in homage to my favorite comedian and monday night football personality i present to you (dah dah dah dah) Rants....
This week on rants....
Cubs Fever
this subject is something near and dear to my heart.... being a born and raised chicago guy.... and also a born and raised white sox fan... i am tired of hearing from every tom, dick and harry about the cubs...
don't get me wrong... i don't hate the cubs... i just hate what they stand for... all that is wrong with america... and now that they are in the play off hunt all i get to hear about is the cubs... i can feel the bile rising up my throat....
the cubs core fandom are devout baseball fans that have been devoid of a world series for 90 years... count 800,000... the rest of the cubs fandom are unemployable yokels either too illiterate to fill out a job application or so strung out on heroine waiting to come down that they have nothing better to do at 1:30 in the afternoon than gaze blankly at a tv screen...from across america and 30 foreign countries this contigent accidently turned on the superstation WGN on their local cable in a vain attempt to catch yet another rerun of barney griffith... but wait... it's 1:30... time for mayberry hijinx.... not today... here come the cubbies... count 3.4 million and growing...
and it's with those millions that i have a problem with... it is those yokels that go to games to get drunk and start fights in the bleachers... then the next day after learning that the cubs won brag about being there and how they thought it was going to be a tough game all the way down to the end, especially in the 5th... whew that was close... when in all actuality the cubs scored 6 in the first and another 4 in the 4th to win 10-2... ohhhh.... nailbiter...
it is the 3.4 million strong that wear their sammy sosa jerseys every day but flip channels when he isn't up to bat... then they call sports radio and complain that the manager don baylor is taking the bat out of sosa's hands even though they don't know what happened...
this horde of people hear me listening to the radio in the store... they hear that it isn't music and it's a ball game... automatically assume that it is the cubs game... even though they played 6 hours prior... and ask me what the score is or how is sosa doing?... what fans...
it is these people that make me wish the entire north side of chicago would slip into the ocean... and there isn't even a damn ocean anywhere near here... ugh... i get so frustrated when migrant workers that speak absolutely no english look at me and dribble out "go cubs"...
so starting today i am taking up a collection to buy the cubs and move them to another city... how about montreal? i hear they are yearning for baseball up there... i think it might work... so send your donations to me and lets make this dream a reality...
Cubs Chicago Removal
c/o A Real Baseball Fan
1969 Mets Ave.
Joliet, IL 60436
FUCK THE CUBS!
Fight the Power