Restraint - Chapter 2
Getting Through
In the alleyway outside our apartment Haruka and I de-transformed; we were now in our school uniforms once again as we walked out into the main street. Haruka took the lead and I stayed closely behind… I always let her take lead; it seems natural that way. She opened the doors ahead of me and held them open waiting for me to enter. Once we entered the apartment I immediately laid on the couch, stretching out as much as possible. Haruka sat in a cushioned chair with her legs crossed and arms resting on her own knees. “What if it’s someone we know Ruka-Chan?” I asked gently, not looking at her eyes…I already knew the answer. “We can’t help that, we still need the talisman.” She responded bitterly, I knew she didn’t like being Sailor Uranus a lot of the time but she couldn’t escape it. She has to face it, she can’t just forget about her duties when she’s not in her sailor form. If she doesn’t face things when she’s not in battle then she’ll never deal with them. That’s why she’s so harsh…she doesn’t want to be emotional, although most people say she’s cold hearted, but I know her inside and out…she does everything for a reason. I sighed quietly as I closed my eyes. “We made the agreement a long time ago.” She reminded me and a tear slid down my face, stopping at a rest on my lips. I kept my eyes closed for a few minutes; I just didn’t want to go on with what we had decided. We chose to be only business at that time too, to not get attached personally at all…that had changed, why couldn’t everything else? I don’t want to keep Haruka at a distance anymore! I don’t want to hurt people for our mission! I know she doesn’t either but she would never cry and would never go back on our deal. I opened my eyes but still couldn’t look at her. “Is it true Haruka? What Sailor Moon said...” I asked quietly, using her full name and not the nickname I had for her; I asked almost inaudibly but I know she heard me…I saw her shudder and tense. “Nevermind, I know the answer.” I replied sadly and tread out of the chair and away from Haruka’s gaze. She had such hurt in her eyes and I could do nothing to stop it…I know it was partly because of what I said. That hurt me the most, not that she didn’t give up on our agreement but that she wanted to yet wouldn’t allow herself to forget it and that on top of that I had caused her more pain. I knew from the beginning that I wouldn’t be able to follow through with our promise, I expected Haruka to help me do it but I never thought she wouldn’t be able to. I know I expected too much from her and it’s not fair for her to always to be the strong one. It causes her so much hurt, she had been hurting before any of this happened and now it’s worse. I shouldn’t count on her for so much, it puts so much pressure on her. We had just been starting out when we made the agreement, just becoming Sailor Scouts. Haruka and I had been gotten together shortly before then but once we knew we were Sailor Scouts had decided we could no longer be together except for business. That hadn’t worked out though, we couldn’t suppress how we feet and now Haruka and I both wish we’d never made that arrangement. I knew it was hard for Haruka to live like this, to deny everything she feels but she normally lives like that…to protect herself, it’s harder for her then it was for me. I could easily admit I loved her and was in pain but she wouldn’t let herself admit she was in love with anyone. If she pretends she doesn’t love someone then she doesn’t get hurt, that’s how she protects herself. People see her refusal to admit love as coldness but it’s truly not, it’s absolute vunerablity to her emotions even if she won’t acknowledge them. The only problem is then the people she loves get hurt and that pains her more then losing them but once you start down a path you have to work so hard to stop. I got off the couch and stepped over to the closet in our living room, it hurt so much anymore to think that…our living room. We shared a home and life but can’t love each other, we have to be so close…chose to be and can not touch because of our own agreement. I could feel Haruka’s fiery gaze on me while I walked and bent to pick up my violin. I took it out of the case, setting the case gently onto the floor and sitting on the windowsill to play. I placed the delicate instrument under my chin, staggering barely noticeably as the cold plastic touched my chin. Tears filled up my eyes as I glanced over at Ruka-Chan and she turned her watch away angrily. I gently ran the bow back and forth across the strings, making my own song as I thought back to that morning when we kissed. I made the song sound like I felt at that moment and Haruka got out of her chair to sit on the piano bench, not making a sound…not even looking over toward me. She played softly, matching my tune with a separate one that fit with mine perfectly, making a new song all together. We stopped playing at exactly the same time, I placed my violin back into it’s case and put it away in the closet as Haruka closed the lid over the piano keys. “Why don’t we go for a ride? On the coastline…” Haruka suggested suddenly, her face flashing with happiness which hid her nervousness pretty well. I looked over at her from the closet and nodded with a smile; she loves to go as fast the wind with her car…it helps her escape things and she always wants me there when she drives. Haruka and I left the apartment and locked it up as we headed to her convertible parked on the side of the street. I sat in the passenger seat next to Haruka as she got in and dashed down the path. I knew how much Haruka loved the wind, she wanted to be as much like the wind as possible and she was so much like it. I loved the wind also…I loved it’s touch, just like I love her touch, both Haruka and the wind make me comfortable and happy. The wind just lightly brushes across you always leaving you wanting more. It compels you to push yourself and go faster no matter how much you know you shouldn’t. Haruka looked over at me, taking her eyes off the road and I smiled at her confidence in her driving. “What were you thinking about?” She quipped; she had such happiness in her voice as she stared into my eyes. “Just the wind.” I replied, smiling with playfulness, knowing she’d like my answer. I held onto the dashboard as she stopped suddenly after almost hitting a young girl with red hair and her friend. We knew the other girl; she was Usagi Tsukino…we talked to her every once and a while. Haruka stepped out of the car to make sure they were all right, they were both standing up without any pain so I knew they were fine. I got of the car nevertheless and leaned on the hood, I was the only one Haruka wouldn’t get angry with for touching her car. The only other time someone besides her would be allowed to touch her car was if she was flirting with a girl, it was a flirting tactic…it sort of shows the girl she’s special. I hate it when she did that although I’d never say anything. Although sometimes I thought it was cute and loved her more for it. Other times I might interrupt but act like it didn’t affect me…that stopped her from flirting a lot of the time. I knew the only reason the girls flirted back was because they thought she was a boy but at least she could do it while I wasn’t there. I also wouldn’t do anything if she chose someone else…I’d enjoy seeing her happy although I’d be in so much pain. If Haruka chose someone else then our pact wouldn’t hurt her anymore, she could forget it. A great weight would be lifted off her chest, she’d have no more pain…but she refuses to admit feelings and that causes her pain. It’d so much better for the both of us if she could forget our agreement, live happily with someone else. Haruka is devoted to me though, and I’m devoted to her…she may flirt but she doesn’t do it to find someone new. I think that’s why it doesn’t truly hurt me that much, I know she’s not serious when she does it. But it does make my heart ache at the time she does it. Flirting is in her nature and that’s one of the reasons I fell in love with her. Haruka stopped talking with the girls and walked to the driver’s side door as I got off the hood and opened my door. Haruka opened her own door and we both got in as the girls walked off down the sidewalk. “They’re cute.” Haruka commented and I smiled at her while she started to drive down the road again. “Is that why you had to talk to them?” I asked and closed my eyes, letting the wind blow my hair out of my face. I could feel Haruka looking at me and smirking. “Keep your eyes on the road.” I instructed calmly, opened my eyes to look at her and she quickly turned back to the road. I smiled as I watched her drive; it’s so good to see her forget her worries for a bit. “You can look at me but I can’t look at you?” She questioned in mock annoyance, pouting, and glancing at me from the corner of her eyes. I loved when she could play like that; it made me so much happier that way I knew she was happy, at least for a little while. “Looking with the corner of your eyes counts, keep them on the road and yes…I’m not the one driving Ruka-Chan.” I responded while smiling at her with love and a playful grin, only she could get me to be so happy like this. She grinned then went back to watching the road, still looking at me through the corner of her eyes. We drove for a while, not really caring how long it took us to get to the shore. The both of us were avoiding talking and I knew we couldn’t do that for very long, it would be uncomfortable because we both had things on our mind we needed to get out. I took a deep breath quietly, keeping my focus forward. “Let’s just forget the agreement Ruka-Chan, I can’t take it anymore…I have to be with you.” I blurted out softly; I heard her sigh and knew her eyes were brimmed with tears, I could feel her relieved but she was still sad. I still couldn’t look at her but I wanted to hold her so bad, I didn’t want to make her cry. I never wanted her to cry and I especially didn’t want to be the one to cause that hurt. I kept my eyes staring at the road in front of us and let out the breath I’d been holding as she turned the car around and accelerated back to our apartment. Outside our apartment Haruka screeched the car to a halt and got out quickly, not putting the top down or locking her door. I got out more slowly and locked my door behind me, smiling, and walked behind Haruka into our apartment. This time it felt good to say it was our apartment, it no longer hurt. She ran inside joyfully, practically pulling me into the apartment as I closed the door after myself. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her back into my body and she stopped to turn around and face me. She picked me up into her arms and I brought my legs up to fold them around her waist, bringing my hands up around her neck. She leaned down to my face and looked into my eyes a moment, her eyes were lustrous as she pressed her lips to mine with so much desire. The kiss sent heat throughout my body, staying in my thighs that were enclosed around her waist. She pulled her lips away from mine and my lips stung as the cold air hit them and they missed hers. Haruka placed her lips on mine again with the same passion as she slid her tongue into my mouth then pulled it out again, licking my lips slowly and just barely touching them. I pushed my tongue out to pull hers into my mouth and heard her groan into me. We forced ourselves apart to take in a breath; we were both breathing heavily and needed air. I grinned widely at her and laid my head on her shoulder, kissing her neck. I kissed it so slightly you would barely notice except for the effect it would give your body. I could feel the heat increasing in her body and her breathing becoming strained as she lowered her head to kiss my neck and I pulled back so she couldn’t reach. “Is that a yes Ruka-chan?” I questioned mischievously and continued to kiss her neck, sucking in a little while still staying out of her reach. Haruka took in a deep breath and groaned as she tried to reach my neck again. “Of course…we’ll forget the agreement. We can be together.” She answered hoarsely; I moved back to where she could reach me and she kissed my neck and she carried me into her bedroom.
