The Tr WU isms

The most current thoughts are at the bottom of the page, forcing the onlooker to peruse my other pennys' worth of thoughts. Don't worry, other fools have been made to go through the same routine. You're not alone. *pat on back*

_{I have this constant party of thoughts. Streams of possibilities that I cannot quell. There is no way to stop, the pen seized by my consciousness keeps on writing; the ink hasn't run dry...}

My father once told me that people are similar to books. Some are fat, some are thin. Some have many colorful pictures, but few words. Some are only a few pages, but filled with wisdom. Others are news-journals, defined by only the most recent experiences. Others are voluminous but store only a monotonous concept. Some books are bound by beautiful covers--as to hide its mundane tale. And some stories have plain or even shabby covers. But anyone who reads it will read it again and again, yet never quite finish the journey within.

It is not the fear of hell, but the longing for heaven

If you plan to take the road-untraveled, be prepared for the consequences--8/14/00

Have you ever made eye-contact with an animal before? Have you ever peered closely, trying to find the human behind the beast? Have you ever made eye-contact with a person before? Have you ever noticed the beast hiding behind the human?--8/24/00

"Zhong yan ni er, liang yao ku kou"--Chinese idioms--"The ear eludes wise warnings, the mouth embitters upon tasting good herbs" --9/20/00

There is no "Love is blah, blah" on my page. That is because I do not comprehend any other true "love" now except for love from God, love of parents, affection for friends and fondness of animals. But I do know that love is not and will never be just "a feeling", an emotion, a dream, or a rose on Valentine's Day. Those things will change, fade, disappear and wither in time. Are there rules in "love"? Sure. And basing every bit of knowledge on "feelings" is a sure-fire way to disaster. You can't hold onto your emotion as well as you can hold onto your thoughts. There is no forever in those empty containers that manifest as "love." Love is....I can't say because I don't know it. A song that keeps singing? A story than never ends? Or perhaps, a blessing from above --9/27/00

Fearing the fall, I catch myself.
When I should simply fall freely
and not try to pinpoint where to land
--10/5/00

I'm sitting here in the middle of the week. It's 1:20 in the morning. And I am suddenly filled with doubts about everything. My life has never been so great and stayed so great for years. Yet a wisp of uncertainly tremors within me. How long can it last. The people here, how long are they going to put up with me. My friends, what if they decide to abandon me. Then I will be all alone in an abysmal world while the universe keeps twirling in its splendor and the stars keep shining above. Until now, I realized how fragile I feel putting my heart in people's hands by befriending them. All it takes is a choice and the friendship can shatter into a million shards. And you bleed and bleed. Piecing it all back only works if you still have the framework in your heart. Maybe this is why sometimes it is easier to hold onto work and material success more surely than bank on my friendships. You can be wholly in control of your things, but you cannot control someone else and how they feel about you.--10/17/00

Am I a romantic after all--maybe it's a part of me I'm rediscovering or uncovering for the first time. Is life going to keep carrying me, or will it drop me tommorrow? Won't even hear myself explode. Such melancholy. Could it be possible this is a poem from my inner self...I haven't had time to myself lately to reflect and record everything in my diary. Yimei? Are you still there? You must be out again somewhere. I'm a private person, maybe college has opened me up sooner than I had anticipated. I wonder if I'll ever make it back to shore.--10/17/00

I watch the other college freshmen take it all in one bite. They party, they drink. They seem to want it all now or never.
Meanwhile I'm afraid that sampling everything in the cafetaria too quickly will leave me either sick to my stomach or bored of the food. I've been eating only salad thus far, so whenever I get the occasional pizza it's a thrilling, exciting taste.--10/25/00

Acceptance deserves joy. Rejection calls for reflection and a choice to fight or surrender and move on. But what can one do with uncertainty. No one asks for your permission to make things happen. The guillotine can slide down without warning.--11/9/00

What is so bad about being good?
What is so good about being bad?

So you get the message
So you be good
--3/5/01

"I admire a chameleon, because it changes color with its surroundings, it is sometimes invisible, and when waiting for prey, it can be very patient."--4/3/01

On Helping Others:
Asking "Is there anything I can do?" is a stupid question. Asking someone if they want you to think of something to do for them is basically a polite way to bail out, you WIMP. Really think FOR your friend and try to imagine if you were the one in their situation. 9 times out of 10, they need something that you CAN provide, but are just too selfish, egotistical, or greedy to give to them. Don't say a guilt-laden "sorry" and walk away, and later tell your other friends "Oh, I feel so baaaad for so-and-so...." Because I'll be wondering what YOU did as a friend to HELP. Personally, I stopped holding back awhile ago. I realized that helping others won't ever hurt me. Only God can get you anywhere. So do what you can to help others, and don't worry that helping someone else will somehow backfire on you; God will catch your back. --12/9/01

Harsh Lessons Learned in High School
A remnant of my sad post-college-admissions venting. May depress you.
My Walk with God
A chronicle of my spiritual journey, a few testimonies about how God has been changing my life.