I have a very unconventional relationship with time.Most people view time only as a reference of where to go and how much time you need to allow in getting there. As they bustle along, they know that if it takes 15 minutes to get to work, they need to leave at least 15 minutes early in order to get there without getting a glare from their superiors. They are able to cope with any type of clock, digital or otherwize. They understand that, in the grand scheme of things, time is limited but this doesn't seem to interfere with their life.
It isn't quite so simple for me.
First of all, I avoid digital watches/clocks at all costs. They confuse me. Someone once asked me why this was and I said, "I like to view time in relation to other times. With a digital clock, you are only aware of what precise time it is. If you are able to look at a clock and see that there are 10 minutes until it is 8 o'clock, you have a reference. But seeing 7:50 only adds to my confusion. It's only a moment in time. Knowing about that precise moment is useless unless I can see the whole 12-hour spectrum."
Another quandry is perpetual lateness. It doesn't matter where I'm going or how important it is, chances are I'm going to be late. Everywhere I have worked, my superiors expect me to arrive early and leave later. I do okay on the leaving late part - but arrive early? I haven't quite mastered that, yet. Arriving early infringes on my personal time. Arriving early means leaving the house early which means waking up early. Waking up is rather unpleasant. Waking up early is even less gratifying. Waking up early in order to accommodate someone else's needs is the least satisfying of all.
I've tried little tricks to remedy my disillusionment. I set my watch ahead thinking that I will fool myself into misconstruing time. It doesn't work. I know that I set my watch ahead and decide that in reality, I have a few more minutes and end up leaving late.
Way back when I was living alone, people were always perplexed as they went from room to room in my house. There was a clock of some sort in every room, including the bathroom. But that in and of itself was not so unusual. What baffled people was the fact that no clock had the same time. The clock in the family room was 10 minutes ahead of the clock in the bathroom. The alarm clock next to my bed was 30 minutes ahead of that. This way, I don't exactly know what time it is. Nor did anyone else wandering through the halls of my house. My friends would say "What time is it, anyhow?" with intense irritation.
Why did I insist on confusing my guests, you ask? Well, it was all in a very selfish attempt to improve my association with time. I thought that if I didn't exactly know what time it was, it might force me to be a little early, or, at the very least, on time. This tactic wasn't very successful.
When I wasn't working, I never wore a watch. I never had anywhere to go, so I never really cared what time I had to be there. I woke up when I woke up, ate when I was hungry and slept when I was tired. My days became a jumble of time and I was waking up at 11AM and going to sleep at 4AM. My internal clock adjusted itself and adapted to the condition of having nowhere to be. I was bothered when I did know what time it was. I get very frustrated with others' relationship with time, because sometimes, I don't even WANT to know what time it is. I don't want to feel that I am being pressured to be somewhere else.
Most people don't operate that way. They need to know what time it is. They need to know when to wake up, when to eat, when to go to sleep, when to make dinner, when to feed the dog, when to breathe.
The rest of the world wakes up when the alarm goes off. You probably leave for work or class at the same time every day. Lunch at noon, dinner at seven, sleep at 11. You wear a watch and refer to it often.
I hit snooze a random number of times and physically get up when I decide I've lain there long enough. I leave for work at a different time every day, which is directly based on the time I get up. Lunch might be anywhere from 11 to 4PM and dinner between 4PM to 10PM. Sometimes lunch is at 4 and dinner at 4:30. I go to bed when my eyes close due to their inability to remain open any longer. This might occur anywhere from 9 to 2AM.
Unlike most people, I have no rules about time. My association with this beast isn't a relationship at all. I am to time what my dog is to my fish. Completely indifferent, both without knowledge of the other's existence.
I view time as an inconvenience. Time is something that stays in the way of having fun. Because there is only so much of it, I want to spend the maximum amount of time doing what I want to do and a minimum doing what someone else wants me to. Perfectly logical to me. Somewhat daunting to everyone else.
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