"When does it turn off?"
"Uh... At night?"
- Gloria (a Sigil native human sorceress) refering to the sun, and Darious, the prime sun elf wizard
"It's really sad I don't speak
any of these languages."
- Raldage,
planar human cleric of Nuada of the Celts,
while the others speak in dwarven and halfling languages
"Well, shall we?"
"After you."
"Okay, after me."
"I love you people!"
- Sar,
the dwarven fighter, followed by Darious and
Gloria at the same time, Sar
again, than Raldage
"Well, that's great. We
have stones that match colors."
"What more can we ask for?"
- Raldage (about when matching
magic items blended), then Gloria
"If you can hear me, jump up
and down. Darious says touch your nose."
- Darious, while testing out
a scrying device
"Did you just decide to pop-off
and give birth?"
- Raldage, after Darious disappeared
and then later came back with his baby half-drow nephew Tal'na'ka (from
Toril)
"I'll describe the situation."
"...with a can opener"
- Yogi, the GM, and Mike,
who plays Darious
"It seemed like the time that
would cause the most trouble for you."
- Raldage, explaining why he
asked why he waited to reveile a memory he had come back
*crying from Tal'na'ka*
"Would you please turn off your
child?"
"Do you make milk?"
"No."
"Well then..."
- Raldage
and Darious
"Why do you have a pet kobald?"
"I have pet humans!"
- Kizzie, NPC wizardess, to
Gloria, then Eshel, NPC kobald fighter
"I'm a good person. I may
need a bath, but I'm a good person."
- Gloria, convincing the others
of her alignment
"How can a telescope have recoil?!?"
"It's a twin cylander staff
action telescope."
- Nicki
(playing Gloria) and Mike, explaining how
he missed teleporting the target he intended
"You don't happen have a sheep,
do you?"
- Darious, to Mary, the 12 year
old goatherder he abducted accidentally
"50 feet of rope - It's the most
useful thing in all existance."
"It's your birthright."
- Darious,
then Raldage, when Yogi asked if they had rope
"I put him in my bag."
- P-money,
for Raldage, about Eshel the irrate kobald
"The story is insert story here."
- P-money, relaying to the other
PC's what happened to him
"It's a sarcastic dwarf.
Stop it!"
- Raldage
"Now go down there and tell them
not to do that again, my warrior."
"I'm not you warr... fearless
leader!"
- Jordan,
the prime ranger, and Raldage, while playing
along with a barbarian tribe they found
"I swear, I'm never going to
try to help anyone ever again."
- Darious, after accidently
*bamfing* in a wyvern instead of the person on the stake he wanted to save
"So, you go toward them with
your sword drawn?"
"In a non-threatening manner."
- Yogi, then P-money
(for Raldage) as Raldage approaches people
the group accidentally abducted
"With this spear sticking out
of my chest, sure, go ahead and diplomize."
- Raldage, after being attacked
when he approached abducted natives
"I'm going to use their culture
against them."
"Great, a ranger anthropologist."
- Jordan,
then Darious
"You don't have any ranged weapons."
"My pencil is a ranged weapon!"
- Nicki,
player for Gloria, taunting P-money, then
P-money responding
"Wow, she has great balls of
boom!"
- Eshel, after seeing Gloria
use her Sunburst staff
"I want to go over and check
the dwarf."
"The throuat is cauterized."
- Raldage, then Jordan,
after watching a dwarf get his throat cut, and then firey death being added
to the room
"They may be canabalistic, but
they're not goblins!"
- Darious, after realizing he
had a canabalistic halfling in the group
"Great, you're in a growling
contest with a wyvern."
- Raldage, after Gloria kept
growling at the domesticated wyvern, who growled in responce
"I'm going to touch her, and
make her plaid."
"She faints."
- Mike,
for Darious, then Yogi, describing the effect
of his prestidigitation spell on Hannah, the 10 year old goatherd
"Is that blood?"
"Yes."
"Neat!"
- Derik, the 7 year old goat
herd, finding the hidden sacrificial summoning circle, then Raldage
and Derik's reaction
"If I die, I'm coming back from
the grave and holding it against you."
"I'm leaving the room now."
- Darious, then Phil,
for Sar
"I'm told I lie with people quite
well."
"You are a slut."
"At least I'm skilled."
- Bleeth, an Amazon NPC, then
Raldage,
and Bleeth again
"Somehow, I think elves should
act like Euro trash winos."
- "Scary" Mike
"Either they all want you at
the same time, or they want you dead."
- Phil's viewpoint on women,
especially in regards to Darious
"You look like a limp monkey...
other than that, you look fine."
- Raldage, when another asked
him to look at him for healing
"Our tale is one of great interest."
"Especially once we figure it
out!"
- Raldage, then Sar, when both
were asked of their adventures
"I'm going to give the kobald
ennuciation lessons."
- Darious, the sun elf wizard
(tricking Eshel into thinking he's learning magic)
"Sorry, I had to scratch my brain."
- Nicki, after returning from
la-la land
"I'll make water for you."
- Raldage, to the desert culture,
before he thought about it
"Thanks to you, my brain is now
on the blue screen of death."
- Nicki, when talk about Yogi
being a nun happened
"I am the carrier of the thingy."
- Mike, failing to sound important
"Ummm.... Hi! We
didn't make this mess."
- Sar, after noticing the mighty
orc mage entering
"...because my daughter could
never be so stupid."
"WRONG!!!"
- Aramie (NPC mother of Gloria),
then Raldage
"At this point, I think they're
going to find a way to blame you for the Blood War."
- Yogi, to Nicki (player of
Gloria), after the rest of the party blames her for things she was never
around for
"You have the most protective
bush I have ever seen."
- Yogi, to Jordan's player Doc,
after his character manages not to be hit by drow archers all around his
solo position
"I love this bush."
- from Doc's XP card after the
above game
"Hey, Raldage, can you fix this?"
"What is it?"
"It's a big hole in my chest."
- Jordan
and Raldage
"You recognize the horse you
were told about. He's the only black mare."
- Yogi, before he was realizing
what he was saying
"Raldage, you don't ever get
to negotiate with anyone ever again."
- Jordan, after Raldage insulted
the person offering to take them across the river for a price
"There's also a female woman...
as opposed to a male woman?"
- Yogi, realizing what he had
said
"Uh, I don't think I can make
that laugh."
- Eshel, NPC, when the Peryton
attacked, in regards to his one "spell"
"Ahhh... Power Word "Make Me
Dip"
"No, Power Word 'No Power on
green pill week'."
- Mike, about what Marie asked
her husband to do, then Marie responding
"I'm just dispeased she has the
pendant of control cleric."
- P-Money, after hearing another
character has an item that can use calm emotions
"Ah, excellent... no, this is
a horrible idea."
- Raldage, after hearing a plan,
than realizing that he would be the bait
"I am eating cheese right now,
when I am done, I will be giddy."
- P-Money, about being labeled
a jolly fat man
"Are we there?"
"No, we're just there in spirit
eating cheese and popcorn."
- Phil, trying to return the
discussion to the game, then Nicki
"That's a logical complaint,
of dirty competition cleric."
- Raldage (cleric of Nudea),
to Bes'lanna (cleric of Correllian)
"I'm a Thundercat, and that's
okay... Oh, wait, lumberjack, not Thundercat."
- Mike, being himself
"My companions have already been
killed, I got the NPC... sounds like good looting to me!"
- Mike, for Darious
"Ahhh, it smells like home."
"By home, you mean feces, right?"
- Gloria, then Darious,
on returning to Sigil
"Protect me, lady of big boobs,
I mean, booms."
- Eshel, making a verbal slip,
to Gloria
"I'll give up feeding the party
to see invisable."
- Raldage, on how he chooses
spells
"When we last left our... intrepid
retards..."
- Mike, as Yogi tries to start
a game
"What
the hell. I kick
the cleric in the Jimmy."
- Mike, for Darious, talking
of Raldage, to open a portal requiring a high C note
"...unless you want something
non-alcoholic..."
"Why would I bother?"
- a bartender, then Jordan
"Oh, that's right, I have darkvision."
- Sar, after spending ten minutes
looking for a light source
"It's been so long since you've
spoken, I had forgotten you existed."
- Raldage, to Kizzie, the NPC
in the party
"I pick him up and hug him."
"His facial expression shows
he thinks you're insane."
"I AM!"
- Raldage
[regarding Eshel], then Yogi (GM), then Raldage
again
"I was just looking at my X.P.
card, and I forgot to put the hook on the r, so it looks like it says 'lust
dragon'. I think I'll put that hook on... There, I now feel
safer."
- Mike
"Wait, I'm an orc, being hunted
by an elf, a human, and a dwarf. I saw that movie; I'm out of here!"
- Yogi, paraphrasing the look
in an enemy orc's eyes
"I don't mind being the pet of
the mighty Staff of Zot as long as it zots the cleric."
- Gloria, after losing a battle
of wits with an artifact
"Quote fish?"
"No, I'm your quote bitch."
"No, I think quote fish is funnier."
"Is that related to a babel
fish?"
- Yogi and Mike,
before a game
"I'm being non-commital, now
come along."
- Raldage, to Eshel, after being
asked why he won't say he won't sell Eshel for parts
"Why am I getting a picture of
Ranma ½ in my mind."
- Phil, after Darious is led
away between Bes'lanna and Kizzie
"I am the meat shield."
- Phil, on playing Sar, the
dwarf fighter
"Scary [Mike] dances like a shambling
mound."
- Doc
"So, it's not charisma that determines
how well endowed you are, but consitution."
- Phil, capping a discussion
that took away game time
"Grampa may be a dirty old man,
but at least he wouldn't pull this sh*t on me."
- Darious, after "Grandma" tries
to set up his wedding
"That is why I'm up front while
you blow things up from behind."
- Sar, after Darious nearly
dies
"I cast shrink item."
"Shrink his testicles!"
"That's not an item, that's
equipment!"
- Nicki
(for Gloria), then Doc,
and then Mike
"Can you feel the love in the
party? The answer is squirrel."
- P-Money, while others argue
and his character goes hunting squirrels.
"If it was Raldage asking, I'd
say 'go for it', but I kinda like you, so no."
- Gloria, after a particularly
dumb suggestion
"You do realize that saving the
world isn't the only way to pick up women, right?"
- Yogi, to Doc
"Darious
hands Jordan a pair of shoes."
"I'm not barefoot anymore."
"Well, it could be worse.
You could be pregnant."
"Boys can get pregnant?!?"
- Mike
(playing Darious), Doc
(for Jordan), Mike
again (barefoot & pregnant), then Eshel (NPC)
"I'm
not the most finding things minded."
"...and not the most vernbose
either."
- Darious,
then Storm Silverhand
"Ah,
behold the power of baby!"
- Mike, using the baby to keep
others busy
"Raldage,
why Darious and Bes'lanna walking together?"
"Because they love each other;
they're just not willing to admit it."
"I could spectral hand / corrosive
grasp his testicles."
- Eshel, then Raldage,
and finally Darious
quietly musing
"I'm
not going to waste my time on a called shot. i'm just going to womp
his head."
- Rie, for Bes'lanna
"Darious
rushes forward where fools fear to tread."
"Except Eshel."
- Nicki,
then Laura, guest playing Eshel
"Dude,
they're like the Mormons."
- Darious/Mike, about the followers
of Vhaeraun
"I
will break the door down."
"You can use Eshel!"
"Do you have Exotic Weapon [Kobald]?"
- Jordan,
Laura (for Eshel),
and Yogi
"I'm
a superhero!"
"No, you are a kobald."
"No, she's just trying to protect
her secret identity."
- Eshel,
Yogi, then Mike
"Ah!
You wet my pants"
- Phil (after the GM used the
squirt gun)
"God,
it's a squeeky Cartman."
- Mike, commenting on Yogi's
voice for Eshel
"Why
does Mr. Saotome look like he's humping your leg?"
- Doc, to Phil, regarding an
aptly named stuffed panda
"Dead
drow are good; fishing bait is icky."
- Bes'lanna's deep responce
to luring the Drow into a trap
"Damn,
I don't have duct tape."
- Phil, looking through Sar's
inventory
**********************************************************
This segment of quotes came
from the combined Wounds and Planescape Forever session:
"Shamil,
would you check the portal?"
"I'm not Shamil, I'm Gloria!"
"Damnit, this is getting confusing
already."
- Darious
(Mike), to Nicki (playing both Gloria and
Shamil, but Shamil hadn't showed up yet), then Mike
again, about 2 minutes into the game
"I
will put my foot through your chest vs. 'Homey G Funk'"
- Yogi, compairing the NPCs
of his two games
"How
do you feel about your bride being in the hands of the Drow?"
"Oddly neutral."
- Shamil, then Darious
(he was getting forced into the wedding)
"I
want my beard back..."
- Sar (regarding being polymorphed
from a dwarf to a Drow)
"I
need to go think about my color scheme. I think I need alcohol to
do this and... My God, I'm channelling Asgar."
- Darious yet again
"It
sound much better coming from someone drunk."
- Eleni, regarding Darious's
objections
"I
am a maid of udder."
- Eleni, after the group talked
about cows.
"What's
going on?"
"Bachelor Party"
- Shaklyri, then Shamil,
the female gnome, responding about the morose, crying group
"What's
the Drow way?"
"I could show you..."
- Sar,
regarding Shaklyri's comment about wierd elven honeymoons, then Shaklyri
flirting back
"Wow,
it's a man with PMS."
- Jordan, about Darious wigging
out
********************************************************************
"Please don't kill me over this."
"Whatever you say, Meat Shield."
- Gloria,
then Darious