Point of Wu

Social Etiquette 101: Got clothes? Go to Xando's to show it off, like, people are really going to care.

This is one article that I'm not putting on my website. Because this searing commentary is strictly for the pleasure and perusal of University of Maryland students. Take it as my salute to the ZOOM campaign. Eh, who am I kidding; the only reason I'm "hiding " this article is because there will be some Yale-bashing ( we bash Duke; why not Yale?) and I'm scared of getting my butt-kicked. So, keep this hush-hush.

All right, the reason for my venom is what happened one Saturday. A good friend and I just finished a vigorous game of ping-pong. We met up with another girl (I'll call her "Yale-girl") to join us. We all met at my house and talked about what we wanted to do. I didn't get to shower yet after ping-pong so I was thinking of going out for more sports or just staying in. If I can't shower, I can't wash my hair. When I can't wash my hair, I feel icky. And when I feel icky, I don't feel like changing into dressy clothes. Don't ask why¡XI just feel gross pulling a silk shirt over a nasty, oily, head. Hmm...my editor will probably cut that part out to maintain our readership. Anyways. So I suggested we all go to the Chinese sports club, or stay in for Chinese checkers. But Yale-girl had something else in mind. Yale-girl and I were actually friends for quite a while, we've been buddies since sophomore year of high school. We've always respected each other as intellectual equals, despite the fact that she got into Yale and I went to UMD. Oops, I mean, the University of Maryland is a fine school. Tonight, however, revealed something I never imagined about my friend.

Even hearing how I really wanted to stay in that night, Yale-girl had to go out because "I have a craving...for something rich and chocolately..." Maybe it's social pressure that implicates people who don't go out Saturday night as losers. But she was going to get her way. So I compromised and suggested we could go to Xando's, the popular coffee bar in downtown Bethesda. There was an awkward pause, as I felt her unspoken complaint bearing close to her lips. I had a hunch what she had on her mind, but I wanted to see how far she'd take it. She had been eyeing my outfit since she'd walked in the door. She'd come attired in a violet sweater, dark jeans and a jean jacket. I wore a casual red sweatshirt and black sweatpants. She said "Yeah....we could go to Xando's¡X" she said, with her eyes averted and her head down, "but I don't usually go to Xando's unless I'm wearing something dressy. Usually people go there after special events or clubbing...I don't know if we're dressed right for it..." I played along and said "I knooow, I usually don't feel like going to a fancy place looking crappy either..." I joked about how funny it is that people in our area dress up to go to Montgomery Mall. Just as I trailed off, her eyes lit up and she looked as if she suddenly had an idea, "Sooo...why don't you change into your black pants and put on a dressy top? You can be the best-dressed of all three of us here!" She said the last sentence with such a hopeful flourish; the way you tell a child he can have a lollipop if he ties his shoelaces. She tried to make her intentions unobvious by adding, "I mean, if one of us is well-dressed, it's fine, the other two can just be whatever. So I guess if you're dressed-up, Marie's fine, and I guess I'm ok too...we'll be all set. And you'll be the best-dressed...!"

I had to mentally replay the last few minutes to fully comprehend what just transpired. My friend, whom I'd always felt was beyond the materialism in stuck-up Bethesda, was requesting that I change in order for her to be able to show her face in a coffee shop. Am I be wrong to be angry? Was I wrong to refuse such a ridiculous request? Because I did. After a cold silence, I'd said, "Nah, I just don't feel like changing..." I offered her a chance to clarify herself if by any chance I misunderstood her intentions. Maybe she was being thoughtful and wondered if I'd feel uncomfortable being underdressed. "We can still go to Xando's....but I really don't care if I'm underdressed or whatever, it's only Xando's...we could just go right now." But Yale-girl seemed frustrated all of a sudden. She confronted me and Marie, " I mean, do you guys usually go to Xando's in sweats?" Her tone almost carried disgust, if not disdain. I looked her straight in the eye and said, "Hey. I really don't care about these people. I can go to Xando's right now wearing this. I'm not afraid of anything. What are you so afraid of?" She retorted with the age old excuse for materialism, "I'm not afraid of anything. It's not seeing how far you can go, I... just think there's a right time and place for... wearing the right things.." I thought puh-leeze, that's the sort of thing I said when I was a snobby high-schooler.

She told me not to take it personally. Icicles hung in the air, and I let it hang for a few seconds. She should be more worried that I'll take it generally, more so than personally, I fumed. What I take personally offensive is the way she tried to place her order on me. The way she tried to sugar-coat the demand by coaxing me like a silly, simple-minded child, "You can be the best-dressed of all of us!" As if she could fool me. Was it a sign that she no longer considered me an intellectual equal? Could it be she disrespected me because she went to Yale and I went to UMD? (Forgive me, Terps, for this breach of school spirit.) Did she think I would be stupid enough to squeal in delight at the prospect of being the dressed-up one and obediently change my clothes? Her words pierced straight into my heart where I thought our friendship lay so unshaken. Now I gingerly turned it over, reinspecting and searching for cracks and chips on what was a solid foundation. Here's where I'm afraid to take it generally. Does this mean she was always this way, and I somehow overlooked it? Is this how she weighs her friends to her own need for public acceptance? Taking it generally would mean, I had exercised poor judgment in choosing my friends. That maybe there was something wrong with me. The only other explanation I could think of was that going to Yale had forced a rearrangement of her values. I remembered her telling me before how she felt all her peers were always so well-read and "cultured". How they ate out at expensive restaurants every week. I could imagine perhaps there was also pressure to not only be the smartest but also have the most to say about what-you-did-on-Saturday-nights. Yet what she said reflected such a juvenile mindset. Could it be that Yale's culture shapes its students to value shallowness and worldly materialism? It was almost a step back to high school's vain self-consciousness, not what I'd expect from an Ivy-League scholar. What an education.

Endnote for those who like closure: Yale-Girl and I are on good terms again after we reflected about this. Nowadays we just laugh about it since there were misunderstandings here and there.

Yimei Wu is a sophomore Biopsychology and Premed student. Her uncensored writings can be found at: www.wam.umd.edu/~yimei and she can be reached at yimei@wam.umd.edu.