We are pleased that you have decided to avoid further legal turmoil and remit the funds which have been past due and payable for some time. Upon recieving said monies, we shall cease our relentless campaign against you.
While this payment is considered a "DONATION" in some circles, we must inform you that it is in No Way Tax Deductible and you will are not entitled to receive anything other than the temporary relief described above if we see fit. Furthermore, it is important that you understand that we are in no way related to the legal industry or Gary Coleman.
Your long overdue payment is necessary for the continued upkeep of our gleaming Central Offices Down Town (shown below), Mr. Birnbaum's personal mobile office and expense account as well as a motion picture account of said Mr. Birnbaum's rise for his humble Staten Island roots.
Our Central Office Down Town.
(IN "CASH" FORM ONLY) TO:
Z. BIRNBAUM
P.O. Box 291008
Los Angeles, CA 90029
OR to th gentleman in the '84 Corolla in the parking lot of the Vermont-Hollywood RITE-AID establishment.
 Edward "357" Turchinsky |
 Gary Coleman |
 Zac Birnbaum |