Day 1

At the airport:

Ren is distressed because Mr Puffles the panda has gone missing. You says that it’s only a bloody panda and that he can get a new one later. Ren decides not to talk to You ever again. Masa has also officially gone missing. Ren has suspicions. Gackt is on edge and sends out a search party of armed guards and tells them that
“They had better find him or suffer slow and painful death”
Ren finds the little button on the side of his suitcase that pops in and out and wonders what it does.

An hour later…

Still no sign of Masa. Ren notes the fact that Mr Puffles has also still to turn up. Gackt is having a fit and has gone through an entire 12 packets of cigarettes. You is moaning that there are no “Bloody fag shops” and Chacha is admiring himself again. Ren likes Chacha’s hair, it’s purty.
He will not talk to You.

Another hour passes…

Gackt is seriously considering using a staff member as a punchbag. You finds the duty free. Chacha spends a long time criticising the poor range of make-up. Ren buys 19 teddy bears and interrogates them. He still won’t talk to You. No Masa….

Yet another hour…

The plane has to be delayed. Gackt has had 4 Vodkas. Chacha has bought the entire stock of Mabyline and given Ren a makeover. Ren hasn’t gotten any further information regarding the whereabouts of Mr Puffles. You doesn’t care.
Just then, Masa walks into the gate.
The group pounces. He had been on the plane waiting for the rest of them. He got hungry and the stupid hostess said she couldn’t sell anything till they were in flight. Masa was having none of it. Mr Puffles is in the main luggage. Ren loves Masa. Ren still won’t talk to You.

On the Plane (finally)

You forces Gackt to have some coffee as he is slurring words.
Chacha is upset that Gackt gets to sit next to You, Ren is pulling his hair. Chacha will hurt him soon. Masa is watching the in-flight movie (which happens to be “Born Free”). There is a little Austrian girl next to him. He tries to make conversation. Toshi is upset about being left out of this story, (AH HA HA HA HA! I have the power!)Gackt starts writing song lyrics about hatred, pain and longing. You reminds him to be happy. Gackt leans his head on You’s shoulder. Chacha is bitter. Ren begins pleating Cha Cha’s hair. Masa wishes he were a lion. Rar.

Lunch on the plane;

Gackt is too depressed to eat. You has to feed him. Chacha is bitter. He does not like the look of the chicken and insists he’s a vegan despite the fact that he is wearing leather trousers (Pink ones). Ren has finished everything in 2 minutes, including half of Gackt’s meal and all of Cha Cha’s minus the peas. Masa demands raw wildebeest. Ren finishes Masa’s meal too.

A while later on the plane;

Gackt has his Malice Mizer photo album out and has been crying for nearly and hour. You tells everything will be OK. You strokes his hair and kisses his fore head. Chacha is bitter. Ren fell asleep. Chacha is glad. Masa tries to grow claws. No luck.

In the African airport;

Chacha links arms with You and walks with him. He sticks his tongue out at Gackt. You shakes his head. Masa tries to hunt Ren. Ren giggles and hides behind You. You thumps him and calls him an idiot. Chacha tells You he needs to have words with him about what happened on the plane.

At baggage collection;

Ren and Masa jump on the conveyer belt. You throws them off. Chacha finds his bags easily as all 16 of them are pink. Gackt wants to phone Mana. You tells him to resist, it will only make it worse. Chacha tells him not to listen to You and to listen to him instead. Gackt agrees. Chacha tells him not to phone Mana as it will only make him feel worse.

On the bus;

Ren is forced to sit next to Masa. Masa decides he would prefer to be called Mafasa. Chacha cringes. Chacha is upset that Gackt sat next to You again. Gackt calls out in his sleep, “Mana! No!...I CAN’T BEAR IT! Come back!”. You hugs him closer wiping the tears from his eyes. Gackt sniffles and buries his head into You’s chest. Mafasa and Ren are singing Ayumi songs. Chacha actually believes he has gone to hell and that everyone is laughing at him. Ren discovers that you can put the chair up and down using a little lever. Ren is impressed. Ren tells Mafasa. Mafasa is impressed. Chacha is not.

At the hotel entrance;

Big hotel + big swimming pool + free drinks and room service = happy Chacha. In two moments, Chacha is gone. Ren sees fountain, Ren likes fountain. Mafasa chases birds. Gackt refuses to check in saying he “ needs to get out of the sun”. You becomes worried. In their hotel rooms;

Ren is sharing a room with Chacha. Chacha normally would have a heart attack but he is too interested in the spa options. Ren finds TV remote. Ren becomes hypnotised as he watches MTV for the first time.

In the opposite room Gackt has the curtains drawn and tears roll down his perfect, baby soft cheeks.

Mafasa is sharing with You. You is pacing back and forth worrying about Gackt. Mafasa is complaining about not getting to sleep on a rock amongst his pride. You reminds Masa that he is not a lion and he does not have a pride. Masa decides to be a leopard. You gives up.

Gackt is lying on his king-size bed in a foetal position holding one of Mana’s black dresses. Mana would not be happy if he found out about him stealing it.

Later on at dinner;

You is first to arrive at the buffet closely followed by the Masa-leopard-lion-thing. You recommends that Masa eat something. Masa insists that he will only eat something he hunts down himself. You shoves a plate in his hands.
Gackt comes bounding down the stairs dressed in what could only be described as pink plastic bondage pants and slut shirt. You has a distinct feeling that Chacha has something to do with this. Gackt runs over to Masa and throws his arms around him. Ren squeals and lunges onto Gackt’s back and Gackt runs around the restaurant with Ren making zoom noises. You’s eyes are so wide you can no longer see his eyelids. Chacha looks smug. Masa is stuffing a million chips in his mouth.

At the main course;

You sits in silence whilst everyone around him eats, Chacha is beaming. He moves his chair closer to You’s. He asks You if he is proud of him for making Gackt feel better. You stays mute. Ren pokes him with a fork and he doesn’t even flinch. Chacha is a teensy bit worried about You now.
Masa is…well, we’re not quite sure where Masa is and it’s probably best if we don’t ask. Gackt asks You what’s wrong. You shakes his head, tells him and Chacha that it’s “nothing”, and starts eating again. Chacha relaxes.

After dinner;

Gackt offers to go and find Masa, the entire party give him a suspicious look. Chacha is making calf-eyes at You, however, he suspects that You doesn’t notice. Ren suspects that Masa is an alien…(no, we don’t know why) and You suspects that there is something in his soda water.

After, after dinner;

Chacha walks You up to his room. He links arms with him and strokes his hand. They reach You’s room and he says goodnight. Chacha puts his best ever pout on. You shuts the door. Chacha groans, takes off his shoe, lobs it at the door and tells You that he has 5 seconds to get out there or their relationship is over.
You takes 0.02 seconds.

Wherever Gackt and Masa are;

Ren tip toes through the bushes, being careful not to make too much noise. In the distance he can hear noises, noises that usually only come from Gackt when he is on a lunch break. He can hear another voice, he recognises it as Masa’s. Ren is certain now. Masa is an alien, no human should make those sort of noises. Ren stops and thinks for a moment, what if Gackt is having his brains turned to mush this very instant! What if Masa is performing some kind of alien ritual!
He rushes towards the sounds, worried for Gackt’s life, until he reaches them and stops abruptly. He simply says;
“Wow, I didn’t think legs could bend like that…”

You’s room;

You is…. oh come on! You know what You is doing. Chacha is in his bedroom; at I don’t need to be graphic. I shall leave this section to your imagination.

Day 2

At breakfast;

Ren is the first up for breakfast, he wonders why none of the others have gotten up yet. He begins to make himself a sausage, egg, bacon and marmalade sandwich.
Gackt is the second to emerge, with Masa following close behind.
Ren asks them why they were so late and Gackt tells him that they were playing twister.
You and Chacha take the longest and are looking worse for wear. Masa tells Gackt that the also must have been playing twister all night. Ren wonders why he was not invited.

In the courtyard;

Chacha squeals with utter delight upon the discovery that the 4x4 is bright pink. You cringes. Ren makes an “oooo” sound. Masa…. is nowhere to be found.

On the road;

After waiting for three or four hours till the guide showed up, the group set of…without (seemingly) Masa. Chacha is wearing a pink cowboy hat with a silver string and 9 inch high pink platforms. Gackt is wearing a black jumper. You is wearing a white sleeveless shirt and shorts. Ren is wearing…well, we think it’s a straight jacket. (We believe that Gackt is responsible for this…)

The tour guide spots a group of elephants on the side of the road and stops. Chacha is so interested in the elephants that he decides to paint his nails. You is bored too. Gackt appears to be interested but he is actually planning to write a song about elephants called “Cockatoo” with a video filmed in the Vatican City.
Ren is immensely interested in the elephants.
Ren reeeeallly likes the elephants.
You grabs him before he can climb out the vehicle.
Chacha is sure he saw a black blur run past.

A few minutes down the road and the guide comes across a pride of lions.
Chacha begins to straighten his hair.
You tries to stare a lion out. The surprising thing is that he wins.
Gackt is planning to right a song called “Grypus” about a wildebeest.
He reckons it should have a kazoo in it.
Ren tries to fight his way out of his jacket and gag.
You stubs a cigarette out on his denim shorts.
Chacha tells him off.
The guide is still explaining about the lion when Chacha points and exclaims.
“Masa!”
You and Chacha vault out of the car followed by Ren who is forced to hop.
Gackt asks the guide if he thinks that the video for “Grypus” should have a theme where he is a ghost and only a blind Peruvian panpipe player can see him.
Chacha gives up running about 12 metres from the 4x4 because he is finding it very hard to run in platforms.
Ren, surprisingly, is first to reach Masa.
You only catches up a few minutes afterwards.
“ Masa, where are you’re clothes?”
“Rar”

Back at the hotel, in the bar;

Gackt, Chacha and You are sitting at the bar having a drink.
Chacha is not happy with the quality of his Gin and Tonic. You was drunk hours ago.
Ren is in the nursery, conversing with his fellow delinquents.
Masa is in therapy.
Chacha comments on how glad he will be to get out of this place.
You is asleep. Gackt is considering actually putting Chacha into one of his music videos.
Ren goes Vrooom.

Day 3

At the airport;

Masa is being watched 24/7 with armed guards. Ren has a tight hold of Mr Puffles.
Gackt and You are sitting in the gate waiting to board.
Chacha is in CHANEL.
Gackt has had 9 cappuccinos and You is worried, but not about Gackt.
No, You is worried for his wallet.
Chacha has found a watch on the floor and picks it up.

You is pacing back and forth when Chacha returns. You gives him a look of dread and despair. Chacha tells him to relax, he hasn’t bought anything.
Masa is sitting and pouting. Chacha waves the watch in front of him.
Masa turns to Ren,
“Look Ren! A shiny thing!”
Ren swivels round looking psychotic.
“Oooo! Shiny!”
Chacha throws it to them.

On the plane;

Chacha is ecstatic about getting to sit next to You. Gackt has the pleasure of Ren sitting next to him. Masa, is next to French woman named Dianne.
The in-flight movie is “The Lion King”
Masa wishes he were a lion, Rar.

…….tune in for the next exciting instalment of GacktJOB's World Tour!