One day i decided to go for a drive
out through the town and then back.
in and out all the streets did I drive
even on the railroad track.

All of a sudden i passed by a sign
that was o the side of the street.
i drove a little closer to see what it said
it said, "pay toll, 500 feet."

i said "500 feet, who could have that many?"
i pulled up to the window and threw in a penny.
i hadn't much money, and no feet of that kind
i had only two feet, and those feet were mine!

my car pulled away and disappeared out of sight
and not far behind me was a blue flashing light.
i pulled to the roadside and stared back in vain
at three skinny policemen, pointing guns at my brain!

they said "turn the car off and open the door.
put your knees to thr ground put your head to the floor.
you're under arrest, you owe us some money.
Don't break a smile, this ain't the least bit funny."

i then turned back around and started my car.
put it in gear and drove very far.
i reached city's limits but needled to say,
the cop car was faster, and hot on my trail.

not i didn't know this when i started my car,
but the driver's side door had been left ajar.
and outside was a jogger who jogged very swift
he tore open the door, and said "i need a lift."

and without another word he got in and sat down
strapped himself in and said, "head to this town."
He pointed on a map that he held in his hand
to a town that he said was called Gagmatam Land.

We got to the town, a litt e before six.
We went to the bar, and had a few drinks.
the cops had seemed to be gone from our sight,
and we relaxed at our table just watching the night.

soon I asked this man for his name.
He said it was "Barbalan.  Barbalan Babe."
I asked, "what do you do?" He replied, "glad you asked.
I sell people feet, to complete all their tasks."

"I know why those cops have chased you around.
you didn't pay up, your penny fell to the ground.
For a small sum of money i can sell you your feet.
however i warn you, don't walk in the street.

"I the street there's a hole, that follows you around.
he'll grab at those feet and drag you far underground.
inside his mystical fortress you'll stay,
and he'll make sure that you don't get away."

and then the man reached deep into his sack.
he pulled out a nose, and a hairy man's back.
he pulled out some feet, some hands and a crotch.
he pulled out a butt, with small speckly spots.

"take what you need," said the man with a smile.
I took my feet and said, "see you after a while."
he then told me he lied 'bout the hole in the ground.
it was just an old rumor and had never been found.

so the man left the bar and went back to his home.
and there i was left, sitting all alone.
I put on my feet, walked out of the bar,
across the lot, and back to my car.

I reached my home town, in the morning around three,
and a couple of cops were still looking for me.
they pulled me over and said, "get out of your seat."
and at that time i paid them their 500 feet.

so always remember that when going to drive,
have extra body parts, but please don't take mine.
my body's mine and your body's yours.
and one last thing, keep ajar your car doors.