“Jovie!” my mom’s familiar sang into my ear instantly calming my anxious nerves. I hadn’t talked to her since we’d left for tour when I told her that I needed to have some time to take care of myself before Lex and I got married. My mom has taken care of me my whole life, and I was using this tour as some time to take care of myself without having my mom walk behind me cleaning up my mess as I went. She didn’t take the news very well when I told her that I didn’t think it would be a good idea to be calling home every night because I wanted to be out on my own. After all, I’ll be turning 23 tomorrow, and you have to grow up sometime.

I’ve put my mom through a lot of hell growing up, although not nearly as bad as what my brothers did. Somehow, though, we all ended up okay, and our mom and dad never stopped supporting any of us. My mother even respected my wishes to give me space this tour and not call me twice a day which I’m sure is what she would have done otherwise. She hasn’t even called me once, and now hearing her voice I regretted that it took me this long to call home.

“Honey, I’m so glad you called!” she gushed into the phone. “Jack! Pick up the phone, it’s Jovie!” she yelled to my father.

“Hi mom,” I said trying to hide the fact that I’d been crying. I sat on the edge of the bed in the empty hotel room and looked at the mess of empty beer cans and rose petals reminding me of my current situation. I wanted to get it all out and tell my mom, but I knew I couldn’t. I knew I had to tip toe around the details and break the news and ask for help buying a ticket home at exactly the right time.

“Jovie?” my dad asked as soon as he picked up another phone.

“Hey dad—”

“I told you she’d call, Jack! Dad didn’t think you’d call, Joves.” I could picture them both at home, both of them in the same room, both with a phone in their hand. They’d be sitting 2 feet apart having their own conversation forgetting half the time that I was on the line with them.

“She’s been dying to call you, Jovie.”

“My baby’s birthday is tomorrow, and I haven’t talked to her in 2 months! Of course I’d want to call her, Jack! How have you been, Jovie?”

I opened my mouth to answer, but before I could finish one word she continued, “How’s Lex? What was the big surprise?”

“Lucy, let the girl talk, will you,” my dad laughed. I couldn’t help but smile too, though it was bitter sweet. I could see them both smiling as we talked over the phone, and I wanted to be there with them. Half of what my dad said was always with his hands, and I couldn’t see it. I missed those little things about them that I hadn’t seen in weeks.

“I know, I know I'm just so excited! There so much going on here, Joves!” she exclaimed, and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes knowing that there was so much going on here too. “What’s going on there?”

“Yeah, where is there?” my dad asked. It had totally slipped my mind that they had absolutely no idea of where I was at this point, or the fact that we were on tour with Hanson. Last they knew we were going on a tour with a big surprise in store, which was the only thing Lex had told me before we left. I had so much to fill them in on, but I didn’t know where to start.

“Well, we’re in Oklahom-” I started, as I laid on my back, resting my arm under my head.

“Oklahoma?! What are you doing in Oklahoma?” my mom laughed. “I thought this was a small tour.”

“Well, that was part of the surprise--”

“See, Lucy, if you would have let her answer before--”

“Yes, Oklahoma” I said taking control of the conversation. I knew if I didn’t stop them they’d go back and forth for hours. “The surprise was going on tour with Hanson, and going somewhere other than Ohio, Michigan and Indian.”

“Hanson? Those boys with the long hair?” my dad blurted out.

“Those are the ones she used to have posters of all over her room, Jack, remember? The one with the pretty lead singer, right hunny?”

“Yeah mom. The one with the pretty lead singer,” I laughed, and stretched out my back before I rolled over onto my stomach, propping myself up on my elbows.

“Oh Jovie! That must be so exciting for you!”

“You’re staying out of trouble, right?”

“Yes, dad!” I laughed.

“Oh! She doesn’t know about Charlie does she, Jack?” my mom exclaimed, obviously just remembering something important about my oldest brother Charlie.

“What about Charlie, mom?” I asked quickly sitting up.

Charlie had gotten into some trouble in his day, and I was afraid he had another run in with the law. When he was in high school he got in with the wrong group of kids, and had to do a lot of community service for awhile. Since then he’s somehow scored a seemingly-too-nice girlfriend and a job managing the Art museum’s gift shop. He’s taken out his piercings and he’s settled on keeping the natural blonde hair that God gave him instead of his old blue, green and sometimes pink hair.

“Here, let him tell you,” she said. There was a little bit of static on the line, and then I heard Charlie’s voice.

“Hello?” he asked unsure of who he was talking to, and knowing mom she didn’t tell him who was on the line, and just pushed the phone up to his ear.

“It’s Jovie, Charlie,” my dad informed him.

“Oh hey! You found some time in your busy day to call home?” he joked.

“Shut up, Charles” I smile.

“Children,” my dad said, trying to sound stern which made Charlie and I both laugh. My dad was usually the good cop, and the idea of him being stern was a far fetched one.

“So what’s your news?” I asked picking up a pillow and holding it in my lap.

“Hang on, Syd wants to tell you. Syd! Jovies on the phone!” he yelled, failing to cover the receiver first. I cringed and moved the phone away from my ear until I heard Sydney, my brother’s girlfriend had taken the phone from my dad. “Jovie?”

“Hi Syd.”

“Oh hey! What’s goin on?” she asked, and I could hear my mom in the background telling her we were on tour with Hanson. “You’re on tour with Hanson? Haha! Man, what was the drummer’s name? Matt or something, right? He was hot,”

“He was like, 11, Syd.” Charlie reminded her.

“Well, I was like 11 too, Charlie,” she laughed. It was true, Sydney was Zac's age, which made her about 2 years younger than me, and 6 years younger than Charlie. Me and her went to the same high school, but we never really talked. She was in with the cheerleading crowd, and I, well, wasn’t. I think she was in my painting class my Senior year, but she was only taking it because she would need that credit to graduate or something, I don’t remember. All I could remember is her sitting at the table next to me always asking really stupid questions. I couldn’t stand her then, but I’ve grown to like her. Honestly, she is just too nice to hate.

About 2 years later my brother about knocked me over with a feather when he told me he worked with this really nice girl Syd at the restaurant he just started working at. I didn’t think she was my brother’s type, but it has seemed to work out nicely for them. She turned out to be really good for him, and I’m sure he’d still be doing community service, or maybe in jail if it wasn’t for her.

“Jove’s you’ll have to get an autograph from Matt for Syd,” Charlie laughed.

“His name is Zac,” I corrected them, rolling my eyes. “Now, will someone tell me the news?” I whined throwing myself onto my back again, looking up at the ceiling.

“Are you ready?” Syd asked, failing to hide her excitement.

“Hang on a minute, Charlie, does that one have speaker phone?” I heard my mom in the back round.

“No, mom. Only the one downstairs has a loud speaker,” Charlie replied, pulling the phone away only enough to muffle his voice a little.

“Hang on, me and dad want to hear this. Wait until we get downstairs,” she instructed.

“Hang on, Joves, mom and dad are going downstairs.”

“I know, I heard her” I informed him, rolling onto my side to face the night stand next to the bed. The small black felt box Lex left in the room was sitting on it’s side alone on the table. I reached over and picked it up, examining it while Syd and Charlie talked until my mom and dad joined in on the conversation via the speakerphone downstairs. I rolled my eyes, having no idea this simple phone call would turn into such a family affair. Thank God for having more than 2 phones in one house, right?

“Okay, Syd, whenever you’re ready,” my mom told her.

“Ready Joves?” she asked.

“Just tell me!” I laughed, running my index finger along the edge of the box. I was just about to open it when Sydney spoke.

“You’re gunna be an aunt!” she squealed.

“What?” I gasped into the phone, dropping the box back onto the table. I sat up quickly with my mouth open shocked by the news. I couldn’t imagine my brother ever being a dad. “Are you serious?”

“We’re gunna have a baby!” she squealed.

“Isn’t that exciting, Jovie?” my mom asked.

“Wow,” was all I could say. I blinked my eyes and covered my mouth with my other hand. Not only would Charlie be a dad which I thought would never happen, but he would be a dad before I got to be a mom. Never had I imagined that happening. My parents thought I was their only hope at having grandchildren.

“You and Lex better hurry up and get married so that she can have a cousin,” my brother said.

Right. Lex. The reason I called. I winced at the new obstacle which would make breaking the news to my parents even harder. Now I had to wait to tell them, so I tried my hardest to change the subject away from Lex without any of them noticing my dramatic change in mood. He was pretty much the last thing I wanted to talk about now.

“Her? You already know what you’re having? How far along are you?” I asked, biting my bottom lip, praying no one asked anything about Lex and I.

“We’re 5 months. We literally just found out she was a she,” Syd laughed.

“Yeah, we knew Syd was pregos before you left, but we wanted to wait to make sure everything was going smoothly before we broke the news to everyone. We told mom and dad a couple weeks after you left,” my brother explained.

“Mom has been dying to tell you,” my dad laughed.

“Wow,” I repeated. I got off the bed while the three of them continued to talk, and paced the room back and forth. After about 5 minutes of small talk my brother and his girlfriend got off the phone, and my dad said his goodbye leaving just me and my mom on the phone. I didn’t know what to say at this point, but I needed to say something. That was the whole reason I called in the first place.

“Mom,” I said sitting down on the bed again, biting my nails.

“Yeah, Jovie?” I could tell by her tone that she knew something was up.

“I need to talk to you about something serious,” I said after taking a deep breath. My legs bounced uncontrollably as I worked myself up to tell her.

“What’s the matter, Joves?” she asked.

“Um,” I stalled “well, things aren’t going so great with Lex,” I explained, running my free hand through my hair. She didn’t say anything, giving me room to talk. “I mean, we’re not getting married.” I shut my eyes and bit my lip again, waiting for her reaction.

She sighed, but didn’t say anything at first, due to shock I assumed, then finally she asked “What happened?”

“Mom, it’s such a long story, and I just… we just aren’t.”

“So what are you gunna do?”

“That’s kind of why I called,” I said, closing my eyes, bracing myself for her reaction.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I really need to come home.”

“And how do you plan on doing that?”

“I was hoping you and dad could help me out or something. Like maybe if you guys could buy me a plane ticket home or something then I could pay you back once I’m home and get a job.”

“Jovie, you know I would love to be able to do that, but--”

“Mom, please.”

“Hunny, Charlie and Syd are having a baby, and we all know they are going to need financial help, and me and dad just don’t make enough money to help them out, and buy you plane ticket home.”

“Mom, come on, please,” I pled, feeling my nose burn as tears formed in my eyes.

“Jovie, you made the decision to go on tour, and you wanted to be independent, didn’t you? I’m sorry, but we can’t help you out this time. If we had the money it would be different, but right now we just can’t. You and Lex need to work things out, or you need to find another solution.”

“Mom!” I wined, throwing myself onto my back. “Charlie and Sydney made the choice to have sex and get pregnant, and you’re going to help them out? How is that any different?”

“Jovie.”

“Mom!”

“Jovie. You’re 23 years old, you make decisions and you have to deal with them. That’s how life works. You know me and dad love you, but we can’t fix all of your problems anymore.”

I wiped my eyes with the edge of the towel that was still wrapped around me and sniffled, “Fine. I’ll talk to you later.” I hung up the phone before she could say anything else and buried my face into a pillow. I cried, partially because I was stuck there with no way of getting home, and also because I know I just acted like a spoiled brat. I hated being bratty, especially to my mom and I felt like a snotty 5 year old, but this just seemed so unfair.

Finally I decided I needed to take a shower before we got back on the road, now that I had no way out of it. I crawled out of bed and slid off my jeans as I walked to the bathroom. I pulled the soaking wet comforter out of the tub and dropped it onto the already wet floor. I let the bathtub drain before I unwrapped the towel from around me and dropped it on the floor.

Once the bathtub was drained I stepped in and pulled the curtain shut. I turned the shower on and turned the dial to the hot water. I let it fall over my head as I stood under the hot stream and shut my eyes and cleared my head. Once my body was warm I washed my hair with the cheap hotel shampoo, and rinsed off. I dreaded getting out of the shower and stepping back into reality, but I was sure it was getting close to noon.

Reluctantly I turned the water off and stepped out of the shower onto the freezing ground. I wrapped myself in another white towel, and wrapped one around my head to keep my wet hair out of my face. I wiped off the mirror enough to see my face, and quickly towel dried my hair, before blow drying it. I left the bathroom and picked up my jeans and put them back on. I found my shirt, and pulled it over my head after dropping my towel to the ground. I found my underwear and stuffed them into my jean pocket before I looked around the room to see what else I needed to grab before I left.

I saw the box sitting on the table, and I debated for a minute before I grabbed it too, and shoved it into my pocket along with my cell phone. I sighed looking around the room one last time, ashamed of the mistake I made last night, and the room that we’d trashed before I turned the light off and walked out of the room.

I walked down the hall to the elevator and rode it up to Annie and Topher’s floor. I knocked on the door until Annie answered it.

“Morning,” she said opening the door just enough for me to see her face.

“Can I come in?” I asked trying to look passed her, but she just smiled and acted unusual.

“Oh, you want to come in here?” she asked, smiling uncomfortably.

“Annie, what are doing?” I asked placing my hand on the door, trying to push it open, but she blocked my efforts. “Annie,” I said sternly, looking her up and down trying to figure out what the hell she was doing.

“Lex is in here,” she whispered, slightly motioning her head backwards.

“I don’t care,” I said shaking my head, pushing harder on the door until she stepped back and let it open. “I need to get my stuff.”

As soon as I walked in the room Annie, and Topher looked back and forth between Lex and I uncomfortably. Finally, Topher spoke, announcing that him and Annie were going to take some bags down to the van. They quickly exited the room, slamming the door shut behind them.

Lex sat on our bed with his back against the headboard with ankles crossed, and his arms crossed over his chest. He looked just as drained as I did. I couldn’t help myself from feeling horrible.

I was no better than him.

Not only had I tried to attack him last night, but I had also slept with someone else. It didn’t matter that he did it first, I went down to his level and did the same damn thing. The lump in my stomach had come up to my throat as he looked at me.

“I was just leaving,” he announced sitting up straight, starting to get off the bed.

“You don’t have to,” I assured him, walking passed him to my bag sitting by the window. He raised his eyebrows before he leaned backwards, uncomfortably cracking his knuckles.

“I hate when you do that,” I said without looking up as I picked up my bag and the pair of jeans sitting next to it.

“Sorry,” he replied, stopping.

“It’s okay.”

I picked up more of my clothes that had been scattered around my bag for a minute while I looked for a way to break the ice. Finally I took a deep breath and tried talking.

“Sorry about last night. I mean sorry for attacking you,” I said looking up. Our eyes met and I quickly looked back down.

“It’s okay. It was the alcohol talking,” he assured me.

“No, it was me talking,” I said rolling my eyes, “I’m pretty sure I would have done it sober too.”

“O…kay?”

“It’s pretty fucked up, Lex,” I said taking my underwear out of my pocket and tossing it into my dirty clothes bag. I unzipped my other bag and pulled out a new clean pair along with new jeans, t-shirt and my glasses case.

“I can explain,” he said.

I rolled my eyes and stood up straight, looked at him and shook my head. “That’s the stupidest thing anyone has ever said.”

“So what do you want me to do then?”

“There’s nothing you can do,” I shrugged.

“So it’s just over like that?”

I looked away and scratched my head then looked back at him. I was torn. I said I’d never stick around if something like this happened, but now after last night I wasn’t sure. If I had my way none of this would have happened, and today I wouldn’t be faced with this decision that I didn’t want to make.

I just wanted to sit and stare at him. I didn’t want to talk about it. I just wanted it to be how it was before. I had my heart set on being with him for the rest of my life, and now I didn’t know what to do.

I didn’t want to let him off the hook so easily, but at the same time I knew I would be a hypocrite to yell and scream at him when I ended up doing the same thing as him. Granted, I wouldn’t have done it if he didn’t do it in the first place, but I did it.

“Lex, I don’t want it to be over,” I finally said, tossing my clothes on the other bed, and sat down across from him.

“So--”

“I don’t want to have everything to fall to pieces, but I don’t know what to do.”

“It only happened once,” he assured me, sitting up.

I raised my eyebrows and glared at him, looking for any sign of weakness. It was totally possible that he was telling the truth, but how could I be sure? Part of me wanted to know for sure whether or not he was telling the truth, while another part of me was telling me to believe him and never talk about it again. I figured it would be better to go with ignorance is bliss. It would kill me to know that this wasn’t the only time.

I inhaled deeply and sighed, “Promise?”

He nodded, looking me straight in the eyes.

I picked up my clothes, quickly pulling my t-shirt over my head when I heard the knock at the door. Lex looked out the keyhole and said it was just Annie and Topher, so I quickly finished changing. We gathered the rest of our bags and turned the light off before rushing to the van, already 10 minutes behind schedule.

When we made it outside Hanson’s tour buses was already in front of the hotel, waiting for Belladonna’s vans to follow. I’m sure Taylor and Isaac were already throwing a hissy fit inside. Lex and Topher quickly threw the bags in the back while Annie and I climbed in. The whole time I forced myself not to look at the tour bus, afraid that Zac was inside watching me. I also made sure to climb into the van first and hide myself between Annie and the window while Lex got in the front seat and started driving.

I had a feeling the rest of the tour would seem so much longer than this first half.