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Part Two
"I can't believe I just ate that." Nathan said, trying to dig the fluff from JD's candy out of his teeth with one finger."We ate it? Aw heck I must have breathed in an' swallowed it without noticin'," Buck complained.
"Ma stomach thinks ma throats been cut." Vin added. "Even Nathan's bread's startin' ta look tasty." Seven pairs of eyes turned hungrily to where the green and slimy bread sat in the centre of the cave.
"Maybe we could use it for bait?" JD looked at the others.
"Bait?" Nathan reached over to feel JD's forehead, worried that their youngest might be starting up a fever.
"Well since this whole place has turned into a lake, maybe there's some fish around we could catch," the young Sheriff explained batting away Nathan's hand.
"Or ducks," Buck added his voice taking on a distant, dreamy quality. "Crispy roast duck with thick gravy sauce served up with a good helping of potatoes." His fantasizing was rudely interrupted by the loud rumbling of Vin's stomach.
"Sorry," the sharpshooter mumbled, blushing the same colour as Ezra's shirt.
"Well as there are no fish or fowl to hand, I believe I have another solution to our problem." Ezra announced grinning broadly, as he suddenly became the centre of attention. "Why do we not consume one of our horses. One horse should provide us all with sufficient provisions for one night. I believe that horsemeat makes a very tasty repast."
"You can't eat the horses!" JD leapt to his feet horrified, only to sit rapidly back down as he thumped his head on the low ceiling.
"I don't see why not, I'm sure you're little mare would be most appetising given the current circumstances."
Chuckling to himself Chris sat back waiting to see what would happen. They'd only been stuck in the cave for an hour and already his friends were going stir crazy, he couldn't begin to guess where this conversation was going to go but he was sure it was going to be damned amusing. Almost before Ezra could complete his sentence JD was protesting. "No way, it ain't gonna happen!"
"Well, if you have a better suggestion, Mr Dunne, I'm all ears."
"Buck, help me out here." JD pleaded looking at the ladies man, "Tell him we can't eat my horse."
"Well JD, things are pretty desperate right now, an' sometimes that means ya gotta do desperate stuff to survive…"
"Well, I ain't gonna let ya, so there!"
"Perhaps we could consume JD instead of his horse then?" the gambler suggested, gold tooth flashing as he grinned widely. "The Sheriff might prove more appetising than his horse and since he is so dedicated to saving his steed he should be more than happy to sacrifice himself in its stead."
"Nah, that'd be no good. JD's too small and scrawny. He wouldn't feed half of us." Vin pointed out from his position at the cave's entrance.
"A good point Mr Tanner, Mr Sanchez perhaps? There would certainly be more than enough to go round."
"Nope, too old and tough." Buck noted looking the preacher up and down as Josiah stared calmly back at him.
"How about yourself then Mr Wilmington. A happy compromise between size and age."
"Well, ya could…" Buck agreed easily, "but think about all those wailing women you'd have to cope with once they find out what happened to me."
"Oh, I think we could find some way to console them Mr Wilmington." Ezra waggled his eyebrows suggestively.
"Yeah, but would you really want to eat him?" JD asked, "I mean - you don't know where he's been."
"Good Lord! I hadn't considered that. I concede to your superior wisdom in this case Mr Dunne." Ezra looked around the cave speculatively. Perhaps Mr Tanner, a bit skinny I'll admit but he might do at a pinch."
"That'd be a waste of £500 dollars Ezra. If ya ate me, ya couldn't hand ma body over for the bounty in Tascosa." Vin smiled a feral comanchee smile. "What say we eat Nathan, he's gone right quiet over there in the corner."
"Hey, ya don't wanna be eatin' me. Who else'd know the best way ta chop people up?"
"I bet Ezra'd make good eating. I mean, he doesn't do any 'manual labour' so he'd be all tender like" Buck looked the gambler over thoughtfully.
"Being how this was my suggestion eating me would be the height of bad manners." Ezra protested, then, allowing a hint of steel enter his voice continued, "and I still have my derringer."
"Well, that only leaves Chris." All eyes turned to the black clad shadow leaning against the wall of the cave. Chris glared the patented Larabee glare and time stood still, the resulting silence broken only by the continued rain and the distant howl of a coyote...
"Ah, maybe not." Ezra decided at length.
"Good decision."
"Well that's no good, we can't decide who to eat and we're still starving." JD's voice took on a plaintive tone.
"Why don't we draw straws, loser gets to be main course?" Nathan suggested.
"Ain't got no straws." Vin pointed out, practical as ever.
"We could draw cards instead." Ezra piped up, "I just happen to have a deck here. Although it is admittedly somewhat damp I'm sure it would suffice." The gambler's shuffle lacked some of its usual flair as the soggy cards stuck together.
"I don't think it's a good idea to have that cheat deciding which one of us gets eaten," the healer declared.
"I, Mr Jackson do not cheat. Lady Luck will be the only person to make a decision in this matter." Ezra protested, "Now then, lowest card provides the holder with the opportunity to sacrifice themselves for the good of their friends. Aces are, of course, high." Smiling broadly the gambler offered the pack to the still grumbling Nathan.
The healer peeled a damp card from the deck, letting out a relieved sigh as he held up the jack of clubs for all to see. Chris went next, leaning forward and grabbing the pack then holding up the six of diamonds. Josiah got the nine of clubs, Buck the six of spades and Vin the three of hearts. Things looked grim for the sharpshooter until JD grimly held up his selection, the two of clubs. The young sheriff's face fell as he handed the deck back to Ezra. The gambler promptly and predictably drew the ace of spades.
Ignoring the dark mutterings from those around him he looked up at JD, "Well my young friend, how would you like to be dispatched? I'm sure Mr Jackson would be very quick and painless with his knives, or perhaps Mr Wilmington could shoot you?"
Seeing the slightly panicked look that came over JD's face Chris figured that the conversation had probably gone far enough and decided to assert some authority over his men before things got any weirder. "Okay guys, the light's startin' ta go and its still raining..."
"An' then some." Vin interjected.
Chris glared at him before continuing. "It looks like we're here for the night, so let's get settled in. JD you lost the draw, you got first watch. Keep an eye on the horses an' the bank robbers"
Ignoring the sighs and muttered complaints the gunslinger set about rolling out his damp bedroll, damn but it was going to be a long night...
It took a long, long time for the soggy, cold and miserable men to get to sleep. There was much swearing and cursing as damp bodies laid down on even wetter bedrolls. Eventually a glare from Chris that could be felt even if it couldn't be seen, the six friends fell silent and the violent noise of the storm outside was joined by loud rumbles of snoring from the cave.
Chris sat up on the ridge over the cave mouth. He had a good view of the cave and was close enough to hear the horses as they stomped and whickered, no more happy to be out in this weather than he was. Whilst he was in the best spot to keep watch, it was a spot singularly lacking in shelter. Sighing he hunched down deeper into his sodden coat and pulled his dripping hat down over his head. Dam thing seemed to be designed to channel water down the back of his neck. He used the time to practice his glare, alternating it between the cave entrance and the sky. It had no effect on either. Still he consoled himself, not long til the end of his watch. He'd be able to get out of this goddamned rain and get some much needed sleep - on his soaking wet bedroll...he sighed again.
"YEARRRRRGH!" The agonised cry cut through the, relative, silence. It was quickly joined by shouts of,
"Hey, gerroffa me!"
"Ow, my nose!"
"Whatcha doing?"
"Mind yer feet!"
and "You just stood on my hand you cretinous oaf! May I point out that that's a most valued part of my anatomy."
The chaos increased as Chris, gun at the ready, came rushing in to find out what was attacking his men. Unfortunately the gunslinger tripped over Vin who was just getting up from his bedroll. The two men landed in a jumble of arms and legs, collecting a raft of scrapes and bruises from the uneven and unforgiving cave floor.
"What the hell is going on?" Buck bellowed from his spot at the rear of the cave.
"Hang on Brothers. I think I've found a match." There was a brief pause followed by a familiar scraping sound and the cave lit up to the flickering lit of the match Josiah held triumphantly. It was a good job someone was old and wise enough to keep their matches dry.
As he looked at the scene of chaos before him the preacher's jaw fell open in amazement. JD lay on the floor clutching his nose, Ezra sat up against the cave wall sucking on his fingers and glaring a glare that would challenge one of Larabee's best. At the cave's entrance there was a writhing mass of limbs, guns and blankets. In the shadows at the back of the cave Buck was sat bolt upright, eyes wide, waving his gun around trying to identify the threat. In the centre of the confusion Nathan hopped up and down on one leg, both hands clutched tightly round the other, his face screwed up in agony.
"Ow!" The cave was suddenly plunged back into darkness as the match burnt Josiah's fingers. Several more moments of confusion followed until Josiah managed to light another match at about the same time as Chris untangled himself and did the same.
"Who's hurt?" the gunslinger demanded tersely.
"Nathan kicked my dose." JD protested from somewhere at Chris' feet.
"And that curmudgeonly clodhopper has crushed every bone in my hand." Ezra added.
"Nathan?" Chris asked, while fumbling for another match. He was afraid for the healer. Snakebite, that was the only explanation Chris could think of.
"Got cramp." The healer explained tersely in-between the hopping and swearing.
"Cramp? Ya mean all this carnage is 'cos ya got cramp?" Vin blurted out, having finally managed to fight his way out of his blankets.
"You must be getting old brother." Josiah chuckled.
"Old, hah! Its 'cos we rode hard then went ta sleep wet." Nathan defended himself. "Ez, give me a hand here will ya?"
"I'm afraid I do not have a hand to spare." The gambler replied around the fingers he had shoved in his mouth. "You will have to administer to yourself."
"Is anything broke?" Chris wanted to know.
"I believe that all my bones have survived intact. No thanks to our angel of mercy with the overly large boots."
"JD?"
"Don't think so. Sure hurts though."
"He's gonna have himself a beautiful pair of shiners in the morning though." Buck added, grinning broadly. "But don't worry kid. I'll help ya think up some heroic tale to impress Casey with."
"Gee, thanks Buck."
"If you've all finished jawin' I'm about out of matches here. Nathan it's your turn on watch. If ya get cramp again try not to holler so loud, you'll scare the horses." With that Chris collapsed wearily onto his blankets where he waited for the adrenaline rush to wear off and sleep to come.
KABOOM!
"Take cover"
"Everybody down!"
"Enemy artillery. Return fire!"
"Hit the floor!"
Everything fell silent except for the ragged breathing of the six men.
"What was that?" JD wondered out loud as Josiah lit another match from his rapidly dwindling supply. The dim, flickering light showed Chris, Vin, Nathan and Ezra sat straight up with wild eyes and hands on guns.
"It was just lightning" the preacher replied, talking as much to the four panicked men as much as to JD. "But I think our friends were all somewhere else then for a moment."
"That was pretty darned close, it sounded like an explosion!"
"It did that JD." Josiah agreed, watching as his four other friends slowly gathered themselves from where their sleep befuddled memories had taken them.
"That was one helluva way to wake up." Chris growled wiping a shaky hand over his face.
"I'm gonna have grey hair at this rate. Nathan added.
"This is possibly the most unbelievably wretched, hideous night." Ezra moaned miserably.
"Well, there's an awful lot of night left to go brothers." Josiah blew out the match before it burned his fingers this time. "Why don't we see if we can get some more sleep. We're gonna have to get up early tomorrow and get after that gang."
"I…..it……lightning" All eyes turned to the cave entrance, peering through the darkness, trying to make out the bedraggled form of Buck as he staggered back into the cave. Sighing Josiah lit another match. He was going to get through the whole lot at this rate. It was a good job he'd just bought a new box before they'd set off.
"Buck?" Chris helped the stunned man sit down. "You okay?"
"Lightning…..Boom!" Buck managed, giggling slightly.
"It would appear that our esteemed colleague has had an exceedingly close encounter with the forces of nature."
"Huh?"
"Brother Ezra's sayin' that Buck here nearly got himself hit by lightning." Josiah explained to the confused young sheriff.
"Probably the one that woke us up." Vin added, "That was damned close."
"From the looks of Buck it don't come much closer." Nathan hunkered down besides the ladies man, checking him for any singed patches or burnt spots.
"What happened Buck?" Chris tried again as the others gathered round and Josiah blew out his latest match. In the sudden darkness the six waited to find out what had happened to their friend.
"I was on top of the ridge." Buck began, "Could hear the horses from there an' watch the cave too. Then there's this brilliant light and BOOM!" Buck giggled again. "Next thing I know, I'm sat on my backside in the mud an' the bush next ta me is gone. Totally gone, nothing but a few smokin' twigs left."
"You were on top of the ridge?" Nathan wanted to know.
"Yeah."
"You were standing up?"
"Yeah, its cold out there so I was movin' around, tryin' ta stay warm."
"And you were holdin' your rifle?"
"Naturally."
"So let's recap. You were standing on the top of the ridge - bein' the tallest thing around for a coupla hundred miles or so an' you were holdin' your shiny metal rifle. Have I got that right?"
"Pretty much, yeah."
There was a low whistle of amazement from Vin.
"What?" Buck asked in confusion.
"You danged idiot! You're lucky you didn't get you're butt completely fried!"
"Lightning always heads for the tallest thing around, that's why trees get hit so often." Josiah explained.
"And metal also holds an exceedingly lethal attraction for lightning." Ezra added. "The only thing our esteemed friend didn't do was climb a tree and wave his rifle over his head."
"Jeez Buck, you made yourself into a target, you coulda been crisped!" JD was horrified.
"Well I guess ya learn something new every day." Buck muttered. "Now if ya don't mind I think someone else can take over the watch for me, I'm gonna turn in." He limped over to where his bed roll and settled in for the rest of the night, the slight smell of burnt something lingering in the cave to remind them all of his near miss.
on to part 3
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