Sweet Cheeks And The Demon Sorceress

DISCLAIMER: The characters of Star Trek The Next Generation are the property of Gene Roddenberry and, um, I’m really not sure. The characters of the X-Men and New Mutants are the property of Marvel Comics. They are used here without their creators’ knowledge or consent and only for enjoyment. All other characters and the plot belong to the author.

Authors Notes: This is the result of a 20 minute, turned 25 minute, challenge between myself and a friend. It is likely the facts aren’t quite right. I got the idea from an episode where I know I saw him in a short robe. And I needed someone from the X-men who could hop dimensions easily. Only one person came first to mind. I know she wouldn’t likely be interested in someone that much older than her, but she loved to make people uncomfortable. Pity poor Picard.

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Jean-Luc took his drink to the porthole. It had been an incredibly long week and this was the first time he had had a chance to totally relax.

There was a sizzling sound behind him, like fire burning along a fuse. Nerves still zinging from the hellish week, he swung to see a circle of fire rising and as it rose it revealed a girl. Of some sort.

She had silver armor and sword and, most peculiarly, long ram horns, reminding him of old bible pictures of the devil.

“Whoa, I think I took a wrong turn. This sure ain’t Alberkerky.” She spoke matter of factly, with not the slightest bit of alarm in her voice.

“Listen, do you know what dimension I’ve hit THIS – Ohh. Hello, Sweet Cheeks!”

At the look in the young woman’s eyes, Jean-Luc found himself checking to make sure that his short robe was closed. The look in her eyes was predatory.

“Who are you? What are you doing on my ship?!” The best defense is an attack. Old advice, but true.

“My name’s Magik, but you can call me Illyanna. I think I took a left instead of a right at the last hell dimension. And ended up here. Wherever here is. Who are you?”

“I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise. Are you trying to tell me that you are some sort of dimensional teleporter?”

“Wow! Right on the first try!”

As she had spoke, her appearance morphed to that of an innocent-looking, blond teenaged girl in a black and yellow uniform, with only the arm that held the sword still encased in armor, before she continued to change into something closer resembling a demon, complete with cloven hooves.

Suddenly, he realized that something was missing.

”Computer, why isn’t the intruder alert on?!”

“There is currently no intruder on board the Enterprise.”

“What?! Security to the Captain’s quarters! I have an intruder!”

“A computer. Sounds very advanced. My best friend would love it. Uhm, but I don’t register to those kinds of things when I’m like this. It’s the magic. It doesn’t register on most computers.”

“Magic does not exist. If you are advanced enough to travel through dimensions, you should know that there is no such thing as magic.”

“Well, obviously, you haven’t advanced enough to know that both magic and technology exist. Often together.”

“Don’t be –“

“Will you look at the time! Listen, I think I have a handle on where I am now. I’d better head home before the Prof tries to ground me again. You know, you sorta look like the Professor. Except for the walking bit.” She shrugged her shoulders, which now had spikes coming from the armor. “Thanks for the rest. And the view! Mmmmhhh! Bye, Sweet Cheeks.”

With that, she raised her hand and a flame circle appeared around her and rose in time with the hand. Where the circle passed, she was no longer there.

And there was no sign she had ever been.

Jean-Luc rubbed the bridge of his nose, just as the door chimed and opened.

“Security here, sir. Uhm. Where’s the intruder?”

He sighed. And tightened the belt of his robe when the female security officer’s eyes traveled down his bare legs.