here ya go.... the abridged low down on how to increase your psychic powers... then maybe you might be worth something...

  1. Start simple: psychic powers are nothing to be trifled with... start easy... take a deck of cards and separate the cards into two piles... one black and one red... of course you can't look at them first... cheater... concentrate hard and visualize the card.... anything better than a 70% shows you have tendencies towards the 6th sense...
  2. Take the next step: ok... so you think you're tough shit cuz you can separate cards... try reading someone's mind... have someone think of numbers, shapes or dates... concentrate... try to visualize what they are thinking... this is a difficult task but work on it... once you have that down try manipulating their thoughts... make a slave... make a friend... get a date... it's all really handy...
  3. Go beyond our limitations: so you've mastered the physical world of esp... i think i read that pamphlet in the doctor's office... anywhooo... now you are ready to try and cross beyond the limitations of our world... try conturing up a dead celebrity... try elvis... he's a hoot... all you need is something special to that person, some candles and alot of concentration on your part... once ya get the king here would you ask him how that chic from the naked gun was in the sack.... oooohhhh.... i bet she was a demon....
  4. Last resort: well damn.... you must really suck... you've got this far and still no psychic powers... here is the last resort for people like you... go to your nearest native american reservation... tell them you are 1/100 sioux and you can get some peyote... gobble that shit up... sit there and look into the future, the past and other dimensions for about 36 hours... now you have truely mastered the 6th sense... now work on the other 5 smelly....