Efficient Sentences

These lines are out of the OER (Officer Efficiency Reports -- performance appraisal for military officers):

• Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together...
• A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus...
• A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on...
• A prime candidate for natural deselection...
• Bright as Alaska in December...
• One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests...
• Donated his brain to science before he was done using it...
• Fell out of the family tree...
• Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming...
• Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it...
• He's so dense light bends around him...
• If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate...
• If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week...
• If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change...
• If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean...
• It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm...
• One neuron short of a synapse...
• Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled...
• Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes...
• Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby...
• Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead...

to Lists.

to The Procrastinator's Aid.