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CHIPSHOP JOHN'S YOBGRUB
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YES KIDS, THIS IS WHERE OUR RESIDENT SUPERYOB GASTRONOME CHIPSHOP JOHN GIVES HIS EXPERT OPINION ON SOME OF THE GREASE STOPS FREQUENTED ON 'YOB MANOUEVRES. EACH VENUE GETS A PIE RATING AS FOLLOWS:-
IF ANYONE HAS RECOMMENDATIONS FOR FODDER STOPS FROM AROUND THE WORLD, DROP CHIPSHOP A LINE AT Ilovemybleedinscoff@superyob.com. |
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----------------------------------------------------------------- VENUE: THE DUNDEE PALACE DATE OF VISIT: MAY 9th & 10th 2002 This spacious hotel/restaurant is centrally located in historic Dundee and is a must for visiting tourists and overweight musicians. It's speciality is the 'Bastard Great Cooked Breakfast' but the light afternoon treat of 'Bucketfulls Of Stella' is also a must for any discerning palate. One other worthy dish is the midnight munchie special of 'Pizza a La Steph' with a 'Tartan Special Side Salad'. The breakfast is a real rib-sticker with all the traditional ingredients plus one lovely touch:- potato waffles. Charmingly crisp on the outside and light and fluffy on the inside, they really made the breakfast for me. A nice glass of orange juice to accompany followed by a steaming mug of tea, the only real negative aspect of this particular dining experience was the vegetarian, yes, VEGETARIAN sausages. They took the gloss off an otherwise faultless breakfast.....scrambled eggs rather than fried are most certainly a winner with me and plum tomatoes are an absolute necessity.
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VENUE: THE COUNTING HOUSE, DUNDEE TOWN CENTRE DATE OF VISIT: MAY 9th 2002 This hostelry is stumbling distance from the Dundee Palace and is the traditional teatime venue for revellers when the rather well stocked wine cellars of The Palace have been drunk dry. Part of the Weatherspoons chain, it offers the usual range of attractively priced beers and good value menu deals. Dave and Ace dined twice during the same day and reported a good luchtime dalliance with the fish and chips. Come teatime, I favoured the kids classic of sausage chips and beans but the standout dish was the Chicken Jalfrezi. Weatherspoons do a wide range of currys to suit all tastes:- from the rather gay Korma to the man-sized Vindaloo. The deliciously spicy Jalfrezi came with rice, naan bread and poppadoms and a free pint!!!!! All for less than 4 quid, it's an absolute must. On the whole, The Counting House offered a good variety of generously priced meals. Drawbacks were the lack of table space to fully relax in whilst shovelling it all down and some of the dishes looked a tad bland.
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VENUE: CHEZ HEDGY, QUAINT DUNDEE SUBURB DATE OF VISIT: MAY 10th 2002 Set in the Dundee suburbs, this glorious establishment takes absolute pride in it's home cooked approach to dining, concentrating on quality Scottish fare. So exclusive is the venue, that partys are only usually accepted on an invitation only basis. The reception area is plush and comfortable with soothing background music and the dining area is cosy and fiercely traditional. The soup starter was Scotch Broth: a piping hot, barley laden treat and the main course was a gargantuan platter of steak & kidney pie with Cumberland sausages, roast potatoes and mountains of vegetables. Truly divine. Dessert was trifle and/or profiteroles. I, of course, went for the 'and' option. I would recommend Chez Hedgy as the ultimate Scottish dining experience.
Our fondest regards to Debbie, our hostess for the afternoon........ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ |
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VENUE: PURDY LODGE, NORTHUMBERLAND DATE OF VISIT: MAY 11th 2002 This gastronomic oasis was suggested to us by the boys from ON FILE. It's located on the A1 some 47 miles north of Newcastle. From the outside it looks reasonably classy but the establishment prides itself on truck stop style and attitude. There are the obligatory range of all-day breakfasts in all shapes and sizes, hefty set dinners and the rather unnecessary array of 'lite-bites'. The breakfast prices were slightly on the expensive side but the largest example which Dave sampled was an absolute monster: no complaints about the portion sizes at all. Ace had a huge helping of meat pie with all the trimmings and I myself had the second largest brekkie with a side order of chips. What made the meal for me was the lashings of gravy on offer for me to drown the chips in. Splendid !! Even the sight of the ON FILE lasses tucking into jacket spuds and omelettes wasn't enough to put me off my chips'n'gravy.
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VENUE: THE CHILLI PEPPER, HARTLEPOOL DATE OF VISIT: MAY 11th 2002 After the lunchtime feast had worn off, we headed out into deepest darkest Hartlepool for our tea before the evening's gig. The whole town appeared to be shut by 7 o'clock apart from a couple of pubs and this rather pitiful take-away. I went for a trusty quarter pounder and chips, Ace had a chicken burger, Dave had a pizza and Frankie got the best result by having nothing. My burger was poor. It fell to bits instantly and the chips were hard and tasteless. Ace ate about half of his chicken offering. It consisted of a foot thick bap with what looked and apparently tasted like a piece of roof slate in it. Dave pizza was cold, undercooked and soup-like in the consistency of its toppings. He never completed either and the remains were binned. It did have some chillis in it though. A very disappointing experience.
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VENUE: THE CENTRAL CAFE, BOURNEMOUTH DATE OF VISIT: JULY 6th & 7th 2002 Apparently Bournemouth is no longer associated with zimmer frames and doddery old folks, but is a happening town for your average stag do or hen night. Haystacks went with a gang of his mates recently, and in the interest of fodder research (and knowing full well that the fat chuff can't resist a fry-up) I asked him to correspond for THE PIE PAGE. His chosen breakfastations took place in The Central Cafe on St. Swithuns Rd a 10-15 minute walk from the centre of the town. Menu was average fair. The 2 speciality options were a 'Ray's Special' or a 'Nellie's Special'. Nellie was one of the waitresses and Gawd knows who Ray was. 'Nellie' (the brekkie not the waitress) was for the lighter palate and 'Ray' was for the heftier eater - or so the menu would believe. Haystacks went for a 'Ray' and ended up mildly disappointed. Runny fried eggs swam around with greasy processed mushrooms and there was only one piece of fried bread!!! A good effort on the plum toms front was offset by the miserly single dried up slice of balck pudding. Two rounds of toast from thick crusty bread was fine but the tea was a bit weak and grey looking.(Still had 2 mugs though!!!). At £4.95 the fat man felt a bit agrieved and rightly so by the sounds of it. 'Nellie' was about 2/3rds of the size of poor old Ray and could only be deemed a 'Lady Breakfast' due to it's minimal bacon and singular egg and sausage. One interesting menu item was the 'No-Slop' breakfast which was for real saddos: how can your arteries have a proper mid morning wrestle with a breakfast which is not floating ankle deep in plum toms and baked bean juice? I ask you.
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VENUE: THE SHIP INN, MOUSEHOLE, WEST CORNWALL DATE OF VISIT: JULY 22nd 2002 Now as you know if you've checked out the postcard page, Mr. and Mrs. Flame took their hols this year down in rural CORNWALL. I enrolled Frankie as deputy scoff taster for the week and what follows is the report he filed. "The Ship Inn is an old pub on the harbour front of a small Cornish village of Mousehole (pronouced Mowzall). The atmosphere in the two bars is refreshingly friendly, and a glass case displaying fisherman's knots adorns the wall as tourists rub shoulders with locals. Tales of the seas are common barroom topics, and relaxed Cornish charm permeates through the place. My ice-cold Guinness was top notch: served up genuinely ice cold, topped up after settling and not rediculously expensive. My chosen fare was STEAK, MUSHROOM AND ALE PIE. This is a traditional local dish, and to the hungry London holidaymaker looked very tempting. After a hard day walking around the fields and cliff paths of Western Cornwall and narrowly avoiding being crushed to a pulp by a bout 60 head of stampeding cows, I was in search of a proper bit of nosh and wanted to sample something essentially local. I ordered the pudding and a Guinness and after getting the beer the food arrived 10 minutes later. The crust was just thick enough to be interesting: crunchy rather than the 'chewy Berlin wall' type pastry I had been expecting. The filling was excellent and very tasty:- tender juicy pieces of steak with mushrooms and ale, plus a rich gravy. The twang of herbs gave the pudding a distinctive flavour too. Served with new potatoes (which had been cooked just right and buttered), the dish was rather spoilt by the other vegetables which were rather tasteless and had obviously come from the same frozen packet. Still, this was pubgrub and the meal overall was a taste of local Cornish food and the portion I was served was generous and filling. At £5.65 for the meal it was reasonable grub:- the price a wee bit high for what was actually served. Service - with a Cornish smile: Surroundings - authentic old Cornish , stone floor, traditional stone and wood superstructure plus sea relics, historical photos, brass bits from ships etc: People - mix of locals, tourists, pirates, fishermen and even good old Captain Birdseye."
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VENUE: LEEDS FESTIVAL, TEMPLE NEWSAM PARK DATE OF VISIT: AUGUST 22nd TO AUGUST 26th 2002 Now my chubby guitar pal in The 'Yob, Dave Haystacks, has been on his travels again. This time, oop north to seek out all things smelly, tent bound and rock'n'roll at the Leeds Festival. He maintains that although he spent most of his bloody time boozing and looking well old around all the punk rock kids, he did have time for the odd bit of nosh. So as a SUPERYOB guide to Festival Fodder, read his report and feel forever uninclined to become a weekend crusty even in the name of punk. "This being my ninth year of festival going and having only suffered one serious bout of food poisoning (Salmonella from a bastard pasta dish at Glastonbury in 1994 - and we nearly got fuckin' shot), I feel compelled to offer some wise words on grubstops at Festy Time. Rule One is obviously 'DON'T EAT THE FUCKIN' PASTA'. Other good guidelines are to avoid meat - 'cos it goes off and you don't know where the bleedin' hell they've been keeping it - and don't eat too much fried shit 'cos it makes you feel sick with the inevitable 5 days of solid drinking. The other main problem is the rip off soddin' prices they charge. They cram you in there and then fleece you. Short of taking a 5 day packed lunch from your mum, you have to make the best of a bad show. This usually means seeking out the best chips, saving up for a pizza or doing what I heartily recommend - have the veggie stuff. Chips are everywhere. Sold in those horrible expanded polystyrene trays which are designed to spill their contents at every opportunity, they come usually with cheap tomato ketchup. The knack is to sample everybody elses first and find the best place to get them before parting with your hard earned cash. This might mean going hungry for a wee while, but it is a sound practise. They have got better over the years and a good chip stall (not usually supplied with gravy though, Mr Chipshop) can be a weekend blessing especially if you don't touch anything odd looking or foreign. Pizzas are not a bad bet but are expensive. You can't be guaranteed quality toppings so have a nose at what's on offer first. The pizza stalls are either a crap old London bus or a trailer done in Italian colours with the word 'Pizzeria' spelt wrong somewhere on the hoarding. Loiter around and see what they're like. You won't be able to bum any off your mates 'cos at 6 or 7 squid a chuck they're not likely to part with a portion. If you like what you see topping wise then jump in. Try to make it last a good part of the day purely 'cos it's a lump out of the old Festival budget wading into the pizzas too often. The noodle stalls always look tempting with their generous looking portions, but prices have risen in recent years and you just don't know how long it's been sitting stewing away in the wok before you get your hands on it. Avoid the burgers and hot dogs like the plague. This is because they probably ARE the plague. If you want to eat anything sausagey go for the Herta Frankfurters - they at least look edible and are a recognised brand. One good innovation that came out a few years ago but has since buggered off was Pot Noodles. A bit pricey but the fact that you see them opened up in front of you means it can't have been abused. The very hot water caused a potential scalding problem towards the end of the days' boozing though. Shame they haven't carried it on now that the splendid Bombay Bad Boys are available. My ultimate recommendation is veggie fodder. Now this may sound a bit wet and gay but it's your best bet. Apart from the fact that you have to queue up with sad twats there are no other obvious drawbacks. Price-wise, the fare is usually good and you have the security of knowing that there is no rancid dog meat in what you're eating. As they contain lots of salad and veg it has to be fresh so it's even possible that it's actually good for you!! The people on the stalls are also not you're average money grabbing git and they put extra on if you ask them. You also get bastard hot chilli sauce with everything which is smashing. Now, as far as the Leeds Festival went, my notes have three highlights mentioned:- The first is the trusty bacon in ciabatta roll offered by the 'Pizzaria' (sic) Stall. Good with a nice cup of tea but had to insist on well done bacon to avoid any possible plague. Ciabattas could be a bit hard and the bacon portions a bit shy, but they peaked on Day 4 with bountiful bacon, crusty rolls and a full brown sauce bottle nearby. At £3 not too bad.
------------------------------------------------------- Another reasonable repast was from the 'Espana' Stall. They did some well over-expensive prawn dish (NEVER EVER touch seafood - you WILL die), some wet-looking risotto thing and a steak roll thing (seven quid? - fuck off!!). Sneaking in at the bottom of the menu was Chorizo & Chips. Now, I'd sampled some Espana chips earlier on so I knew they were sound, but could I overcome the no-meat scenario? I took the plunge and was pleasantly surprised. Chorizo is a very strong garlicky Spanish sausage and this was well done and pungent. The accompanying liquer soaked nicely into the crunchy/fluffy chips and it gave me yummy burps for the rest of the afternoon. £3.50 was a tad pricey but plenty of chips.
------------------------------------------------------- Absolute fave was the 'Vegan and Vegetarian' Stall. Past dabblings here have led me to the classic vegetable samosas, but this time the shining light was the Felafel option. This consisted of a fresh wholemeal pitta bread with a bed of raw crunchy carrot topped with the warm and tasty little Felafel balls (I think there made of nuts but I'm not sure) and then ramped up with more fresh salad than you could wave a stick at. I went for the added Hummus option and the nice man even added more salad when I asked him. All this and a large portion of Encona West Indian Chilli Sauce on top to sort the men out from the boys. Quite splendid and all for four quid.
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VENUE: PENGENNA PASTIES, BUDE, CORNWALL DATE OF VISIT: JULY 12th 2003 How could one make a trip down to the glorious North Cornwall coast without sampling the finest of traditional local fare:- the Cornish pastie? Midway through a day of getting properly sunburnt myself, Lady Haystacks and my mate Jorge and his family decided to lunch heartily at Bude's famous Pengenna Pasties shop. It's located in the small central area of Bude at the bottom of the hilly high street. The lad behind the counter was polite, cheery and helpful and dished up the goodies in a trice. Lady H had a Vegetable one and me and the others had the traditional beef. Blimey, they were whoppers!!! It felt like you were carrying a breeze block in the bag back to the beach rather than a lunchtime snack. The story behind their curious 'crust' shape is that the tin miners used to hold their pasties by this ridge in their dirty hands when scoffing it for their lunch. They'd eat the lot and then bin the dirty crust. They were also divided in two...one half the meaty dinner and the other half the sweet dessert. Interesting stuff eh? The traditional one was handsome:- big juicy pieces of succulent beef steak with a healthy dollop of nice peppery potato and a smattering of creamy swede and onions. All this wrapped up in a tasty suety casing, which must have been a good 10 inches long. Lady Haystacks hadn't see one quite that big for a long time!!!! Lady H's was crammed full of vegetables and had the apearance of a large crust Chinese vegetable roll...an absolute feast. All this for £2.20 a piece. And you can get them by mail order...Chipshop, if you're watching...
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VENUE: CAESARS, 80 SCOTT ST, BARROW IN FURNESS, CUMBRIA DATE OF VISIT: AUGUST 1ST 2003 This was an errand of mercy if ever there was one. The route to the gig in Barrow saw Ace and Haystacks setting off at 5.30a.m, picking up Chipshop (and a collection of motorbike engines) at 6.30a.m in Chiswick and picking up Frankie at Manchester Airport at 12.30p.m. So by the time the YobVan hit the sleepy seaside town at about 2.30p.m, they were all well starving. They drove around town for a bit looking for the expected Fish & Chip shop which traditionally decorates every British seaside town but found none. Afetr parking up and inquiring in the venue, they were diredted towards a chippie in town...which was shut. They strolled back to a cafe they'd passed on the way....to find it was just shutting. A young lad directed them to where there were another 2 cafes, but they were strangely invisible. Ace saw a cafe sign down a side street but it turned out to be a mirage. After a head scratch they decided to go for pub grub, but as they headed for the boozer, a handily placed sandwich board sign caught there attention.....Caesars Bistro....an oasis in the barren landscape of life threatening hunger. It was empty apart from the owner and his wife and kids, so it wasn't hard to find a cosy and tidy table for four. They weighed straight in with a tea order.....one large pot. The board of fare was straightforward and of basic English composition. Ace, Frankie and Haystacks plumped for fish and chips and peas (Ace had beans) and Chipshop couldn't resist 2 pasties, chips and gravy. The tea appeared with a tempting array of crusty fresh bread rolls. The guv'nor was polite and helpful:- chatty, friendly and most certainly forthcoming with the pots of tea. The grub was nothing too special. The fish was of a 'cooked straight from the packet' variety and the chips looked not long from the oven. Chipshops pasties came across soggy, but with a healthy (!?!?) half gallon of gravy on board ("that's real Bisto that is...") he was soon steaming through his grub like a man possessed. More tea came and went, an extra roll was tossed in for good measure and the guv'nor even gave Haytsacks a free pen with which to make Yobgrub notes. Frankie went for pudding as well....a generous piping hot portion of apple pie with creamy custard. Summing up, the hungriness of the diners probably inflated the enjoyment of the meal, which was run of the mill to be honest. Captain Birdseye hadn't long waved cheerio to the fish and all round, the chips certainly were not of an authentic fried consistency. No slice of lemon with the fish either, but Chipshop's gravy was highly commendable.Frankie's pudding was good and traditional in taste and form and the quantity and quality of the tea was perfectly acceptable. The meal was certainly not cheap, but the friendliness and generosity of the guv'nor was noted.(He even said he might pop down for the gig later on that evening.....tho he didn't)
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VENUE: TESCOS, CORNER HOUSE PARK , BARROW IN FURNESS, CUMBRIA DATE OF VISIT: AUGUST 2ND 2003 VENUE: TESCOS, BARN ROAD, CONGLETON, CHESHIRE DATE OF VISIT: AUGUST 3RD 2003 I had to heap these 2 together really, because of the similarity of the visits. We were recommended the Barrow Tescos restaurant by Col the gig promoter, who foolishly informed us that they also did a nice vegetarian breakfast....what!!! When the Yobs are hungry, there is no place for plant stuff when there's good old fashioned dead animals and fat to be eaten. A five minute walk from the previous night's venue was all there was between late morning hangovers and a grease stop to reckon with. We were almost thwarted by a motor breaking down in the car park in our path to fodder. A drive shaft had come loose. Chipshop offered to help to the extent of kicking the poor blokes car but to no avail:- brekkie was waiting, so kindness buggered off a bit sharpish. Upon entering the restaurant we were greeted by the beautiful sight of 'Managers Special - Mega Breakfast reduced from £3.49 to £2.99'....they must have known we were coming. Ace had been poo-pooing the idea on the way there (ever the greasy spoon traditionalist) but when he saw what was on offer he was soon wavering. Mega was certainly the operative word. For your £2.99 you got 3 sausages, 2 rashers of Danish bacon, 2 fried eggs, 2 hash browns, a choice of tinned or fresh tomatoes, mushrooms, 2 rounds of toast and a pot of tea. Frankie had coffee and even got a free mini Toblerone with it. Chipshop ate it.....funnily enough. There was proper sachets of real Heinz brown sauce and the only real drawback was grubby looking cutlery. All the ingredients were excellent:- not the catering sort of cack you usually get in cafes, and generously proportioned. The serving staff were chatty and the surroundings were very pleasant. Very good indeed...even Ace was won over at the end of it. Congleton Tescos was just a short jaunt into town from our overnight resting place of Old Ma Chipshop's place. Similar airy surroundings to Barrow, but there was an instant drawback of the £2.99 not including the mug of tea at this paticular venue. Upon complaining, the girls behind the jump were curteous and chatty in their reply, but I still never wangled free tea out of them. (Though each cuppa did come with a free little biscuit). Brekkie was more of the same...huge, tasty and great value. Hash browns were a tad soggy, but it all went south in record time.....Ace again was almost speechless..which most definitely mean he's impressed. A great recommendation here for those of you in need of excellent breakfasting at a very agreeable price on your travels. Check out www.tesco.com for their store locator.
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VENUE: PROPER PASTIES, SOMEWHERE IN COVENTRY CITY CENTRE DATE OF VISIT: AUGUST 30th 2003 Now, as you know, when we're away gigging, there's nothing we like more to stopfor a scoff somewhere once we get there. The gig we did in Coventry with the Cockney Rejects was no exception. Chipshop had gone under his own steam and me, Ace and Frankie had undertaken the jaunt in the Flamemobile. Arriving there not long before tea-time, it wasn't long before hunger pangs started and me and Ace set off in search of quality fodder somewhere in Coventry town centre. A 10 minute walk had us in the bustling open plan shopping area (neither of us can remember the exact location and I couldn't find the address, so you might have to ask). Hidden away in a corner we spotted the PROPER PASTIES shop. Bearing in mind that we were shopping for four, pasties seemed like a damn fine option, so in we trotted. The shop was clean, the pastie range extensive and the staff friendly and helpful. The range catered for the Traditionalist pasty eater to the Vegetarian pasty eater to the Adventurous pasty eater right through to the Chipshop Appetite pasty eater. Ace plumped for the 13oz Steak pasty, I went for the Steak and Stilton pasty and we had to make an executive decision for Chippy and Frankie. Being a man who likes the black stuff, we got Frankie the Beef & Guinness pasty and for Chipshop....well, there was no doubt really...the 18oz Steak pasty...the Daddy of Pasties. Priced between £1.80 for the regular fare up to £2.45 for the giant bugger, it was excellent value for money. We hot-tailed it back to the venue to adorn our chums with their West Country sweetmeats and to gauge their reaction. Frankie was impressed:- he liked the Guinness angle. I thought mine was handsome, though a tad sickly with the Stilton in it. Ace was beaten by his 13oz job and couldn't finish it....unusual for him. Chipshop grabbed his, wandered off and was back little more than a minute or two later to give his verdict. "It was good, but too much crust on it," said the big man. How he managed to eat something the size of an overnight bag in that space of time had us all astounded. Poor old Sheffield Dave couldn't believe his eyes at the pasty demolition which took place almost before his very eyes. Pasties offer great value for money, but you need to be a hearty eater to get the full benefit. If you're bloody hungry and you've only got a couple of quid in your pocket, then you can't go wrong with a pasty. Check out the PROPER PASTIES website below to see the full menu, shop locations (they are range from central Scotland right down to the West Country) and how you can get them mail order!!! HAYSTACKS
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