petpeeves

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>
>Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering
>from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme
>virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and
>guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by
>people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor
>fucking 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be
>able
>to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell
>her
>off to the traveling freak show. Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates
>is going to give you and everyone you send his email to $1000? How stupid
>are
>you? Ooooh, looky here!
>
>If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get
>laid by every Playboy Bunny in the magazine! What a bunch of fucking
>bullshit. So basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people
>out
>there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail
>forwards.
>Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and
>sodomize
>me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Jesus in 5
>A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower
>and
>if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World
>Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity. Fuck them.
>If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly
>fucking
>amusing. I've seen all the 'send this to 50 of your closest friends, and
>this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel
>from
>some omniscient being forwards about 90 times. I don't fucking care. Show
>a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to
>by
>sending out forwards.Chances are it's your own unpopularity.
>
>THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
>---------------------------------------------------
>Chain Letter Type 1: (scroll down)
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>Make a wish!!!
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>Keep Scrolling
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>No, really, go on and make one!!!
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>Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
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>Wish something else!!!
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>Not that, you pervert!!
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>STOP!!!!
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>Wasn't that fun? :)
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>Hope you made a great wish :)
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>
>Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do.
>First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds,
>you
>will be raped by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of
>manure. It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like those fake ones,
>THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!!
>
>Here's how it goes:
>Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off
>at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
>Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed
>off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
>Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed
>off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on
>your life.
>Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be
>pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm
>your
>house. Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
>
>---------------------------------------------
>Chain Letter Type 2
>
>Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You
>see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no
>arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be
>saved,
>because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the
>Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen
>Fund. Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails
>sent
>and this is all a complete load of bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send
>this to
>5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally
>send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks again!!
>
>
>---------------------------------------------
>Chain Letter Type 3
>
>Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence
>since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email
>then and probably not as many sad pricks with nothing better to do.
>
>So this is how it works... Pass this on to 15,067
>people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you
>like: *Bizarre Horror Story #1
>Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on
>Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then
>tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a
>drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not
>only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!
>
>*Bizarre Horror Story #2
>Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in
>his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his
>boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to
>hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This
>Could Happen To You Too!!!
>
>Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and
>Bip. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything
>will be
>okay.
>
>----------------------------------------------
>
>Chain Letter Type 4
>As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it
>to all your friends.
>
>FRIENDS:
>
>A friend is someone who is always at your side.
>A friend is someone who likes you even though you
>stink of shit, and your breath smells like you've been eating catfood.
>A friend is someone who likes you even though you're
>as ugly as a hat full of assholes.
>A friend is someone who cleans up for you after
>you've soiled yourself.
>A friend is someone who stays with you all night
>while you cry about your sad, sad life.
>A friend is someone who pretends they like you when
>they really think you should be raped by mad goats, then thrown to vicious
>dogs.
>A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums
>and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English... no,
>sorry that's the cleaning lady.
>A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters
>because he wants his wish of being rich to come true.
>
>Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have
>sex ever again!
>
>--------------------------------------------
>The point being? If you get some chain letter that's
>threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life,
>delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them
>feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a
>dead
>elephant for 27 years, whose only savior is the 5 cents per letter he'll
>receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda.
>Right?
>Now forward this to everyone that you know otherwise you'll find all
>your knickers missing
>tomorrow morning!