yeah. but it's still the principle of it. i have my freedom
who says it ever had to be sacrificed?
the point is though that it was.
everything is just a routine. i'm sick of it and we have nothing in common
so i know i should break up with him but i don't have the guts to do it
Well... telling Katrina all about it would probably be a good catalyst to get things moving...
well, remember that email you got from mackenzie saying that she was breaking up with you?
yes
what if i would have just told you that she was going to do it?
how would that make you feel?
It probably wouldn't have happened because the problems she listed could have been solved... but your problem appears to be insolvent and thus HOW it comes about it unimportant as it won't make it any easier
I would ask (you or her) why
i did know, but after she already sent it. by the way, you're not suppose to know that
Interesting that the only person that really actually needs to know something is the last person that find out... we have a really fucked up society on that count
yeah, but she needed someone to talk to. i was online. and i've been talking to everyone about nate
uh huh
mackenzie's weird though
she asks some of the most inapropriate questions
Which is really the only weird thing about me I s'pose... I solve my problems... either internally by getting over or accepting them or by dealing with the root of the problem
like?
Did we have sex?
no. she asked me if i liked you. what the hell kind of question is that?
I think she's trying to rationalize something... She mentioned that she likes Anthony and Anthony likes her in that one conversation we had about it
while you were going out?
on the 15th... immediately after we broke up
Or after she broke up with me...
that's really fucked up. i don't think i'd ever tell a guy that right after i broke up with him
I don't think I'd already have another relationship set up before i broke up with someone... but if I did break up with someone so persue someone else I think I would mention that and not try to make up an excuse
An excuse being the reason you think someone would want to hear rather than the real reason
i think she has a dependency on guys. didn't she do that right before she went out with you?
They might put a quote of mine in the yearbook about that... they sent out a schoolwide servey with a bunch of bullshit questions... what's your favorite band, etc... One was "If you're tardy what excuse would you give?" I wrote "I would give the reason I was late, not an excuse" and then preceded to write 3 paragraphs about the american youth's fear of the truth
I tried presenting my conclusions from my psychological analysis about her... she got very defensive about my suggestions... which means they might have been accurate
by the way, what did you mean by rationalizing?
what were your suggestions?
Some guy likes her... and She likes some Guy... and she think she would feel better if I were in a similar situation
That she stop depending on other people to define her self image
it's true. i can see that and i don't really know her
Actually, you know... all of her complaints boil down to me not telling her what to do... --sigh--
she has a need to be controlled
what's her mother like?
Hmmm... to utilize a clichè she's the one who wears the pants
then she's not following her mother's example
or maybe she wants to control someone else and you didn't let her do that
She told me she went out with abram because her mother would "let her" break up with him
Or maybe she wants both... My analysis came out as co-dependant
i just don't want to get like that. i'm getting close though
I'm curious as to what Anthony is like
why don't you find out?
see her reaction. show up with another girl
because it would do no good
why not?
she probably would get jealous... fuck... she got pissed off because i subscribed to the alt.fan.winona-ryder newsgroup
i think she wants to be with that guy and still have you within her reach in case it doesn't work
it wouldn't be the first time... hmmm
you know... I think I am the only person capable of really doing anything that bothers me...
how many times have you gone back to her?
what did you do that bothers you?
I haven't gone back to her... she's come back to me... and it would be once... But I was talking about a different girl
huh?
what about a different girl?
Uh... first "serious" girlfriend... met her through then next door neighbor Isaac... you see... they had both been in the same unit at the vanderbilt psychiatric hospital suicide ward
what the hell are you talking about???!!!
anyway... she latched onto Isaac... then she met me and latched onto me... them she met Eric and... Peter... i think... anyway.. then she latched onto them... then Eric and Peter found out about each other and both dumped her and then she latched back onto me... all this took place in about 2 months of 95
okay. what's bothering you about it?
then she got arrested for selling her antidepressants and her father's morphine and sent off to some camp in arizona
it's a trend
thoughI think she recently got back from there
Oh BTW... I was reminded of her last night when y'all we talking about Harpeth Hall... she was the head (basketball) cheerleader
maybe you ought to find some nonpsycho girls. ones that are a bit more independent
It would be nice... but I never have had much interest in looking for people
well, neither do i. they just come. and never go away
Would you say you attract a specific type?
nope. they're all different
Hmmm... I definitely seem to attract a specific type... of course my mom thinks I'm psychic so maybe i send out some ESP homing beacon
i doubt it. maybe you attract more than you think. not everyone admits things. that might be the problem
It's interesting... when I first started going out with MacKenzie she brought home reports of how "everyone" in the school (or at least the senior class) had something to dislike about me... Though i never knew any of the people she was talking about and I haven't had very amyn problems at school
interesting the way things work
i had a boyfriend that did that. truthfully i think it's a way to make you feel insignificant so you don't feel like you can get anyone else
Though in German 2 there was this one guy (Lloyd) who always tried to harrass me... I was later told by one of his friends that I scared him... The thing is... I don't recall ever talking to him except maybe once or twice...
OH... BTW... I think Lloyd might be Anthony's best friend. but there probably mroe than one person named lloyd in nashville
then again the way you stare at a person could possibly scare them
Hmmm... Pardon me if I like to watch people
it's not that. it's the way you watch them
okay... umm... pardon me if I don't make furtive attempts to try to hide the fact that i like to watch people?
it has nothing to do with that. you just look like you're planning their death
oh...
that might explain why I haven't had any problems
or at least very few... and none serious
problems with what?
violence from other students
i haven't had that problem either. i don't scare people
Well... if MacK's reports of my apparently widespread negative popularity are accurate it is a little odd at that I have seen no signs of it... though she could have just been making it up to make me insecure as you suggested
then again i do. a lot of people think i'm gay
A lot of people think I'm gay... some teachers included
it's funny in my opinion
you could probably make a really pretty girl. if you shave
ummm... uh.. thanks?
;-þ
can i try? i'll put makeup on you and dress you
--sigh-- grrr... Do you have an polaroid type camera?
nope
hmm... maybe I can borrow mackenzie's... so when and where would this be happening?
i don't know
when would you like it to?
next week would be fine.. but don't expect me to go out neccessarily
okay. exactly how tall are you?
71½"
i think you can wear a skirt of mine. what size pants?
32 inch waist about... 34 35 for leg
oh. would you be willing to shave?
ummm... I'll think about it
i've got a camera though.
and i'm about as bad as you with makeup. that's why i don't wear it
but you already agreed
Actually I just looked at some pants I find comfortable... 32W 32L
but I wear them around my hips...
okay. i'll look for somethings. um, i gotta go meet patricia soon.
i wear my pants around my hips too
they're starting to cut pants to be worn around the hips now... it's a worldwide movement
patricia'll have some clothes you can wear. she's got long legs
a movement of pants towards the ankles... strange
i'm leaving now. i'll talk to you later
bye
Aufwiederlesen