we didn't get any break during Ramadhan. so i basically worked from 8.30 to 5.00 (duh, abis kul 6++ jugak) straight everyday. but so far okaylah, eventho I am a little snap-ish towards the end of the day.
I need a car. demit, a need a car! I can't let dad send me to work every morning and pick me up at kl sentral each day. Because i know that my working hours will get crazy very soon and it's hard to determine when is the right time to go back home.
Pkaww..pkawww! 280808
I'm excited and yet a little terrified. I'm going to start work on Tuesday- and I have no idea what to expect.
Been watching tele (aka have been enjoying myself being a couch potato) a lot lately. This is what i like about living in Msia, the adverts are great! especially those merdeka/raya ones. no more stupid-not-funny-whatsoever ads like Redbull's.
I've just finished my coffee and waiting for Subuh. yeah, I have to stay awake so that I can have my coffee for sahur and be ok all day. (ni masih kes membayar hutang puasa :p)
Haih, my friends are right, I could not last longer than a month sitting on the same spot doing nothing. now i really wished i have ganti-ed my puasa or brave enough to drive so that i could merayap suka hati. hehehe. i really wanted to but to imagine mom- sitting beside me (to watch over me driving) is not a good idea. seriously. i could die of heart attack. i think most moms are like that. they panic, they make you panic and they are armed with an imaginary brake in the passenger's seat. :p
Maybe I could ask dad to help. haih..still i would prefer to use a smaller car. would boy lend me his kelisa? i think not.
Oklah..i am a chicken. pkaww pkawww!
Merapu entry 230808
Yesterday was yet again, another 'ellina the tenggiling day'. (tenggiling=armadillo) but i don't really sleep like one actually. and i don't eat ants. but i like walking like one to kacau my sisters next door at 2 am.
I feel sorry for my little sister, i knew she would have wanted that harrods black cab bag but I love it even more (muahahah) and i have an apron to match (now i feel like makcik2). nevermindlah, i can loan her once i'm bored of it. A loan like, gosok my baju keje or something. hehe. mom asked why didn't i want a tear drop or marquise cut diamond? i don't have the answer. tunggu lah kasi try and tgk dulu. i'm open to (only) her suggestion. she has special access coz the more i resist on things the more i feel like crap (such a pushover, i know). but then again, i may not like it at all.
I'm bored. really bored. encik tunang called to ask if i wanna go to a housing fair at PWTC today. yeye! not that i want to buy a house just yet (keje pon blom start) but i guess it's nice to know the market nowadays.
Okay, something totally unrelated. I miss using the phrase 'just now' the Glaswegian way. they use it as 'akan buat skarang' instead of 'baru je buat sat tadi'. of course, cakap macam tu kat Geordies derang sure akan buat muka 'apokobondoko cakap ni?'.
Petrol price is going down starting this morning by 20sen. Ok lah, but my (future) office might take back our temp petrol money just because of that. i hope not.
haihh... school hols is gonna be over soon. the house will be quiet again. hm...
*A Sean Paul song is playing in the background. This is for my friends Adah/Muz?Aslynn: HAHAHAHA.
JPA, Offer acceptance, Portia de Rossi 220808
Hah, lega!
I could not believe it was a month ago when I had to pack all my belongings into boxes.
Went to Putrajaya today to lapor diri to the organisation. The one that offered me a chance to pursue my dream and made it into a reality. Of course it is only a part of the dream (since I have not started the job- but they gave me a way to get to the job). Will I ever regret doing it? i don't know. but i do know that IF i cannot do architecture, there are several ways i can go from here. I am so thankful that I was given the opportunity. (komplen pasal derang lembab is, cerita lain)
But I think JPA people (apart from encik Azman- he sucked!) are OK. They treat us (scholars) nicely, from the receptionist on the ground floor to the people upstairs in tingkat 5. One person that I will remember is Encik Ali- i'm pretty sure Sunway people remembers him and his desk piled with files as well. And yeah, he was one of the panel in the interview who said to me, 'alas, someone who wanted to do something else besides medicine' and laughed when i told him I have planned not to study biology since my lower form so that my parents could not force me to do meds. I could not do it (meds) anyways. I know my limits.
Okay, enough about JPA. I asked dad what PTD really is (from his perception). then he said, 'basically, you're doing the management job.' 'is it challenging?' then he said, 'erm...not really. people bodek u all the time, but that can be challenging as well.' nearly the same answer as nette's only that she had some examples. hehe. then i asked again can i design stuff and be a ptd- dad said 'nah.. you will be managing the designers.' hmmm.. not interesting enough, for now.
I've picked up my official job offer yesterday from DP Architects, my bakal office opposite berjaya times square (nette, bawah tu ada secret recipe lor..gumuk lagi la akuu). I turned down a job which have given me an extra salary just because i'm scared of chow kit area. was really thinking about the situation when i have to go home at 10/11 at night. jalan siang hari pon aku dah takot. but sure earning that extra 500bucks would be suwwitttt..haih.. but of course, jalan imbi first thing in the morning, NIGHTMARE.
bersyukur weh bersyukur, someone (with the same qualification) who worked in a different office earn 1/4 less of what i was given.
Okay..nothing more to report. owh, wedding. not in 2008. i don't think it would be feasible- i need to really (co)plan this one- keeping things simple, sweet and within budget. doing it in a rush will only waste more money. and i need more time to lose weight. :P
Owh speaking of wedding. I had a weird dream last night. i dreamt that i was with portia de rossi and ellen degeneres, in bed and they were making out while i was reading my 'wicked' book. (I was NOT involved!) <---- i don't know what was the sign :P
But Portia de Rossi mmg lawa nak mampus in her wedding gown (ni bukan dari mimpi but from the website). ternganga aku tgk.
Aims 170808
Aim No.1 - long term : Mencantikkan nama sendiri
E Rahman, M.Arch? Dr. E Rahman? or just simply Ar. E Rahman?
Actually paling best if ade title 'Ar. Dr. E Rahman, B.A, B.Arch, M.Arch, PhD, RIBA, APAM'
In other words, I have worked in an office as a qualified architect then I get my masters then PhD. If one day someone sees my name (I have no idea where) with this very long titles.. they should know that i have gone completely out of my mind.
Note: title Dato'/ Datuk/ Tan Sri is not part of my aim. jadi Datin lagi le takbest.
Aim No. 2 - nearest future : (re) learn how to drive
I have to admit that I am itching to start work ASAP (blom pilih firm lagi). but I should give this 2 weeks of freedom to refresh my memories on how to drive. I am such a chicken when it comes to this. and my worry regarding the contact lenses isn't helping either.
And today, I have discovered that I lost my driving licence. somewhere. warghhh! i need that licence to get into the refreshers class. mangkuk. sungguh mangkuk. but i am not sure who is the mangkuk here. probably me.
Aim No. 3 : Laser Eye Treatment
This is not something I want but somehow I really need. (Note:I want a Cavalli bag. or Miu Miu) .I think i should get my vision treated, giving myself a year or two to kumpul duit. encik tunang told me it should be around 6k or so. OK la, bukan 30k ke ape. kalo 30k baik beli kete. Long term sangatlah menjimatkan. no more rm800 for a pair of semi-hard lenses once in 2 years (IF i don't break one, lost one or power mata x naik), no more carrying extra weight for the two bottles of cleaners and solutions. not to mention the cost of my glasses. the frame is dead cheap- only RM45 frame, but adding RM550 for a medium-thickness, non-coated glass- the second most cikai options that I could get. And that was 2 years ago punye price. haih..ok, bottom line RM6k is reasonable.
Aim No. 4 -on going : Lose Weight.
Enough said. This is my life-long battle.
****
I do have some more aims to list down but most of them go without saying (getting married n living happily ever after, cute and bright children, nice cars, nice home etc)
Job prospect? 150808
Melepak all day at home sure feels good when you know it will be over soon.
I have been thinking if I should send out a few more job applications- it's all ready, but for the last week asal nak beli setem je mesti ade je benda came up. Alhamdulillah, each firm that I went for interview had offered me a spot. I have another one coming up on Monday, a good office too so I agreed to attend. who knows maybe it is the place that I am looking for (provided that they want me there too la). Haven't applied at oja's office just yet- lupa ekceli. her office is opposite klcc! haha macam best jugak. (again, provided tht they want me to work there jugak la)
So far I am a little biased to the office near berjaya times sq. in jalan imbi. good salary (for a fresh grad like me) with impressive fringe benefits inc gym membership, petrol money etc. i like the projects, i should be assisting in doing foreign projects and will be given one (smaller in scale) in Malaysia so that I could learn and prepare myself into Part III. the software they're using is the only downside of it.
My second choice would be a firm based in Bangsar. most of the employees have been transferred to Dubai so the office is getting smaller. but still a busy practice- i might have to go to Miri often-which i think is OK. they offered me a few small projects to handle for part III as well, so that would be a plus too. same amount of salary (minus a few benefits), they use autocad so that will not be a problem but i guess i have to menapak quite a bit to get there. the thing that i like is the small size office and the bangsar location.
Went to buy a couple of shirts in Isetan. Thank god it's the sale season. but trying out the garments were just-- traumatizing! skinny msian gals! (haha sorry, but i feel discriminated big time) have to work extra hard to shed these extra pounds..malangnye bukan sikit but banyak gile! haih..being short isn't helpful too. fittings, shirts especially, are so out of proportion! warghhhhh
OK back to my job prospects..Haih, yang mana satu mau pilih? I have decided to decline the others. should I rethink about that too? waaa...i don't know.
Interview..bladibladibla 130808
Hello...saya tak jadi gi Redang haritu. sebab saya takut tak sempat sampai rumah on time for the interview. papa kene sengat(?) ngan obor obor (jellyfish). sbb bendalah tu marah papa amek gamba dia. sangat sombong itu jellyfish. but i was surprised no one told him the immediate cure- hahah but i don't know if any of his employees would agree to piss on the wound. hihihi. but yes, sian papa. mom was happy she got to buy more batik (of course) but she complained about her tanned complexion. hihi. I am my mother's daughter.
So i had 2 interviews today. and supposedly another one (at 5pm) tomorrow. but i received another call right after my first interview asking me to see them at 11 tomorrow. I agreed. Now i think that would be a big mistake. haihhh
The mistake that i meant was going to 2 interviews in one day. why? because you'll be tired. and let me tell you the portfolio bag is berat nak mampos! (salahkan diri sendiri sbb tak reti bawak kete). and the scorching heat didn't help either. so i went to my second interview today, totally knackered- and a little comot. maybe it was the time of the day (post lunch mengantuk time) the interviewer looked so bored. i was not bothered as well. maybe the clean cut- almost like a dentist clinic (or they call it a 'corporate' environment) made me a little uncomfortable. so..appearing tired and comot is not a good way to present yourself in those kind of environment....right? I will be surprised if i was offered the job.
And explaining the portfolio twice a day- were kinda tiring (but i guess that's how it goes)
But the first one was good. mainly because i was comfortable and we had this kind of discussion- not an interrogation.
Will be meeting Aslynn for lunch tomorrow! yeye. i guess i have to wait for a year or two before we can meet again. she will be going back this thursday.
Redang Island. Tomorrow 080808
First thing's first. Today is the cun-nest date this year. and it belongs to my dearest friend, IJAT. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR!
So seperti biase, bila dah nak masuk Ramadhan ni baru le terhegeh2 nak ganti puasa. hehe.
So today is another day of fasting. Received quite a number of calls today, a few spoke unrecognisable foreign languages that made me so annoyed (because i was sleeping) so i refused to answer some of them. ada satu ni apek marah2 said
Apek: heiii...apasai belom datang kerja! mari mari kerja!'
i wanted to ask him- bila aku gi interview sama apek ni?- baru je hantar resume 2 hari lepas...
Me: eh apek..u got the wrong number lah.
Apek: suruh suami awak pegi kerja, banyak orang ponteng kerje ini hari
Me: apek...saya belom kawen lah! kan dah ckp u salah nombor!!' (nak marah le ni, dah la kacau aku tido..soh gi keje, now soh paksa my non-existent husband gi keje'.
Apek: oh, soli soli.
hmph, siapalah gamaknye orang yang previously pakai number ni..
And later in the afternoon i received a call. but i was kinda irritated so i answered in a pegawai kerajaan manner (those 'saya letih hence saya cakap lembab' tone) but quickly recovered when i realised that i was talking to a rep from an archi firm. she asked me to attend an interview tomorrow- then i thought 'fuck, blom siap lagi portfolio!' then later i asked to re-schedule the meeting. there..11am, next Tuesday. my first architectural interview in Malaysia. wish me luck!
Will be away to Redang starting tomorrow night until monday. it's PLUS_ELITE highway family day. Am i looking forward to it? I am unsure. i hate getting sunburned!
A Zen life? in KL? maybe not 060808
I am still adjusting to my new-found (and temporary) 'freedom'. the number of times when i woke up in anxiety in the middle of my sleep has becoming less and less. i think i've only had 2 nights (or day?) waking up to 'omigod omigod design blom siap!' since i came back. but of course after a minute i realised..duh, skolah dah abis.
Yes, I am a little slow in adapting to new living arrangements.
I do miss some things in Newcastle tho'. my friend's especially. it's good that they are coming home in a month or two so we can catch-up. hehe.
I realised moving around in KL is making me an angry (angrier?) person. My friends were right. I had this plan, I wanted to work somewhere along the komuter line or the lrt/monorail. but after i had the real-life experience of post-harga minyak naik nye situation at lrt/komuter stations... i have to admit i was traumatized. hampir jugak la aku menyumpah seranah that pervert old man behind me. susah la jadi pompuan. u always have to think how to protect yourself- nak letak handbag kt depan (to avoid pick pocs) and expose your back OR letak beg kat belakang and risk losing your stuff? sangat babi tau pakcik tu. babi babi dan babi!
So when i arrived at klcc i saw encik tunang and i said 'i need a hug...huhu' then dia ckp 'eh tak bole leee..' what i meant was i need a comforting hug. sheshh...babi punye org tua! (sambung balik sumpah seranah)
So I might have to endure for a month or 2 before getting a cikai car. but i need to attend a re-fresher course first. bapakkk...aku takot bawak kete! (lesen ada..lagi 4 tahun baru expired..hahah)
Jalan jalan cari makan (lauk kenduri) 050808
Attended one of my skolah-rendah friend's wedding in Selayang last Sunday with encik tunang. It was nice to see him after 9 yrs - we met briefly in KYPM bangi but i bailed from the course when jpa offered me the scholarship. I can't believe it was 9 yrs ago! he looked the same tho' but i guess so do i (plus 15kgs?). I saw his dad, which can be scary (in the past) coz he always jumped me with soalan cepu emas. haha. haven't found all my clothes yet so i had to wear mom's clothing- which as always, made mak mak datin tengok dua kali. but that is the beauty of parios and batik dress- i can pinjam my sis or mom's with no problem at all. but the frickin' corset didn't allow me melahap as much. including the acar buah. now my stomach is singing 'I want that acar buah...!!'
Then we went to OU- basically a quest for encik tunang nephew's b'day gift and my belated bday+graduation prezzie as well. Hate to admit to him that i don't know what i want this year, but i guess i wanted something that could last for a very long time. so gadgets are out- unless he wanted to buy me a digital EOS then can lah, hahah. but of course la tak dapek kann.. so i settled for a necklace and a pearl pendant. which i love love love. Thank you, encik.
My feet hurt today. Am re-adjusting myself to wearing high heels. haiyaa.. mom bising whenever she saw me with that pink crocs. but they are sooooo comfy! but i guess i will have to adapt soon since i don't think any firm would want an employee wearing crocs to work. hihi.
Hm..today mom mentioned that we might not do the ceremony at home. i am bummed. i guess that would be my parents' decision, sian jugak derang penat kalau buat kat rumah nanti. but i can still make a snoopy face- tengok if that works. hehe. or not. the modest club-house sekangkang kera from our home is not too bad actually. i fancy the balinese style -creating a more relaxed atmosphere. but then again, everything concerning the majlis is depending on my parents. i don't mind, ikut je.
Modern or Vintage? 030808
Diamonds are forever...lalala.
Okay, i supposed you guys should know what i'm about to babble. hihi.
I have loved those princess or emerald cut rings all my life. the ones with a gedabak solitaire with side diamonds, exuding the modernist styles (tgk prong type jugaklah). trinity rings pon ok lah..can do.
But will one of those modern rings suits me?
I've read around and i've seen it in the tele about women and their wedding dress/rings. It's interesting when most of the articles would say things like 'the bride will know her wedding dress/ring' 'the ring screams my name!' something like that. It is just a feeling, of course. I have recently beginning to understand what that means.
I went to try my supposedly 'dream' ring (or the one that met the specifications) but somehow it doesn't feel right. It is lovely, but something's not right. Trinity ones were the worst. they just scream- 'I am borrowing someone else's ring' (read: doesn't suit me).
Then i went to try on the more vintage looks. one sang 'i'm yours' (by jason mraz) to me. it was a brilliant cut. WHY? WHY? WHY? I've always wanted the emerald cut. but today my heart sings for this vintage ring.
macam mana? kang nyesal pulak kang, sbb selama lama ni mmg mimpi yg modern. hmm..
I think I've started to change my mind about a lot of things that i wanted for my wedding. (ni kes berangan je ye ni) the few things yang masih sama would be the location (rumah, rumah dan rumah- saya tak mahu dewan!) and the modest scale of it. makanan kene sedap. everything would be simple and white. I fancied a traditional theme before but i guess encik tunang side is doing the theme so i need to rethink about that. no songket- dah cukup gumuk dah aku, wearing songket will only enhance the extra bits haha. i never liked french lace. so, chiffon then. i've found the perfect kain before, but when logic kicks in i just have to say no (agak sedih sbb cantik sgt but roberto cavalli fabric is---well, it's roberto cavalli!) the only designer that i've ever ternganga tgk design dia is Sharifah Kirana's (bikirana boutique). Rizalman's minimalist ones are ok too- but of course with that kind of design baik aku lukis sendiri then tunjuk kat tailor soh buat. hihi. but i might just end up sewa one. hihi. (but yeah, i will nangis kegembiraan if i got kirana's dress ok!)
Owh yea Ellina, gi tanya your parents bila boleh kawen dulu yerk? hihi.
Farewell Newcastle! 310708
This will be another emotional entry. but in a different tone.
Been meeting with friends, old and new since the last 4 days to bid them farewell before my flight home. I have been emotional most of the time but i guess saying goodbyes are supposed to be like that. and I am happy as well as honoured that the people i've known were kind enough to see me. I was too busy packing stuff that i didn't have the time to organise such gatherings. or buying stuff to most of the people. I am sorry, I didn't mean to be rude.
OK.. I MUST let this out of my system.
Again, I was flattered to see most of my friends who (i think, think of me as their friends as well) came to see me to bid goodbye. It was clear to me that there are a certain type of people, especially those who are doing their post grads do look down on us undergrads. Fair enough, i am an undergrad. because i chose to pursue my passion in architecture and it is a 6-year professional degree. if i'm doing the things they are doing now, i would have been doing my Phd as well. Normally i do not care if people don't congratulate me on my achievements, but this particular person made me came to a conclusion that she just belittle everything else around her. I have never met such person who doesn't have any sense of courtesy or respect even to her friends (or maybe we were not good enough to be her friends?i don't know). Saying that I will be home for good in front of her was like saying it to a brick wall. it made me sad tho'. but later it made me furious thinking that i was not the only one being treated badly. She has disappoint or bullied people around her who have helped her along the way. Giving credits to those who have helped is not in her dictionary, i guess. So i only hope that fate will show her the appropriate way. we, as human cannot do anything. But of course I am a disgusted with such behaviour
Ah...in a way, I cannot complain much since I did extend my studies. It is probably a disgusting thing to most people. just thinking about my close friends in college and where they are now career-wise, i know how small i am compared to what they have. Been swallowing all those bitterness when i heard people joking about my failure last year. fine, your life is great now. i am very happy for you. but i beg of you, please think about those days when u lack of something (bf?work?kids?money?etc) and how you yearn for those things in your life. so be THANKFUL lah. A person like me, who knows that I wasn't bestowed with such luxuries already aware that I am that little person. i know. but I am thankful. at least i am trying to get things my own way. i just hope those people understand that.
An Update 170708
090708 - The Graduation
It was a happy day, but i was more or less relaxed and somehow couldn't be arsed to cantek-cantek that day. wearing the pario sure was tricky tho' nasib baik mom was there to assist me. i wore the shoes i bought in london which i thought was so pretty. but at the end of the day i cursed myself why did i ever think of wearing them. owh wait a sec- because i thought they were pretty. yeah, that was the reason. and i cursed the gaps in between the stone pavement as well. because my heel stuck so many times and the small bit of the tapak went missing, somewhere. shesshh..
But I was emotional during the congregation itself. the special dedication for us B.Arch was the highlight of my day i almost cried. maybe because of the hardship and failure makes it more meaningful for me. I have fought for this dream since the beginning and I am grateful that Allah has helped me along the way. i can move on now. I am sure people who had been in my shoes understand this feeling.
Adah and Muz was kind enough to drop by to congratulate me with tht cute little grad owl and we took a few shots with me grinning like an idiot. hehe. Nad was there as well..but i was so kalut that day that i forgot to take photos with him. papa and mama were exhausted (due to jetlag) and we were famished. so i hurriedly returned my graduation gown.
Berjalan- jalan_01: Manchester, Liverpool, Stoke-on-Trent. 11 & 12th July
I was amazed mom didn't memborong dining-ware kat stoke. just a couple of pinggan. instead, i was the one who bought stuff there. Mom and I clearly have different opinions on what is beautiful and our attitudes to furnishing/ornaments/displays are on the opposite end. she's more or less the i-have-one-i-want-the-entire-collection type of person and me, on the other side am more towards hey-i-like-to-jumble-things-up style. she likes the classic. i want something that people don't really go for.
Port Meirion gave me headache. so many types..so many corak..kepalaku pusiingggg.. but i bought a few stuff there. dark purple, i like. can match with my purple-white mackintosh set. can buy plain white pinggan- tak payah susah nak pk. ikea belambak. hihi.
Liverpool was OK. nothing much to update there.
Mom and dad sure had fun shopping in Cheshire Oaks. We managed to go to a few stores only. But as long as mom got what she wanted, i am happy (that she is happy). boy, she was so happy!
*mama
& papa dekat postbox.hehehe
Berjalan-jalan_02: St. Andrews & Glasgow 13 & 14th July.
Haa....this time papa pulak sengih sampai telinga. i thought of him while planning this leg of our trip anyways. He smiled from ear to ear when we were at the 18th hole (or whatever the name is) Old Golf Course. bought a little too many golf stuff as well. and it's funny to hear that it is dangerous to bring St. Andrew's merchandise while playing golf in Malaysia coz people (friends and caddies included) tends to nick these kind of stuff. haiihh..ingat dah tua bangka and probably working professionally, perangai senonoh. tak jugak. saya agak heran.
*St
Andrew's Old Golf Course
*gamba
poyor kitorang. hehe
We got a little nostalgic in Glasgow. didn't go shopping this time, just tengok2 balik rumah lama and the Glasgow Uni. it was funny to hear them reminiscing the good old days. the places we bought our groceries, the makcik living downstairs, laundrette around the corner etc etc. i could remember a few of them. Well...maybe because i spent a year working near that place. I Love Glasgow.
Me, now. Journey home in 5 days.
I can't wait. but still I am a little sad. As much as I want to go home, I have a little attachment to this city. despite hating the budak2 seluar trek, there are some really good friends i've met along the way. I will miss the lovely courtyard in front of the Archi school.
Bloggers 060708
Have you ever think about what kind of a blogger do you want to be?
It's astounding to see some people that I know of are totally different from what they appear to be in virtual life. I don't mind either way. we are human, we have layers (macam bawang pulak hehe). We tend to hide more stuff via jokes or just keeping quiet. In the blog world, we are free to unleash our feelings. the angst, happiness and sorrow. Or at least that is my understanding.
Some are very popular in the virtual web world. I don't think i am- dun even care. I don't even like 'advertising' this journal because it is full of my daily junks that I don't think will appeal to anybody. But i like to write something once in a while. plus it's free and weightless. (diary kene beli duh, tgk macam bridget jones tu hehe)
Some, I think are trying to impress the public/friends/admirers/sick-a-fan by portraying themselves as the 'little-miss-perfect' while in real life people have been assisting her (or maybe him) to each and every direction (physically, emotionally, spiritually, academically? pick one or all, your choice). Fine, but at some point it's almost laughable. (or, puke-able)
There're also some assholes in the virtual world but an ok person real life. some are on the opposite by being an angel in their blog but pretty much someone you want to strangle in real world. and of course, the rest are pretty coherent by being assholes or angels in both worlds.
I know i do not have a point while writing this. I believe I was annoyed a while ago which has influenced my decision to write about this pointless entry.
p/s: to my 3 friends. yes, this entry was written while i was thinking about Pux. wahahaha.
Dekat, tapi jauh 050708
hihi... excuse me for the getik-ness.
boy, i miss him.
...SO? 030708
You're married..so?
You're in love...so?
You've got children...so?
You've got the best pay in the office...so?
You've got straight As...so?
Doesn't make you better than the rest of us. I am so sick of those people who said 'eh..tengok macam aku...aku dah ____(fill in the blanks)__.'
or
'memang la your life sucks...ko tak ___(fill in the blanks)___. ' again referring to betapa bestnye life dia.
Bosan.
I'm also sick of those selfish people who don't care of their surrounding due to their new found joy. ok, you're happy, I am happy for you too. But doesn't mean that you have to think other people are beneath you. For instance, some people are so madly in love they forgot their friends- even when they're in the same room. angau tk kene tempat yang sangatlah menjengkelkan. All they can think about is si dia...si dia..si dia.. *sheeeessshhhhhhhh*
Compartmentalise people, compartmentalise...
Or married people who belittled us singles (I am still single, technically) with condescending comments like 'why aren't you married yet?' 'carik la nanti dah tua susahhh' 'owh korang takkan paham nikmatnye kawen' 'kawen jelah, pilih-pilih lagi apsal?'.
those are some of the macam-sial comments that i've heard for the past 7 years. Ah, come on people. We can never be perfect. All the things we have today may vanish in a blink of an eye.
in London 300608
Hehe.. got back from London late last night. Had 2 days of mute travelling. it was pleasant, but quiet. owh apart from the concert itself. hehehe... (I am still smiling, u see..) Nak baling bra kat John Mayer (with Aslynn's and Muz's mobile numbers heehe) but I couldn't be arsed nak gi depan2. So i sat on the grass watching the huge screen.
*abang John. heheh. :p
So happy that I finally got on the London Eye...
The scale of it..
View of the Big Ben and the parliament from the London Eye.
TATE modern. - A brilliant conservation project designed by Herzog & de Meuron. one (or a pair) of my favourite architects.
The interior of Tate modern. I love love LOVE it!
This was the first modern building that I found so beautiful i shed tears while appreciating the architecture. (excuse me for the geekiness of this statement but it's true) It was how the light plays against the shadows..the extraordinary scale of it..the tectonics.. ok ok.. dah dah, enough romanticising!
The British Museum.
Me (with an 'i'm ackward' smile) in the British Museum. I suck at taking self photos but i guess i really need to take one this time.
I really really need to start a travel journal. I think it would be cool to hear my grandchildren say 'wuhhh...granma kaki bejalan huh muda2 dulu' in 40 years time hihihi...
Received a call from the travel agent and she told me the date i'm going home. 22nd JULY 2008! Will be leaving at 1.40pm to Heathrow and depart around 10pm to KUL. I am very happy. but a tad nervous since i haven't packed a single thing yet. 3 weeks to go before leaving this country. yeeeeaaahhh!!! (yet can't believe it is this soon!)
Owh well...I need to go home and start a life. I will need to adapt to my new situation very soon, as I will have more responsibilities.
What the..? 270608
I am speechless. and upset.
hmm.. you know, sometimes unexplainable and ridiculous things happen to me that made me think...'How on earth could this thing happen to ME?'
I went to Tesco just now to buy some food for tomorrow's journey to London. The cashier told me that my debit card was rejected so i went to take out some cash. I was surprised when the machine said 'insufficient funding'. it is mind blowing for me because I know my bank draft was cleared yesterday (I checked it yesterday at an atm- thats how i know)
So i ran home, leaving the unpaid stuff at tesco (of course i apologised..but i only have my debit card at that time) feeling extremely kecut perut and embarrased. so i called the bank and i was dumbfounded to hear that the bank draft was bounced. wtf, a bounced bank draft? that is impossible! now what, **** Bank (malaysia) went bankrupt ke? lain la kalau it was a cheque- a bounced cheque is normal. but a bounced bankdraft? it is unheard of. the funny thing was, the money was there yesterday.
And I am going to London, supposedly to buy all the stuff I should buy before going back for good. I am supposed to enjoy my last visit to London (as a student). I am supposed to enjoy Hard Rock Calling without anything to worry about.
WHY THINGS LIKE THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME????
I am nervous on how long will it take to settle. I have all things planned out... Ya Allah, help me.
... 240608
I would like to update about my recent travels to York, Manchester and Liverpool. but right now, I have something else on my mind.
Had a lovely dinner with a few friends and our tutor at this Chinese restaurant today. the food was good, mine especially since i lurve lurve and lurve seafood. (well, i don't have that much selection anyways). Well, we talked most of the time- about architecture, people, the uni and stuff. I can say all 3 of us (the students) are in our best of moods. my mood is still elevated eventho it was already a week ago since we got our results. and i can't sense this happiness will subdue soon. I am just happy. fullstop. very happy. Ivy mentioned she never saw me this happy before.
I watched hulk yesterday with Muz and I was impressed with Edward Norton. I wasn't convinced at all that he could pull it off as Hulk, but he did! I was floored (mentally, of course) when i saw his expression while mengintai Betty (Liv Tyler-lawa siots!) behind a tree. that i-miss-her look was...waarrghh...
And today while having the dinner, every now and then the tutor mentioned about his girlfriend and I thought, wow.. i wonder if encik tunang ever mention about me to others with this kind of twinkle in his eyes/softness in his tone? Girls, most girls (inc me) talk about our partner all the time with no problem expressing our feelings. but guys... to see that once in a while was...waaahhh..i have no words.
I just hope that he is missing me as much as i miss him. It won't be long until I can see him again, I hope.
Marriage- do you dare? 190608
I came across this article written by a friend which was related to infidelity within our culture. Personally I was not surprised (tho i can imagine it would be heartbreaking) to this piece of news.
The thing that upsets me was when she wrote'..By the way, does this article scare ya? Still wanna get married? hoho' as a reply to my hello-i'm-back-from-hiatus-due-to-architorture comment.
Come on, this is a sensitive issue. I am a normal person, of course I do not wish for something bad (such as infidelity) happening to me in the future. But I long to have a proper family. I am aware that sex before marriage is something so normal nowadays, accidental pregnancy among our teenage girls (am NOT talking about the UK here..) is nothing new, even moms in my neighbourhood share info to which abortion clinic they should go just in-case their daughter got pregnant. While there is nothing stopping me from doing these things, I need to adhere to my own personal rules. I don't fuck around, it's immoral, full stop. I want to be married to the person i love.
So of course the idea of getting married is scary. There are a lot of things to consider, to adapt, to change. Just in case infidelity is destined to be in my path, i guess that would be unavoidable. We just have to try our best. in case things crumble, then we just have to try our best to get the best lawyer and tarah every penny from the guy. hehehehe.
But above all, my first choice will still be to live happily ever after.
Saya HAPPY! 160608
Today is the day when it became official that I have gotten my Part 2. And I am happy, oh so very happy!
But at the back of my mind...I kept wondering how a mat salleh, with much less work on the wall, with no evidence of architectural quality, nothing but technical drawings received a higher marks. Well..it wasn't just me who wondered about that, there were a few of us international students did.
Anyways, I am bloody happy. boleh balik Msia..yeyey.. though I am aware of the sacrifice I should make working in Msia (the tight budget, the stupid incompetent ministers and all) I feel like it is my duty to come back and serve. Living here might be a little more comfortable, financially. but still, I need to be somewhere I belong.
Beyond the Sea.. by Bobby Darin 140608
Somewhere beyond the sea
somewhere waiting for me
my lover stands on golden sands
and watches the ships that go sailin
Somewhere beyond the sea
*He's there watching for me
If I could fly like birds on high
then straight to *his arms
I'd go sailin'
It's far beyond the stars
it's near beyond the moon
I know beyond a doubt
my heart will lead me there soon
We'll meet beyond the shore
we'll kiss just as before
Happy we'll be beyond the sea
and never again I'll go sailin'
I know beyond a doubt
my heart will lead me there soon
We'll meet (I know we'll meet) beyond the shore
We'll kiss just as before
Happy we'll be beyond the sea
and never again I'll go sailin'
no more sailin'
so long sailin'
bye bye sailin'...
*this is my favourite 'happy' song EVER.. such a soothing song...i sing it automatically whenever i'm happy.
Yeaahaaaaaa! 130608
Hehe. i'm grinning like an idiot.
Everything is DONE DONE DONE! Just got back from the year exhibition. There were lots and lots of people (and prospective employer) around. some i think, was offered a job on the spot. Things were good. I had good company with me.
I must say the external examination went extremely well. The presentation layout was the thing that I was worried about, but he was pleased. he even complemented my drawings which i thought ware wrongly rendered and look like shit.
But the highlight of my life was when i received congratulations from the tutors. it felt really good because.. i am coming home this year. Alhamdulillah..
Ok..York trip next!
Anjakan Paradigma! 070608
Hahahaha...betulkah perkataan diatas?
I wish I have believed in myself a lot more. Being in this area where things are really subjective, I have been assessing my weakness and neglecting the things that I am good at. i wonder, why is it so easy to de-motivate ourselves?
I think that is the one big lesson that I receive this year. I am NOT dumb.
Saya GUMBIRA! 050608
Most of my days have been so gloomy since i got here (due to work, of course) in January so yesterday was a highlight tht I think I should buy a diary and write about it.
Went for Farah's birthday dinner with a few friends at Rasa, an Indian restaurant. Good food. blabalabla OK ok dah tak sabar nak cite i have to skip everything.
CT, Nad and Yus gave me a ticket to Hard Rock Calling this 28th!!!! am so bloody happy i screamed and cried with joy. I wanted to go, but was worried about the printing costs that i have to scrap the plan and save up. I can't wait to watch John Mayer, sheryl crow and eric clapton *sengih macam kerang busuk*
hehehe..I am so 'Happy..happyy...happy..happy...ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha' (gaya Mugatu masa tgh brainwash Zoolander)
Ok, sekian terima kasih. :p
Indiana Jones, Sex and the City 030608
Firstly, Indiana Jones.
Lame jokes, boring boring boring! then again I am not a fan (but I like Harry Potter movies eventho I am not a fan of the books). But Cate Blanchett cun siot! But it was tolerable until the last part of the movies- typical Americans! why can't they accept previous civilisations? Why any brilliant stuff done before their time must come from aliens? seriously, that last part was so similar to the The Mummies (ala..yg ada the rock jadi Scorpion King tuuu) I thought the producers were 'copy and paste'-ing the special effects.
Sex and the City
Owh..I like!!!
The movie was realistic, apart from getting a free, huge marshmallow-like wedding dress from Vivienne Westwood. And this movie shows the different side of Mr Big, I rarely see the individualistic side of him which reveals how he loves Carrie.
....and that huge walk-in closet. damn it, i WANT one!
I cried several times. and laugh a lot! I could feel her pain when Carrie bantai Mr Big with her wedding bouquet.
But i was hoping to see more of Miranda's sarcasm and Samantha's cheeky (and normally,lucah) remarks.
Samantha: 'I love colouring. I love colouring so much I could use all the crayons in my box' aku gelak sampai nangis ok! (note: colour=sex)
Rejuvenation 310508
I finally called the spa yesterday to make an appointment for a sauna and massage. Had my internal exam on wednesday and had a day off (more or less a day to pensan) but the next morning my body was aching like hell rasa mcm nak demam. so i better prepare myself (mentally and physically) for the next 2 weeks of final phase of archi-torture.
The first treatment was an infra-red sauna with colour therapy (whatever that is). the person asked me which colour do i prefer while pointing at the explanation on the small info board. i was like..'i dunno,my body is aching,my ankles are swelling i need something soothing.' so she picked the colour 'red'. whatever, i just jumped in coz i luurrrve saunas and steam rooms.
it was a pleasant 30 mins relaxing time in the small sauna cubicle.
The massage was even better. it wasn't as brutal as the one i had in Indo (but the end result was superb!) but it felt good... tp ada jugak la rasa cam nak nangis sbb sakit esp when she kneaded my right arm, shoulders and my lower back. All of these for my love for architecture. love is pain, man... love is pain... :p
Now i feel lighter.. and a lot calmer.
Other than that, internal exam was..erm..ok i guess. they were being nice, which can be a good sign or i'm just hopeless. i don't know, i'm not good at being an optimist. one of the sith lord didn't make 'what are you bullshitting about?' or 'omigod THAT is horrendous!' face- which i think is good.
I need a new shirt for external exam, otherwise i don't have anything to wear. *haihhh*
Scared shitless.. 260508
....haha...
been hearing that phrase for quite sometime now. and boy, i do know how it feels!
in 2 days time at this hour my provisional marks should be in the hands of the sith lords.takot takot takot!
Wish me luck and pray for me. please, i don't want anything else but to go home this year. Please let me through...
I was disabled due to.. 230508
.... hiccups.
haha ntah ape2 ntah. habeh terabur drawing aku dibuatnye. nak move lines, tetibe sedu pastuh terus terclick and mana pegi ntah line tu. banyak kali pulak tu. sekalituh terdelete the whole section, seb baik neuron2 kat otak ni still berjalan and tak panic. kalau panic dah sah nangis. senang je, tekan 'back'. kalau dah 3 hari tak tido, sure amek 15 mins gak pk camne nak buat. hihihi. lag sket.
so stop la jap guna autocad dah asik tertekan benda2 yg tak patut je. so try2 la sketch. BIG MISTAKE. hahaa habeh.. mmg tak berjaya buat straight line pon. oleh itu aku pon rest jap.
end up aku tertido 5 jam kat atas kerusi, ternganga sangatlah huduh. seb baik la terjaga just before cleaner datang. kalo tak..hahah malu weh!
but yeah, elok jugak la tertido. now i am feeling so much better. hiccup tu soh aku tido kot.
haih...malasnye nak balik rumah. baju salin dah pakai sumer dah. ni ade yg aku gi Primark n beli baju ni kang. kalau balik dah makan byk masa. yes i know i am gross, but i do not have a choice. rumah jauh lah, 30min at least nak sampai rumah je. bus pon ikut suka hati dia nak mai lambat cepat. and malas nak deal dgn rumah jugak. tu laagi la buat takmo balik ni.
hihi..ok..must get back to work.
... 200508
Today is 'My Life Suck' day.
No I did not decide on that.
The clock strike 00:00 tonight and I suddenly hyperventilated like crazy. It wasn't because I realised that today, 27 years ago i was born but the thought that I have only 8 days left until internal exam had gotten me panic. this IS a big deal. of course no one would understand apart from those who are working their arses' off in the studio and those who has been at this stage. for some 'lucky' poor sods (like me) we are reliving last year's nightmare.
So not a good day to have a meltdown. But I am seriously upset right now. I don't think I can see anybody today. Might have to cancel my technical tutorial because I canot feel worse than this. My heart feels like I am about to enter that danger zone which is not a good sign. I cannot lose my perspective but at the same time i have to be careful not to get demotivated.
Internal Exam in due course 190508
Nothing much to report, life is pretty much filled with work. and yeah, skoolwork=mundane life.
9 days to internal exam. still got loads to do. most of the time i'm questioning myself 'can i do this?' and majority of it my answer will be 'yeah, of course. you superwoman!' duh, of course, i didn't say that.
Life was so hectic these last few weeks that I didn't have the time to call home. Never had i realised the relief in my heart when I had a long chat with mom yesterday. It was like drinking a cold lemonade in scorching weather. 'nice' to know that my 14 year-old sister got a laptop from papa. parents sure mellowed when they get older. I was a high achiever at school just because I need to get something from them. it was a good method tho'. it's just tht now i'm too old to receive those kind of rewards if i achieve something. And I am no longer a high achiever. :p
Okay, need to stop merapu now. Wish me Luck!
Post-Mock Exam 150508
Nothing much to report. Majority (or all of us?) had to face extra nastiness yesterday. It's a known fact, first day people especially the ones later in the afternoon will get the best grilling from the professors. mmg buleh paham la, dok dengar budak present from pagi, then kene strain mata tgk drawing lagi. one girl got 'omigod your elevation is awful' remark. come on, it's mock exam!!! can't expect people to change things anymore. plus, they loved the elevation in the previous reviews.
most of us were extra hangus flamed grilled chicken by the end of yesterday. huhu.
Okay, mine actually went erm..not too bad. i mean, they're being supportive. the thing that made me miserable was the technical bit. i even blurted out, ' i know this sounds silly, but i find construction and technical stuff very complicated'. I am no Renzo Piano (and his fantastic detailing)
I am bummed by the way they want my building to be (and malaysia in general). and the way i was pushed to do a more 'malay style' design. in the urban Chinese Shophousing area. in the frickin' conserved Melaka. Whilst I am still in love with the site, I hate it when people from foreign country are trying to push you doing what they think is 'appropriate' for our environment. blergh.
Internet connection sucks! 130508
Internet connection kat rumah cam babi. babi babi babi. benci sial.
Okay, kene stop maki now. meh ckp pasal benda lain before byk lagi makian yg kuar dr mulut ni.
I am not sure what happened, but I do feel so weak. i've eaten, but still hungry sometimes shaking mcm org tak makan 5 hari. and i've been craving for steak/ayam panggang or any meaty stuff bt i don't have the time to get what i really want to eat. been eating vegetarian stuff coz it's closer to the studio.
Agghh...saya mahu makan daging!
hmm...
tomorrow (wednesday) mock exam. i'm scared shitless but i'm doing things very slowly.so lacking in energy. headache comes and go like a routine now. those sakit kepala cam nak pecah ones. there's no wonder what causes this pain. stress can do all sorts of nasty stuff to my system. including makan cam godzilla.
that is NOT a good news. i've been fat all my life but i got fatter these last few yrs. stress eaters are just as bad as being anorexics or bulimics.
Adoi! 080508
My right arm hurts!
architect = RSI
I am hoping for some mad scientist will come up with some sort of device yg boleh ganti mouse for us architects really soon. Okay, graphic tablet is available nowadays, but i'm hoping for something more canggih (and murah) hehe.
If that mad scientist is as hot as RDJ in Iron Man, I promise myself that I will stalk him and give him a huge smooch. hehe.
Adoiiii... !
Yada yada, Woof woof! (a.k.a entry merapu) 070508
Interesting day.
Went to watch Made of Honour but I have to admit that I was kind of disappointed. i don't know why. Call me crazy but Patrick Dempsey didn't fit the role. but not as unsuitable as Tom Hanks in the Da Vinci code. and this one girl in Made of honour sumpah muka sejibik cam this one girl i used to know. haha. i hope someone would tell me his/her guesses. limited only to Newcastle people.
Hmm...and I watched Iron Man jugak (on the same day, yes saya agak tak sedar diri yg saya sepatutnye busy hari ini). Robert Downey Jr....waaarghhh... (sila interpret sendiri). I liiiiiiiike the movie. despite the light thingy on his heart that grosses me out, the movie is 2 thumbs up! if i have ten, then all ten thumbs up! hehe. haih...comparing robert downey jr to patrick dempsey, McDreamy sangatlah insignificant! Again, men with brain rock my world (in relation to '21' the movie).
vs 
??
love the latter.
Untuk kesegaran mata? 050508
ehem! whenever i'm bored of skoolwork.. hihi (gelak getik)
dot.dot.dot 040508
Nothing much to report. went to muazzah's house for makan2 yesterday. good food, muazzah mmg pandai masak. ok i should rephrase that, semua org lagi pandai masak dari aku. haha. tp muazzah masak mmg sedap pon. elly pon masak sedap. her mi kari is legendary. *terliuq* syahril, muazzah's husband made cheesecake! terasa ke-perempuan-anku tercabar. :p
OK ok i can make desserts but i am just malas (yeah,yeah.. keep on saying that, ellina)
takpe, esok beli cheesecake kat m&s and claim it as my own.
Okay, need to get back to work. need to be a little bit more optimistic here. why can't skoolwork be interesting as shopping?
Tido! 030508
Today is 'Ellina the tenggiling day'
Had trouble sleeping last night but after i managed to, i slept for 15 hours! yes, 15 bloody hours. but i can't say those are some quality sleep coz i woke up almost every 15 mins due to the sarkis-ness of my house. (note: i do not use the word HOME) maybe i only had 5 hours of good sleep.
I didn't get any sleep almost 40 hours the day before, ok.
And i'm so annoyed with the internet access. i don't really understand where the problem comes from but everytime i'm in my room i couldn't get an access. or i was disconnected after 15mins of getting contact to my virtual world.
More reasons to dislike this house.
Skool-wise, things are OK. had a busy week, but i guess i should push a little harder. 3 1/2 weeks to internal. then 1 1/2 more week to external exam. i guess i could afford not to have a life for 5 more weeks. But i have time make time for Made of Honor and Sex & the City the movie. hehe.
TLC! I need TLC! 020508
I need a massage!
the last time I had a full body massage was 2 yrs ago in Langkawi. it was when a preggie friend was still someone's girlfriend and the other friend was in the dating zone with her now fiance. It was THAT long ago. really need a sauna too. i need some frickin' relaxation and rejuvenation time! but at the moment i can't fit anything into my hectic schedule. Internal exam is only 26 days away.
WArrghhhh!!! takot!!
Hm..i miss him too. i need some TLC. huhu. i hope he misses me as much as I miss him. *jebik*
*i am aware that i sound desperate.
Dah masuk May! warghh!!! 010508
Got back home at 9.30am this morning and slept until 4pm. tgh period ni senang sikit, tido sukati je. hehe.
The weather was horrible today. i wanted to go back at 6-ish so that i can get home before the kids wake up and dominate the toilet, but hujan was so lebat have to postpone until 9am. that is when the kids dah pegi skolah and rumah aman damai.
Wanted to sleep a little bit more but i was annoyed by the sound of someone's voice, singing like there's no tomorrow. it was not menjerit2 lepas geram but kinda 'i'm singing for asia-bagus, hafta learn the lyrics byat heart' ,yg sungguh2 punye nyanyi. so i gave up sleeping and siap2 terus pegi skolah. yes, I am aware that i'm bitching right now but i don't care.
Toilet...one good factor that makes you want to scream like a madwoman! i will not elaborate on that because i may bitch about this to no end.
I think I have excellent reason to avoid people (that I don't want to meet) because I am this (with hand gesture) close to say things that i might regret later on. I am aggravated and don't need people to rub it in.
Was so groggy (due to lack of sleep) when i was on the bus and the annoying singing voice mcm melekat dah kat telinga ni. hangin sungguh aku! suddenly i saw a chinese girl walking past me with a red bean ice in her hand. Waaaa....terus meleleh air liur. so i went for a detour and end up at chinatown express.
Sejuk sket hati time tgh minum red bean ice tu. haha jadilah.... i need my reward for today.
.... 300408
Mengantuk.
Tersengguk-sengguk dari tadi writing up. At least this was not as bad as professional practice nye essay. itu mmg bosan sampai buleh nangis punye. nangis sbb bosan AND tak reti buat..
Am going to York on the 14th of June. ngan 8 org lagi, i think. or more? not too sure myself. x biase sgt jalan ramai2 ni. A few of them dah penah travel skali, they're good travel companions so ok la. mana yg tetibe decide nak jadi annoying tu buleh tinggalkan je jalan sorang2. hahaha. seb baik la york dekat, kalau gi jauh2 ngan org yg annoying, haihh... mmg kene sabor la banyak2.
After York i might go someplace else (hope ade lagi la duit time tu) sampai la the day result keluar. really need to borong Bodum stuff before balik msia. oleh itu saya perlu pergi ke bicester village. hehe. yang ini saya kene pegi ngan org yg saya suka bershopping je. if not saya rela pegi sorang. seriously the last thing u want is someone yg suka membebel kalau u shopping. or yg suka ckp benda2 yg inappropriate/menyakitkan hati/involuntarily kasi pendapat yg buat hilang mood shopping je. jenis orang yang nak beli/tiru sumer benda yg u beli pon harus dielakkan sbb itu sangatlah merimaskan. kene carik org yg ada tanduk sama panjang. haha. best jugak since oja mention nak pesan designer handbag. suka je beli brg utk org/ jadi personal shopper. sbb kalau beli utk diri sendiri kang duit sendiri yg abis. jadi personal shopper, duit org yg abis! hehe.
21 290408
OK, this may sound like a stupid teenage girl. But after so many years abandoning the habit of having cute guys on my wallpaper, last week I've decided that I'm bored of my Barcelona scenery and opted for Jim Sturgess instead. who is he? aha! he's the guy in 21.
Huhu..sangat comel. haih... *dreamy eyes*
The last time I had guys on my wallpaper (apart from encik tunang) was back in 2002. Most of them were Italian footballers (inzaghi,nesta,cannavaro etc) and Ilhan mansiz. haha...those were the years.. la la la. and honestly i have no regrets! I'm all about appreciating (any form of) beauty.
Okay, obviously i don't have anything else to post.
Had a lovely dinner with ten friends at La Tasca tonight. We had this seafood paella which was not properly cooked but i ate it anyways. because i love nasik lembik. haha. I love the atmosphere. very spanish. Upbeat spanish songs and the Mediterranean settings. love love love the yellow kinda rustic wall. A few of my friends didn't agree with the song choice which they think supposed to be slower (maybe more seductive?) but I have to differ. To me it was just nice. the waiter was a little sewel tho', i nearly baling a mangkuk at him but decided it was not worth it. we were charged 17 pounds for the gila service. or maybe it was because of the heavy hot plate (or kuali). not really complaining coz i had a jolly good time. (except if I had sepak bontot mamat waiter tu would be the cherry on top of my cake haha)
Now I'm back to my sad student life. Haih...hope time flies so fast the next time I blink i'm already an architect.
hmm.. baru je blink. still here in the studio. ceh!
Please Don't Stop the Music! 190408
For the past years I've had a few songs that I truly appreciate during busy hours. Smashing Pumpkin's Zero (no matter how old it is now) is on top of the lists. Last year's selection was the BeeGee's. haha. But this year (don't gag!) I think Rihanna's and Timbaland's are the agreeable companions. The only bugger that stops me from mengangkut my stereo to the studio is because i now have a company in the little room. and I can bet mamat ni takkan enjoy apa yg aku suka dgr. alah typical mat salleh UK ni. lagu derang consists only *toing toing tweet tweet ding dong* those kinda noise. haha. korang yg tapenah dengar those track-suited scums pasang lagu derang kuat2 dalam bus (utk tunjuk yg derang ni cool-or ada handphone yg ada speaker) sangatlah bernasib baik. sangatlah berbulu aku dgr bunyi2 bising tu.
Things are going good now, study-wise. I guess i really freaked out last week but I would not get to this stage if I didn't. Still got loads to do since i will hand-draw most of the presentation. I guess (or praying really hard) that it is do-able. coz after four separate occasions people urged me to hand draw i think i might have just give up and ikut jari telunjuk derang. It's either I have good sketching techniques OR I suck in computerised graphics. But i think it's the latter.
Agh ok, back to work!
Mak aihh...mengantuknye akuuu 150408
skarang dah dekat pukul 5 pagi, tp still kat studio lagi. i've developed this working pattern - balik rumah kul 7 pagi then tido, bangun mid day then gi skolah balik until the next morning. honestly I am happier this way, eventho the thought of being alone in the building that is more than 100yrs old creeps me out. Luckily this week is the crit(presentation) week for each year, so I am a little relieved (sbb studio ramai org hehe).
Am not looking forward for the crit on Wednesday. partly because I wish for more time to deal with the project. Friday's workshop was really helpful but the amount of re-working required caused my brain to hurt. or i think it was my heart that bleeds. maybe both. But for some reasons despite the time pressure and wasted efforts, I am now feeling motivated and strangely, optimistic.
I am hoping that I will stay motivated until June. Anyone care to join me membawa diri away from Newcastle on the 14th of June?
My misery 100408
I have this dream.. something that i'm really looking forward to but today, i feel like to don't want to be in it. Today i feel doomed. or cursed. or just destined to be unlucky for the rest of my life.
Sadly I can't write more than i wanted to. I was crying when my studio-mate came in, luckily i got away pretending to do something else.
That was not about architecture.
And the other dream is not looking so bright too. I am trying my hardest to be positive, but everything around me are not looking good. I am dreading to go to the workshop tomorrow coz I don't need another scrutiny that will make traumatized for weeks. Looking back at my old drawings alone is hard enough. Anything reminds me of the day i failed and became a disappointment makes me want to throw up and curl. I wished I have more strength.
Eh, sapa baca?.. 080408
I was surprised to see ada org (erm..banyak org) baca blog bodoh ni. emosi pulak tu, nothing interesting coz it's all about things i'm going through (nothing educational nor intellectual). aku sendiri tak mo baca blog ni, but i am kind of desperate to membebel (voiceless type of bebel) from time to time.
I don't understand.
OK, maybe i like some of my close friends to read just confirm that i'm alive and to save time during our gossip/chat time.
Haha i found an interesting info (tak tahulah benda ni betul ke tak- internet is not a reliable source). ni sumer sbb tgk House and ada this one episode pasal this autistic kid yg ada cacing byk sgt sampai naik ke mata. i was curious so biaselah, i googled for info. but something else caught my attention. it says here ...'worms travel over the perineum and get into the vagina in little girls, with tendency to excite masturbation'
Eww.....!!!!
tetibe teringat kat those minah saleh yg duduk before us kat 102 brighton. They actually had this score chart tgk sapa guna 'the rabbit' paling byk. we actually found 'the rabbit' box during the heavy duty cleaning process of the house.
I guess bebudak tu have lotsa worms in that particular area. hehehe.
you little b******!.. 070408
I blurted the foul word when the nurse showed me my wisdom tooth in the little tray. I apologised almost instantly but the dentist said it's normal, only that my timing was a little off.(people mencarut during the extraction itself huhu)
And that was my third wisdom tooth being extracted from me. the first two weren't that complicated as i didn't need any stitches. Okay, one cause a struggle when it left out a part of its roots deep inside the gum. seksa, but this one was worse. I do not fancy knives and needles.
I was supposed to take photos of that little b-- but mom accidentally threw it away when i was asleep. i wonder how much money wud the tooth fairy give me if i actually place it under my pillow? :p
OK, that actually happened somewhere in January before i got here.
Now the last one, dah mula buat hal. i actually cried at the pharmacy because it was so painful (and the dentist appointment is ONE month away). If only i live in a bigger city i will never ever step my foot in that Boots pharmacy again. I've got tons of work to do coz finals is only 50days away and adding as a bonus to my pathetic life is the school holiday. So my mid morning bliss of quietness is being taken away from me! I do NOT like living like this!
And because of that I've been staying (and sometimes sleeping) in the studio. i do not understand where the huge electricity charges come from (OK maybe i do, but someone is in denial). owh well, one of the housemates mentioned that it's easier living with someone like me (who rarely lives at home) so it's easier for them. I swear i had so much to say about that straight to the face but thinking it's only for a few more months, it's not worth it.
How strong are you? 280308
Today i had a chat with a fellow coursemate sharing our experience during crits (bad ones) and critical hours of our archi-torture life. and it's unbelievable how we got through those time for 6 years!
Then she mentioned about one our friends who cried while drafting/drawing on computer. It's funny thinking that actually many of us had done the same, and I am sure for the same reason. normally it's not the panic but exhaustion. panic will cause you do things frantically or just stop altogether but pure exhaustion was just...omigod! but the time limit forces us cry AND do work at the same time. only someone who has not slept in days AND sitting on the same spot will ever understand that feeling.
It makes us do crazy things too. Dancing to no music at all (it's all in your head..haha) and sleighing down the stairs with our boards/A1 portfolio case just to name a few. mood swings tu tak payah cakaplah.
truthfully, I am not looking forward to those times but it's happening soon enough. I just have to be prepared mentally. physically, i am keeping my system away of espresso until May. haha. by mid june i might get triple shots in a go. The only motivation for me now is that black gown with the gold trimmed hood.
I do wonder if i really have gotten stronger or I am just fond of S&M. Owh ok, here's a thought! maybe in order to becoming an architect you must have that type of fetish. :p
Do not go there... para pensyarahku sudah banyak yg kerepot. sungguh tiiidak sesooaiii!
Panas! 260308
Ni emotionally jelah yg panas sbb physicalku sgtlah sejuk. we had a white easter this year in UK. owh summer dan matahari..datang la cepat...
I almost lost it today.
I've actually wrote something about invasion of privacy a couple of days ago but i held back. Now I am just furious! I really have issues with people who don't acknowledge others' boundaries. This time I am saying about PHYSICAL boundaries. for instance, the door to my room is the limit for outsiders. So whenever i realised people go into my room when I am not home, that will send me straight to angerville!
I am still shaking from anger right now. I cannot talk when I am angry.
The Preview... 250308
of Neuroticism.
This may be a story about me or someone I know in Newcastle or maybe a friend across continents nearly 14000km away.
Have you ever experienced annoyance/anger that totally diminished once you actually saw it being projected by someone else? Most of the time it went away because it looks really ugly. (penah dengar, 'lagi marah lagi cantik'? that's bullshit)
I have always believed that to stay safe is to keep your distance. and that is why I only have very few trusted friends who knows me really well. So whenever i met people who acts like 'polis' I will feel somewhat threatened (owh..those penetrating questions...). Or to be exact, I will feel that person is trying to invade my privacy. But I will be at my most uncomfortable state if a person I have just met telling me stuff that is supposed to be private details. This is because in most cases, they will later expect you to jaga hati and tip toed around them all the time. Worse, they expect you to understand and be a punching bag whenever the neuroticism kicks in.
I know I am being selfish. But I can't afford to jaga hati everyone especially the neurotic ones. This is simply because, they do not care for others' feelings. So why bother?
Should I go... 180308
..to my graduation?
Attending my part 1 graduation 3 summers ago was honestly, a painful experience. I don't know if I could go through with it again without someone to look at and smile when I'm up the stage.
But the ceremony should also means that i'm officially done with Part 2. which is a HUGE thing for me. after what i've been through.
I don't know...
questions.. questions.. so many questions in my head!
theoretically, it's easier to keep a mindset and believe that people just don't care, so that I won't put much hope into something. it's better to feel annoyed or angry rather than disappointed. theoretically.
! 110308
I am still at skool, it has been more than 36 hours sitting on this chair doing things that I always do. 5 years ago, this was nothing. But today the nagging pain on my right arm, shoulder and back remind me that I have aged.
Weekend was supposed to be good. But it was spoiled due to the election results. Although I should not be surprise with the result, I can't help but feeling sad when Perak and Selangor lost to opposition. I am still puzzled why people love Anwar so much. WHAT has he done to deserve such credit? I am positive that I won't be here today but working in some fast food restaurant if we accepted IMF back then.
To be completely honest, I couldn't care less with others who supported BA. Jangan buat perangai depan2 sudah la kan. I am more angry with people yang tak bayar hutang scholarship. haha. So, barisan alternative fans out there, you are safe to go home and serve if BN was your excuse not to go home in the past years. You have 5 states to choose. Same goes to current scholarship holders.
I am aware that a lot of work has to be done, but I do believe that UMNO is still the right choice. at least for me.
Pindah Randah! 030308
Sebenarnye barang dah pindah lama dah. cuma orang je yg baru masuk smalam. hehe
Now I'm in my new room. hopefully the last room before going back to Malaysia for good. bilik ini tersangatlah sejuk. it's a north facing attic room with the lack of insulation (or non at all). and I can see moulds everywhere, which is a clear sign that something is very wrong. But i just have to wait until easter break to deal with this room. i'll make sure spring cleaning is on top of my to-do lists.
Some landlords are just bastards u know. they actually receive incentives from the city council but do nothing to maintain the house. As for me, I just have to pray that I will remain safe living in this house.
Went to Sheffield Games last Saturday. main netball (jangan gelak!). seriously kronik gila..dah lupa cemane nak shoot dey. but the worse part was, mmg stamina takde langsung! huhu.
Lompat si katak lompat! 270208
Jumper (the movie)
Boring.
Hayden Christensen. he looked sleepy all the time. even when he was staring (lovingly or lustfully, I am unsure) at rachel bilson he looked so bored. Facial expression tak payah ckp lah. Samuel L Jackson in Jumper didn't impress me either, which puzzles me as we all know that he is an excellent actor. He was SO much better as a villain in Unbreakable. Maybe 100x better.
The only thing that made me excited was the views. The movie reminds me of how much i LOVE Rome and wanting to go see the pyramids. Other than that, nothing special.
I am smiling like an idiot 220208
hehe, ok. maybe it was more or less a terencat smile.
because i am in love.
hah, cepat la muntah hijau (or kaler2 mana yg korang ndak)
Takde mende nak update actually. I'm just a little happier (note:happier) because I am so looking forward to go to London this weekend. relationship-wise, I am content despite the distance between us. But of course, being nearer would be even better. I miss him.
Catching up 180208
I loved netball.
So i went to play the game with a few friends - it was fun. but tiring. no stamina what-so-ever. and today i woke up mcm nenek umo 70thn. my thighs are killing me.
haha but i guess that is what you get for being so mandom all these while.
I'm not a great player but man, how i miss the game.
Ok, apart from that, i'm still adjusting to my new world, new people. I'm a taurean, i'm fully aware that i'm not really good at that. but do i have a choice? NO. so the best that i can do is to try harder and go with the flow. i'll keep my pace slow and steady eventho sometimes i really feel like...erm...nevermind. i don't want to go back 'there'.
I miss home a lot. home, as in Malaysia. I hope the family and friends are fine over there. Dinna, Happy Belated Birthday (i really doubt that she's reading this, actually). but i'm sure she's enjoying her new life, new home in the new country. I hope the 2 mommy-to-bes are well too (apart from the morning sickness of course). just thinking about the good lives they're having now really lighten up my days. and i am truly inspired. honestly.
hm.. i miss him greatly. am really really, really looking forward to meet him again in 22 weeks time. I hope my fate agrees with my wishes. I can only hope.
Excuses for acting completely mental 150208
.... PMS (pre-menstrual syndrome)
.... menopause
.... pregnancy
.... bride-to-be stress
.... exam stress
etc etc..
For us women, blaming the hormone would be the best way out. hehe. But of course, as a person who had experience being on the 'other side' (aka yg kena bedal dgn org2 hormonal ini) mmg lah sangat tabes. worse, kalau orang tu jenis reti nak mengamuk/merajuk/melaser merata time hormon diye x betul, tapi mcm tak paham langsung atau lagi best, nak sound2 org pulak bila org lain tgh badmood.
haiyaaa..saya pon paham la itu perasaan. tapi jangan la buat orang jadi punching bag main suka hati ko je. reti-reti la 'retreat'.
Tapi cemana kalau mmg bukan salah hormon tu ek? i mean, mmg bukan time period nor exam nor kawen nor menopause? tu salah sape ek?
Home etc. etc. 140208
Yeah, I have been wanting to post this entry a while ago but- nevermind. Actually I didn't get the chance to snap a few more when we moved in. Maybe later once the broadband is connected I can paksa one of my brothers/sisters to send me a few more. (and why TMnet takes ages to reconnect a phone line?the wirings are all ready, so what else do they need?haiyaaa)
During construction. Note: Mama aka mem besar rumah done giving her
instructions.
After completion.
Front porch.
Landscaping yg blom siap. Note: My brother, Boy (in shorts)-the perfectionist inspector
The wet kitchen in process. Note: Papa in his engineer mode.
The verandah : My current fav spot. morning coffee and Star newspaper. pasang kipas level 5. perfecto!
I'm quite pleased with the house in general as the land is only sekangkang kera and we wanted a simple extension to the house, nothing grand. The process was smooth as papa is in fact a civil engineer (but that did cause us problems, aesthetically). Mama on the other end..well..as usual lah orang pompuan.I kept saying to the mem besar: 'mama, less is more'. heheheh. But yeah, the client has the final say. :p
And my role was, the mediator between parents to keep things in balance. the only thing that i strongly suggested was keeping the house's exterior colour. I think the colour will stands out once the red palms are in places and the landscaping is done.
Tapi bila part nak pindah rumah rasa mcm nak pengsan!
Hopes and dreams 110208
2007 was the year of misery and misfortune for me. NO, I am not exaggerating. and I am so tired. But I guess the only answer is I need to toughen up more this year (and years to come).
I have to admit that I am jealous of my friends and wishing really hard to have a fraction of what they have today. I honestly wish only for the best in each of the people i care about. But of course my feelings were hurt when some of them look down on me or treat me differently. that's unavoidable. and i'm sure there are people out there are saying 'padan muka' but i strongly feel that these people had never faced any hardship in life to say such thing. After this whole series of unfortunate events, I would not dare to say padan muka to anyone.
I have been asking myself, why is it so hard to grasp this dream? Have I chosen the wrong path?
I guess the answer will not be revealed until I try again. And I really hope the people that matters will stand by me as I have been for them in the past. They are the scaffoldings that has been holding me up all these while. for that I thank you.