"Dear Lord, if you can't make me skinny please make my friends fat." "Ran Into my EX... Put it in reverse & hit him again." "Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will seat in a boat and drink beer all day." "I only drink beer on days that end in Y." "A little gray hair is a small price to pay for this much wisdom." "The Macho Law, prohibits a man from asking directions or admiting that he is wrong." "I Didn't Say It Was Your Fault...I Said I Was Going To Blame You." "I LIKE YOU!!! You remind me of when I was young and stupid." "Marriage is a 3 ring circus Engagement ring, Wedding ring and suffering." "I'm to sexy for my hair, thats why it isn't there!" "Damn right I'm good in bed I can sleep for days."

So many men, so few that can afford me My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips Coffee, chocolate, men. . . . some things are just better rich If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen Next mood swing:  6 minutes I hate everybody, and you're next Of course I don't look busy, I did it right the first time 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.   42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. A fool and his money are soon partying.  Adults are just teenagers who OWE MONEY!  After 5 years of counseling, my therapist said maybe life just wasn't for me Air is like sex - it isn't important unless you aren't getting any.  Ask Me If I Care

funny slogans