Name:	Shani
Online Name:	Shani or GypsyShani
Country:	USA
State:	New York
Age:	28
Your Birthday:	June 14, 1971
Special Talents:	Grief counselor, HTML programmer, GeoCities Community Leader, journalist for grief support newsletter & parenting website
Hobbies:	Kids, computer, reading
Where do you work?	Home - cannot afford to work outside of the home.
Were you working when you became pregnant? If yes, doing what?	LOL depends on which time. The first time I was a student, 2nd yes Army, 3rd yes Cashier, 4th yes Clerk, 5th yes Clerk, 6th College Student, 7th Tech support/technical writer, 8th no
Are you in school?	No
If you've graduated, what is your degree?	CIS - computer information systems
How old were you when you had your first child?	17
Did you keep? abort? give up for adoption?:	Christopher was born at 24 weeks (premature) and only lived for 7 hours.
Was it the first time you had sex?	No - but it was exclusively with my husband. I hadn't been with anyone else.
Were you and the father a couple?	Yes - married young (16).
Are you still together?	No divorced earlier this year -1999 (married 1988).
If you're not together, is the father involved? How is he involved?	Yes - as much as he can be. He is military and serving a remote tour in Korea.
Were you using protection against pregnancy? If yes, what kind?	First pill, 2nd, 3rd none, 4th diaphram, 5th depo provera, 6th condom, 7th pill, 8th pill. (LOL my "luck" has varied!)
If not, was it because you were trying to get pregnant? Please explain:	Tried for almost 2 years after the first. Didn't have to actively try after that. I was even on Clomid for awhile after the first, which I find funny now (being pregnant with #8).
Did you know how you would support the baby? Support yourself?	Yes - my husband and I were married. He had a stable job in the military.
Were you using protection against STDs?	No - my first husband and I were high school sweethearts and had never been with anyone else.
How many children do you have?	1 in Heaven, 6 living, and pregnant with #8.
What are their names, ages, birthdays?	Christopher (deceased) 6-20-88, Sunny 9, 8-24-90, Katelyn 7, 2-25-92, Regan 6, 10-07-93, Devin 4, 05-01-95, Keegan 3, 12-08-96, Tre 1, 03-20-98. Cassidy Erin due 02-25-00
Was the pregnancy emotionally difficult?	The first one was because I was young and away from family for the first time in my life. I was then hospitalized for a month before delivery due to complications. It was a very scary time. The rest were due to fear of preterm labor. (I was treated each time for preterm labor).
Was the pregnancy physically difficult? i.e. were there any medical problems?	First one - preterm labor, 2nd - 6th threatened preterm labor. 7th I had a condition called polyhydramnious. I also tested group b strep positive with the last two babies, and they were very sick after birth. So far so good with this one, at 24 weeks.
What was/is the most difficult experience as a young mother?	Getting enough rest. It's irnoic - all of my children now sleep through the night and I suffer from insomnia.
Was your family helpful/supportive?	In the beginning, but now they tell me to STOP! I thought I would be done with the last one, baby Tre. My ex-husband had a vasectomy and I thought that would be IT. I met my current husband earlier this year - and was shocked to find out about #8, but we are thrilled. My family has mixed feelings. His family is thrilled and very supportive.
Did you stay at home with your parents?	No.
Did your family help support you? The baby? Emotionally, financially, or both?	My parents have been as supportive as possible when we have been short with money. They have not been as emotionally supportive as I would have hoped, but I really can't complain. I come from a very pro-life family.
Do they support you now? Emotionally, financially, or both?	Emotionally, some. Financially when I need extra help.
Did/do you need public assistance? How did/does that make you feel?	I went on public assistance when I was pregnant with #5 for about 6 mos when my husband and I were separated, and I was trying to finish my degree. I found the system very degrading - one of the reasons I went back to my husband. I found it easier to deal with.
Was the father's family involved with the pregnancy? Emotionally, financially, or both?	Somewhat on both - but I was never close with them.
Did the father's family help support you? Emotionally, financially, or both?	Somewhat.
Does the child have a relationship with the paternal Grandparents?	Yes.
Do you feel accepted by people your age?	I think I am viewed as not the norm, having so many children!
Do you feel like you have it harder than people your own age without children?	No, I think I appreciate things more. If I didn't have children I don't think I would realize how "easy" I would have it.
Are you happy with the decisions you have made? (Be honest. . .it's ok to feel bad, we all do sometimes)	At this point in my life VERY happy, but when I was with my ex-husband I had a lot of guilt. He was an abusive spouse, and I had a hard time getting out of that relationship, especially with so many children. I don't regret for a moment having the kids, because they helped lead me to the life I have now, which is with a man who loves children and is so very good to me! One of the reasons it took so long to leave my ex was the fear of being alone. I thought, "Who would want someone with this many kids?" But God blessed me in so many ways - and not only did I find someone who loves kids, but someone who loves me and treats me like gold! He is the best thing that ever happened to me. (Besides the kids, of course).
What are your personal goals? (goals for yourself as an individual not as a mother)	It is honestly very hard for me to view myself as someone other than a mom. My kids are such a HUGE part of who I am. I would like to go back to college.
Have your goals changed since you became a parent?	Yes - family first. Me second. But at the same time, the kids make me more determined to finish the goals I set long ago. I think I can be a good roll model for them. I am a SAHM now, and I think it is best while they are young - but I do plan on going back to further my degree.
Do you feel that reaching your goals will be more difficult now that your a teen parent?	I am no longer a teen parent, but I was. I found it *MUCH* more difficult to juggle parenting and college - but at the same time I am more determined, so I think it evened out.
What would you tell a (school age) 12-18 year old girl that wanted to get pregnant?	Finish your education. Second, if you have a baby - let it be with someone you love. Being a single parent for awhile made me realize how important it is to have a two parent home. I am not super religious, but I now know that is what God intended.
How do you think being a Young Mother has changed you?	I was 17 when I lost my first child. That in itself has made me thankful of the gifts I do have, and made me a better mother. I also was trained as a grief counselor to help others who experience pregnancy loss/neonatal death. Then - after having 6 healthy children it has given me a deep respect for life, the joy of living & giving. (I know that might sound sappy, but it's so true!) Being a young mother has matured me beyond my years. Mostly for the good, although I am sometimes accused of being "too serious".
How do you think society looks upon teen pregnancy?	Definately negatively, but it is not as taboo as it used to be.
Why do you think there are so many teen parents?	I don't think it is the lack of education. Schools are becoming much better at educating the young about birth control (especially since the AIDS crisis). For me, it was a lack of self control. I can't speak for everyone - but one theory is that a young woman thinks that having a baby will give them someone to love. Little thought is given to the awesome responsibility of what it takes to raise a child. Of course, this is not always true. I think each teen mother has a different story to tell.
List 5 Pro's to being a teen Mother?	More energy when you are young, teaches responsibilty at a younger age, unconditional love, when the child gets older you are not so far removed from their generation which I think makes me more understanding, also teaches respect for your own parents.
List 5 Con's to being a teen Mother?:	Finishing an education is more difficult. Working is also more difficult if you have children. The responsibility (also listed as a pro). If you are looking for a serious relationship it can be harder to find someone if you already have children. The cost of childcare is outrageous!
What do you expect to get out of being a member of Young Mothers?:	Mutual support, understanding & friendship.
Today's Date:	Nov 2, 1999