If you want ROCK, your coming to the right place. baby! This is a tribute to Eyelash - the greatest new band in the world that are not from Siberia!
Eyelash are fantastic band of 4 people who are girls, I think, although 1 might be a boy, I not sure. They do not pop, it is true, they instead ROCK! with guitars like thunder and bass like giant's toes.
I am first seeing them when I tripped to UK to see my cousin Vlad, who is living in a place called Luton running a transport company that he says to the police is for bringing vodka from Siberia, but in truth is for immigrants who pay him in lots of money and sex. But, shhh, yes? That is for me and you to know only. Vlad is taking me to a pub and there I see Eyelash, by mistake and accident, as I was leaving toilet even still with wetness on my hands and in my shorts (I sometimes do this when drunk, yes? Too much beer and sometimes I cannot get to the toilet in time, but I always go and wash my part in the sink afterwards). Anyway I talk of things other than that which I intended to talk and this is not that.
So I am seeing Eyelash just as they are about to start as I am leaving toilet and as is traditional in Russia with bands, I immediately go up to the guitarist and shake hands for good luck, which I think they liked even though they had to wipe their hand dry to play.
And when they did play? oh wow. It is like everything I have ever dreamt in my life coming into being, like communism never happened. If I can describe it I sometimes have to draw a picture of many shades, lots of yellows and reds but yet some black, with a fiery heart and beautiful light and that shape is my house, see it has windows? This, I think, is describing it very well.
I was in love with the music, but then also with the beauty of the singer and the bass player. They are very beautiful, like Warsaw in winter or Majorca in summer (I have been to Majorca once and loved it as I was very drunk all the time and met the girl who I have loved forever, Magnetha, even though she hates me and has reported me to the police and now I cannot be within 500 metres of her which I think is wrong because how else can I give her my gifts of love like a heart cast out of her dogs shit, which I think is very special because it was like it was from both of us. I miss the dog, which is her fault because I wouldn't be killing it if she would have seen me one more time, but hey ho, these are things that cannot be undone and we laugh about them now, eh?) The drummer and guitarist I do not like quite as much but would probably sex them if they asked.
Since I am coming back to Russia I am thinking about them a lot, especially Fiona and Sophie, especially at night. We have a lot of night here in Siberia.
Let me introduce the band for you:
Fiona is the singer and she has two talents. Can you guess what they are?
Yes, that's right: she is great singer AND she is beautiful too! Her voice it is to me like angels playing on my heart, and her beauty effects me in other parts too!! She's so cool too, she is like penguins in my native Russia, which although we don't have, I have imagined sometimes when there is only 2 hours of daylight a day.
Ru Pert Cock plays the heaviest guitar since Dokken first rocked the world and is the one who is most obviously a girl. Still this should not be held against her, as when she plays it is like Hendrix, Randy Rhodes and Yngwie Malmsteen did not die and are still with us, only now they are jammin' with a Bonnie Tyler who has not eaten so many pies, and this can only be like sex but without the need for protection. For now at least.
This is Sophie. She plays the other guitar, but with less strings because that would be too many for her. That is what bass players are, I think. But then she also has to sing and look pretty, whereas Ru only manages one of those. I had a very nice dream about Sophie and Fiona the other night doing a very nice duet, but I shall save that for the a special section of this site which one day I am doing when my parents are out.
Flo plays drums like he is Secret Service and he is beating them up for not having their papers. God, I want to play like him. I want to beat like him. I want to feel the thump-thump-thump of his heavy hands upon my skins, all of them, and I want to feel the sweat too, as sweat in Russia is sign of health, which is true, but also the taste, mmmm.
And that is Eyelash, they are rocking more than you!!!!
BUT I WILL!! WILL!!