Churh Bulletin Bloopers

• "Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children."
• "The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church."
• "Evening massage - 6 PM"
• "The pastor would appreciate if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for pancake breakfast next Sunday morning."
• "The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession."
• "Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door."
• "Ushers will eat latecomers."
• "The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment."
• "For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs."
• "The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience."
• "The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth into Joy."
• "During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit."
• "A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday."
• "Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
• "Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing service will be discontinued until further notice."
• "Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community."
• "The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement noon Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy."
• "The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her."
• "Twenty-two members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why."
• "Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir."
• "Potluck supper: Prayer and medication to follow."
• "Don't let worry kill you off--let the church help."
• "The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11."
• "Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones."
• "The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir."
• "Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child."
• "Weight Watchers will meet at 7 pm. Please use large double door at the side entrance."

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