You know you're getting old when:

Here come the Angels

Hello My Baby

This is just an animation. In real life Brooke does not get old!

You can remember when you could get a room at Motel 6 for six dollars.

Your mind bets you can do the simple physical tasks you've always done, and your body bets you can't...and gives odds.

Your gluteus maximus disappears from your backside and reappears as your stomach faticus on your frontside.

Your Saturday Night Fever turns to Saturday Night Hot Flashes.

Your stuff strutted off without you!

You've still got it, but nobody wants to see it.

Your body makes the same noises as your coffee maker.

You realize you've reached your sexpiration date.

Half of the items in your shopping cart say "For Fast Relief".

You settle for a workout video titled "Buns of Putty"

You don't think of it as hot flashes, rather as your inner child playing with matches.

When your wild oats turn to prunes and All Bran.

You and your teeth don't sleep together

Going Braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face

You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you're not wearing any.

A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff".

Your favorite drink, gin and tonic, is replaced by estrogin and tonic

You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

Your train of thought frequently derails.

At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.

You wake up, you look like your driver's license picture.

Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

You keep repeating yourself.

You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.

It takes two tries to get up from the couch.

You can remember when a stop sign meant STOP!

your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

Happy hour is a nap.

Your potted plants stay alive.

You think having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd.

You keep repeating yourself.

The pharmacist has become your new best friend.

You hold all reading material at arms length just to read it.

You step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.

You keep repeating yourself.

The end of your tie doesn't come any where near the top of your pants.

It takes twice as long - to look half as good.

You look for your glasses for half an hour and realize they were on your head the whole time.

You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.

you're on vacation and you run out of energy before you run out of money.

You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

you say something to your kids that your mother said to you, and you always hated it.

All you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.

Everything starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

Work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

You write down a name with the telephone number and when you look at it again, you still don't have a clue who it is.

The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

Dinner and a movie is the whole date, not just the beginning of one!

Your hot flashes set off the smoke alarm.

You send money to PBS.

You feel like the morning after and you haven't been anywhere.

You've seen it all, done it all, and can't remember most of it!

6:00 a.m. is when you wake up, not when you go to sleep.

You have to stop jogging for your health because your thighs rubbing together start your panty hose on fire.

Your little black book contains only names beginning with Dr.

Your children begin to look middle aged.

Your classmates at your reunion think you're one of their former teachers.

You take a metal detector to the beach.

You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the wrong wall.

When you do the "Hokey Pokey" you put your left hip out... and it stays out.

You experience your own private little summers.

You run out of breath running DOWN a flight of stairs.

Your Social Security Number only has three digits.

The girls at the office start confiding in you.

It takes longer to rest than to get tired.

You stop growing at the ends and start growing in the middle.

You are cautioned by the doctor to slow down instead of by the police.

You are proud of your lawn mower.

You realize that caution is the only thing you exercise.

"getting a little action" means you don't have to take a laxative.

"getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

You wave goodbye to someone, your underarm flab causes wind shears.

Your mind makes contracts that your body can't meet.

You look forward to a dull evening.

Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

Your favorite part of the newspaper is "20 years ago today."

You get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you used to get from a roller coaster.

You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.

You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

The bartender no longer checks your ID and starts checking your pulse.

Your knees buckle and your belt won't.

You go from hoping for a BMW to hoping for a BM.

You finally get your head together, and your body falls apart.

You regret all those mistakes you made resisting temptation.

You have ever used the word NOSIREEBOB.

You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 106 around the golf course.

You go from long hair to longing for hair.

Your back goes out more than you do.

You no longer get winded running long distance; you get winded just DIALING long distance.

A fortune teller offers to read your face.

Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you see a pretty girl.

The little old gray haired lady you help across the street is your wife.

You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.

You are a little less discreet about where you pass gas.

You know all the answers but nobody asks you the questions.

Every time you think about exercise, you take a nap until the thought goes away.

The words Hudson, DeSoto , LaSalle and Studebaker mean something to you.

Someone asks you to stand up�and you are.

You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.

It's tougher to lose weight, because over time your body and your fat are really good friends.

You find yourself standing in line and can't remember why.

You reach the metallic age�silver in your hair, gold in your teeth and lead in your butt.

More and more of your food finds its way from your plate to your clothes.

You burn the midnight oil till 9PM.

You remember when shopkeepers used to say "Come Again." instead of "Have a nice day."

You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine chest.

You stop half way up the stairs, and can't remember if you were going up or coming down.

You still have a rotary phone.

It seems natural for your husband to call you "Grandma".

You know the frequency of every oldies station in town.

You don't recall what the first thing to go was.

Your gender is male and you ask little kids to pull your finger.

You buy trousers with the waist size larger than the length.

You no longer worry about the driving test but start worrying about the vision test.

You realize your rock-hard abs have turned to pillow-soft flabs.

You move something to a more logical location and then can only remember where it used to be.

You have more hair growing out of your ears than you have on your head.

Your kids ask you about the "Olden Days".

You tell your kids about the "Olden Days".

MTV news is no longer your primary source for information.

You can remember that your school desk had an inkwell with real ink.

Your kids buy you and your spouse a t-shirt that says "old fart" and "old fart's wife".

The parts of your body that don't hurt don't work.

The bags under your eyes are bigger than your shopping bag.

You can remember when coke bottles had the town location of the bottling company on the bottom.

You walk by a teen-ager with a boom box and you want to just smack him.

You bend down to tie your shoelace and you look around to see if there is anything else you can do while you're down there.

You can remember when "gay" meant joyous and lively; merry; happy; light-hearted.

You owned a car that had running boards.

Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up".

You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds.

You were alive when crayolas only came in eight colors.

You remember when the only people who wore rings in their noses were called pygmies.

You find yourself not going back to stores where the clerks wear rings in their nose...or eyebrows...or lips...or tongue...etc.

You know what a Big Chief paper tablet looks like.

Your doctor starts out out by saying "well, considering your age...."

The most your tooth fairy left was a nickle for your tooth...a dime - tops!

You read the obituaries each day to make sure you're not listed.

Your attire includes Hawaiian shirt, shorts, sandals and black socks.

Your body starts making involuntary noises.

You can remember when your milk shake came with two straws.

Your sideburns are 6-8 inches long and are combed over the top of your head.

Your "get-up-and-go" got up and went.

Gary from Florida says he knows he's getting old when he wakes up the morning after and yells at his old house cat to quit stomping his feet!

Marj Baxter says "You don't have to count the years, but you DO have to count the mileage"!

Shirley Bastien of Montreal, Canada says "I know I'm getting old when I find it hard to get out of a low-down car. I need a push"!

You read this entire list looking for one item that doesn't apply to you.

Wisdom from Grandpa... Whether a man winds up with a nest egg, or a goose egg, depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries. Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his salt that he forgets his sugar. Too many couples marry for better, or for worse, but not for good. When a man marries a woman, they become one; but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one. If a man has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never turn into an old nag. On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past - but never the present. The bonds of matrimony are a good investment only when the interest is kept up. Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook, sew, and make beds and is in good health, and he's already used to taking orders. Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved. How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are? I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top. One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you. If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old. Have a GREAT Day... And keep Laughing

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