Chapter 6
Sage felt like he was floating on the back of ocean waves. He didn’t have any sense of “self”, he just was. It took him a long time to realize what he was seeing. First he thought it was some strange movie…but then he recognized the people in it to be himself, Ryo, Cye, Rowen, and Kento. What’s going on? He wondered. Is this some out of body experience? I haven’t died, at least, I don’t think I have. I would remember that, wouldn’t I?

Suddenly the world came rushing up to him. His vision skewed and his perspective changed to that of Ryo’s. Emotions, thoughts, bombarded him unbiddenly. Love, lust, anger, betrayal, sadness, hurt, fear, desire, confusion… Why does he do this? What did I do? What’s wrong with me? Is he just using me? Why do I let him? Does he love me? He does, but he can’t show it…..

Sage/Ryo heard the door shut. Ryo turned around and Sage saw himself standing in the doorway, drunk. Sage heard Ryo ask where he had been. He heard himself reply in a angry drunken voice. Then Ryo hit right to the point, “You slept with someone.”

“Hn. Why do you care?”

“WHY do I CARE?!”

“It’s of no concern to you Ryo.”

“BASTARD!” Ryo caught Sage off guard, smacking him across the face and making him stumbled back. The next blow was blocked, even if Sage was drunk, he beat out Ryo who was too emotional to attack properly.

Ryo was furious. Sage could feel it course though him. Ryo was drawing the line. Sage could hear him repeat over and over, “This is it. I’m not taking any more of his shit.” But what Sage also felt was unbearable sadness, unbearable pain. He felt like his heart was being ripped apart. It hurt, so much more then anything that Sage had ever felt. Physical pain he could deal with, but not this…this was just… I did this to him…I caused this…It’s my fault… Sage thought.

The world blurred around him and started to rush backwards. And Sage relived every fight Ryo and he had. Only this time it was from Ryo’s point of view and he got the distinct pleasure of feeling how Ryo felt.

It finally came down to their first fight. It was near the beginning of their relationship, a few months was all. They were still testing the boundaries of their relationship. Ryo was still being a bit shy, but then trying to see what he could get away with. Sage was becoming more and more dominate, and more possessive.

One night as they were in bed together Ryo decided to try and challenge Sage’s claim on him. He managed to get on top of Sage and started to kiss him. Sage allowed it until he felt Ryo start to go lower.

“What are you doing?” Sage had said.

Sage watched this through Ryo’s eyes and wanted for the life of him to close his eyes and not see what he knew he was about to do.

“I thought I could—,” Ryo had begun.

“No.” it was a cold tone.

“But Seiji you always get to be on top.”

“Are you questioning me?”

“No, it’s just that—.”

Ryo found himself on his back with a very angry Seiji on top of him.

“Seiji….” Ryo began.

SLAP. Sage’s hand smacked Ryo across the face, snapping his head to the side.

There was no word to describe the utter feeling of betrayal and shock that Ryo felt. And so Sage felt it also. He wanted to recoil, to somehow pull back and huddle into a small dark corner and never ever come out. But he could not. He could only watch and feel the events that had pasted.

Ryo lay on the bed, mouth open in a state of shock. Neither he nor Sage moved for a few moments. Both seemed to be unsure what to do afterwards.

“Ryo…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.”

“Ha…hai, it’s ok.” Ryo said, so unsure of what to say. He was scared. Deep down he began to fear the Seiji that would appear again and again. Each time with greater magnitude of anger and violence. But his love for Sage would never diminish. It was a constant battle, fear and love. One that would never be won.

Then Sage was taken back into the dark void of nothing but emotions. His thoughts, his emotions, or Ryo’s? It didn’t matter, they merged and mixed together, a constant bombardment that threaten Sage to go mad. He wanted to scream, to rip something apart. He wanted OUT. But he could not claw at the darkness, he could break away from inside his own mind.

On the brink of madness, he felt something pull him back. Something was calling him. Something that was not apart of the darkness. Something so strong it banished all things away until it was overpowering. Not something, someONE.

RYO.

Ryo was in trouble. Ryo was in pain. Ryo was calling to him. Ryo needed him. NOW.

Sage’s eyes snapped open. For a second everything was unfocused. Then the world came into cold sharpness. He was laying down, partly covered in a blanket of snow, cold, but his mind was clear. He UNDERSTOOD.

The sound of a door opening and running feet drew his attention away from his new found clarity. A face came into his range of vision. A face he recognized: Casey. He felt a stab of anger go through him, but it was gone within a second. He did not hate Casey.

“Ryo’s in trouble. Can you stand?” Casey offered a hand down to him and Sage somehow managed to move his hand to grasp his. Casey pulled him up and Sage stumbled, falling to Casey’s arms. His whole body was so cold. “You need to move, get the circulation flowing again.”

“Right. I’m working on it.”

“We need to go…”

“My jeep…”

“Can you drive?”

“No.”

“Keys?”

“Still in it.”

Casey put an arm around Sage for support and walked him to the jeep. Sage walked around and got in by himself as Casey slid into the driver’s seat.

“I don’t know where is he.” Sage said, suddenly very afraid.

“Don’t worry, I can find them.”

“Them?”

“It’s a long story.” Casey said, turning the jeep around, and sped off down the open road.

On to part seven
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