Question of the Month

A long time ago, Bacardi Rum ran an ad in which a Rasta-Man was sitting on some steps playing the sax. The copy read "Do what you love. The rest comes." I've always been a firm believer in this theory.
My father has been a mentor of sorts for most of my life. He started from rather humble beginnings and managed to get through college and graduate school, later to become one of the top 30 people in a huge corporation. He found his passion while in grad school and pursued that avenue for nearly 35 years.
He finally retired early, lives in a comfortable home, has zero debt and plans to spend his remaining years travelling the world with mom when he's not playing computer games.
I consider my father to be a successful man. He did what he loved, the rest came.
Pondering this led me to the question of the month. As I currently sit in a very modest apartment in a small town, I've given a lot of thought to my own definition of success. I discussed it with a friend, asking how she defined the term. "...Well... I guess it has something to do with money..." she said. I told her that, in my eyes, money has little to do with it. To me, happiness equals professional success. Money is incidental. She then revised her definition. "True. It is setting a goal and achieving it. If your goal is happiness and you've achieved it, then you're successful."
I agree with her, though I think there's more to it.
At this point, I don't feel successful though someone else might perceive me as such. My discontentment in life leaves me feeling misdirected and incomplete.
This brings me to May's question: How do you define "success"?
For some people, it's money. For others, a family. Some people feel they've achieved it all when they are staring at the top of Mt. Everest or looking into the eyes of a great white shark. It's rather simple for me: inner peace. And I'm not there, yet...

These are the responses that came from this question:

Age Group: 26-35
Sex: Male
Location:
Occupation: Computer Admin
Status: Single
How do you define success? Having a career you love. Having a mate you love. Having a family you belong to. Having a future you look forward to. Having a past you learned from.

Age Group: 36-50
Sex: Male
Location:
Occupation: Principal Analyst (techno-dweebie)
Status: Divorced
How do you define success? Success. Being a good, loving, involved father to my kids. Doing what I love to do as my 'work'. Preparing for the future (college for the kids, retirement for me). Healthy. Having enough free time to enjoy my 'outside' pursuits. Living in a home you really like - I, like you am in a 'relatively small' town in NE FL (compared to Atlanta), and live on a lake in a fairly large house with very low rent - will be purchasing it this summer.

Age Group: 26-35
Sex: Male
Location:
Occupation: CPA & own other business
Status: Single
How do you define success? Being an only child, I had to move back in with my mother a couple of years ago when she lost her job and had some medical challenges. This forced me to give up the single life in Atlanta (I know that you can relate!!) and move back to a small town while taking over her bills and obligations,in addition to my own. Although it was tough to find myself back where I grew up, for the first time I had to fully accept responsibility for someone else's situation.
[Is it just me, or did this guy... like... TOTALLY not answer the question at hand?]

Age Group: 26-35
Sex: Male
Location:
Occupation:
Status: Married
How do you define success? Definining success is a difficult task. In some ways it is easier to define what is not success. It certainly is not just setting a goal and achieving it, although that maybe a building block to success. It is not money or fame. It is not a job, a house, a wife or a child. I think it is more akin to inner peace, but I am sort of leary of using that word because of the connatations it brings. I know that success for me is not an "Edenesque" type setting, where someone, something takes care of all my needs and cares. I do believe that success = happiness, so if you do what you love you will be successful. However, I don't necessarily believe that doing what you love will lead to a lot of money or material things. I don't think you can tie success to just your "professional" life. For me success entails balancing all the things I love to do, a big part of which is my "career". But as I get older I recognize that music, fishing and hiking, family, friends, are just as important to my success. I also need to balance the new things that challange me mentally and physically with a few constants, like fishing with my dad, which connect me back to my roots. I don't know if one can ever find a perfect balance, but the simple act of trying is enough I think.

Age Group: 26-35
Sex: Male
Location:
Occupation:
Status: Single
How do you define success? Success is when you do what you know and love for a living AND provides some money, Inner peace just follows.

Age Group: 26-35
Sex: Male
Location:
Occupation: Graphic Designer
Status: Single
How do you define success? For myself, success is the balance between happiness and responsibility. Success is usually associated with career and goals. I consider myself tremendously successful at an early age, because, quite simply, I love my career and my life and I am financially stable because of it. Being happy with your life and choices doesn't necessarily define successfulness, nor does financial stability if you are miserable with the direction of your life. Pure success, whether referring to your career or to your life in general, can only be achieved when the balance of financial stability meets the approval of your choices. More simply, when you love what you are doing and you can support yourself comfortably while doing it, you are successful.

Age Group: 18-25
Sex: Male
Location:
Occupation: new product developer
Status: Single
How do you define success? I think the definition of success is defining a goal and achieving it. Some of the other responses seem to address what defines personal happiness, or contentment. La dee da. :) To me, success is subjective (i.e. you judge your desired outcome)and basically means getting what you want. Your original goals may not be satisfied, but if when you are evaluting your outcome, you're happy with what you have, then most people'll agree they're a success. So, it's getting what you want, or more accurately ending up with or having what you want (in my opinion). :)

Age Group: 18-25
Sex: Male
Location:
Occupation: Computer Nerd
Status: Single
How do you define success? Defining Success: I think you need to seperate Career Success and Personal Success. Career success would be where you can put your finger on dates and points where you reached your goals Personal success is being where you want to be in life, whether that is your definition of happiness, inner peace, status, or whatever. Maybe success in both cases is the same thing: Having followed a path through life, personally or professionally, and without too many serious derailings, continued to make progress. This would include setbacks and overcomming of obstacles that came your way. Without those you would be a very boring person. Bla bla bla.

Age Group: 36-50
Sex: Male
Location:
Occupation: computer programmer
Status: Married
How do you define success? Making a career of a hobby. Making more money than I spend. Money is only important when you don't have enough of it.

Age Group: 26-35
Sex: Male
Location:
Occupation: Software Engineer
Status: Single
How do you define success? If you think you are successful - you are. Anyone else's opinion doesn't matter. Although others disagree, I don't think I'm completely successful, as I have many goals I still want to achieve first.
[Thanks for that brief philosophy lesson, but how do you DEFINE success?]

Age Group: 26-3
Sex: Male
Location:
Occupation: student
Status: Single
How do you define success? I will feel successful once I truly know what my passion is. It is true -- the rest comes. I think that finding your passion is the true challenge in life. Because if you love something with all your heart you cannot possibly not succeed at whatever it is, be it a relationship, job -- whatever. I know that if I ever (please please please) figure out what it is I want to do more than anything that I will succeed at it and be happy. Problem is finding that thing. I have lots of friends who went through college without thinking about what they loved, but more or less thinking about the paycheck after they graduated. They are miserable and wished they had done more when they had the time. I knew I had no idea so I put off finishing college for as long as I could. Now the twilight of my college career looms over me... I still am not sure what my passion is, but I'm getting closer, I can feel it.

Age Group: 26-35
Sex: Male
Location:
Occupation: Fed
Status: Divorced
How do you define success? I used to define it as a job that payed the bills and a happy family. Now I define it as two wonderful happy daughters. So long as they are happy I know I will be and thats success.

Age Group: 18-25
Sex: Male
Location:
Occupation: Bum
Status: Single
How do you define success? Success is looking at yourself in the mirror and not making yourself sick.

Age Group: 26-35
Sex: Male
Location:
Occupation: Journalist
Status: Single
How do you define success? The key to the answer to this one is contained in the last sentence you wrote, 'And I'm not there, yet...'. Being 'there' is what epitomises success. The 'there' in question is different for everyone because everyone has a different definition of success. Very importantly, success is not determined by one factor, but by many, which could be a reason that you're not totally satisfied, because not all of the puzzle pieces are in place, leaving you with something 'lacking'. Whatever you decide is your 'success' you also need to know that even if it does 'come to you' you have to be wide awake to realise its there when it happens, otherwise you could very well go through life being successful without knowing it. Sounds dumb but it is very true.

Age Group: Under 18
Sex: Male
Location:
Occupation: internet technician
Status: Single
How do you define success? being happy with what you do for a living, no matter how much you make
PS. Sorry about all the quote marks, couldn't think of another way to make my point.
Age Group: 26-35
Sex: Male
Location:
Occupation: life seeker/ day dreamer
Status: Single
How do you define success? bear with me...I'm not sure where I'm going with this.... I'm thinking that success should ride along side happiness. I don't really believe that money is an issue, though a lot of people are fooled into happiness with it (and big debts too) :). I'm not even sure it has anything to do with a great career, though that too can lead to happiness, but not fullfilment (sp?). I think maybe a successful person would be someone who is good at being themselves. I have read some of your web site here (yes...I probed into your innermost secrets in your journal...hee hee) and I believe that you are definately on your way. Creative mind, strong will, hmmm...too bad you're not in Oregon. : ) Success is getting harder for me to define as I write this, because now I'm seeing in it other eyes as well. I said up there (don't feel like scrolling) that it had to do with how good you are being your- self. Maybe so...if you have goals set to own a house by a certain age, to be married, whatever, then that starts defining who you would like yourself to be...once you start hitting those goals, your success begins, you feel good as a result -> happiness...which points to a final goal of inner peace. (wow...I sound like a preacher now)...I think I would be a success if I could ever figure out how these cgi forms work so I could use them on my company's web page : )....

Age Group: 26-35
Sex: Male
Location:
Occupation: vp-software company
Status: Single
How do you define success? "If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded." -Maya Angelou

Age Group: 26-35
Sex: Male
Location:
Occupation: engineer
Status: Single
How do you define success? Success is that stuff that holds granola into those little bars. Without success, everything crumbles.

Age Group: 18-25
Sex: Male
Location: Anaheim, CA
Occupation: Searching the Web
Status: Other
How do you define success? Success is . . . undefineable. At best it is when you realize that you don't have a thing to worry about. This doesn't mean not caring about anything, just not worrying about it.

Age Group: 36-50
Sex: Male
Location: Suburban Detroit, MI
Occupation: Computer Analyst
Status: Married
How do you define success? Money is nice...everybody loves money. If there's a person reading this who wouldn't accept $500,000 a year for doing what they're doing now, I'd be very surprised.
However, Money is not success. Money can only buy contentment. If I have enough to feed and clothe my family, put some away for kid's college and emergencies, that's all I need.
Success is:

Enjoying what you do (both professionally and personally);
Family (including "extended family", people who you would adopt if you could);
Friends (just a small step outside of "extended family");
Stability;
Love.
I've been lucky; I've got 4 out of 5. I'm working on the fifth.

Age Group: 26-35
Sex: Male
Location: Texas
Occupation: Electronics Technician
Status: Single
How do you define success? Personally, I define success as achieving goals that I set for myself - whether they be goals from week to week or from years past. I've had alot of successful weeks and years, and I've really screwed the pooch in other weeks and years. There are different levels of success...and they are different for everyone. Sometimes these goals change, so they have to be re-evaluated. Example - I've always wanted to own a house. A place to call my own. Well, now that I can afford one, I don't want just any house. I'm looking for something in particular and I won't feel that I have achieved my goal if I settle for just any old house. That's how I define it...the rest just falls into place if you meet all of your goals. Know what I mean?

Age Group: 36-50
Sex: Male
Location: Atlanta, GA
Occupation: Computer Geek
Status: Married
How do you define success? Generically: Realizing goals and being satisfied with the results. Personally: Being a supportive father and husband, both emotionally and financially; enjoying my vocation and avocations; and continuing to grow and learn.

Age Group: 36-50
Sex: Male
Location: boise,Idaho
Occupation: constuction supervisor
Status: Single
How do you define success? I was told once that you can measure ones sucess by how many people are at your funeral. Which means in the broad sence you treated everyone as an equal in business and personal life, if you never take a chance, you will never fail. Those who are successful, have at one point and time taken that very important step. Trust me if you are trying and its not happening it will just keep positive people around don't take no for answer, if you feel its right. I have been out of work now for a year and half with a back injury that workcomp feels they are going to fight me on long story short most people can't understand what goes through your mind when faced with no money to pay bills ect. But the one thing you can is a great family friends and who knows it may work out for the better!!!

Age Group: 18-25
Sex: Male
Location:
Occupation:
Status: Other
How do you define success? For me success has always been an objective and external term. It's involved money, status, and self-sufficiency in a society which, in my opinion, contains several fundamental flaws. If I can survive in this society I will be considered successful. The opening monologue from Trainspotting sums it up nicely. However, if I can obtain that, without the cost of my self-respect, then I will truly be satisfied. The tragedy is, as hard as it is to succeed in society without compromising your own values, it is harder still not to compromise whilst you are slipping beneath the cracks, because then you have to do whatever you can to survive. I find it kind of sad, really, that I do not know what I "love" to do or to be, because every possibility I see is corrupted by society. I guess I just need to think outside the box a little better. Tragic really.
Age Group: 36-50
Sex: Male
Location:
Occupation:
Status: Married a
How do you define success? Professionally: Success is when you can earn a comfortable living doing what you would be doing if you didn't have to work. Personally: Success is being married to the same wonderful woman for almost 30 years and still being madly in love, in spite of the efforts of two (now grown) children to drive us insane. Financially: Staying out of "debtors prison" . . . . . do they still have that? Mentally: Being a little crazy . . . . . it keeps you from becoming a lot!

Age Group: 18-25
Sex: Male
Location:
Occupation:
Status: Single
How do you define success? At first I just thought that I would write that success is about happiness. I guess that was the first thought to pop into my head. Upon further reflection, however, I think I'll change my definition. Happiness is selfish, no matter which way you look at it. Sure, your friends and loving family may cause you to be happy, but "you" is the key word there. So I think that success has two parts. First, your own happiness, and second, the happiness of those around you. What have you done for others? How have you impacted the lives of your friends, family, and coworkers? Have *you* helped *them* to be more successful?
My definition of success then, is living a life that is a good balance of making yourself happy and making others happy. I teach disadvantaged kids about computers on Saturday mornings, and I know I'm helping them and hopefully making them more successful. But I do it with all my friends, who are fun and hysterical, and we all go out for a long lunch afterwards. And that makes me happy.

Age Group: 36-50
Sex: Male
Location:
Occupation:
Status: Married
How do you define success? Having a close circle of friends Doing what you enjoy. This covers both at work and off work activities Helping others, I enjoy volunteer work where I can make a difference Having sufficient money. How much is sufficient? The 64 million dollar question. Enough that I can do what I want rather than what I have to do. Money doesn't buy happiness but it helps Being happy.

Age Group: 26-35
Sex: Male
Location: Northern California
Occupation: Computer Technician
Status: Single
How do you define success? Success isn't about acheiving some personal goal or about financial freedom. Success , at least for me, is when I get home in the evening and look back on the day, I can say "Thank God I survived!" Success is a philosophy . Part of that "inner peace" that has been referred to so often in the other responses means only one thing: How do YOU define success? Every other answer you get is academic because these aren't your words. What it all boils down to is that success is whatever your definition of the word is.
[Does everyone think that I'm asking for advice? I'm not asking for help defining success for myself. I am merely wondering how everyone else defines it...]

Age Group: 18-25
Sex: Male
Location: Minneapolis, MN USA
Occupation: Consultant
Status: Single
How do you define success? Happiness!

Age Group: 26-35
Sex: Female
Location:
Occupation:
Status: Married
How do you define success? Being the first female to answer this month's question . . . but seriously . . . I realized I succeeded when I met the goals I'd set for myself: career, marriage, baby and house by the age of 30! Now what to do??? ;-)

Age Group: 36-50
Sex: Male
Location: Maryland
Occupation: Computer Trainer
Status: Married
How do you define success? Success is the progressive realization of a worthy goal.

Age Group: 26-35
Sex: Male
Location: Providence, RI
Occupation: Wirehead Sales Mgr.
Status: Single
How do you define success? If you look into your mirror and smile, the you have achieved success. At least for that moment. Life is a series of moments, and one should try and be successful moment to moment, the rest of that planning for the future stuff is basically fluff. So, I say success is the warm fuzzy feeling you get in the pit of yer stomach when you look at someone you care about, or pet yer cat, or whatever. Thats success.
However, a 1998 Lexus GS400 in metallic silver with black leather interior, nav computer and low-profile tires gives me that fuzzy feeling too, so what the hell do I know?
[Very bloody little, evidently...]

Age Group: 26-35
Sex: Male
Location: Delaware
Occupation: Sales Representative/ Chemist
Status: Single
How do you define success? I think that you have the right idea, do what makes YOU happy. Having good friends, whether they be family members or non-family. I try to live by two simple rules: 1) Don't worry about the small stuff, and 2) it's all small stuff!

Age Group: 26-35
Sex: Female
Location: Northeast
Occupation: Engineer
Status: Married
How do you define success? I believe a successful person is one who is able to listen to other's opinions with an open mind and has the wisdom to keep their sarcastic comments to themselves. If only responses with which you agree were wanted, a statement to that affect should have been made.
[Why does an expression about a kettle and a pot and the color black come to mind? Let me know when you get down from that soap box, Lexus Guy (see two comments above, I suspect it's the same person). My neck is starting to hurt...]

Age Group: 26-35
Sex:
Location: SE Michigan
Occupation: Speech Therapist
Status: Single
How do you define success? Happiness and fulfilled feelings of responsibility go with success for me. Success is often defined by what you feel you are missing. You are successful when you don't care at all about what success is, I guess.

Sex: Female
Location: Boston
Occupation: librarian
Status: Married
How do you define success? I saw this on an e-mail signature the other day, and I think it pretty much sums up my idea of success, for the time being: "Any day above ground is a good day." It hasn't been an easy year for me. But for everything that's gone wrong, I've survived. I consider that successful.
[Quite true, there's a lot to be said for survival at times...]

Age Group: 26-35
Sex: Male
Location: Indiana
Occupation: Operations Support Specialist
Status: Single
How do you define success? Being happy with what you are doing, and meeting up to your own expectations and personal goals for life. (kinda geeky definition huh?) ;)
[No... the one harassing me for harassing others - that was geeky...]

Age Group: 26-35
Sex: Male
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Occupation: Bookkeeper
Status: Single
How do you define success? I find the term success to be very elusive in terms of it's subjectivity. For me it is simple, I want to feel that I have made a difference in the world for the better. If it is making a donation to a charity, or giving a homeless person $10 so he can have a decent meal. Being able to that makes me feel like I'm successful

Age Group: 18-25
Sex: Female
Location: new jersey
Occupation: student
Status: Single
How do you define success? success to me is when you have achieved a sense of security and happiness in your life. it is when you are mature enough to deal with the things you don't like in your life, without letting them ruin the things that you do like. it has little to do with money or power, although if that is what makes you happy, then maybe it does. no one can tell someone else when they should feel successful, it is to personal a feeling. but for me, success will be when i am financially secure, working at a job that i love, and am surrounded by those that i love. whether it be a husband and children or a significant other, when i am sharing my life with my love, my friends, my family and my pets, i will feel successful. to me, success is when you are making all your dreams come true.

Age Group: 26-35
Sex: Male
Location: Michigan
Occupation: Quality Assurance Engineer
Status: Single
How do you define success? I think that I would define success as being happy that you do what you do. Living your life how you see fit within the boundries of legality and morality that do not affect others in a negative way. I'm not sure that last statement is entirely possible, you always end up pissing someone off, no matter what you do. I don't think that any one person can define what success is, since everyone has their own opinion and their own goals. Each person's definition would be different, be it slight or large. I think everyone needs to define for themselves what "sucess" is. If it is wealth, fine; family, great. Good Luck on finding your inner peace...that sounds like a good one to have.

Age Group: 18-25
Sex: Male
Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Occupation: Systems Developer
Status: Single
How do you define success? I think the measure of success is a personal thing. There is definetly a societal stereotype of the successful person, which changes over time as society changes. I think a successful person is someone who excels at, and enjoys their work and has a good balance between work and personal life. A lot of people would argue that success should be based on financial achievement alone, that seems unbelievably selfish to me. Although, in the end you are only accountable to yourself, I think everyone has a responsibility to factor in the role they play in society at large when determining their level of success.

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