Cool stuff

This part of the wonderful world of god's page will be filled with funny poems jokes and anything that tickles my funny bone. But anything funny YOU might come across please send it to me. Anything including pics, jokes, short stories, poems, anything you think is cool (doesn't have to be funny just good)

1) (Story) Must be read with Italian accent

One morning ima gonna Malta bigga hotel. Ina morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna 2 pissis toast. She only brings me one piss. I tella her I want 2 piss. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna piss onna my plate. She say you better no piss onna your plate,you sonna ma b*tch. I don't even know the lady and she call me a sonna ma b*tch
Later I goto eat at the bigga restraunt. The waitress brings me a spoon and knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone wanna fock. I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table on sonna ma b*tch. So I go back to my room inna hotel and there is no shits onna the bed. Call the manager and tella him that I wanna shit. He tell me goto the toilet. I say you no understand I wanna shit onna my bed. He say you better not shit onna bed you sonna ma bitch. I goto the checkout and the man at the desk say: "peace on you". I say p*ss on you too, you sonna ma b*tch, I gonna back to Italy

2) (trick)

First get a bottle (glass), three match heads and fill the bottle with water. Then attempt to try to get one match head to float at the bottom one at the top and one in the middle. It's quiet easy to do you don't take water out don't use sticks to push match the heads. All you use is the bottle and match heads (to find out solution please email me at yourdarls@hotmail.com cause if it is here then every one will know then it won't be much of a trick)

3) love poems and sweet things to say (dedicated to Naomi)

a) The love I have for you is like no other not for a dog or even my own mother. This love of you will neva die and I tell you this is not a lie. For what I have found is strong and true. Cause what I have found is I love u
b) Love is only a small part me, you fill shear joy and glee. That small part of me is now as large as can be, for this I will get down on one knee, so will you do the honours of marrying me
c) my life was filled with sorrow and despare, then there you came out of thin air, I want to hold you in my arms forever, and to hurt you I will do neva, for you are the sweetest thing that could be, and that why I ask how could you luv me, I'm not worth worthy of your grace, I feel I should give you more space, but this I can not becasue it is you that I love, u make me feel like I could sore up above, I hope this really could be that thing called love
d) life without you is more then pain, just the thought of it could drive me insane, the feelings I have are so deep, so without u I would just weep, I feel my luv for you is so true, I want to spend my life with you, so please don't leave me here all alone, I will sit you apon a throne, for royalty you should be, but most of all you should be next to me
e) words cannot express such feelings that dwell inside me as love is an indescribable thing. The fact that my heart only beats for you means nothing if we don't have love

4) Card trick
This is a story card trick. First you get the kings queens and aces from the pack (discard the rest). Start the story: 4 Aces went to an INN they ask for a room the Innkeepr says your inluck we have four rooms left. So the four aces goto there rooms (they cards into four piles representing the four rooms) then 4 kings come along and say they want a room the innkeeper replies well there were just four aces put into the last rooms but I'm sure they don't mind so the four kings go into the rooms with the aces (add a king to each pile) when they get there the kings say well our wifes the queens will have to stay with us aswell (add a queen to each pile) then the aces say well if they have some one here then I better invite our friends the jacks (add a jack to each pile). That night there was a huge storm the INN came unstuck and turned over and over and over again(cutting cards continued whilst saying this). Then in the morning the INN keeper returns to find out the damage done and how everybody body is. (start makning four piles of cards containing four each) To his surprise when he gets there he found that (turn over one pile at a time) all the jack are together all the queens are together all the kings are together(the types card will be in the same pile)
If you wanna know how to do this trick Email me atyourdarls@hotmail.com for a complete easy to understand trick guide

5) funny story
Frank had died and, naturally, wound up in Hell. He was met by the Devil and was told that Hell was now a "kinder and gentler" place. Each person was offered three choices of torture. The devil explained that these tortures ran in a thousand year cycle and you could pick which cycle to begin with. Frank went with the Devil down the hall where Jon was hung up by his feet and was being whipped with chains. Frank told the Devil he'd "pass" on that one. On down the hall to where Brian was hung up by his arms and was being whipped by a cat-o-nine-tails. Frank shook his head over this one, too. Finally, there was Joseph, strapped to the wall, naked as a jaybird. A very gorgeous woman was performing oral sex upon him. Frank said, "Yes, yes, this is where I want to start." The Devil said, "You sure? This lasts for a thousand years, you know." "Yes, I'm sure. This is the place." "OK," said the Devil. He walked to the beautiful blonde, tapped her on the shoulder and said, "Your replacement's here."
6)

7)
WHY?
why don't women blink during foreplay?
not enough time

why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilise one egg?
Because they don't stop and ask for directions

why dont women have mens brains?
don't have a penis to put them in

why do men snore when they lay on there backs?
because there balls fall over their asshole and they vapour-look

why did god create men b4 women?
you need a rough copy b4 you have a final copy

Why is men pee yellow and his sperm white ?
so he can tell if he is coming or going

why do women wear black underwear?
to mourn the stiffs that they've burried

what is the definition of a women?
a life support machine for a pussy

what do women and a stamp have in common?
you can lick them stick them then send them away

8) Chinese proverbs
passionate kiss like spiders web, soon lead to undoing of fly
Virginity like bubble one prick all gone
Man who run in front of car get tired
Man who run behind car get exhausted
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give her upright organ.
Man who walk side ways through turnstile in airport, going to bang cock
Man with one chop stick go hungry
Man who sctraches ars should not bite finger nails
Man who eats many prunes gets good run for money
Baseball is wrong man with 4 balls cannot walk
Panties not best thing on earth, next to best thing on earth
War does not determine who is right, war determines who is left
Wife who puts husband in dog house, sure to find him in cat house
Man how fight all day with wife sure not to get piece at night