The Musketeer

Once upon a time in a galxy far, far away... oh wait... this is the musketeer... almost forgot.

When i was a kid, i used to play with action figures... and i used to make those action figures do the craziest things... like walk on walls, jump unusual heights, fight to the death without care and screw she-ra and barbie in twisted trists that would make john holmes blush... the musketeer does these things too... well... all except for the last thing...

musketeer tries to be the matrix set in the days of chivalry... or at least the days of rampant syphallis and the plague... based on the famous story the 3 musketeers, miramax rehashes the tale and adds hot actors of the day... throw in a dash of cgi graphics and fight coreography by kung fu masters and you have a sure fire hit.... right?

not quite... add a few elements of indiana jones and star wars then you have a heroic epic for today's youth... what a pity... a young, bright eyed child can walk out of this movie with dreams of being a sword slinging swashbuckler... then later on watch classic adventures such as indiana jones and think it is just a musketeer rip off... oh the humanity...

the price of admission is worth the acrobatics... some are just stunning... leaping onto moving horses and playing balance tricks on barrels... what fun... but what makes it a passable theater experience is the hackney script and the sub par acting... i've put on marianette performances less stiff... infact i have one coming up this weekend at the puppet house in peoria, il... three drink minimum...

2 1/2 stars out of 5