I rant against the stereotype of submissive Asian women. Why then, is it so hard to live by my own words? Despite my recognition and abhorrence of the perpetuation of this stereotype, I find it hard to peel myself away from trailing in the footsteps of the submissive Asian Woman, bound by centuries of tradition.My environment stifles me from breaking free of the cocoon I・ve been spun into since the day I was born. In different areas of my life, various social forces corner me into the role of submission, from my own home, social life, dating scene, school, to career aspirations.
The most far-reaching influence of my submissive tendencies began from my upbringing. I was raised in a small nuclear family with a set-up typical of many Asian families: a domineering father and docile mother. I got along with my father, but now I realize it was mainly because I was obedient and learned quickly to adhere to the order of the unchallenged hierarchy. In fact, I got along with my father better than my mother and brother precisely because I was better at conforming to my father・s orders than they were. There was one principle that ruled our house: if Baba (：Father； in Mandarin) says it, you do it. Or else. If I so veered from the programmed responses of ：yes, I will do it right now； in a meek voice (ex. Saying ：Yes, I・ll do it right now； with a sarcastic tone), consequences would follow in the form of a heated lecture about obedience. If the first lecture was met with anything more than a bowed head and meek repentance, a second lecture would ensue about how it was my mother・s fault that I was such a bad child. To keep the family peace, I learned to suppress any urges to object to authority and tried my hardest to be the best daughter.
The effects of my training bear down on me today. There is a secret that I・ll let on to my loyal readers (if you read my last piece of crap and are still reading this, that・s loyalty). I am incapable of arguing with anyone face to face. I have to resign myself to writing constructed arguments. In fact, the byproduct of my childhood suppression was an inclination to turn to writing as an outlet for my unspoken complaints buried inside. I can・t express my anger in words because the elements of a confrontational situation simply evoke the intuitive response to my dad・s lectures, which is to ：listen, do not talk!； I can write a nasty email. I can jet off a fiery article or letter to the editor. But if someone confronts me verbally, the schematic response would be to stutter in a soft, calming voice (my dad taught me to do that) and say I・m sorry.
The internalization of the submissive Asian woman into my life was just the setting of the stage. Other effects have been enormous, affecting me in almost every aspect of living in this society. Being Asian, and being a woman is being twice stepped on by society. By race, an Asian is a minority (if not here, in other places). By gender, a woman is stereotyped in society as ：the weaker sex； and expected to cater to men and their superiority complexes. Is there any way out? More in the next of this series: The Social life of a Submissive Asian Woman.