"The Bizarro World That Could Have Been"

1/04/02 1:23am Do you ever wonder what the world would be like if you were never born? Its not a question I like to ask myself everyday, seeing as I am an emotionally stable individual. However, it always brings up an interesting topic when the course of time is somehow altered, resulting in a bizarre alternate universe that could only be seen in comic books and episodes of "Friends." I know never to f*ck with fate, His plans, or the time continuum; but what would this world be if I, Jun Onishi, never stepped foot on this planet? Let's take a look at what it may somehow resemble, as embellished as the truth may be?

First off, let's look into my roommate, Chris Hsiao. Having roomed with G.G. for his second year at Baylor University, Chris opted to transfer to U.S.C., where he made a valiant effort to win back his high school sweetheart. Chris never got the opportunity to meet Tina, his current lover, destroying any hope for a romantic future. Lost in a world of disparity, Chris' G.P.A. suddenly took a turn for the worse. Chris dropped out of U.S.C. and began attending community college, somewhere off the west coast, smoking lots of chronic. James Hwang came to Baylor University, rooming in a two-bedroom dorm at Martin Hall. After a horrible semester with his poor hygienic roommate, he eventually took refuge with the then-flourishing Clubhouse organization. With Chris' departure to California and James' involvement with Clubhouse, YMB was never formed. James and Lori never had their 'magical night' during Chris' birthday party. She would still be wallowing in the absence of her lost lover, Phai. The 'Bitter Bitches' organization, lead by Lori, Anh, and Chrissy, eventually flourished into a formidable union; too powerful to be contained by the ladies of Sigma, thus creating a horrible rift among the Asian female population. Peter Kim never had involvement with YMB, thus was able to keep up with his studies. Peter went on to make Dean's List every semester at Baylor University. Girls like Grace and Patty lacked the 'home away from home' in YMB Central. They eventually became proud members of 'Lambda Lil' Sis.' Allen Lee, deficient in his hopes for a respectable protege went on to form a fraternity (Gamma Beta Omega), consisting of charter members such as Bill, Roy, James Hwang, James Lee, Johnny, etc. They grew to become bitter rivals with the Lambda Phi Epsilons, often getting in fights at social functions. Sandra never had her 'Partner in Crime.' With stress mounting on her already fragile emotions, Sandra took to drinking alcohol every night. After a vicious fight with Alex about her drinking problem, she eventually agreed to join Alcoholics Anonymous.

The following was a bloodcurdling look into a world that could have been. Needless to say, I exaggerated a lot on how things may have turned up. However, there is a lesson to be learned in this glimpse of the scrooge-like past, present, and future. Always appreciate what life throws at you. Believe it or not, every single one of us has an integral part of the kinship that we share. Never take anything for granted, and always value the influence that I, Jun Onishi, have on everybody else (that was a joke).