You know it's going to be a bad day when...

• your twin sister forgets your birthday.
• you wake up face down on the pavement.
• you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
• you call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.
• you see a "60 Minutes news team" waiting in your outer office.
• your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
• your only son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business.
• you want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party, and there aren't any.
• you turn on the TV news and they're displaying emergency routes out of your city.
• the woman you've been seeing on the side begins to look like your wife.
• you wake up to discover that your water bed broke and then you realize that you don't have a water bed.
• your horn goes off accidently and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.
• your doctor tells you, "Well, I have bad news and good news..."
• you open the paper and find your picture under a caption that reads: "WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE!"
• your ex-lover calls and tells you he has 6 days to live, and that you'd better get the Test
• when someone accuses you of faking humor

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