Newspapers all over the world have decided to start a war in the year 2005 A.D., according to a homeless art-director of the Leopold Gazette. The theme of the war will be: headlines. Who has the most aggressive, powerful and brave headlines of the world? Teams of reporters will fight against each other in mudbaths, meanwhile discussing the headlines they have thought up over the last couple of years. More festivities will be announced later on.

Number 9 illegal in Panama

From now on, the number '9' will be illegal in Panama. This was confirmed by the Mother of Evil whose lucky number is a car on fire. The number 8 is especially harmful to advocates of the Inshming-religion. But number 9 is even worse: it stinks and kills grass and cows. Losses account to twenty percent loss of milk and yoghurt in southern Panama.

Fluids reject freezing in Panama

Yet another catastrofe in Panama. Scientists have reported some waters in western Panama won't freeze below zero degrees. They say the water is simply "fed up with acting like ice all the time". Sanctions will follow, according to reverend Thomas Saint-Claire, president of the Front Against Water That Just Won't Freeze, Dude.

Escapade hit in Japan

A new game-computer called Escapade, manufactured in Taiwan by Blowout Electronics, is said to be a huge hit in Japan. The computer features one function-key: the Escape-key. When the buyer pushes this button, he escapes to another dimension, from which he can only return by finding another Escapade in that dimension. Chances to ever return are said to be as close to zero as ice is when it melts.
Anyway, Population Control in Japan confirm to be very happy with the Escapade. Population Control in China say they want the Escapade to come out in China a.s.a.p.

New e-zine Yeah Right! has small audience

The immensely popular internet e-zine Yeah Right!, online since the destruction of Jerusalem in 70 A.D., has the least number of visitors from all the e-zines on the Net. This is partly because they bring wacko news no other newspaper or magazine knows about. This makes it very popular amongst high-educated dudes all over the world. But these high-educated dudes are too clever to ever visit the Yeah Right! website themselves. So our question is: who visits this site anyway?!

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