The Quote ArchiveThe Quote Archive
Here
are quotes that have been on my page before. Sorry, I don't know
what month they were displayed.
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I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
All racists who are prepared to die for their country, please do so now.
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
People who know little are usually great talkers, while men who know much say little.
"Be careful of reading health books; you may die of a misprint." --Mark Twain
Quitting smoking is easy, I've done it a hundred times.
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns.
"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don 't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world." --Calvin (Calvin & Hobbes)
"I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information." --Calvin
"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." --Calvin
"In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks." --Calvin
"That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse." -- Calvin
"Girls are like slugs - they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what." -- Calvin
"But for my own example, I'd never believe one little kid could have so much brains!" -- Calvin
"We don't KNOW that smoking is making these people sick ... it could be air pollution ..." -- Head of the R.J.Reynolds Health Department.
"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada." --Britney Spears, when asked the best part of being famous.
God gave people a mouth that closes and ears that don't, which should tell us something.
"The three most celebrated doctors on the island have been to see me. One sniffed at what I spat, the second tapped where I spat from, and the third sounded me and listened as I spat. The first said I was dead, the second that I was dying, and the third that I'm going to die."--Chopin
Business is the art of extracting money from another man's pockets without resorting to violence.
"Whoever tells a lie cannot be pure in heart--and only the pure in heart can make good soup." --Ludwig van Beethoven
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to change it every six months.
"I never make a mistake. I thought I did once, but I was wrong." --Lucy Van Pelt, Peanuts
You don't need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarfs began to suspect "Hungry."
Every ten seconds there is an unwed teen somewhere in the world giving birth to a child. She must be found, and stopped.
"A man paints with his brains and not with his hands." -- Michelangelo
"If you can't sleep, try lying on the end of the bed. Then you might drop off." -- Mark Twain
"I would like to live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were ever supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." -- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest
"I have a bad feeling about this" -- A lot of people from Star Wars
"We do more than just sing and dance. We've got a brain, too." -- Kevin Richardson of the Backstreet Boys
"... Two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the former." -- Albert Einstein
"The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe." -- Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia
"I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are vastly underpolluted." -- Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank, explaining why we should export toxic wastes to Third World countries.
"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so." -- Douglas Adams
"Interpret your own way, as long as you don't change what is written." -- Chopin
Smoking areas in restaurants are like peeing areas in swimming pools.
"I can levitate birds. No one cares." --Steven Wright
"A gossip is one who talks to you about others, a bore is one who talks to you about himself; and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself." --Lisa Kirk
"I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time." --Charlie Brown
You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever.
If your nose runs and your feet smell... are you built upside down?
Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
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If you know any of the sources for these quotes (that I don't know, of course) e-mail me.