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Conversations in a Cave

"..laus. Iolaus! Are you okay? Speak to me Iolaus!"

"Erm, Herc?"

"Yeah Iolaus, its me. Are you okay?"

"Mmm, not sure. I'll have to get back to you on that one. Where are you Herc?"

"Just over here."

"Oh. Well I don't want to worry you or anything but I think I've gone blind. I can't see you, I can't see anything!"

"It's okay, I can't see anything either. It's as black as Hades in here."

"In where?"

"Don't you remember?"

"Not exactly. Things are kind of fuzzy right now."

"We're in a cave."

"In a cave? Feels more like under a cave!"

"Is anything broken?"

"Don't think so. My head seems to be a bit dented, but its not too bad. I seem to be stuck though..."

"Ah."

"Ah?

"Well, I'm a bit stuck too."

"You? Stuck? Can't you do the 'Hercules with the strength of ten men' thing?"

"I tried that already. I nearly brought the rest of the roof down on us."

"Ah."

"Exactly."

"Now what?"

"Well, now I'm trying the slow and steady approach."

"Seems like a good idea."

"That's what I thought."

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"So, what happened then?"

"We were fighting a monster."

"No surprise there then."

"Yeah. It had been eating the villager's sheep not to mention the occassional villager."

"So Hercules and his trusty side-kick to the rescue!"

"Something like that anyway."

"Hang on - I'm starting to remember..."

"Remember what?"

"The monster. Wasn't it a big slimy thing with loads of tentacles?"

"Yep, that's the one."

"Is that what I can smell?"

"If you think it smells bad now, what do you think its going to smell like in a couple of hours?"

"Eew! Dig faster Herc!"

"I'm doing my best."

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"Hey!"

"Hey what?"

"I've just remembered how the roof caved in."

"Oh. I was hoping you'd forgot that bit."

"It wasn't one of your greatest moments was it?"

"It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"Well I couldn't see any other way to defeat it."

"I was doing just fine with my sword."

"Iolaus, it was growing new tentacles faster than you could cut them off."

"At least I didn't bring the roof down on us. What were you trying to do?"

"I thought I'd bash its head against the wall."

"It had a head?"

"Well, I made a guess and bashed where its head should have been."

"Ooh, very scientific."

"It worked didn't it?"

"That kind of depends on your definition of worked Herc..."

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"Can you reach the torch?"

"Why?"

"Well if you toss it over here I might be able to strike a spark and light it."

"Hang on a second, it's round here somewhere..."

"Well?"

"Sorry Herc, the torch is very flat right now. It's underneath most of the roof."

"Oh."

"Just keep on digging, I'm not going anywhere."

"Sigh"

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"Erm, Herc?"

"What?"

"Could you dig faster?"

"Not a good idea. We don't want anymore of the roof coming down."

"Okay."

"What's the hurry? I thought you'd enjoy the opportunity for a good lie down ,while I do all the work."

"Well, I don't want to seem alarmist but there's something alive here with me."

"What?!"

"There's something squirming."

"You think it's the monster?"

"Well, can you think of anything else stupid enough to be in here with us?"

"Good point. Can't you get it with your sword?"

"Sorry, my sword's with the torch."

"Oh...What about your knife?"

"Well that's in my boot."

"And?"

"And there's a lot of cave on top of my boot. Er, I could try poking it viciously with a finger."

"That'd probably just make it mad."

"That's what I figured."

"Just lie still and try not to provoke it."

"Don't provoke it, ha! Great plan Herc."

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"The tentacle's stopped moving."

"Good. It probably died."

"If we don't get out of here soon, I'm probably going to go the same way."

"WHAT?!?!"

"Die; of boredom that is."

"Iolaus!!!"

"Shh, can you hear that?"

"Yeah, digging."

"Great. The villagers must be trying to dig us out."

"Yeah, great, but it'll probably take them a week or two to dig through that lot."

"Sigh…..My leg's gone to sleep."

"Hang on, I'm nearly through here. I'll be out in a minute"

"......."

"Iolaus?"

"Zzzzzzzzz"

"Sounds like its not only your leg that's asleep."

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"AAARGHH!!! What?! Get back, or I'll..er..glare at you fiercly!!!"

"Iolaus, calm down. Its just me."

"Herc, you got free!"

"Wow, you're observant today."

"Can you be observant when you can't see?"

"Pedant"

"What on earth are you doing?"

"Just making sure that monster is dead"

"What by stamping on it?"

"No I'm chopping it up with your sword."

"You got my sword? Great!"

"Ah well..."

"Ah well what?"

"It got a little bit bent."

"What? Give it here. What in Zeus's name have you done to it? It's got more bends than a sick pretzel!"

"What's a pretzel?"

"I have no idea. Stop trying to change the subject."

"Well I had to use it to lever some of the larger rocks."

"You used my sword as a lever! Does it look like a lever?"

"Well, no but,"

"It's a sword, it's long and sharp and pointy, or at least it was!"

"Iolaus, I didn't have much choice. I'll get you a new one when we get out of here."

"Yeah, well that should only take a week or so. Come on ,come get to work moving this stuff oh mighty one."

"Patience, oh fidgety one. If I get this wrong you'll be a lot taller, but considerably thinner. Come on, you can try and put a bit of effort in too."

"Okay, okay, I'm trying."

"Aha, got it. There we go, all free."

"Great, let's get out of here."

"Hang on a minute."

"Ouch! Now what are you doing?"

"I'm just checking you're head. Where did you get hit?"

"Hey, will you quit that! I'm fine you moron. How are you supposed to check my head in the dark, you'll have my eye out in a minute!"

"Okay, okay, but you're going to let me check it properly when we get out of here."

"Yes Herc...Ow, ow, ow,ow,ow!!!"

"What? Iolaus are you hurt?"

"Pins and needles."

"£$%*&@!"

"Hercules! I didn't know you knew that word."

"You scared the Styx out of me shouting like that. I thought your legs had dropped off or something!"

"Well pins and needles hurts!"

"I doubt your female admirers would be very impressed by the great hunter hollering and shrieking over pins and needles."

"Some friend you are. Have you ever heard of the word 'sympathy'?"

"Oh for Zeus' sake! Just stand up and stamp around - on second thoughts, just stand up. Stamping might not be wise right now.

"Good point."

"Let's get to work on making a way out of here."

"The sooner the better. That monster's starting to get ripe."

"I thought that was you."

"It probably is. I have been lying on that thing for endless hours. I'm covered in slime."

"What is it about you and slime anyway?"

"I think it's just a side-effect of hanging out with monster-slaying demi-god types too much."

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"Look, light!"

"We've nearly broken through."

"The villagers have been putting in a big effort."

"Well they probably didn't want to end up with their village being the place the the mighty Hercules was buried."

"Not forgetting my trusty companion."

"That goes without saying! On the other hand, they could have made quite a tourist attraction out of it. You know, put up a plaque and do guided tours..."

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"At last. I think that should be big enough for us to squeeze through."

"Uh, Iolaus, are you sure? It looks a bit small to me."

"Look it's easy. See nothing to it. Come on Herc, breath in."

"I am breathing in! The hole's too small."

"I think you've been eating too much of Alcmene's cooking again."

"You eat more than I do!"

"True, but then I'm not the one who can't squeeze through that hole!"

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"Ouch, I'm scraped all over. Would it have been so hard to make the hole bigger."

"Nope, but it was sure fun watching you try to fit through!" "Hmmph!"

"So back to the village then? For a rapturous heroes' welcome. Free ale, adoring women..."

"Iolaus!"

"Well we killed their monster didn't we? They'll be very grateful."

"I think were the ones who should be grateful. They did spend the whole day digging us out."

"Well, there we are then. Gratitude all round. Let's head for the inn and do some celebrating!"

"Slow down. I'm exhausted. I've just moved half the mountain."

"You must be getting old Herc. No stamina!

"Why you..."

I'll race you to the inn!"

"Iolaus!!!"

THE END

Disclaimer

All the stories on this site are fanfiction. No infringement upon the copyrights held by MCA, Universal Studios, Renaissance Pictures or any other person or group involved with the making of Hercules: The Legendary Journeys is intended. This is purely for fun to keep me entertained and give me something to do of an evening. No profit has been made.

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