Reese was brought by the "stork" about twenty years ago...

Then he fought his way to the top of the class in kindergarten.... A lonely fellow on a lonely quest. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.... He was a lad who liked to watch tv... Some feel he watched too much tv. But they didn't appreciate NBC's Thursday night Primetime lineup the way they should have! They didn't know the joys of absorbing as many Dan Quale jokes as one possibly could! They didn't know the admiration one acheived after naming Seargent Sholtz as Colonel Klink's second in command on "Hogan's Heroes"!!!

Then came his first day of school.... That boy done learned him readin good! Reese was a natural on the playground. The monkey bars were almost an extension to his very being! His classmates appreciated his antics until, of course, the hamster incident... After that shocking and unfortunate turn of events, Reese found comfort in the solace of his local bakery. Damn he loved them Donuts!! Reese was a quiet lad who liked to be alone with his baked goods. Often locked away in a closet or or hamper he could be found enjoying the latest batch of delights.

Then there came junior high. Reese was heartily accepted in his Junior High bowling team. He felt most at peace when striking down the spineless pins.

In the summer after junior high, it was time for Reese's family reunion...

Reese's uncle Bubba brought the steaks, his aunt May the veggies, and his second cousin Boris Yelstin brought the beverages. Two bladder busts and a liver poisoning later, it was time Reese's family returned to... Cleveland.... yeah, that's it.

Then Reese reached high school. He was a happy lad. Made the football team, mascot attended just about all the dances, coatroom and participated in plenty of extra-curricular activities gerbal club.

Then came his first driving lesson. Quickly nicknamed "Stopdammit" by his Drivers' Ed instructor, Reese came as close as he could to learning and practicing the rules of the road. Reese thought himself a natural behind the wheel. Not since his encounters with the monkey bars had he felt so complete.

Then the day finally arrived when Reese got his first car... It was a beautiful car. Good gas mileage, low maintenance, air conditioning, it was everything he could hope for! Sometimes he would drive it down to the beach to throw bread at the lifeguards on sunny Saturday afternoons. He liked to spend entire afternoons washing it and vacuming the seats. On Friday nights, he and a special lady would take his car down to the drive-in. He often raced it against the other neighbourhood scallywags to win the respect and admiration of his peers. How he loved that car...

In his senior year of high school, Reese spent his days in the basement of the school. He took alot of "special" courses that insured him a spot on the honor role. He got his first big break in New York's "Smut Publishing", a respected literary publication as head mailroom boy. His first paycheck went to support his costly styrofoam habits. When asked about his weekend plans, he would simply shrug and say, "You don't want to know, brother, you don't to know."

Then Reese moved to San Fransisco were he made money as a cabaree dancer. When that brief but stunning career ended, he began making his fortune playing the stockmarket. Soon Reese was swimming in Monopoly™ money. He was a real mover and a shaker. This lead to a stunning career at the Post office in the parcel shipping department. However, the stress of mistreating packages eight hours a day drove Reese over the edge and back, just like that movie with the two women... you know, they snap and decide to teach us men a lesson... what was it again?... I know!! It was called "Tommy Boy."

Then came the big day! The one a person waits his or her entire life for! A day so rare and special that it takes three guys and a can of Olive Oil just to get the darn thing off its wheels! That day is... but wait. I'm getting ahead of myself. Reese tendered his letter of resignation with the postal service and decided to see the world! His journey began in Prague. There he met a special little cow. He named the cow Charles, for obvious reasons. He and Charles began back- packing around Europe. They saw the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre, the Leaning Tower of Pisa and of course the King Coin Laundrymat™ on the corner of West 83rd and Main. This became one of the happiest momemts in Reese's life. For here in the warm companionship of his cow he felt truly alive!! Three weeks later he died. A rare breed of ringworm had attched itself to Reese's colon and caused severe (and fatal) bowel cancer.

A memorial service was held by Charles, his childhood monkey bars, Clarence, his old bowling team and his friends from the postal service: Jed, Ricky, Sal and little Huie.

The End.

But Wait...

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