• Being a parent is like being pecked to death by a duck.
• Raising teenagers is a lot like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
• Money isn't everything but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
• Your life's "Golden Age" is the period in your life when your kids are too old to require a baby-sitter and too young to take the car.
• Shouting at your children to get cooperation is about the same as steering your car using the horn . . . same results.
• To be in your children's memories tomorrow one must be in their life today.
• The best advice regarding raising your children is to really enjoy them while they are still on your side.
• A home's temperature is best maintained by warm hearts, not cold words or hot heads.
• The Joy of Motherhood: What a woman experiences after she puts the last tyke to bed.
• Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so that he or she can tell when they are really in trouble.
• Your children may outgrow your lap . . . but never your heart.
• God gave you two ears and only one mouth, so that you may listen twice as much as you speak.
• The only true child experts are those that do not yet have any of their own.
• Cleaning house with the children at home is a lot like snowblowing during a blizzard.
• There are only two things that your child is absolutely willing to share: Communicable Diseases and their mother's age.
• Why is it that we can't get a child to read the Bible at home, but when in prison they will?
• Remember this? "When you grow up and have children of your own, I hope that they are just like you!" It worked.
• How come your Dad never had money for the ice cream man but after a visit with Grandpa your kids "jingle"?
• True genetics have nothing to do with hair and eye color. It's their occurrence of such things as "Who said life was fair," and "Because I said so!" when you swore you'd never use those on your kids.
• Practice what you preach even covers never letting them see you snag those Ding Dongs for breakfast.

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