What is a gentleman? It is to be honest, to be gentle, to be generous, to be brave, to be wise; and possesses of all these qualities to exercise them in the most graceful manner. William Makepiece Thackeray
One of the most romantic things that happens off of the battlefield at a re-enactment is to see gentlemen respectfully tipping their hats to the ladies; it certainly sends a tingle up my spine to see it done properly. The word gentleman, in this context, is one who is well bred or has enough manners to be allowed in the polite company of the fairer sex. Generally, hat tipping is a quiet, unassuming greeting between acquaintances. Moreover, there is a certain technique and etiquette involved in tipping one's hat, most important is how and when.
So how does one tip one's hat? Well, if a gentleman is greeting another gentleman, simply touching the brim and making a nod is sufficient. To greet a lady, one must lift one's hat completely off the top of one's head. In doing this, one should not turn one's hat to show the inside as if begging for alms for the poor. Neither would one want to show a lady the inside of one's hat be it grimy, stinky or tattered. A quality hat will show from the outside so there is no need to show off the inside of a good hat. It is also bad form for attention to be drawn to a lady. Tipping one's hat in a flourish and making a sweeping bow would not be gallant but embarrassing for a well-bred lady. "...A young man who would profit from the society of young ladies...must seek...their good will by quiet and unostentatious attentions." (William Alcott A Young Man's Guide, 1832.)
As one lifts one's hat, one should also make a slight inclination of the head but not bow at the waist. It is also quite precocious to meet a lady's gaze and look her straight in the eye as one is tipping one's hat. The hat should be lifted with the hand farthest from the person greeted. This turns the hat from them instead of toward them. However, if one notices the person will extend a hand to shake, use the left hand for hat tipping. In short, remove hat just above head and nod.
If one were to read etiquette books backwards, so to speak, one might consider that the writers would not write about improper behavior if no one were doing it. But then, when does one tip ones hat? One should, generally tip one's hat to any acquaintance met on the street. Nineteenth Century English etiquette strictly forbids a gentleman to greet a lady unless she first gives him a sign of recognition. American etiquette books airily dismiss such formalities and allow either sex to make the first move. However, a special deference is owed to females because their honor is more fragile than men's. Some etiquette writers insist that it is a lady's prerogative to greet a man first because it gives her the choice whether or not to acknowledge an acquaintance. If she greets him, it is his duty to respond in kind; if she passes him by, he has no appeal. This is great to keep undesirable people away but is no excuse to act like a snob. A slight smile and a graceful nod is the proper return from a lady for the respect paid to her. This is the most demonstrative expression permitted to a well-bred lady. After consulting many sources, it is this writer's opinion that in small towns, or at small re-enactments, everybody knows each other and everybody should greet everybody else. However, in larger cities, or at large re-enactments, it may be safer not to speak to strangers without an introduction.
Be alert for acquaintances that pass by because all acquaintances should be greeted, friend or foe. Unintentionally failing to greet an acquaintance shows a lack of good breeding and can be considered rude. Intentionally failing to greet an acquaintance is referred to as a cut. A cut signifies unmistakably the end of all bonds of fellowship. An example of a direct cut is meeting another's bow with a stony stare or saying something like, "I'm sorry, do I know you?" Cutting should be avoided in all but extreme cases of unexcusable rudeness.
Source: Kasson, John F. Rudeness & Civility. New York: Hill and Wang, 1990.
Kimberly Kotary has been a re-enactor since 1996. She is a friend of members of the 2nd Michigan, Co. E and the North East Military District. Kim has done research on Elizabeth Smith Miller, period clothing and accessories, etiquette, and spiritualism, among other things. Currently, Kim is attending the Museum Studies Graduate Program specializing in the conservation of historic clothing and textiles at the Fashion Institute of Technology in New York City. She welcomes comments and suggestions via e-mail at Kim Kotary