Name:	Danette
Online Name:	enter here
Country:	USA
State:	CT
Age:	23
Your Birthday:	January 18
Special Talents:	enter here
Hobbies:	enter here
Where do you work?	At a Real Estate firm for the time being.
Were you working when you became pregnant? If yes, doing what?	Yes, I was working as a waitress when I became pregnant
Are you in school?	Yes, I'm 1 1/2 semesters away from earning my Associate Degree
If you've graduated, what is your degree?	enter here
How old were you when you had your first child?	I was 18.
Did you keep? abort? give up for adoption?:	I carried the baby to term and am raising him
Was it the first time you had sex?	No it wasn't the first time I had sex but it was with the first guy that I had sex with.
Were you and the father a couple?	Yes, for about 2 1/2 years
Are you still together?	No, he left when my son was 3 months old.
If you're not together, is the father involved? How is he involved?	He is not involved at all. He left when my son was 3 months old and moved to Missouri. Then when my son was 6 months old he convinced me to move out to Missouri with him so I packed up our son and headed out there. Two months later I was back at home. Then he wanted to move back here but decided instead to move to Florida and tried to convince me to move out there. (Come on now I'm not THAT stupid!) I stayed put in my hometown. Two years after my son was born and two years of hearing the same old story "I promise I'll pay you child support" I finally went to the state to file for child support. He called me up to yell at me and never called again. This was over 3 years ago. The state cannot find him, I cannot find him and this past May(1999) I filed for termination of his parental rights, the petition was granted and I now have Sole custody of my son.
Were you using protection against pregnancy? If yes, what kind?	No, we weren't using any "real" protection
If not, was it because you were trying to get pregnant? Please explain:	No, I just believed that the old withdrawl method really did work.
Did you know how you would support the baby? Support yourself?	When I first became pregnant I wasn't worried about supporting us because I was still with my son's father, he was 25 and between the two of us I knew we could handle it. However, he abandoned us when my son was 3 months old and I had no idea how I was going to support the two of us.
Were you using protection against STDs?	No, I am lucky
How many children do you have?	1
What are their names, ages, birthdays?	Mark is five and his birthday is August 1st.
Was the pregnancy emotionally difficult?	No, I loved being pregnant
Was the pregnancy physically difficult? i.e. were there any medical problems?	the pregnancy went fine...the birth however was a different story :-) Three days of labor, 15 hours of very hard labor. The baby's heartbeat kept dropping so they had me on all fours on my bed and on oxygen and finally they started me pushing when I was only 7 centimeters dialated, she was using her hands to open me up more as I pushed. Fun Fun! :-)
What was/is the most difficult experience as a young mother?	People not taking me seriously when it comes to my son.
Was your family helpful/supportive?	Yes, they were emotionally supportive
Did you stay at home with your parents?	I was on my own when I became pregnant, I lived with my son's father but when he left (my son was 3 months old) I moved in with my dad and stepmother. I was there for about 8 months or so. Then I moved back out on my own.
Did your family help support you? The baby? Emotionally, financially, or both?	My family supported me emotionally mostly,however, my dad supported my financially by letting me move in with him for a little while and sometimes my mother would stop by with some diapers or a can of formula when I was on my own which was a big help.
Do they support you now? Emotionally, financially, or both?	They support me emotionally now, they love my son and are very good to him. My mother babysat him on Saturdays for the last 2 1/2 years so that I could work but I just recently started working at a company where I get the weekends and holidays off...like a real person :-).
Did/do you need public assistance? How did/does that make you feel?	I thought about getting Public assistance when my son's father left but decided against it...I just got a better paying job and lived with my dad for a little while to save money for a security deposit
Was the father's family involved with the pregnancy? Emotionally, financially, or both?	His mother told me that this baby wouldn't mean anything to Mark(the father) because he already had a child. She didn't even come to visit us in the hospital. His sister was nice to me but lived in Florida so I only saw her once; when I was 8 months pregnant. His father liked me but died when my son was 6 months old. So, no they were not involved at all.
Did the father's family help support you? Emotionally, financially, or both?	None of the above.
Does the child have a relationship with the paternal Grandparents?	No, sadly enough he doesn't even know who they are. Although his paternal grandmother called us up recently (after not hearing from her for 3 years) to yell at me for filing a parental termination suit against the father
Do you feel accepted by people your age?	Yes, I feel accepted although I don't have a lot in common with most people my age. Most of them have already graduated college and are trying to create a career. I am trying to rearrange my schedule to fit in a PTO meeting and to volunteer for a basket raffle at my son's elementary school. At night their biggest concern is which bar or club to go to and which guy to flirt with, my concern is to first get my son to eat his dinner and then to read his favorite story to him about 5 times(if I'm lucky) so that I can tuck him in and patiently explain why he cannot just stay up for 5 more minutes to watch The Jungle Book...again.
Do you feel like you have it harder than people your own age without children?	I feel like I have it a lot harder than people my own age without children because they can come and go as they please, they don't have to support anyone but themselves and they don't have to ask themselves after every decision if the choice that they made is going to affect their child in a negative way. But, I have more rewards than they do...I get a hug and a kiss every morning and night from the sweetest person in the world.
Are you happy with the decisions you have made? (Be honest. . .it's ok to feel bad, we all do sometimes)	I am happy that I have my son, I will never regret that decision. His father on the other hand, I regret. But like Garth Brook's song says "I could have missed the pain but I would have missed the dance". If I wasn't with my son's father I wouldn't have my son. There are some mistakes that I have made in my life but my general feeling is that I would not be who I am today without the choices that I have made in the past.
What are your personal goals? (goals for yourself as an individual not as a mother)	To finish school with a decent grade point average and go for my Law degree
Have your goals changed since you became a parent?	No,my goals haven't changed...they have just been extended. My original plan was to be in Law School by the time I was 22 and here I am 23 and I don't even have my bachelor's degree yet. But Mark means more to me than rushing my education.
Do you feel that reaching your goals will be more difficult now that your a teen parent?	Yes, I think everything that you try to do for yourself is more difficult as a parent (not just a teen parent) because you have someone depending on you. You can't just come and go as you please or do whatever you want without any regard to anyone else. If I didn't have my son I would be doing nothing but working and going to school to get it all done but because I have my son I can't do that. I have to take it slower than I would normally...take less classes at a time so I can be there for my son and I don't come home one day to find him all grown up (I don't want to miss this)
What would you tell a (school age) 12-18 year old girl that wanted to get pregnant?	YOUR CRAZY!!! But seriously, I would say that I can't make her decisions for her but it's not all just fun and games raising a child. I am so glad that I graduated high school before I had my son and that is something I believe in. Get your high school diploma first because its very hard to support yourself and your child without one. You can go to college slowly but your high school education is essential.
How do you think being a Young Mother has changed you?	I am more responsible and mature than I would have been if I didn't have my son at a young age but I am also not as careless as I used to be. I have a child who is counting on me to be there for him, I can't go and do stupid s**t and get myself killed.
How do you think society looks upon teen pregnancy?	I think society looks down upon teen pregnancy. The stereotype is that every teen mother is a slut and is on welfare doing absolutely nothing. They think that they are supporting every child of a teen parent. What they fail to realize is that many teen mothers on welfare are using it to get an education and to make something of themselves, they are using the system for what it was intended for...a hand up. The rest of us are supporting our own children; not society.
Why do you think there are so many teen parents?	I honestly don't know, I can't speak for every other teen parent out there and everyone has their own unique circumstances and reasons.
List 5 Pro's to being a teen Mother?	1)Your Children 2)still being young when they grow up 3)being able to communicate with them because you still remember what it's like to be their age 4)Being one of the coolest parents in the class :-) 5) Having more energy than many 30 yr old parents although amazingly enough, I don't have as much energy as I used to before he was born...I think they drain it out of you.
List 5 Con's to being a teen Mother?:	1)Not being able to do as you please. 2)Losing friends because of number 1...although if they are that shallow as friends your probably better off without them anyway 3) Having people look down on you and not take you seriously when talking about your little ones. 4)Not being able to finish school in a timely manner. 5)Having to support two people at a time when you should only have to support one.
What do you expect to get out of being a member of Young Mothers?:	to find other people I have something in common with and to get great advice.
Today's Date:	October 23, 1999