PISS DRUNK
by Bubba, TSD, C 1997 Dubbaewe Tee Publishing 1997
(apolgies to that other Bubba.)
Sung to "Boat Drinks"
Piss Drunk
Jerks on the lawn are all piss drunk
Buffett just opened his the old trunk
But I can't hear the damn song
Lately the lawn has become one huge cess pool
Pissin' and pukin' those lawn fools.
I think its lost all its charm.
8:15 and the warm up bands on
Nobody cares they are way too far gone
They're all Piss Drunk, frat boy just made my leg warm
If I could, I'd crack their heads with these beer cans
Party heads can't be no real fans
Damn, He just puked on my arm
I'd like to go where I can see the show
Can you get me some seats up in front
Any ol' seat near the stage or the side
Give me pavillion and f*ck all these c***s [rhymes with front]
Oh I know (I know)
I should be happy to be here
At least I GOT tickets, I should cheer.
But they're all pissed out on the lawn
Piss Drunk
God Damn I see two more piss drunk
They smell just like a dead, wet skunk
I gotta get off of this lawn (I gotta get off of this lawn)
I gotta get off of this lawn (I gotta get off of this lawn)
I gotta go where there no one piss drunk where the fans know the words
and the grass is not soaked
And I'm the only one thats piss drunk!
I GET TO CUT ON THE PRESIDENT
by Kevin Axt (1997)
(apologies to Mr. Clinton and Marvin Gardens)
Sung to "Why Don't We Get Drunk"
I really do appreciate the fact you're laying there
This music is wonderful
But your face don't look too clear
So nurse bring me a pitcher of martini's -- hell just make it two
I get to cut on the President
Chorus:
I get to cut on the President
I've been on duty 48 straight hours and now I'm going to get real pissed
They told me to be real careful
Bill don't worry 'bout a thing
Now, I get to cut on the President
-- Spoken: "Get me an olive would you please ..."
Chorus:
I get to cut on the President
I've been on duty 48 straight hours and now I'm going to get real pissed
My hands they aren't too steady
Hell I'll cut him anyway (Now)
I get to cut on the President (oh yeah)
RACA FIT OF PASSION
by Kevin Axt(1997)
Sung to "Cuban Crime of Passion"
Well now he was goin' up to RACA, party with some of the List
He used to dance in the bars, he could move like the stars
People would beg him for more
One night he did wind up dancin' in Cincity town
Nobody know, least our hoofer friend that he'd become so famous
He stumbled into her over, in a dark corner of the bar
Long legs and soft skin, she drove him half wild
He just needed to dance with her
So he pulled her out onto the bar's hardwood dance floor
Took her into his arms, started to twirl
Right in front of all RACA fest
Chorus:
And it's just a RACA fit of passion
Crisply pressed, man, that's dashing
Yeah, that's what the post did say
It's just a RACA fit of passion
Anjejo and irons a steamin'
Yeah but that's what the people want to read about
Upon the mailing list, on the Jimmy Buffett list
Well now this story might just be a legend, I really don't know for sure
Our hoofer friend he went on back home, he tried to forget that ironing board
And no one talks about 'em no more, it happened just alittle while ago
But listers get by and listers get high
Up to RACA they come and they go
Chorus:
And it's just a RACA fit of passion
Crisply pressed, man, that's dashing
Yeah, that's what the post did say
It's just a RACA fit of passion
Anjejo and irons a steamin'
Yeah but that's what the people want to read about
Upon the mailing list, on the Jimmy Buffett list
RACA FIT OF PASSION - the reply
by Kevin Axt (1997)
Sung to "Cuban Crime of Passion"
Well now he was goin' up to RACA, party with some of the List
He used to dance in the bars, he could move like the stars
Clarification: I move more like thunder -- in my Thunderchicken
Clarification: I believe "infamous" is the word you wanted here. And as far as "hoofer friend" goes, it refers mainly to a disease I have in which "hoof" comes in contact with "mouth" on a regular basis. Just ask Lizard Boy.
He stumbled into her over, in a dark corner of the bar
Clarification: That ironing board was a him, and I found him in a closet (where else!).
Clarification: It would have been *completely* wild, but I don't care much for scorch marks on the chest. I'm not "into" punk.
Clarification: I did have a strong need to dance at that moment, but the surface was carpet soaked with margarita juice, and the locale was an Amerisuites hotel room, soon to be visited by the police. If we twirled -- and I'm sure we did -- we did it in the relative privacy of that room in from of maybe 10 people. All the rest is urban myth. For example, no matter what you've heard, at no point did I "sniff the scorch mark."
Chorus:
And it's just a RACA fit of passion
Crisply pressed, man, that's dashing
Yeah, that's what the post did say
It's just a RACA fit of passion
Anjejo and irons a steamin'
Yeah but that's what the people want to read about
Upon the mailing list, on the Jimmy Buffett list
Clarification: The only passion that night was purple. There was no rum anywhere. If there had been an iron steaming, I would not have danced with its date. I will admit that the people on this list like to read about some seriously weird shit.
Well now this story might just be a legend, I really don't know for sure
Our hoofer friend he went on back home, he tried to forget that ironing board
Clarification: There are pictures of us together, and I've tried to re-establish contact. He doesn't write. He doesn't call. I think I was used, and it's painful to read about it in such a tawdry manner here. Does [name deleted by editor] work for The Globe?
Clarification: Oh, they talk. And write. And lyricize. It never ends.
Epilogue: And they/we will go again. To a new hotel. I hear this place has massage wands in the shower. I'm not unique, just distantly in love.
Chorus:
And it's just a RACA fit of passion
Crisply pressed, man, that's dashing
Yeah, that's what the post did say
It's just a RACA fit of passion
Anjejo and irons a steamin'
Yeah but that's what the people want to read about
Upon the mailing list, on the Jimmy Buffett list
60 MINUTES
by Kevin Axt (1997)
Sung to "Boat Drinks"
60 Minutes
Jimmy was on 60 Minutes
The 'list it went into a tizzy
Over Jimmy sayin', "Get a life"
Jimmy, he didn't remark on the money
That his fan clubs raise for a good cause
I think they're close to monetary harm
The show made some mad and it made some glad
I couldn't care I was gettin' a life
Screamin' 60 Minutes, where did I put that blank tape
Next mornin', 60 posts showed up in my digest
Since I have a life I can't read them
Somebody sound the alarm
I'd like to go to the cutting room floor
And pick up the parts that were axed
Splice them together and see what I got
Trade it for one of those CAS tapes
Oh I know, (I know)
I should be doing my real work
Instead I'm just writing this bad verse
Maybe ol' Jimmy was right
60 Minutes
Parrotheads were on 60 Minutes
Now the whole country might think we're all phlakes
I gotta write down this verse (I gotta get back to work)
I gotta write down this verse (I gotta get back to work)
I gotta write down this VERSE!
I gotta say the interview wadn't bad
Even with Jim's remarks
It's still "Fin's to the left"
I don wanna get me a life
SANTA MON SING
the revised "Jolly Mon Sing"
by Toby Gibson (1994)
There is a tale that the Island people tell
Don't care if it is true 'cause I love it so well
Santa Mon come every Christmas with the toys
He bring 'em for the Girls
He bring 'em for the Boys
Ho ho ho ho, Santa Mon sing
Ho ho ho, make da jingle bell ring
And they wish for him to come to the Island near and far
He always found his way an' they thank their lucky star
He fill their hearts with joys or so the story goes
They loved to see him come, they'd hate to see him go
Ho ho ho ho, Santa Mon stay
Oh oh oh oh, see the children play.
He was bringing all the toys on a dark and stormy night
When he heard a cry for help, he saw a flashin' light
When he reached the other boat and offered them a hand
They said, "Give us all your toys" as they took a pirate stand
Ho ho ho ho, Santa Mon sing
Ho ho ho ho, give 'em everything
"Santa Mon it's over now your toys were going to sell
The kids will have to buy them an' we'll take your deer as well"
Came along a manatee said, "Santa Mon hello! Go away you naughty pirates,
My Santa Mon, lets go."
Ho ho ho ho, Santa Mon Toys
Ho ho ho ho, for all the girls and boys
The pirates filled with fear, by the giant manatee
They jumped into the water, they swam out in the sea
And all the Island people when they wish upon a star
Saw the manatee and Santa Mon an' know just who they are
Ho ho ho ho, Santa Mon joy
Ho ho ho ho, bring us all the Toys
Ho ho ho ho, Santa Mon say
Ho ho ho ho, he come on Christmas day!
Ho ho ho ho ho ho
Ho ho ho ho ho ho
Ho ho ho ho, Jolly Mon sing
RACAfest TELEGRAPH
Sung to the Music of "Coconut Telegraph"
Rearranged Lyrics by: Greg Deye
It's Friday at the Back Porch
Big Dog's listserv party's on
RACAfest is just beginning
Nancy Fish's cigar's gone
The RACA drums are beating
With the tales from late last night
Amerisuite stories bear repeating
For everyone's delight.
Chorus:
You can hear 'em on the RACAfest Telegraph (telegraph)
the cops are here, let's all hide
You can hear 'em on the Racafest Telegraph (telegraph)
The score has just been tied
Score is tied, Score is tied
Now I'm not one to deal in gossip
But was Jesser slightly stewed
He was dancin' with an ironing board
And dippin' like a fool
And what became of sweet Julie
And the dog nobody knew
Did Michael ever find her
I swear it's just between me and you
Chorus:
But you can hear it on the RACAfest Telegraph (telegraph)
By now the entire listserv knows
You can hear it on the RACAfest Telegraph (telegraph)
I think Eddie's gonna blow
gonna blow, gonna blow
He, He He He, He He He
He, He He He, He He He
He, He He He, (He He He He he He He)
He, He He He, (He He He He He He Heeeeh)
HE!
It's Sunday at the RACA Brunch
Our minds have all gone dead
All the juicy news is history
I guess every jokes been said.
But when "Rocky" flies next July
and the committee plans the fun
then Jim & Kevin start...Jammin'
We'll know the party has begun!
Chorus:
Ah, put it on the RACAfest Telegraph (telegraph)
All the celebration and the laughs
Baby put it on the RACAfest Telegraph (telegraph)
This party's been a blast!
I want to hear it on the RACAfest Telegraph (telegraph)
All the celebration and the laughs
Baby put it on the RACAfest Telegraph (telegraph)
Thank you for the friendships that will last!
What's a Mett, What's a Brat
This one's Hot, This one's not!
SANTA IS COMING SOON
by Kevin Axt (1997)
Sung to "Grapefruit-Juicy Fruit"
Santa
Inna big red suit
He comes 'round once a year
Bringin' lots of toys
Nine reindeer
They pull his sleigh
Flying through the midnight sky
All around the world
Bridge:
And oh Santa gets so damn sleepy
When he's driving that sleigh alone
And if he had the money, buddy
He'd stop off at a Starbucks
And get some Jingle Java
Oh the employees would think that he's just some bum
Presents
Lot's of 'em
They're stacked up in the sleigh
Fourty-Fifty high
Santa will be leavin'
In a little while
And if you were good this year
You'll probably get some loot
Spoken:
"Ah, take it Rudolph"
"On, Dancer & Prancer, On Donner"
"Damn it, where's Blitzen?"
Bridge:
And if he had the money, buddy
He'd stop off at a Starbucks (in the Northwest)
And get some Jingle Java
Yeah, the employees would think that he's just some bum
Remember
To mind your P's & Q's
Cause Santa marks you down in
The Naughty/Nice database
Yeah, Santa's coming round again
Bringin' lots of toys
EGGNOG
By Lizard Boy
Sung to "Boat Drinks"
Eggnog
Best thing about Christmas is eggnog
I love to put rum in my eggnog
The captain keeps me so warm
Lately, grocery has some good nog there
Then go to the package there's rum there
Mix 'em together and warm
Eighty degrees and the hockey game's on
Nobody cares Lightning's way too far gone
I need eggnog, this season is still going on
This mornin', I found some more rum in my freezer
Gonna make Santa a pleaser
Go back and read Toby's song
Reindeer are now slow and Santa don't know which way to go
Please beam him somewhere Mr. Scott
That jolly old f**k, he just puked in my truck
I guess he just couldn't handle that one last shot!
Oh, I know (I know)
I shouldn't have got Santa so drunk
Now Christmas is gonna be real bunk
Even though I live where it's warm
Eggnog
Don't ever give Santa Clause eggnog
You'll ruin the whole Christmas thing
Santa's passed out on my lawn
Santa's passed out on my lawn
Santa's passed out on my LAWN!
I gotta go, with these reindeer ya know
Deliver presents and bows
To all kiddies below
'Cause Santa's passed out on my lawn
THAT CHRISTMAS CAROL (from a different point of view)
by Toby Gibson
(with apologies to Marvin Gardens ... but then MG would probably like this)
Sung to "Why Don't We Get Drunk"
We drank way too much egg nog now, c'mon you tiny deer
Your nose shines bright young Rudolph I really like your rear
Now Dasher get off Cupid,
Another house to do
Damnit, I think we're all fuckin' stewed
Chorus:
I think we're all fuckin' stewed
I just chugged the eggnog
Here's a cup for you
If the cops pull this sleigh over
We'll all be screwed
Yep, I think we're all fuckin' stewed
-- Spoken:
"No Rudolph I mean Drunk ... I'm not having venison for Christmas..."
(swing instrumental)
Chorus:
I think we're all fuckin' stewed
I just chugged the eggnog
Here's a cup for you
If the cops pull this sleigh over
I think we'll all be screwed
Yep, I think we're all fuckin' stewed
Yeah, now Rudolph I say, (Lord!)
Santa and the reindeer are stewed
ONE MORE TIME
by Jesser
with MASSIVE apologies to Jimmy Buffett...
Sung to "A Pirate Looks At Forty"
Father, Father Christmas, I have heard your sleigh
I've wanted to meet you, been trying to please you ever since I found out I was gay
Won't you help me today? Help me today...
I've seen the tall Norwegians; do they train your elves?
And the Mexican cuties, when they shake their booties I drool all over myself
Put one on my shelf, one on my shelf...
Yes, I believe in Santa, at the age of 39
My friends say I'm crazy, but I say they're lazy,
Won't clean their ol' chimneys on time
Mine will be fine, mine will be fine...
Now, I've done a bit of baking, left you brownies and beer
The brownies are magic and that ain't tragic, you're gonna get real hungry here
Do NOT feed the deer, do NOT feed the deer...
'Cuz I have been plotting for more than two weeks
Trying to bring joy to your bearded cheeks
I want a new boy-toy, a regular male-joy
To show off to all of my friends
A pretty rear end, a pretty rear end...
'Cuz I go for younger ethnics, lived with several a while
But I need a new one, the last one is movin'
He got his degree in hair style
Ain't it just vile? Ain't it just vile?
Father, Father Christmas, you have heard my plea
And I've been good for most of the year, except for that RACAfest spree
Don't forget me, don't forget me...
Don't forget me, or I'll shoot Rudolph's weenie...
OH COME ALL YE FAITHFUL (revised)
by Kevin Axt
Oh come all ye faithful
Parrotheads to the concert
Oh come faithful Parrotheads
And tailgate party
Bring margaritas
Don't forget pink flamingos
Oh come get us some floor seats
We've stood in ticket lines for four weeks Oh come get us some floor seats
To see the Lord
Come all ye Parrotheads
Your madness is contageous
Put shark fins on your SUV
And dance in your seats
Wear your banana headgear
And your RACA t-shirts
Oh come let us adore him
We ditched our day jobs for him
Oh come let us adore him
Buffett's the Lord
CO-RAL REEFER
by Kevin Axt 1998
Sung to "Juke Box Hero" by Foreigner
Standing in the heat with his head hung low
Couldn't get a ticket, it was a sold-out show
Heard the roar of the crowd, he could picture the scene
Put his ear to the wall, then like a distant beat
He heard one steel drum, just blew him away
He saw palm trees and parrots, and the very next day
Bought a beat up steel pan, in a second-hand store
Didn't know how to play it, but he knew for sure
That one steel drum felt good in his hands, didn't take long to understand
Just one steel drum, swung way down low
Was a one way ticket, only one where to go
So he started conga-n', ain't never gonna stop
Gotta keep on conga-n', someday gonna make it to the top
And be a Co-ral Reefer (gotta shark on his head), he's a Co-ral Reefer
He took one steel drum (Co-ral Reefer - justa real Parrothead)
Co-ral Reefer (shark on his head), he'll come alive tonight
In a town near the Gorge, with the sun beatin' down
Thought he'd cast his own shadow by the backstage rope
Like a trip through the past, from that day in the sun
That one steel drum made his whole life change
Now he needs to keep conga-n', he just can't stop
Gotta keep on conga-n', that boy has got to stay on top
And be a Co-ral Reefer (gotta shark on his head)
He's a Co-Ral Reefer (justa real Parrothead)
Yeah a Co-Ral Reefer (gotta shark on his head)
That one steel drum (a real Parrothead), he'll come alive, come alive tonight
(Solo)
Yeah, he's gotta keep conga-n', he just can't stop
Gotta keep on conga-n', that boy has got to stay on top
And be a Co-ral Reefer (gotta shark on his head)
He's a Co-ral Reefer (justa real Parrothead)
And just one steel drum (Co-ral Reefer) put a shark on his head
Now he's a Co-ral Reefer
Co-ral Reefer, Co-ral Reefer, he's gotta shark on his head
Shark on his head
ONE LISTSERVE PARTY
by Kevin Axt 1998
Sung to 'One Particular Harbour'
<RACAian language>
My old pal Joe where are you
I need a Huddy & a mett
I hear the Big Dog calling
Come up to Cincy have a blast
<end RACAian>
I know I don't make it every year
But God knows I surely try
It's a magic kind of medicine
That no doctor could prescribe
I used to view my friends from a computer screen
Electrons drifting like a sea
But now it's that time of year
When we all gather near
Can't explain - just come & see
Chorus:
But there's this one Listserve Party
So far but yet so near
Where I put some faces to those email names
It finally all comes clear
And now I've heard about the good times
Over in the Cincinnati sunshine
Hospitality suites & waterparks
Laughin' like you've know everyone all these years
I've heard enough to feel the world spin
Squealin' water slides & dancing ironing boards
Listenin' to Jim & Kevin sing the night down
Dodgin' flying parrots, drinkin' jello shots
(pan solo)
<RACAian language>
My old pal Joe where are you
I need a Huddy & a mett
I hear the Big Dog calling
Come up to Cincy have a blast
<end RACAian>
Carolyn, Bish & Skushi
Buffett Elvii on the stage
Live reports from RACA Central
They're posted to the List
And there's that one Listserve Party
Happens once a year
Where the members play RACA golf all day
(The "winning" score is quite high)
Most mysterious Listserve Party
So far but yet so near
I can see the day when my hair's full gray
And I'm still grinning within
<RACAian language>
My old pal Joe where are you
I need a Huddy & a bratt
I hear the Big Dog calling
Come up to Cincy have a blast
My old pal Joe where are you
I need a Huddy & a mett
I hear the Big Dog calling
Come up to Cincy have a blast
<end RACAian>
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