sung:
"the color of ape
 the color of ape
 the color of ape
 is the color you are.
the color of ape
the color of ape
the color of ape 
is the color you are"

Now this file was supposed
to be about Face, but I don't 
have much to say about Face 
and I think that it would be a
lame file anyway.  So I think 
that instead we sould give tribute
to one of the greatest people 
of our time.  He was around 
before our time, he was around
after we were here, dead, and
gone.  No, not God, God is still
here. The one we speak of was a 
mortal man. 

He did a lot of work and spent a
lot of time working for the cause 
related to the topic discussed the
other day when class stopped in 
order for three people to go
outside and fuck the geese.  
In fact, they may still be there.

Anyway, this guy went to meetings,
shows, and spoke at them.  He went 
to grand openings, grand closings, 
cut ribbons and started bulldozers.

This man spoke on holidays glorifying
beginnings, holidays glorifying endings,
and holidays glorifying those between
times when things were neither starting
nor stopping such as the Anniversary of
the Day After Jesus Christ Was Born

He made speeches, wrote speeches, books,
pamplets, columns, paragraphs, sentences,
and then more speeches, books, and the
other mentioned five.

This guy invented verbs and nouns to 
describeideas which were too ideal and
syncopated for the verbs and nouns that
were already there.  His ideas were so
syncopated, that when, he thought of one,
he would breathe so heavily that air 
around him would reek of syncopation.

You could hear people say it after he left
the room: "that guy's breath really smells
syncopated" people would say.

After a while, it got so strong that you 
could smell it in a breeze.  You could 
smell it when a car drove by.  You could 
smell it when you turned on an air
conditioner, or a fan, or when you opened
a refrigerator, or turned on a fan.

Pretty soon, you could smell it when you
sneezed, or if you coughed, or if you 
were sweating profusely.  Soon, when you
smelled it in the breeze, you could see
that the breeze was syncopated.  When 
the breeze breezed trough a tree, the 
tree swayed in syncopation.  When leaves
fell from the tree, they were syncopated
when they fell to the ground.  

And not only would you smell the
syncopation in your sneeze, but you would
see it in the spit/mucus droplets that
sprayed from your nose.

People were no longer suave and sophisticated.
They were suave and syncopated.
You no longer had situations.
You had syncopations.
You no longer began letters with salutations.
You began them with syncopation.
The following is a list of things that were also replaced:
1) simultation
2) simulation

The next day, the man rose to be
king of syncopation.  He sat on
his syncopated throne in his 
syncopated castle.  He spoke,
people listened.  The day after
that was the day after that.

Once all the people who had been
his syncopated followers had died
syncopated deaths, the man became
instantly bored.

The following day, he got off of
his syncopated throne, walked down
his cold, deserted, syncopated hall,
and left his syncopated castle.

He began walking, trying to get into
adventures along the way.  However,
nobody would let him.  "Furnish your
own adventures.  We don't want you
around," was all that anyone ever 
said to him.  He felt sad, but he 
decided that they were right.

He realized that anyone who knew 
him had died and that it had been
his fault.  So he decided to be
at fault for the deaths of 
everyone who did not know him as
well . . . 

and low and behold, there was
a great earthquake!!!  Everyone
thought it was a great earthquake
and jumped up and down for joy
(well, first they jumped up and
down because the earthquake made
them, but then up and down for
joy).

This made the man mad.  He became
so mad that he started a terrible
flood.  He made the seas and the
ocean beneath the seas rise up
and flood the land, air, and
everything in between.  Houses 
were lost, cities were destroyed,
fish were killed.  

But all of the people were okay.
By mere coincidence, the same
thing had happened to them on
the same day for the last three
years . . . completely at the
fault of no one.  That's what 
they had dismissed this flood as,
and therefore, had prepared 
thoroughly.

The man was becoming angrier 
by the minute.  He then created
a gigantic tornado, but had
created it too soon after the
flood and the people were still
in their shelters.

Once they came out he lit roaring
white-hot fires which emitted jet-
black smoke . . . but there was
still too much water around from
the flood to be any more effective
than a self-contained candle wick.

The more frustrated he got, the
wackier his plans became.  He 
captured a hawk in a net and 
enlarged it to 'building size'
so it could destroy entire towns
in swift, single strokes.
But it ended up just chasing 
him and crashing into a mountain.

He also tried to part the atmosphere
and make all of the oxygen escape.
But before he realized that he 
couldn't do it, he realized that
he shouldn't do it, because he
would not be able to breathe 
either.

The man was becoming tired and he
sat down on a nearby chair. He 
began to think again.  He remembered
something he said on his way
up to becoming the syncopated king:

     "Whenever in doubt, or frustrated to
     the point of mental implosion, always
     set out to do that task quite the 
     opposite of the original."

The man thought to himself, "if 
that's what I have to do, then that's
what I have to do."

And with that, he raised his hands, his 
head, and snapped them all back to a
downward positionj in a single motion.

And it was at that time that every
woman in all of the world became 
pregnant.  Women who were barren were
pregnant.  Women who were once 
men were pregnant.  Everybody who
was female was pregnant.

Everybody who was female.  This was
the one grave error the man made.
He didn't make all of the women
who were physically or mentally
able to be pregnant as so, he 
made every female who was human
pregnant.

He made girls pregnant, he made
babies pregnant, he even empregnated
corpses.  He made pregnant the
babies in the wombs of the women
and girls and babies and corpses
he made pregnant, and he made
pregnant those babies as well;
and the babies of those babies
as well.  An infinity of generations,
being born in an single hundreth
of a second.

That was too much for nature (in
the form of God and creation by
God) to handle, and a sensation
filled the air.

It was as if nature had arched
his:her back, gripped his:her
head, and yelled in agony and
frustration.

The earth bent at the core, and
every organic human muscle 
tensed and tightened.

And as the yell of frustration
hit the living world, every
baby was born as fast as it
had been conceived.  This of 
course was too much for any
woman to handle, and in that
split second, every woman
at every age and level of
decomposition imploded at
the speed of light.  There
were no more female humans
anywhere.  No, no, nobody
was lying around dead. They
had imploded to the point
of nothingness.

Once this happened(and mind you
that the actions explained here
happened faster than you have
read), silence fell.

Then, the men.  Every man at
every corner and armpit of
the planet shared the thought
of being alone for the first
time . . . even the men who 
were alone at the time of
the Great Baby Eruption knew
that there were no more women.

And all the men turned into
zombies.  Cocks turned rock
hard, and the men began searching
for peace and satisfaction.

At first, they turned to each
other.  This was fine for a
while, and many of them had
been doing it already and had 
not been affecred by the GBE.
But it was too stressful.

So the men started turning 
to animals.  Any animal with
a 2" inch vagina was not 
left unscathed by the erogenous
male population.  Every man 
from every corner and armpit
of the world had grabbed a 
hold of a sheep, cow, dog,
horse, bird, even a fish,
and started goin' to town.
For seven days and seven
nights the men humped.  This
would be known for years
to come as the Week of 
Warm-Blooded Unity.

Then came the next big 
horror:  Offspring.  You
see, when nature yelled
and caused the infinite
generations to be born,
all forms of life became
instantly compatible(to 
a certain degree).

All types of mutants
were born.  Mutant human
sheep, mutant human dogs,
mutant human trout, mutant
human worms, even mutant
human mold (yes, man fucked
mold).

Then, as the course of this 
new environment was supposed
to go, mutants sought out
other mutants, and together
they had offspring.  Their
offspring had offspring and
so on.

The man at this point did
not know what to think.  He 
wasn't even aware of some of
the things that were going on.

He got up from his chair(from
where he had not move through
the entire duration of the GBE
and the WWBU), walked around,
and sat down again.  

He thought of something he
had said in some nameless 
speech on some nameless
biholiday.  Something about
a failsafe.

Then he remembered.  At one
time he had ordered several 
thousand of his syncopated
followers into a tunnel deep
beneath another dimension.  He
assured them that their time
for living would come again and 
that they would be called for.
He had just forgotten, that's
all.

He then got up from his chair 
and quickly walked the path
back to his syncopated castle
which at this point was halfway
stuck in the mud.
He did his little chant, opened
up the portal, and walked through.

He found everybody in a large field
outside of the town that they had
built for themselves.  Very happy
to see normal people, he went up
to them.  "Hello!  I just wanted 
to say how releived I am to see
all of you again.  As I told you
in the beginning, your time would
come, and this is it!  Please, 
come with me and repopulate the
human empire.

Well, as you might have figured,
nobody moved.  Nobody was glad 
to see him.  

Things like, "I knew he'd be
back with that famous 'I fucked
up' look on his face," or "he 
took me from my home and put
me here and I'm not leaving
again," were muttered.

Then without saying a word
to him, everyone went back
to town.

The man at this time felt a
lonliness that he had never
felt before.  The type of
lonliness that one can't 
think about.  The type of 
feeling you get when you
think about what it would
be like if there were no 
Heaven or Hell.  That kind
of lonliness ...  and it
was his loniness.

However, one person remained
behind.  One young woman.
She began to talk to him.

"I remember when you were
very young," she said.  "In
fact, you were born here just
the other day.  There was a
sound, like nature screaming
in anger.  Then all of a 
sudden, all of the pregnant
wombs became barren, and one
became fertile.  Two days later,
that fertile womb gave birth
to you."

The man listened as she 
continued, in a different 
direction.

"This is a time portal
not like other time portals.
It's like an elevator.  It
goes up the time line to 
the future, and down the
time line to the past.
And like the floors of the
building, they're all
there at one time even
though you can't see them.
This portal, in a sense,
is going down in a few days.
It's at that time when these
people here will find out
that the baby who was born
here the other day is you,
and your mother will have
to pass back through the
gate with you. It's the 
only way to save you.  The
only way to save them.  When
you pass through is when
your life as you know it
will start.  But now, we have
to leave."

So he and the woman passed 
through the gate back to the 
other side.  Most of the mutants
at this time were either dead 
or dying.  Together over the next
several months the man and this
woman helped to repopulate the 
human empire.................
.....and the man, after destroying
and over-destroying every form 
of life, after raping nature and 
becoming the father of syncopation,
finally found peace.................................................THE ENd.

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