Jay Z
The Blueprint
Through out the history of time, there have been great artistic movements, and even though it pisses alot of people off hip hop has changed the face of modern pop culture. Now lift your roley in the sky, lick off two shots and pour a little liquor on the curb for your dead homies. Word to herb.
Jay Z has been around for what seems like eternity... and i'm going to admit something right here, i've never been a big fan... but many people are... jay z has released something like 7,000 albums in the last 10 years and i think every one of them has gone platinum... that's not a bad little streak...
but i will give jay z this, he puts out some damn catchy songs... i wish i had the statistics on how many white suburban teenage boys wanted to be big pimpin after the self proclaimed j-hova released the song "big pimpin"... when the song Izzo came out i laughed my ass off.. "how cheesey", i thought... then i heard it again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again (damn radio), and the next thing i know i'm singin along... h to the izzo v to the izzay... that's the anthem get your damn hands up... now i can't stop... i'm like a crazed psychotic who refuses to take his meds walkin around blabbering lines like "for shizo my nizo used to dribble down in v a"... someone end the pain now...
but to my surprise the rest of "the blueprint" is very good... the songs aren't just about women... even though there are it's share of sex related rhymes... most of the songs are rather introspective... some actual thought went into the lyrical end of things... a real rarity in most of the hip hop that oversaturates the radio and mtv...
a big bonus that is found on the disc is slim shady himself... with every song eminem does eminem gets better... his lyrical ability just keeps growing... and his skills behind the boards is becoming very solid... i guess hangin around dr. dre couldn't hurt... plus think of all the marijuana you get to smoke... roll that shit, light that shit, smoke it... errr... yeah...
jay z has released his most solid album since his debut "reasonable doubt"... and for a guy who said he was going to retire from the game 5 years ago, he just keeps going... and the ammount of catchy songs on the cd makes the pop fans go "hooray! we love you jay z"... the lyrics make street hip hop fans say "that's my nizo. jigga flips it like pancakes"... and the sales make his record label say "cha ching"...
4 out of 5 stars...
When Bradley of Sublime died a piece of me died. Literally, skin cells are dying all the time.
there are probably 3 bands through out the history of time that i would pay the astronomical prices of concerts today to see... the doors, ween and sublime... and since sublime doesn't exist nor do the doors that makes the dream a difficulty... but the long beach dub allstars are sublime minus the heart of sublime, bradley... however, they have replaced him with a vocal clone of bradley... eerie...
the songs are good... it is a solid album from begining to end... and especially the first single "sunny hours"... it is reminiscent of sublime's "what i got" (which is a personal favorite... just ask me and i'll sing it for ya... and if ya ask nice i'll twirl a hula hoop at the same time and finish it all off by swallowing fire... just call it a gift)
even though the songs are good i have a gripe... call it pety... call it unfair... but every song sounds like a previous one that was on sublime's self titled album (their last by the way... if ya don't count the endless posthumous releases that contained unreleased songs that were obviously not good enough to be on an lp)... sublime were kings... and they are no more.... so let it go guys... find a niche... be yourselves... dance a fanciful jig... just don't o.d. on heroine and leave the blueprints to your friends so they can be you under a different name...
it would be a travesty for me to give this album a bad rating because i loved sublime... it would also be an injustice for me to give it a high rating because they almost sound like a tribute band... so what to do... what to do... i know...
3 out of 5 stars...
Afroman
The Good Times
I was gonna write a good review but i got high. I was gonna give it 5 stars but i got high. Now i'm gonna go sell afroman at the used cd store. Why? Cuz i need to get high. Need to get high. Need to get high.... BONG!
hola amigos... necesita sensemilla? i kill me sometimes... anywhoooo... once in a great long time there comes a refreshing song about getting high that makes straight edge and stoners unite... cuz i got high, is one of those songs... and all the parents and school principals of the world get their panties in a bunch... mmmmmm... little lacey panties.... probably thongs... crotchless? maybe... what? ok... i'm here... anyway... they get all twisted up over nothing... they never listen to the song... they just hear 1 kid singin the chorus and decide to get it banned... isn't that what happened to the smothers brothers? and we all know how harmless and unfunny they are...
can a career be made off of one song about getting high? sure... look at cypress hill... but does afroman make a name for himself with his first full length? kinda... but he'll probably be on the match game in 20 years and every person will only know him as the "cuz i got high" guy...
don't get me wrong... afroman tries... does he try hard? nope... he gives it a stoned half assed attempt... kind of like this web page... so for that i commend him... but do i play afroman on the stereo? only 3 songs and i press eject... and that is just not good... oops...
the shining moments on the cd are few... he does have a definite old old school sound to him... kinda like the sugarhill gang... i suggest downloading "she won't let me"... you can't go wrong with that one... funny stuff... but otherwise this cd is definitely one to pass on... unless you're a masochist... which i sometimes think i am... why else would i put myself through half the shit that i do? BONG!
2 1/2 stars out of 5
IF Ya Don't Know, Now Ya Know...
This little section is new... here are reviews of albums that have been out but you probably missed...
D 12
Devil's Night
"I'm the devil if ever there was such a thing/ the result of much too many drugs is what your seein/ i'm a mind fuck..." -eminem. If truer words were ever said, I haven't heard em.
Once upon a time there was a little white kid who loved rap. That little white kid grew up to be an angry, deranged, twisted adult. That adult went on to be a 10 times platinum hip hop phenomenon. That phenomenon never forgot where he came from and helped his friends become stars too... what a heroic journey... and the d 12 are eminem's buddies that he promised he'd come back for... he's a gentleman and a scholar...
under the watchful eye of eminem, the d 12 have released probably the best hip hop album of 2001... "what?" you say... it's true... regardless of whether you like eminem and his shock value lyrics you can't deny his uncanny ability to put his thoughts down on tracks... he is like no one i've ever heard before... and the rest of the d 12 aren't bad either... actually they have matured quite a bit since their first appearance on the marshall mathers lp...
here's a bit of a warning though... if you don't like eminem's harsh subject matter, don't bother with d 12... cuz the other 5 guys try to outdo one another with their shock value lyrics... and the most disturbing of them all is bizarre... he talks about sex with his grandmother and pit bulls... ugh...
purple pills, the d 12's first single off the album, is cool as hell... a bouncey track about the joys of poppin pills and gettin high... it's funny and the music, produced by em himself, is inventive and flows like the nile... can't complain...
the rest of the songs are just as slick... between the production of dr. dre and eminem, the album rolls like it's on ball bearings... every track is distinctive and the lyrical content (sometimes repetitve) is consistantly solid... but eminem does steal the show... he just gets better with every appearance he makes (just check out his song on jay z's new one... er... wait... i already told ya about that... this web site is sometimes repetitive but constantly solid... er... wait... didn't i just say that?)...
d 12 won't be winning any humanitarian awards any time soon... and undoubtedly will they not be getting calls from any parent or church groups to perform at P.T.A meetings or easter services.... but what they will be doing soon is probably appearing in court for beating the hell out of fellow detroit rapper, esham... silly ain't they... but they shouldn't have to worry about bail though... sales are through the roof... so go out and support their bond hearing and buy devil's night...
4 1/2 out of 5 stars
The Beatnuts
Take It or Squeeze It
What do you call two guys that live and breathe hip hop? The Beatnuts... the best group you never heard of.
Back in the days when i was a teenager, before i had static and before i had a pager. Pops used to catch me listenin to hip hop... and i was probably listenin to "reign of the tech" by the beatnuts... what a song... now if pops catches me doin something it's probably not a good thing... well... i'm going to keep this review short cuz i have to go for my palm waxing soon...
now in 2001, the beatnuts are back with another album... after their mildly disappointing effort on "murder music", the nuts had to come back with a strong effort... and strong it is...
songs like "yo yo yo", "it's the nuts" and "mayonaise" remind me of why i love the beatnuts... solid production and witty lyrics... and songs like "se acabo" remind me of what made the nuts great... incredible production and a super guest appearance... this time from the legendary method man...
there are many things wrong with the world of music... and one of them is the fact that everybody sleeps on the beatnuts... the other is the fact that nsync are popular as hell... what's up with that?
so now is the time for the beatnuts... i want all 7 loyal readers of this web 'zine to go out and trade in their latest copy of nsync for a fresh copy of the beatnuts... in fact... take your entire nsync collection in and get the entire beatnuts catalogue... then you won't miss gems like "she wanted it doggy style so i pissed on the carpet and shitted by the door"...
4 out of 5 stars
Top 50 CD's to Enhance Your Collection
now now now... i realize that you have many terrific cd's... and i'm sure everyone loves what you have in your collection when you have a party... and i'm more than positive that when the time comes for you to get bizay (unclogging that toilet) you have the best mood setters ever.... but i'm sure your collection could use a little sprucing up... so i will tell you the top 50 cd's you SHOULD have in your collection... they will make you a well rounded individual and probably a hit with the ladies down at the nursing home..... plus the list will be done by christmas time so you have something to ask for when you are sitting on santa's lap (other than a life or world peace)...