Sex Before Marriage

I was in a "Christian" chatroom the other day and the topic of sex came up. Someone, apparently very eager to have sex, was asking if the bible had any prohibitions against sex before marriage. Figuring this was a no brainer, I just sat back and waited for the others in the room to post the usual verses. But to my shock and horror, the lustful individual not only didn't encounter any resistance but actually had advocates; advocates among Christians.

About 8 people chimed in that abstinence before marriage was just a manmade tradition, and that the bible was completely silent about the subject. I countered this as quickly as I could, beginning to make headway until a well respected woman in the room blurted out, "I don't need to be married to have sex" and that was the end of the discussion. I just sat there in shock, wondering what room I was in. Had I clicked a wrong link or something. Surely this wasn't a Christian room. How could someone be a Christian and have that large an elephant in their spiritual living room.

(ISV) Matthew 7:3: "Why do you see the speck in your brother's eye but fail to notice the beam in your own eye?"

I Don't Need To Be Married To Have Sex

Let's try to tackle exactly where this comes from. Now for a person in the world I can understand their thinking, but I'm addressing a believer here. This woman was an active Christian. Let's see if she found this in the scriptures:

(MKJV) 1 Corinthians 6:18-20: Flee fornication. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits fornication sins against his own body.; Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit in you, whom you have of God? And you are not your own, for you are bought with a price. Therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's
(ASV) 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5: For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye abstain from fornication;; that each one of you know how to possess himself of his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in the passion of lust, even as the Gentiles who know not God;
(NIV) Deuteronomy 22:13-15: If a man takes a wife and, after lying with her, dislikes her and slanders her and gives her a bad name, saying, "I married this woman, but when I approached her, I did not find proof of her virginity," then the girl's father and mother shall bring proof that she was a virgin to the town elders at the gate.

Note, the wife is supposed to be a virgin. Now a lot of people like to say the word used for virgin just means young maiden. But does that mean all wives have to be young maidens, and I've never heard youth referred to as virginity.

(KJV) 1 Corinthians 7:1-2: Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

That's another good verse. Some say only the married can commit fornication. That fornication is just another word for adultery. But here is a verse clearly indicating that a single person can commit fornication.

(NASB) 1 Timothy 5:14: Therefore, I want younger widows to get married, bear children, keep house, and give the enemy no occasion for reproach;

Notice that bearing children comes after the command to marry. And having sex before marriage would definately break the order in this sentence.

(NASB) 1 Corinthians 7:34: and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

I included this verse in that is further dispels the myth that a virgin is just a young maiden in that it explicitly links the word virgin with being unmarried. If it were just a reference to youth, it would imply that only the young could be unmarried, and that just doesn't make any sense.

No, I don't see the mindset in scriptures. I don't see any support for marriage not being a prerequisite to sex. And I certainly don't see any lack of scriptures addressing the subject. And I don't see where all the confusion is coming from regarding the meaning of the word virgin, unless someone is desperatately trying to avoid it.

"I don't need to be married to have sex."

Perhaps this attitude doesn't come from scripture. Perhaps its indicative of the selfishness of this generation. Tell it like it is:

"I don't want to be married to have sex."

Perhaps this mindset is kind of like the all things are permissible mindset. For that I always answer:

(MKJV) Romans 6:1-2: What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin so that grace may abound? Let it not be! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?
(ISV) 1 Thessalonians 4:7-8: For God did not call us to impurity but to holiness. Therefore, whoever rejects this instruction is not rejecting human authority but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.

No, I do believe this is a slightly different mindset. Something along the lines "God couldn't possibly expect me to resist." We live in such a comfortable world. We can't imagine a time when it wasn't like this. So we can't believe God would make demands on us that would make us give up so much comfort. But where did they get this view of God?

(ISV) Luke 18:22-24: ..."You still need one thing. Sell everything you have and give the money to the destitute, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come back and follow me."; But when the official heard this he became sad, because he was very rich.; So when Jesus saw how sad he was, he said, "How hard it is for rich people to get into the kingdom of God!

One could just as easily say "How hard it is for comfortable people to get into the kingdom of God!" And that's what we're dealing with here. A level of comfort that nobody thinks God would ever intrude upon. But they don't know their scriptures or their history.

(ISV) Hebrews 11:24-25: By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be called a son of Pharaoh's daughter,; because he preferred being mistreated with God's people to enjoying the pleasures of sin for a short time.
(ISV) Hebrews 11:35-38: ...Others were brutally tortured but refused to accept release, so that they might gain a better resurrection. Still others endured taunts and floggings, and even chains and imprisonment.; They were stoned to death, sawed in half, and killed with swords. They went around in sheepskins and goatskins. They were needy, oppressed, and mistreated.; The world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts, mountains, caves, and holes in the ground.

Granted, this is talking about Old Testament saints, but New Testament saints didn't fair much better, they were being thrown to lions. And modern people think God wouldn't expect them to give up a little thing like sex? Just because we live in such comfortable times, we have been lulled into believing God demands nothing of us, when he demands so much of those before us. If anyone would have had this attitude back then, Christianity would have gone nowhere.

And no one's asking them to give up sex. They are just being asked to keep sex within the confines of marriage. But for that woman and many others like her that's too much to ask. Jesus can die for them, but they can't give up one thing, not even a pleasure.

(ISV) Matthew 16:24: Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone wants to follow me, he must deny himself, pick up his cross, and follow me continually.
(ISV) Matthew 10:38: The one who doesn't take up his cross and follow me isn't worthy of me.

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