This article has been written in the hope to spread the word of small joys. It is important not to trivialise the small, simple things that we are blessed with, or have the capacity to do and treasure. In the scheme of all things, as the years roll on, these small treasures begin to reveal themselves for their true value.
Small treasures hold true and joyous always in one's heart. Perhaps you have been put in this present difficult place to learn this lesson. It can be a hard lesson to learn—I've been learning it for 23.5 years!—but it is one that will ultimately deliver you much happiness and peace.
Family & friends: the loved ones who care
Sometimes we need a reason to realise how much the small things our loved ones generously do all count and add up through the years.
Living with a chronic illness or chronic pain, or any generally debilitating condition can sometimes be a nightmare at best. My life has certainly been a testament to this statement on many occasions.... as then have the lives of those closest to me. These people have naturally felt terribly upset when observing my suffering but even more so through supposedly not being able to do any thing to allay it. However, their support and belief in me—leading them to stand by me when most others ran in the opposite direction at the first hint of turmoil—has been an incredible help to my morale.
Can you personally identify with these comments? Don't overlook the fantastic relationships that you are blessed with—hardship can make or break any relationship and those that have been strengthened have certainly made up for those lost. I find it a valuable exercise to think about the wonderful people in my life and all the different ways in which they have shown me compassion and support.
Sometimes love and cherish seem insignificant in life—and certainly many neglect their loves for materialistic drives in this stressful society of ours. Yet, here is a little example, aptly demonstrated by Miss Deeply in Love, to show you just how important sharing love can be. She may have been housebound for years by a devastating illness but this hasn't stopped her from experiencing one of life's most special yet often overlooked gifts, of true love. In fact, it has made demonstration of this true love possible. Although sometimes she may feel like she cannot give and contribute a lot in her life, giving reciprocated love to another is priceless. The love that she gives him may seem like a small thing but throughout time, this will become one of the most wondrous things in his (and her) life. When they are old and grey you can bet that they'll sit together on their couch and pour over old photos of their marriage, their first home together, and perhaps their children, grinning all the while, remembering those wonderful times. There is no substitute.
When I reflect on years gone by I very rarely think about graduations or academic prizes won or such forth. What I do think about (with a fond smile on my face all the while) are times spent with truest friends and my dear mumÉ the funny things we've done together, the sad times, the joyous moments and celebrations. The whole lot. Friendships have been heralded throughout time as one of the most rewarding elements of life. You will know when people treasure you for who you are because they will keep coming back for your hugs and caring, and words of advice (even when not always helpful on previous occasions!). I've made a lot of special friends through SAYME and I very much appreciate their support and caring, probably much more than they could ever imagine É believe me, it's a big thing for me!
However, sometimes—and frequently too often—illness can divide relationships. Yet, partners in crises have often found healing from doing small things together as a team. For instance, there is a couple whom I know of who share the joys of art; the wife paints and the husband makes home-made, unique frames especially for each of her paintings. When they hang that piece on their wall or give it as a gift to someone else they share the achievement and it brings them closer—a collaborative effort of small things can make a big thing. Another couple example: the wife makes greeting cards and because she cannot leave her home due to illness, her husband sells them for her. He could not sell them if she did not make them, and likewise she wouldn't be nearly so rewarded in making them if he didn't sell them for people all around the place to enjoy. Her presence therefore escapes her home and touches people every where because of their love and commitment to one another. Small things can be very special to another—never underestimate your small doings and giving's.
No matter how sick, or how poor, you can give love and receive love—don't underestimate the joys obtained through love and the small things that you can share with, or do for another.
Educating others doesn't require a formal qualification or an able body
Your small ME awareness or advocacy efforts can make a real difference in your world and others.
f you are having trouble with family or friends not understanding your illness you can attempt to educate them. Better still, you can think of this as impacting on the welfare of many others like yourself. When thinking about the six degrees of separation you can truly realise how many people interact, particularly with the globalisation of communication networks. Even in this state of ours, chances are that your parents or friends will come across someone like you at some stage in their life. Just maybe they will treat this person with a little more respect and consideration because of their learning through you. As you can see, the little things have the capacity to turn into big things. Bek Oberin's open letter to those without CFS (www.tertius.net.au/foothold/openletter.html) has helped many a person throughout the world and the Invisible Disability Advocate (www.invisibledisabilities.com) has changed the perception of many a person across nations. Their concepts are simple but certainly significant and meaningful for so many people in need.
You may be bedridden and barely functional but you can still share your story with the world and make someone's day. Sometimes it helps another sufferer to realise that they are not alone; they can read your story and say, "hey, I can relate to that—there is someone else just like me also knowing how hard it is to live my life." You might just give someone the hope that they were looking for. You must remember that all contributions are important—why not dictate your life experiences into a small tape recorder today, and then ask someone kind to type it up for you. Send it to us so that you can share it with every one else. Perhaps if you are up to a little light activity indulge in some creativity by making your own web-site. You could even send the URL for your site to Oprah or a politician or whomever you please. They may not look at it but then they may find just what they have personally been looking for. You just never know.
Creating my own web-sites has been a wonderful small something for me personally. I like putting me and my story out there so that more people might come to understand what it is like to have a chronic illness and chronic pain. Those who read my articles have the opportunity to then decide whether to remain ignorant or take the small but crucial step of being significant by comprehending and believing in our illness and spreading the truth amongst disbelieving others. In time the small thing began to become a bigger thing when people started e-mailing me to thank me for some of the student resources at my site, or thanking me for showing them my artwork and poetry and thereby inspiring them to believe that small things might also be comforting and rewarding for them too.
Self-acceptance: a small thing for some and a major milestone for others.
Certainly, some people try a round-a-bout way of becoming happy with themselves and their life situation by looking to others for approval. If others appear to be happy with what they see and know of the person then surely they should be happy with themselves? This doesn't work in the long term and you realise pretty quickly upon getting sick or injured (and not being able to be that person any more) that those who once worshipped what you were are no longer in your life. Wouldn't you want people to remember you for who you were (and still are), not what you were? The better strategy is to find out what makes you happy and do it and then you will also discover people around you who like you for who you are—and they'll be around in the long term.
llness can be a fantastic opportunity to do some soul searching that you would have otherwise postponed to a later date. We are experiencing a barely-started-life crises rather than a mid-life crises! When I started grieving and coming to terms with my loss, I also saw a gain.... I am happy now just existing in my skin whereas years past I couldn't be in my skin unless it was doing something spectacular and being praised by all. I realised a couple of years back that I didn't really like who I'd become, as influenced by others (many of whom soon departed once I got sick and other unfortunate circumstances arose). I remember spending many hours that I was too ill to do any thing just contemplating exactly who I was—I really wasn't sure! I am so fortunate to now be happy existing in my skin—particularly since when I look around I see many writhing about uncomfortably in theirs. They're obviously not satisfied with their lot and often themselves (as the actual denominator determining their lot). Attitude counts for a lot regarding how successful one perceives their life to be (and success can be factored in many respects aside from just your pay packet and how many times your boss has patted you on the back with an announcement of yet another promotion). Sure I get frustrated sometimes. Sure I still get annoyed sometimes. Nevertheless, I have come to terms with my limitations, accepted my life for what it is and realised that the small things that I can do are in fact terribly important to others and me.
Of course, knowing this is at first no compensation for our predicament. We experience denial; we desperately want our well-worn, familiar and typically hectic and over-productive lives back. That way we can just slot right back in with the societal norm. Then slowly over time we get angry because really, being in denial is not helping us to deal with the problem. We only see what we've lost and rightly so, because it can be a lot for many, particularly those over-achievers amongst us and those poor souls like myself who have battled with perfectionism for a good chunk of their existence. We're uncomfortable just being us as a person—we're no longer a piece of finely tuned, well-oiled machinery, churning out endless productivity, as forever admired by all. So when our capacity takes a dive we've certainly lost a lot of our former selves and we feel lost—we don't know who on Earth we are any more. Even worse, others don't seem to know who we are and some of them are none too satisfied with what we've seemingly become. It takes them some time to adjust too—and us even longer to work out that those who can't in the long-term accept our illness are really the ones with the deficitÉ not us.
Don't be ashamed to do what you love, no matter how small the task may seem.
Hobbies can often begin as a comfort, then work themselves into a passion and from there many people who I know personally have gone on to turn their hobbies into work, particularly because they can keep doing these tasks from home. So don't overlook the potential of your small things and don't be scared to care about and embrace these small hobbies that you love. If you love them so much that you can't bear to sacrifice them, then you know that this is something that you should be doing in some capacity or another for the rest of your life.
Volunteering—a pleasurable, rewarding & teaching "small" experience
Why small? Well sometimes we can't contribute a lot. Frequently I cannot contribute as much I would like but it's become a big part of my life and the people around me more than accept my limitations.
A few years ago, I tutored Biology for a more than decent hourly rate. One day I tutored a girl whose family was poor and having experienced the same thing in my life when younger, I decided that I would tutor her for next to nothing for the remainder of the year. Around this time, I also started doing some volunteer work with SAYME. The Society is now an important part of my life and certainly not something that I could ever just turn my back on in a hurry, unlike many other kinds of work that come to mind. Unfortunately, some people look down at me when I say I do volunteer work but that's OK because they've obviously missed out on the small joys in life.
A few hours of volunteer work per week has made a real difference in my life. People touch you deeply with their gratitude, their courage through problems, and their compassion for others. Sometimes you can help, sometimes you feel like you've fluffed but you're not exactly going to get fired and you know exactly what to do to not fluff from that point onwards! I have had the pleasure of witnessing a few of the younger SAYMErs turn into wonderful, compassionate, responsible, wise and self-assured adults before my eyes. When you are sibling-less like me, you cannot put a price on that! I've learnt through such experiences that small things can blossom into big joys through time. No effort, no matter how small should be discounted and its value may be immense to another.... even if this is not always obviously or instantaneously apparent to you.
The beauty of my world in a 360 panorama of bliss
Nature—so many fascinating and wonderful small things to endlessly explore and observe.
I have always been a star person. For me, the best jewels of all are the untouchable ones, as found suspended high in the sky. When I was bedridden for periods we placed glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling which gave me some comfort and allowed me to dream about the outside world even during the day when my blinds were closed because of severe light intolerance and migraines. Such a small thing helped me make it through some very dark times.
Years later, somewhat healthier I gaze at the remarkably complex sky with its randomly affixed jewels, studded into rose pink clouds tainted with the gold of a virtually set sun. The moon eventually mysteriously lights the webbed mazes of tree branches and I listen to the last calls of birds on their flight home, along with those drivers whizzing by several streets away with an urgency to reach loved ones quickly. I'm struck with the most intense aweÉ my world is beautiful.
Once I was sitting on the bench in my back-yard feeling a little bit despondent about a series of events that had unfortunately cropped up, most certainly unexpected and unwelcomed. As I contemplated my lot, an apple-blossom petal floated downwards before my eyes, to eventually come to rest at my feet. There are no fruit trees in our area and I don't know where it came from but I know that it was delivered as a sign of hope. In much younger years, I remember frolicking through a different neighbourhood, throwing up great handfuls of apple and cherry blossoms into the air. The fragrance and spectacle (like being inside one of those paper-weights with that wonderful fake snow) were just magic and at that precise time there was only sheer joy abounding. The fragrance was again with me on that difficult day to comfort me. My explanations to others could never give justice to how special this little petal was.
At the end of the day... summing up the synergy of small things:
Give small things a go today.
Dry those bitter tears and do what you can now. Don't look to a future that might never arise. I can tell you from experience that you'll become very empty and disheartened if you wait about for your circumstances to change rather than changing your out-look on life first.
Your doings are only as insignificant as you deem. Don't be overly critical of your small efforts, and judge them only on the joy received by yourself and others. You can never predict how special and incredibly great in importance and reward small things can become over time.
Remember É there is a place for every small thing in this world—even this article!!!
