Selamat Hari Rayee..

27 NOVEMBER 2003

Sorry guys...i know it's kinda late to wish u all a very happy Eid, I was too 'busy' devouring delicious food. omigod..it's been a while since i actually felt the presence of Aidilfitri, sometimes even in Malaysia i didn't have that feeling like i had yesterday. It started of with me, sleeping in my room..(yeah..u know..my 'night' is your afternoon) then i heard humming voices coming from downstairs, but i ignored them (as usual).. after a while Elly knocked my door, interrupting my peaceful slumber, telling that people are downstairs; tgh takbir. so i went straight to the toilet to freshen up, unluckily..the takbir ended seconds after i went out. but from that instance, my heart started to feel a bit sayu (i dunno why).. there's a mixture of missing home, missing Ramadhan,  pleasure, and some other unidentified feelings that me, myself couldn't comprehend. i waited for the guests (mostly abang2 postgrads kawan2 abg amir) to leave and then...aha! the EATING SAGA begins...

i ate a lot, as in A LOT! My special thanks goes to kak Maznah for cooking such delicious raya fiests, kak Shikin for her kek lapis sarawak yg sedap gile (letak drugs ke ape? apsal makan taleh berenti?), kak Jua for always motivate me to "makanlah..makanlah..." (with that particular tone only ppl. in this house yg paham..hihi) and lastly but never least, Elly yg jadi geng aku makan all day long... i really ate myself stupid! owh I love this year's raya..really felt like home.. and i actually get the opportunity to be adik bongsu in the house..muhehe (as kak maznah be the mom..sian diye her children sumer dah balik mesia..) but dapat replacement ngan anak˛ yang taleh stop makan! hihi..

owh..and rase best gile sbb mizly kasitau gambar kitorang satu umah FINALLY masuk kat berita harian- coloured- bigger than others! yayy!! haha..berbaloi sungguh! punye lah lama tunggu nak keluar..hantar since awal puase tuh..

the dedications...

..and to my frens..i really miss you all..hope u enjoyed your raya..Dinna and Ijat..aku dengan jeleshnye wish korang enjoy gila kat michigan..hope leh join korang..sob..sob..nette..meh la sesame kite jelesh kat derang duorang.. to others yang beraya kat mesia..aku lagi juta˛ jelesh ngan korang..and yang tak balik mesia..enjoylah jugak yek!kite makan byk˛ kat open house yang ade..hihi.. minta maap zahir batin, i know at times aku tak brape bagus dalam mengawal lazer beam aku (esp. time ngantuk tak tido 3 hari) -- so i beg for your forgiveness.. and to that special someone, i miss you, and thanks for being such a caring and loving person.. :)

Yale'S Craps©

The dodgy photo special edition..

24 NOVEMBER 2003 2:32:38

that's me (obviously!) earlier. dunno why i wanted to try the timer on my camera-so the end result was those dodgy pics, while sketching and searching info for the drawing (see! see! that's my drawing board behind me! :D)-- there are A LOT MORE but even aku pon tanak tgk twice gambar tuh (super dodgy!) - owh..not mentioning my cross-dressed-even-clowns-would-frown attire, plus muka 2 hari tak mandi. what's happening to me? huhu..i need some fresh air! (and maybe some fresh water)

owh..did i mentioned kak jua and i made KUIH MAKMUR today?my fav cookies in the whole wide world!and Elly made nasik tomato and ayam masak merah..and bread pudding!..while kak shikin buat acar sayur. huhu..nih baru intro raye...blom raye lagi nih! so lepas makan aku ngantuk sgt..so tido sat..then bila bangun, makan lagi...now aku ngantuk balik! waaaaaaaaaaaaa....ngiler lah!I CAN'T EAT RICE- I JUST CAN'T! I'll be a lazy ass 24 hrs after i eat them.waa!! nasib baik nasik tu sedap giler! thanks elly! :D okay peeps...i better take a shower and resume my work! this rice effect is killing me and my senses!

Yale'S Craps©

Eid is only two days away..yayy!!

22 NOVEMBER 2003 23:22:57

So peeps..this is my official Eid card for this year (well..never had one pon before..hihi). Really wanted to make one years ago but never had the chance. yang ini pon buat in between drawings... so to those yang selalu menjadi mangsa card tak dibalas.. i hope i've make it up to you.. i'm so sorry. i'm the 'all or nothing' type of person - and honestly i just hate buying raya cards- especially to those who are close to me (yes Dinna/Ijat/Nette/Elly, you're included! :p ) because they are not personalised. dunno..it's just me..

So..Selamat Hari Raya to everybody! hope you'll have a great time. And forgive me for all my wrong doings..halalkan makan and minum..and forget me not! As for me..the final crit is only 2 weeks away...sob..sob..

p/s: Roxanne's out! yay!! but that will never bring back Andy..hukhukhuk..

Yale'S Craps©

All Loved up! :p

21 November 2003 00:21:44

Aha, dah lama tak dengar lagu Quizzical nih. Thanks nette sbb send kat aku hihihi.. nothing much really..been busy. gotta pin up something tomorrow and i've been a lazy ass since this morning (sempat tgk Love Actually lagi tuh) but it was WORTH IT!!! gile gile punye worth it. after tgk movie tu, kuar Odeon dgn rasa lite headed..sengih sampai telinga (and i'm not the only one..Elly pon sama aje..hihi). okay peeps..i  better get back to work! enjoy the lyrics...la la la...

Quizzical by Juliet the Orange


I don't even comb my hair
When I wake up in the morning
I've always been like that


My clothes are on the floor
And I just don't have the time to put them back
Ladida da da
Ladida da da


Is this what you truly want for a girlfriend?
Or am I just someone you find pretty cute for a good time?
Don't go breaking my heart
I think very deeply and I hold very dearly from the start
So why do you still love me?


I'm so useless in the kitchen
And my cuisine is lousy
It makes you want to curl
My toes are awfully huge
And I am not just the stuff that makes a girl
Ladida da da
Ladida da da


Is this what you truly want for a girlfriend?
Or am I just someone you find pretty cute for a good time?
Don't go breaking my heart
I think very deeply and I hold very dearly from the start
So why do you still love me?
Pardon me ... I'm quizzical
Pardon me but I'm quizzical
Pardon me ... I'm quizzical


I don't even call you baby
'Cause that's what I call my dog
It would have sounded funny and so strange
Don't expect me to be crawling over you
For maybe I am just a poor unromantic
Why do you still love me?


So why do you still love me?

>>>> Dear, Thanks for the raya cookies :D

Yale'S Craps©

AAghhh!! Ni marah betul nih!

Yale'S Craps©

- - - - -

19 NOVEMBER 2003 19:29:13

Slept for 15 hours!! aku rase aku Qada' balik tido semalam DAN prepay tido aku utk harinih -- so i can summarise my sleep is like a 'Mix-It' service from T-mobile (u have to pay monthly eg, 15 pounds for 200 off-peak calls-- but when the call allowance has been used-u have to 'top-up- mcm prepaid biase) so.. the mystery why i never recovered from jetlag has been solved! yay!! :p

But i am emotionally stable now, so that incident minggu lepas tuh tak jadi dah kot- i've taken my rest during the weekend, dah start balik update site nih utk divert mind aku selain dr design aku..so..it should be okay. :D -- it better be.. final crit is 3 weeks away! seumur idup aku mmg tak penah ade exam/year yg menakutkan aku sampai everytime teringat pasal exam/year tuh aku akan gi toilet.muhaha..rase cam lawak.. but mcm spm dulu..takut tuh takut la..but tade lah sampai berdebar2 bila nak tido ko leh dengar jantung ko dup-dap-dup-dap and bila tido asik mimpi pasal aku miss crit / design layout aku ilang / ape˛ lah yg menakutkan pasal design aku. Sungguh dasat penangan archi..mueheheh...

owh.. it's time! i'm gonna take some time off in the bath tub! yayy!! main air time!! aku nak beli rubber ducky ngan pelampung aa one day! [and surely even Lily-my youngest sister will be disgusted tgk org cam aku-- don't blame me..never had any rubber ducky nor pelampong] well.. don't care-- i ought to claim my reward for be able to sleep for 15 hours! heheheh... laterrr...

-current favourite pic- me and my lurrvly housemates-

Yale'S Craps©

hukhukhuk..

17 NOVEMBER 2003 00:33:58

Missing someone. :( sorry if i'm super cheesy today; but i do miss him. Rase cam nak balik mesia skarang jugak! and gi strudel in KLCC beli that cute tiramisu, naik putra LRT, turun kat Jelatek and get a cab to Texas Instrument- and selambe je masuk as a delivery girl and surprise him! yeah..like that gonna happen...owh yeah..terlupe i haven't mentioned what happen to the tiramisu - I will eat it ; in front of him, sengih sampai telinga sambil jelir lidah, like i did once before. That was one of the moments that i will never forget,i guess.

Hmm.. always loved it when he's around. I feel safe. Different feelings like i used to feel; i can open up more, especially my 'terencat' side. carefree. people used to say, love is..when u feel butterflies in your stomach. well.. what i can describe it is like something warm in your heart [probably heat-release-butterflies-robots kot yg duduk dalam stomach aku nih...thehehe] that sometimes confuses you- am i gonna smile or gonna cry? used to see it like some feelings that are  instant and intense, but this is different though- builds up gradually.. that confuses me at first but when i finally see the whole thing.. i just could not ask for more.  don't want any more mystery man, drop dead gorgeous looking guy or some super genius guy... i want him- just him [not blindly though, he got almost all checked in my list :p - kira pass wif flying colors gak aa..hehe]

okay..i better stop; one, to spare korangnye muntah ijau :p and two, it makes me missing him more and more.  challoh! :p

Yale'S Craps©

owh FINALLY!!

16 NOVEMBER 2003 03:31:16

yay!! I'M BACK! - after months of making the "Ellina and the Invisible Act!" [ adopted from the movie Chicago]. Honestly, Elly was the one who triggers me to update this page, after zillion times hearing those "wey, apdet la website ko wehh", "brape lama tak update webbie ko daaa.." ..hihi.. I blame no one but myself-- started off when i went back to Malaysia for the summer hols..then bila balik sini..rumah baru..busy plak dengan third year projects.. so this poor webbie was cut off from my priority list [well..it was never on top of the list though, but always-always on top of my project work..hihi]

The Theme..

mm..well.. as most of you know my obsession with ORANGE color, i just want to point out that my NEW obsession is MONOCHROME. how it started off? hoho-- IKEA! I went to Ikea this one day and fell head over heels on this black/white duvet cover called KILAN RAND. but damn!the price was way too expensive for my duvet cover budget, so i HAD TO refrain myself from buying it [but my heart bleeds eveytime i went to ikea..since the price never falls down--] i still love Orange-- will always do but never will surpasses my love for Black. ngiler! I'm babling about colors as if they are alive--but to me they are or at least they make you 'alive', as colors interact with emotions. 'Black IS Beauty' quite positive that most people have heard that before. That phrase would never exists if colors aren't alive-- mm...dari mata turun ke hati? if it was not for colours..we'd probably see everything in lines, no shadows, not even 3d effect!---ok ok...i shouldn't continue this rambling about colors-- you might think i've gone nuts! :p

...*blank blank!

owh, speaking of nuts-- probably last Tuesday was one of the weirdest day of my entire life since I actually 'blacked-out' while  preparing myself to school. Can't remember a damn thing what and when it happened; the next thing i knew it was 5 pm in the evening.---at first i was so blur on where i was, and what the hell am i sitting on the floor with my head resting against my bed. then i looked at the clock- 5 pm..hmm..then glancing at the window to make sure..nih pagi ke petang? then slowly i keliling2 bilik..pegang2 all my stuff..*blank *blank and try pk ape yg aku patut buat skarang nih actually? i was kinda lost my memory on things i should do that day..then, aha! aku tak buke pose lagi [yeah spt biase..makan comes first!hihi] so terus amik cracker dalam laci...sambil2 makan tuh tgk kat board..eh..mane pegi drawing aku? pastuh kalut2 rase cam nak nangis..sbb penat duhhh aku pk buat mendalah tuh-- tgk2 sumer2 drawings..models..sketches ade kat atas katil..sebelah a pair of outfit.tgk aje baju tuh i was like....WWWAAAAA!!!! i missed my INTERIM CRIT!!!WAAA!! [interim crit it's like an intermediate critique session-where the tutors are sort of assessing your design-but tade marks la tapi] so i panicked i ran out of my room and told Elly. then after that email my tutor mintak nak jumpe diye the next day.

 well..Alhamdulillah benda tuh dah settle..dah jumpe tutor dah pon. I don't know how this sounds to you, funny i guess? since when i mentioned i was sort of lost my consciousness to some ppl made them looking at me like i'm making some stupid joke, or ridiculed  me like those things are just sooooo---ridiculous? agh!rase cam nak marah aje but then, who am i to correct their mind, or their believes on things. but that thing REALLY happened to me..and i'm really worried about it. well..maybe i should just back off from telling people stuff about me then. mm..I DON'T KNOW!

Ouch! it hurts!

And  last Friday..i met this one girl malaysian girl, but was brought up in the UK in Eldon Square. well i've met her before..while waiting for the bus home. the moment she saw me, she said..

girl: do you actually fasting on Ramadhan?

me: [nodded,tried to smile eventho' the question was like slapping me stupid!]

girl: well..i'm not sure if our fasting is valid to Allah..or at least a few people were wondering about    that besides me.

me: [ternganga]and why is that?

girl: well..we hear, we see, and sometimes we do filthy things on ramadhan. those things should not happen in this holy month of Allah. and like you.. are u sure your fasting is valid, since you're not wearing hijab--

me: erm..sorry sister..i need to go.. i'm so sorry... [walked, almost running away..]

you may not understand why i ran away- or you might speculate that i ran because i malas nak dengar budak tuh cakap. honestly, it was more than that. This is the second time i met this girl..and for the second time my heart was crushed. I know that i am not wearing tudung nowadays, but it was not an easy decision for me to make. Allah knows and my family knows how hard it was for me. And I hope I will keep my promise that once i got off this place...i will wear tudung, as i supposed to. it IS a sad, and disgraceful thing to do.

the first time i saw her..she was asking me if i'm a muslim..why i don't wear tudung, and asked 'you pray? because i always assume ppl who don't cover their aurat just don't pray" [now i think you understand why she asked me i puase tidak kat conversation atas tu] ..Allah knows how i felt at that point of time. my heart cringed-rase cam nak melutut nangis meraung2 kat situ jugak- but tried to remain calm and i reason out why. i do pray..tried to stick to it with my best effort.. i wasn't mad at her.. i'm clearly aware that what i'm doing now is unpleasant..but i have reasons for my act, i have ask reliable people about this matter..and again, it was a heartbreaking thing to do. the girl tried to tell me about the 'punishment';the kafirs will stay in hell no matter what..so does the muslims who follows them-which she just read in the Tafsir, and give me her opinion on people who don't cover their aurat always do indecent things, and why does some people just don't listen when she tried to tegur them. i tried to reason out some, trying to mind my words..as i was quite clear that she learnt most things thru her reading only based on the Tafsir, [which she clearly said, she interested in RECENTLY] coz when i tried to answered her question she just cut me off with, "but what i READ was...". I am...I really am a weak person. i know that myself...but i do know some things..i do know that if you want to learn something- you need a teacher-- "belajar tanpa guru [cuma buku] umpama belajar dalam gelap-tiada arah dan kamu boleh sesat"-still ingat cakap ustaz aku. I do not hate her...honestly i don't. I worried that she might lead herself to the wrong way. so at the end of the conversation i tried to say.. 'it is a very very good thing that you are interested to learn, but the most important thing is you have to find a guru, and InsyaAllah when you have doubts..you have someone to refer to-i feel that is the best way. eventhough i know you don't think highly of me because of my condition, i hope at least you trust my words.'

but seriously...her words scarred me. a really deep one. I wished her well..but i really hoped that i will never talked to her again. because i know whatever i say will not convince her. as far as i can remember..i never talk back to anyone yg tegur aku especially in the agama area. i will keep quiet, never had i balas balik or whatsoever. that's just me, when i'm wrong..i'll just admit. but mcm case ngan adik tu..mcm susah sikit sebab aku boleh reason out, but sebab cara diye pandang aku yg buat aku taleh cakap ape2..and one more thing about me..if i know ape yg aku cakap takkan diterima..aku akan diam aje. aku just hope yang adik tu akan sentiasa dilindungiNya. And i really hoped that I am doing the right thing, as everyday i go out of the house and felt ashamed of myself.

...And i really hoped that Allah akan buka hati some people yg clearly show their disgust whenever they see me, [or any girls] to know that sometimes..things are not what it seems to be..and it hurts so much to be looked that way. i am not, and will not consider myself to be at the right side.. but i am trying my best to place myself within the good people, at least in the One's eye.

Yale'S Craps©