To the team, Will you be my friend? We say, We tend not to associate with dumbass's like you. This is an ADVICE page, not a buggering lonely hearts request page. If you'd asked us how to get some friends, we may have helped you (or at least yelled billy), and showed you how to make yourself insanely popular by making an hilarious, and informative site. But instead, you take up our precious, and much demanded time, our cookie eating time, with your pathetic, desperate question. Piss off billy. Ok, we're feeling a bit guilty about the above. We set out to help people, with these glorious pages, regardless of intelligence. Obviously we're not gonna go as far as actually being your friend - we have STRICT quality standards (though Kev managed to cheat them), but we'll help you. Here's what to do - hang around the 'hard' y11 lads, and act like a complete twat. Steal people's football for no reason, spit everywhere, stare at sixth formers (you must pretend to hate them, whilst really admiring those male asses), and mock our team member, Paddy, for being Irish. Seemingly, all of this will make you a cool, hilarious and 'hard' person in the eyes of many (though we stress not all) y11 lads...

Who is this Kev person and why is he on this site?  P.S i don't appreciate the Hitler salute on the liverpool photo page.  P.P.S  for his benifit, Emile Heskey is not a great goal scorer but an amzing player none the less.  Kev is obviously a complete idiot and must be an obsessive football supporter who can not notice real talent. Kevin Pickerall is one of our good friends and we don't appreciate these comments.  However, this is an advice page and as a question is asked we feel we must answer it.  Admittadely we are very annoyed with Kev's anti German protest in the form of a salute.  We all no that Emile Heskey is an amazing player, but Kev is to stuborn to admit it as he plays for Liverpool, who Kev despises. As for why is he on the site, the answer is, we honestly don't know.

Salutations to all the team. A question to Matt (he knows about these things), what is the best kind of lubrication for removing gigantic hands wedged in a doorway (which I ploughed into while falling over in the shower)? Much obliged,                   JasE P.s. I like to place emphasis on the E at the end of my name - if I ever tell you that there isn't an E, don't listen. It's my identical twin, Filnando - I do hate him so, talking. Matt says: Definately a large nob (hehehehe) of lard, I find it works wonders on the lubrication front and then you rent out your MASSIVE hands as an ice rink for disadvantaged youths.

Why have you censored my problem? I need help, and chocolate!!!!! Because of the evil powers that be, my obese fatty.