Cheese Advice Bureau

We handsome people at the crazy world of cheese have been accused of being self centred, as if making a site all about ourselves, with photos of us, descriptions of us, and crazy things done by us could be called self centred. However, some of you persist in denying the intellectual depths we have achieved (some...and this hurts...people even suggest our page on the cheese making process was not very informative). So the time has come to show how this site will help the ignorant masses (you) in achieving the level of happiness we revel in. Or level of skin care Dan revels in. Yes, you, you lucky cheesio's, have the oppurtunity to write in to us with your problems, and we will endeavour to help you to find a solution. Kinda like an agony aunt, but cheesy and male. Please read terms and conditions before entering: 1) We can't promise any sensitivity in the matter whatsoever 2) We reserve the right to mock you for the lifetime of this site. 3) We are not responsible for death/horrible pain/police charges/miscolouring that may be caused through applications of our solutions. 4) we reserve the right to ignore you. If we do, DO NOT pester us. We are busy and have more important things to worry about than what to wear on Saturday (with the exception of Dan).

E-mail us your problems/worries etc., and we will forward it to our team of experts. You may wish to address it directly to one of us...I mean the highly trained experts...due to their expertise in the following areas of potential distress... Matt Hair dye gone wrong (pink for instance),                     suicidal skateboarding syndrome, LOTR                      obsession/fantasies, moshing difficulties Paddy Foreign relations, having a silly accent, potato              eating, tatty mincing. Jason (who is currently doing an a-level pyschology.              Told you we were qualified) Falling over in                  the shower, escaping from a straight jacket,                multiple personalities, massive hand disability,              breaking doors. Tom Being so clever you may implode, being loaded,           doing REALLY stupid stuff while drunk, failing driving tests, the meaning of life, onion phobia. Adam Compulsive mouse eating, sailing away (with               David Gray), sporting advice, llama troubles. Andy Lucozade addiction, blisters, bar work,                       avoiding driving, nightmares involving aliens in             school brandishing calculators. Kev Is a Nazi. See right. All genocide                                problems/dictatorial difficulties write to him.

Our team show their caring side.

You're special too. Yes, YOU.

Email us your problems (Click here to start on the journey to self discovery)

I want to make myself feel better by laughing at other people's misfortune (Click here to view our advice to people who have already sent in) Click the links below to jump straight to your favourite, or the latest (highest number, dumbass) advice page... Advice Page 1 Advice Page 2 Advice Page 3