Gradually, you become aware of the fact that people aren't TREATING YOU LIKE A CHILD. Or a YOUNG ADULT. Etc. "Adults" begin to ask you for advice, and counsel, on practical (and emotional) issues, and as time goes by, you subconsciously internalize these gestures, helping to develop your "adult" personality.

I noticed the changes as I developed my financial independence from my parents. I didn't just have "a job" (any job) for rent and beer anymore. I had actually amassed some expertise in a field that was willing to compensate me for my skills. In effect, I had proven that I had grown out of the scattered immediacy of my college - and near-post-college - years, and had begun to focus. To set goals and achieve them. And, in the process, mature emotionally.

It's weird to look back and see how much growth takes place during your 20's. Each year I look back and am appalled at my immaturity/selfishness during the past year. I'm still doing that. I can't believe how many people make serious life choices (marriage, investments, etc.) during their early twenties, and then wonder why things don't work out. As long as you're willing to keep learning, and exploring, I guess life's pretty much a crap shoot. Take chances, and learn, I guess.

That's probably a little more information than you were hoping to elicit. Hmmmmm.
[In response to this, I wanted to say that I do agree with what he is saying to some extent. But as for the first paragraph, I think it depends on the person. Nobody relies on me for counsel (other than friends), yet I still feel like an adult. For me it was a revelation - surely it's not the same for everyone. But as for getting married, etc. in your early twenties, I wholeheartedly agree. Hell, I'm 27 and I can't possibly imagine being married any time in the near future.]

Anyone who tells you different is selling you something. :-)

I take after him. I was going to be a mathematician, and wound up a computer analyst instead.

It was Parent's Day, my senior year in high school. My dad was sitting in on my Advanced Calculus class. And I got this sudden shock -- I had exceeded his mathematical knowlege!

When you're growing up, your parents always know more than you do. As you begin to move through high school, you start to exceed them in select areas. But when I exceeded him in one of his strengths, I realized that I could be his equal.
[I like this one... it's very true. This concept was part of my own liberation.]

Later, as I got a little older (16-18) I really resisted growing up. I wanted to be out partying, goofing off, having a good time. Maybe making up for lost time - who knows? Responsibility wasn't something that interested me at that time.

Eventually, though, I got my first "real" job, working with developmentally disabled adults (most with behavioral disorders). That's where I realized I'd grown up, because suddenly I had to think for other people besides myself. I'd say I was about 21 or 22 at that time.

The questions is when do you ever feel ready to take on an big or new task? Almost never in my opinion. Perhaps being an adult is learning to look on by the uncomfortable feeling of something new, i.e. a new situation, social status, new job, etc... and grow with it as you experience it without falling flat on your face. Or is being an adult having enough experiences to be able to figure out something before it happens. Like knowing a stove is hot and not to touch it or knowing someone isn't right for you then don't marry them. If you've never experienced these before, how do you know? You don't unless you have other life experiences that you can pull information from and formulate your own opinion. Heck, I know people that are 35+ that are still children and will never grow up. (but one can hope...)

In reading the reponses before me I agree with a few saying that you never finish growing up. Growing is a part of life! But, the above instance is when I realized that I am capable of being on my own.

This question is a profound thought. Thanks.

No regrets though, I've had a good life thus far.
[Wow...]

I was on a business trip to Detroit. It was the first time I'd stayed overnight for my job, and the first job I'd ever had that required me to wear a suit. I checked into the hotel, went up to my room and hung up my clothes for the next day. Suit, tie, shirt, pants -- all hanging nicely. As I undressed and folded my dirty clothes up to put back in my hang-up bag, that was it. I realized I was an adult. Just like that.

Fortunately, my company is now entirely casual. All day, every day. So I've managed to revert back to something more human and interesting than an adult. I'm not sure what I am anymore. Some cross between a twelve year old, a trained chimp and a snow-cone dispenser, I think.

1. Financial independence
2. To openly tell them that I drink, and occasionaly smoke pot.

Than again, what the heck do I know?!

Of course, I'm not saying that becoming an adult made me mature - emotionally, spiritually and financially. Life has been an adventure so far! I have really enjoyed the high moments. Ever so often when I feel a little melancoly (around the holidays), I start to realize the freedom I have now - on my own. Yahoo! is about all I can say to wrap the feeling in a word. Maybe that feeling is being an "adult". Always in transition...

Can I ask you a question? RE: "I had ideas and beliefs that didn't stem from anything they had instilled in me but rather from my own theories about the world." Is this the idealistic ranting (meant in the nicest possible way) of an individual who is expressing the joys of youth and whose ideas and beliefs may be tempered with the passing of time - until you turn into the ideological representation of your parents?? Many people in their dotage view their childhood/youth as the time they really were alive. It is my own (probably misguided) view that you should stay a child for as long as possible. Tryouts for the Scottish Rugby Team are on next week in Edinburgh - I think I might hop on a plane Regards (and by the way great page!!)
[With regard to his question, I wanted to say 2 things. 1)Perhaps I am my parents (frightful thought). Certainly most of us, who actually like our parents anyhow, become something of their image. After all, that's where we came from, isn't it? And secondly, as for remaining a child, I believe that in many people, including myself, there is an element of child that never goes away. I certainly hope I can maintain a sense of humor about life's rollercoaster ride when I'm 80. But realizing that you're an adult isn't necessarily related to your outlook on life. It's seperate.]

[and later...] The last answer I gave was a little too serious for me after I sent it. It is the truth, but I also have a specific event that comes to mind where I said "I am an adult now." I came home to visit some relatives and ended up playing a nintendo game with a 9 year old cousin. I couldn't even get passed the first level. It reminded me of when my dad when come in and tried playing a computer game with me and having no idea what he was doing. I remember thinking then how lame dads get when they get old because they can't even play a simple video game. Ouch....I had become my dad!!!!!!!!

After I outlined my arguments clearly, she just looked at me and said, "Andrea, does it really matter what I say? You're going to do what you want to do anyway. Just call me when you get there!" Or some words to that effect.

I was flabbergasted. Whew! When MOM realized that I was an adult, it truly sunk in. Soon after that, we became friends more than mother/daughter -- meaning that I could now give HER advice on relationships, finances, automobiles, and fashion. So I suppose it was one single moment for me, followed by lots of reinforcement resulting from my own ability to manage my life and my family's recognition of that fact.

On the other hand the day my son was born was a most responsibility raising event. Then on the day my daughter was born I began to wonder if I was getting old.

Now they are 10 and 7 and I am sure that I am old every time I go out to do something with them.

These things aside growing up verses getting old.... I think it might be best to never grow up but to grow old with grace and a sense of humor....

1. When I sat at the adults' table at family gatherings.
2. When my mom asked me to bring a side dish to Thanksgiving dinner.
3. When my dad asked for help with his computer.
4. When my friends started to get married and have babies.
5. When I got a "real" job.
6. When I started thinking about investing for retirement.

Of course, at 27 years old this experience might qualify me as a 'late-bloomer' for good. But at least I broke away from my parental dependence now and not when I'm 40. Now that would be frightening. And, as a first-born, I figure I was burdened with pleasing my parents and satisying their curiousity about my life from the moment I arrived.

Keep up the good work-I, too found that hell, I don't want the hassle of dealing with my parents' opinions(and they do have them) on aspects of my life. They can focus on their own stuff(please, God).

The other way to look at this is that you just simply never admit it, be irresponsible and avoid commitments of any sort indefinitely. Unfortunately, since we all have to eat, overcome crisis and function as part of society it gets increasing difficult. I have had the misfortune of having to overcome some pretty bad shit on my own, hence my mis-spent youth has come to a grinding halt. Mind you my parents are wonderful, party animal types that would have been there is a second for me. I take the perspective that they have had enough shit, they don’t, or didn’t need mine as well.

There are no answers here, you already know where the truth lies. Baby steps… remember.

As a coda, a Canadian band called "The Pursuit of Happiness" had some musings of their own on this topic in a fine song called, appropriately enough, "I'm An Adult Now", from their album Love Junk. Well worth tracking down. A sample: "I can't write songs about girls anymore ... I have to write songs about women. There's no 'Boy meets Girl, Boy loses Girl', It's more like 'Man tries to figure out what the Hell went wrong'. I'm an adult now, I'm an adult now, I've got the problems of an adult on my head and my libido, I'm an adult now."