I generally like to make it funny, but there's some serious stuff in here. Please do not be offended:
Philadelphia sucks - again. Rob and I thought the last train from Market East to Jenkintown was 12:50am. We were attending the Rise Against / Alkaline Trio concert at the Electric Factory in the city of brotherly love. When we walked into the train station at 12:43am, the sign said "Service will resume in the morning." What the fuck?! We grabbed a schedule and realized that the last train was at 12:40am. We just missed it!! SEPTA changed their damn schedules in early September and we were thinking of the old one. Not to worry, Bourbon knows Philthy mass transit like the back of his hand. We grabbed the schedules for the Broad Street Line and the 55 Bus to Willow Grove and started running (yes, really running) to Broad Street at City Hall to catch the bus that takes over for the subway after midnight. You don't want to be in a Philadelphia subway station after midnight anyway. The bus gave us the opportunity to take in the sights, sounds, and smells of beautiful North Philadelphia as it is truly enjoyed at 1am.
We picked up the bus at Race/Vine and grabbed some seats next to some pretty cool people actually. The bus was pretty full and well-lit. We dropped off the college kids at the Temple Campus and made our way into the heart of "The Badlands." When we approached Broad & Lehigh, we all noticed a number of police cars blocking the road. Upon further inspection we saw a pickup truck (small one like a Ford Ranger) that had driven all the way off the road, up on to a sidewalk, and nearly into a building. On the ground was a yellow plastic sheet with something under it roughly the size and shape of a human adult. The police were wearing their full vests and didn't look like the friendly SEPTA cops who I will rag on later. They were in a war zone right here in the United States. Not to make comedy of a tragic situation, this was a person who was killed.
The guy next to me said "Yo, that don't look like no car crash. That look like someone got blasted yo!" I would have to concur. It's a sad fact of life in North Philadelphia. For every crackhead and pusher that's shot, some innocent person is killed by stray bullets or waiting at the wrong bus stop at the wrong time.
My seat-mate followed it up with "Yo, if you live on Lehigh man, you don't need to own no cable box. You just look out yo window and it's like a movie man." Sadly, this is true. He got off at the next stop, so I assumed that as a person who lives with this every day, he knew what he was talking about.
We made it safely up to Broad and Olney where we had to wait about 20 minutes for the 55 bus to Jenkintown. We grabbed some quick drinks at the Dunkin' Donuts and waited at the bus station. (racial language warning - I use some naughty words here to restate what was said to me by others. Don't worry, I'm from Pennsylvania, not Alabama)
A hispanic male, approximately 165 lbs 5'6" 45 years of age and reeking of cheap hooch approached us from Olney Ave. The suspect engaged us with "You gotta watch out for those niggers guys. They will rob you." The victims quickly thought "You better watch what the fuck you say around here man or you will get us all jumped." As if the suspect could read minds and disregarded what we had thought, he said "I just walked here from Fern Rock saw a bunch of niggers jump a white guy, beat him, and take all his stuff." Again, the victims thought "Get the fuck away from me you drunk piece of shit!!" The suspect then began to tell the victims his life story about his blah blah blah man this guy was a worthless person. The suspect even compared his lighter-skinned kids to the victims and his darker-skinned kids to "niggers." What a great father he must be. On a side note, what woman slept with him, WOW?! The suspect then described how he ended up down in the Olney area of North Philadelphia. "I fell asleep on the bus and ended up here." Never missing a moment to be a smart ass, Victim 2 whispered to Victim 1 "More like passed out drunk..." The suspect then said "Well, I don't have to worry about those niggers. I got me some protection." At this point the victims wondered where the police were when you need them. The suspect removed a knife from his right jacket pocket and assured the victims that he was ready to defend himself if attacked. The victims assured the suspect that they were not going to mess with him and that he should just put the knife away. He did put it away and did it without asking for our wallets first. Score: James/Rob: 1, Drunk bum: 0.
When the 55 bus finally pulled into the station, the victims were happy to board and be on their way out of there. Not thwarted by their attempt to ignore him, the suspect boarded the same bus and sat directly behind the victims. At this point Victim 1 thought "This guy is going to slit our throats on the bus, great!" The suspect then regaled the victims with stories from his time in Montgomery County Prison and how he liked to take the bus up to the 'burbs to find a place to sleep. "There are better places to sleep around here guys." Splendid!
The victims finished the night with a quick walk to the Jenkintown train station from York Rd where the bus dropped the, finally free of the suspect. After that it was an uneventful evening.
So, the study question from this session are:
1. Who is Victim 1 and who is Victim 2?
2. What transgression occurred on the part of the suspect? (hint: may not be in the penal code)
3. What crime was nearly committed thanks to the suspect's use of racial slurs?
Bonus question:
4. ID the suspect if you can next time you are in the Willow Grove / Abington / Jenkintown area!
First person with all answers correct (not including bonus question) gets a beer on me.
Two more Philly tales:
1) So, I was leaving class the other day I entered the Suburban Station (funny name for the main station in center city Philly, I know) to see cops running down the corridor from the commuter rail to the Broad Street Line. Seeing SEPTA cops run is pretty damn rare. Since it had been 6 days since I last saw an episode of "The Shield," I needed some real live cop-beating-suspect action to fill that void. I looked to the right and saw some other cops fighting with the suspect (African American male approximately 6"3" 200 lbs, dressed like a homeless guy). The police quickly subdued him, cuffed him, and dragged him out of sight, possibly for some Vic Mackey-style interrogation to get him to flip on the guy above him in the food chain. This is how police work operates in the real world, right?? Anyway, it was nice to see somebody get pinched after my bag was jacked way back in June at the Tiger Army / The Unseen concert. Not that this was the guy or anything....
2) Monday night I left class and headed into Suburban Station as usual to catch my R5 train to Doylestown and hopefully get home in time to catch the end of the Phillies game. As I approached that left turn to the stairs to the tracks by the McDonalds, something caught the corner of my eye and I spun around to face my assailant. Of course I had just picked a kick-ass song to play on my MP3 player, so it was way too loud to hear anything and I was concentrating on sending a text about Senator Ted Stevens (R-AK) being convicted on 7 counts of corruption so I wasn't exactly alert. As I turned around, a freaking Philadelphia Police golf cart stopped inches from my legs as I ripped my headphones off thinking the motion I saw behind me was a mugger waiting to finally get the mighty Bourbon. The trainee at the wheel had never operated it before and nearly ran me down. The cops immediately apologized and asked if I was ok. Of course I was. It nearly hit me, which means it didn't hit me. I said "Man you guys scared the shit out of me. I should turn down my music and stop texting." They laughed and said they were trying to work the thing. I suggested that the pedal on the left was the brake and wished them good luck. As usual, I masked my wise-ass remark as a compliment and they were none the wiser that I completely ripped on them. Man, I wish some of you had been there to hear that jab! Anyway, they were cool and I watched them lurch around more on the cart hoping that they wouldn't hit anybody who actually cared.
Well, that's it for Philly stories for now. Don't worry though, next semester 3 of my 4 classes will be in Philly instead of just 1 like this semester. This means more fun stories and wacky adventures from the city of brotherly love!!! SWEET!!! Nothing interesting ever happens after my classes in Fort Washington :-(