The Video Game Hopper Machine Thingy

By: Chibi-Duo

 Quatre opened the door to see Duo hovering over his desk. He walked
over and looked over Duo's shoulder. (Didn't this already happen?)
 "This better not be another TV.  Hopper Machine Thingy or Deluxe!!!"
Quatre told Duo.
 Duo (once again) hid his project from Quatre and started to say, "Get
the..."
"I know: get the other guys and meet you in your living room." Quatre
sighed.
 "How did you know?" Duo asked with a shocked look on his face.
 "Just call it a hunch" Quatre told Duo as he ran out the door.

 About 20 minutes later...

 Duo was waiting for the others to come when he heard a loud screaming
and yelling coming from outside. When he looked out the door, he broke
out laughing, Trowa and Heero were dragging a bag that contained a very
mad, kicking and screaming Wufei.  Duo noticed that Heero and Trowa had
a very satisfied look on their faces.
 "It was the only way we could get him to come!" Quatre yelled to Duo,
while trying to hold a straight face as Wufei threatened to kick him.
 "Come on in, I just got the latest thing on the Hopper Machine Thingy
line!" Duo yelled to all of them, with an evil grin when they all got a
very worried look on their faces. Duo could only wish he could see
Wufei's look, but by the sudden silence, Wufei must've fainted.
 "Hey" said Zach. (Zach Rendar)
 "What are you doing here?" They all asked.
 "I told him to come. I need his help to work my new, Video Game Hopper
Machine Thingy !!" Duo yelled in a strangely echoed voice.
 "I may like this one," said the bag.
 "Don't you say things for me you BAG!!" Wufei told the bag.
 Duo then pressed the button and they warped into the game Zach had put
in the N64.
 Everyone looked around. (I did it!!!!!!)

 "What game is this?" asked Trowa (of course)
 Duo looked at his Video Game Hopper Machine Thingy. "This game is..."
 "YOSHI'S STORY" Zach interrupted with an evil laugh
 All, "NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (gasp) OOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
 Duo then looked at his Video Game Hopper Machine Thingy, "Okay, I'm
Blue Yoshi, Heero is Black, Quatre is Yellow, Trowa is PINK, and Wufei
is..." they all looked around and realized he wasn't there.
 "We must find Wufei, remember, he'll be something stupid." Quatre told
them.
 "Everything in this game is stupid" Heero complained looking at the
"enemies", who where no more than weird little guys with veils over
their heads and made funny noises.
  Duo was about to make fun of Trowa being the pink Yoshi, when they all
heard a dog barking. They followed the noise and found a dog tied to a
chain and a stump much to big for a dog that size.
 "that's stupid" said Duo
 "   WHO ARE YOU CALLING STUPID?!?"
 "I thought that would be Wufei" Heero commented
 "I'LL KILL YOU ALL!!" Wufei yelled while still barking that stuuupid
bark.
 "Duo, press the button!" Trowa yelled. (if it's possible that Trowa
could yell)
 "Not yet" said Duo, "I kind of like the idea of Wufei being chained up to
a stump!"
 Just then, Wufei lunged straight for Duo, only to be yanked back by the
chain so hard it looked like his neck broke! He continued this for 13
minutes until Heero got pissed and pressed the button.
 "Since you are so high strung, Heero," they heard  Zach chuckle, "I'll
put you in a game you may like!"


 Everyone looked around.

 They were on a runway in a very cold place. There was ice and snow
everywhere, there was a plane down a ways, and scattered everywhere,
were people who could only be guards.
 Duo looked at his Video Game Hopper Machine Thingy. "We are in the
game, GOLDENEYE..." Heero's eyes lit up, "Um...Heero is 007, cool, I'm
Boris, Trowa is Xenia, ha ha, your a lady again, Quatre is General Or,
Our, Orumov?" He looked at Quatre who was an old USSR General, "And
Wufei is...hee hee hee... NATALYIA!!!!"
 "Why do I always get the shitty parts!?" Wufei yelled
 "You said a potty word!!" They heard Twin yell
 Heero reached into his back pocket, and to everyone's surprise, pulled
out a pistol!! Heero's them got a smile so big that all the pilots
stepped back.  Heero then started a killing spree, running from guard to
guard shooting them.
 "STOP!! We shouldn't be fighting at all!!" (guess who that was)
 Heero then pulled out 2 bazookas and started shooting the other pilots.

 "Stop that, OW!"
 Heero than turned around and started randomly shooting rockets at the
rushing mob of soldiers.
 "Duo, is there anything in this game that can help us stop him?"
Squealed Quatre
 Duo had his nose in the players guide, "There's a tank back in that
corner next to the building!"

 They all ran there to find the tank.

 "I want to drive the tank!" Cried Wufei
 "But I'm the one who found it!" Duo retorted
 "But I got the stupid part again!!"
 "So, you are stupid!"
 "Am not!"
 "Are too!"
 "No"
 "Yes"
 "No"
 "Yes"
 "No"
 "We shouldn't be fighting at all!!"
 "SHUT UP"
 Wufei then started punching Quatre. Duo took the chance to steal the
tank.
 "Oh no you don't "Wufei yelled and then charged at Duo. They all fought
for a few minutes, then continued the race to get the tank, only to find
out that Trowa had run away with it. They all got so mad, yes, even
Quatre, that they all pulled out their grenade launchers and shot
constant rounds at the unsuspecting Trowa. (he he he he he)
 Just then Duo got an idea, (shudder), "Shoot the plane and that will
fail the mission!"
 Wufei pulled out his bazooka and shot at the plane, only to miss by a
mile. "Don't say it Duo!'
 "What? I expected that, you couldn't even hit Treize!"
 Quatre then saw that he could command the guards, "Destroy that plane!"
he yelled.
 "What are you doing ... oh"
 They all saw that instead of chasing Heero, the guards were now
shooting the plane, when the plane blew up they looked below them to see
a message floating in midair that said: OBJECTIVE B FAILED.
 Just then Heero started running towards them with his hunting knives
out and Duo decided it was a good time to press the button.

 Everybody looked around. (Actually, they looked back and forth because
everything was in 2D)

 "What's with this?" no one important said
 "I don't know" Duo said, he looked down at his Video Game Hopper
Machine Thingy, "We're in a Super Nintendo Game, that explains the
flatness, it's called, GUNDAM WING ENDLESS DUEL?!?!?!?!?!î
 "We should be fighting at all!"
 "Duo," Heero said, "since you ruined the best moment of my life, I want
to challenge you to a duel, I'll take Wing Zero."
 "Then I'll take Deathsythe Hell"
 (Let's just says Quatre won)
 "Wait, we don't know what characters we are."
 Duo looked at his Video Game Hopper Machine Thingy, "It says that your
character depends on the Gundam you choose."
 Wufei then made a dash for Altron
 "That bum, he has to be himself, I guess that means he won't break his
record for stuuupid characters!" Duo said
 All of a sudden, Quatre's eyes lit up as he ran toward Sandrock.

 Everybody looked around. (??)

 "I switched games on you!" Zach told them in an evil tone.
 "You rotten ba..."
 "POTTY WORD!!" Zach yelled, in his most obnoxious voice.
 "I'll get you Zach!!" Wufei yelled
 "1010101000111010100101 I can't here you 100001011010101010îZach said.
 "You said the forbidden word in binary!" Quatre told him.
 "Oops"
 "Wua ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
 "Since no body cares, we are in Rugrats?" Duo said confused
 "YEA! I know this game!!" Quatre yelled.
 "Uh huh, I'm Tommy, Quatre is Chucky, suites you, Trowa is hee hee Lil,
Heero is Phil, and Wufei is..."
 "Since there are no more babies left I must be an adult!" Wufei said
satisfied.
 "... Wufei is DIL!!" Duo finished
 "NOOOOOOOOOOOO" Wufei yelled in that constipated yell he has.
 "What is my mission?" Heero asked.
 "To change that baby's diaper" Duo told Heero while pointing at
Wufei/Dil
 "Mission uncertainly accepted" He said walking over to Wufei.
 "What are you HOLY STINKY CRAP MUCUS, STOP THAT HEERO!!!!!!"Wufei
yelled at Heero who was "trying" to change his "diaper" (shudder)

 Okay, so maybe that was a bit out of line, but hey, it was funny!

 Duo the decided it was time to push the button.

 Everybody looked around.

 "This looks familiar" Duo noticed
 "No, not this again" Trowa whined.
 "We're in Yoshi's Story again!!" Quatre yelled.
 Duo looked down at his Video Game Hopper Machine Thingy. "Hey, we're
the same characters as before."
 "Figures." Wufei said, keeping one eye on Heero.
 "Yup, you are that stuuupid dog again!!" Duo happily told Wufei
 "At least I'm not changed to a stump, or a horse, or a baby who Heero
finds necessary to change it's diaper" Wufei said, recapping half of the
funniest and stupidest characters he has been in any of these stories.
 "Let's complete the game so we can finish it" Trowa added.
 "Mission, accepted" Heero told them as  he threw an egg that had been
following them all around. When it exploded, the whole world shook and
all the enemies on the screen were blown away, plus, all the bubbles
containing various weird fruits popped.
 "What was the point of that" Trowa asked. (He's stupid, so he asks a
lot of questions)
 Quatre then stuck out his tongue, which flew a good 24.5 feet, grabbed
a fruit, and brought it back to Quatre, who ate in whole without
chewing. "Cool, I can eat at a distance" He told them in a very happy
look.
 "Only you would care about that" Duo said "We have to eat lots of fruit
and then we defeat this dragon at the end who stole a tree from the
Yoshi's and they want it back."
 "That is the purpose of this whole game!?" Wufei said, obviously
annoyed, "You mean we have to walk through 6 levels eating fruit and
being happy and being amongst hearts and happy sounds and be cute all
because some stupid dragon stole a tree from some lizards in some god
forsaken part of the world?!?"
 "Yup." Duo replied, obviously glad that Wufei hated everything about
this game.
 Trowa was not listening, he was only thinking about the leather pad on
his back that they all had. (Being Trowa who is stuuuupid, he doesn't
think that it may be a saddle because he's so stuuuuupid!)
 "Why don't we warp now since we've already been here." Heero told Duo.

 Everybody looked around

 "What kind of game is this!?!"Wufei yelled.
 Duo looked down at his Video Game Hopper Machine Thingy. "This can't
be, WE'RE IN A RONIN WARRIORS GAME!!!!!!î
 "That can't be!" Quatre yelled, "I own every game in the world, but I
don't have this one!!"
 "I made this one just for you guys!!" Zach yelled.
 "What are you doing to us! AHUCK!!" Wufei got a scared look on his
face.
 "What did you just say?!?"Duo said to Wufei.
 "I AHUCK can't AHUCK help it! AHUCK, WWAAAAAAHHHHHH" Wufei yelled in
that constipated voice that he has when he fights a weak enemy.
 "Don't worry, I programmed duct tape!" Zach told then on a worried but
reassuring voice that sort of made everyone feel better.
 Duo looked in his helmet (I bet your getting confused: Duo is Rowen,
Quatre is Sai, Heero is Kento, Trowa is Ryo and Wufei is Sage) and found
a roll of duct tape and put it over Wufei's mouth, who let everyone know
he did not enjoy that.
 "How about we just warp now, we are all here" Trowa asked.
 "What would be the fun in that?" Quatre asked
 "You mean you actually want to stay in a Ronin Warriors video game were
Wufei must ALWAYS say the forbidden words and we are all the gay Ronins
and we haven't even seen how gay the enemies will be?!" Duo yelled at
Quatre.
 "...yes...î
 "YOU ARE THE  BIGGEST RETARD EVER!!" Heero yelled at Quatre.
 Duo then pressed the button only to have nothing happen. He checked the
battery indicator to see there was no power.
 "Warp already" Trowa asked impatiently.
 "Uh, guys ... I don't know how to tell this to you, but, the batteries
are dead."
 "You need to speak up" Quatre said still a little sad about what they
had said to him.
 "I said, the batteries are dead."
 "You need to speak up" Heero said annoyed.
 "I said THE BATTERIES ARE DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!."
 "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" They all yelled together except Wufei who just kind of
squealed.
 "This can't be happening, there has to be some batteries around here
somewhere" Duo said worried.
 "RYO, we have to defeat Tulpa to save my parents!î
 They all turned around to see a kid that wore short shorts running over
to Trowa and started clawing at his leg, and Trowa just kind of kicked him
over a little.
 "Come with me! I know Mia can help us!" He said ignoring the fact Trowa
had just pushed him away.
 "Stay away you nasty goons, the jewel of life will protect me!" He said
while holding up a little shell in the air.
 The guys just looked at each other.
 "Come on White Blaze" The kid yelled and a tiger appeared out of no
where, picked him up and carried him away.
 "I thought he would never go away!" Heero said to himself.
 "Come on you guys, we need to find some batteries for my VGHMT (Video
Game Hopper Machine Thingy)." Duo told the others.
 They all we're walking around when all of a sudden, some guys dressed
in gray  armor appeared and started making noises and exploding in piles
of dust.
 Wufei then muttered something.
 "Wufei says he likes combustion" Heero tolled the others.
 "How do you know what he is saying?" Quatre asked.
 "My dad had his jaw wired after a mission and I had to learn 'mumble' "
Heero said looking quite pleased with himself.
 Wufei mumbled some more.
 "What did he say, Heero?" Duo asked.
 "I can't tell you, it would hurt  Quatre's ears" Heero looked at
Quatre, who was playing with the goggles that appear and then disappear
into his helmet.
 They all kept walking through what was left of downtown Tokyo, passing
by a couple groups of the self-exploding tin cans. (By the way, what
Heero translates for Wufei will be in <,>'s).
 <We aren't getting anywhere> Heero translated
 "Shut up you knave, do you have any better ideas?" Duo hissed
 <Why don't you ask Zach?> Wufei mumbled with a happy look.
 "I hate you" Duo told Wufei, "Zach, can you warp us some batteries?"
 "Did you say the magic phrase?" Zach said with a hint of excitement in
his voice.
 "Zach is the bomb, Zach is the man, Zach is better than anyone except
Chibi-Duo (hehehe), Zach is rich, Zach is a KNAVE...I mean cool,
prodigious, awesome, great, ect." Quatre said almost in tears.
 "You ' re not doing the dance!!" Zach yelled
 "But I don't want to do the dance!" Quatre said with shiny... puffy...
red... swollen... eyes.
 "You have to do the dance or I will warp in Chibi-Duo, who is next to
me, eating pixie sticks!!" Zach chuckled diabolically.
 "Fine" Quatre said and started dancing...

 (Quatre dances)

 <Oh...my...god> Wufei said with a dazed look on his face.
 "That was the most degrading thing I have ever done "Quatre said
whimpering under some of the over turned rocks from when the tin guys
exploded.
 "Well, since Quatre did his dance, here are the batteries" Zach told
them
 The batteries the appeared and fell to ground.
 Duo was about to press the button when he noticed Trowa wasn't there.

 Somewhere in the subway

 "How are you?" Trowa asked the woman that was dragging him in the
subway.
 "You know very well that I am Mia, I brought you here so the other
warriors wouldn't have t see your pain, OH DEAR, you have a wound on
your lip, let me kiss it and make it better!" Mia said and started
kissing the "Wound".


 Back up on the street

 They all heard the muffled scream come from the subway and followed it.

 When they all got down, they could only stop and stare, for in front of
them was a kicking and screaming Trowa, who had a some lady all over
him.
 "Trowa! I thought you where going to stay single!" Quatre yelled with a
look of true disappointment.
 "SHE STARTED IT!" Trowa yelled.
 "OH RIO! Your armor is rusted, let me take it off and...clean it"
Mia-the-slut said.
 "Ya!"
 <What!?!>
 "Oh my god..."
 "Stop her!" Trowa yelled. (Trowa is doing a lot of yelling, I wonder if
he is going to lose his voice in this story)
 Heero pulled out that pointy stick thing he has, and was about to see
if he could make a home run, when the whole thing just went limp,
dangling from chains.
 "What!?" Heero said, "This thing is more unreliable than Wufei in a
battle against Door!"
 <Hey!> Wufei yelled.  He pulled out Sage's sword (which I think is
pretty cool) and tried to slice Heero in half, but missed and hit Mia.
Her head went rolling across the floor.
 "Good, she was doing naughty things!" Quatre whimpered.
 "Ryo, please stop thrashing, you are making my job hard!"
 They all looked at each other.  Then they looked at the head.  Then
they looked at Mia's body.  They still moved...
 "YA!!"
 "HOLY SHIT!!"
 <THAT THING IS MORE STUBBORN THAN SALLY-PO!!!>
 "....mommy...." That would be Quatre of course.
 Duo looked down at his VGHMT and then pulled out his bow.
 "ARROW SHOCKWAVE!" Duo yelled while floating in mid-air and holding
back his bow and making swirling things go around it.  He let it go and
there was an explosion of light.
 When the light was gone, all they saw was a pile of dust in the shape
of Mia.
 <Oh my God, I thought we'd never get rid of her>
 "I know"
 "You know, that thing is so stubborn..."
 "Uh, Guys!?' Quatre yelled while looking at the remains.  They were
coming together again...
 "ZACH YOU COMPLETE LOSER!!" Duo yelled, "HOW DID YOU PROGRAM IT TO
REGENERATE!?!?"
 "I didn't!? cried Zach "I got the Mia profile from another game!"
 "Oh Rio! You have a canker sore on your lips!" said the THING, (She's
actually starting to scare ME!), "Let me BITE it off!"
 "RUN!!" Quatre yelled
 "WAIT!!" Duo yelled with a look on his face that showed he came up with
a brilliant plan. he pulled out a needle and stuck it in Quatre's
forehead.
 "What good is that going to do?!?"cried the frantic Trowa
 "Heero hacked in to Quatre's medical files, and we found out that he
has an acupuncture point on his forehead!" Duo told the others.
 <What does it do?>
 "Well HELLO there little slut, heheheheHAHAHAHAHA, but it seems that
you are trying to do BAD THINGS TO MY FRIEND!!"
 Seeing this, Mia started to back off. (She's not used to seeing a psycho
on her level of insanity)
 Duo didn't wait, pulled out his VGHMT and...realized it was gone...