| FLYING SHEEP AND FRENCH LECTURE ON SHEEP AIRCRAFT |
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| FLYING SHEEP Tourist (Terry Jones) : Good Afternoon. Shepherd (Graham Chapman) : Aye 'tis that. Tourist: You're here on holiday? Sepherd: Nope, I live 'ere. Tourist: Oh, good for you. Uh...those ARE sheep aren't they? Shepherd: Yeh. Tourist: Hmm, thought they were. Only, what are they doing up in those trees? Shepherd: A fair question and one that in recent weeks 'as been much on my mind. It's my considered opinion that they're nestin'. Tourist: Nesting? Shepherd: Aye. Tourist: Like birds? Shepherd: Exactly. It's my belief that these sheep are labourin' under the misapprehension that they're birds. Observe their be'avior. Take for a start the sheeps' tendency to 'op about the field on their 'ind legs. Now witness their attemps to fly from tree to tree. Notice that they do not so much fly as...plummet. (Baa baa....flap...flap...whoosh...thud) Tourist: Yes, but why do they think they're birds? Shepherd: Another fair question. One thing is for sure, the sheep is not a creature of the air. They 'ave enormous difficulty in the comparatively simple act of perchin'. (Baa baa...flap flap flap....whoosh...thud) Trouble is, sheep are very dim. Once they get an idea in their 'eads, there's no shiftin' it. Tourist: But where did they get the idea? Shepherd: From Harold. He's that most dangerous of creatures, a clever sheep. 'e's realized that a sheep's life consists of standin' around for a few months and then bein' eaten. And that's a depressing prospect for an ambitious sheep. Tourist: Well why don't you just remove Harold? Shepherd: Because of the enormous commercial possibilities if 'e succeeds. NEXT SKETCH...LECTURE ON SHEEP AIRCRAFT (Two Frenchmen stand in front of a diagram of a sheep adapted for flying) First Frenchman (John Cleese) : Bonsoir- Ici nous avons les diagrammes modernes d'un mouton anglo-francais...maintenant...baa-aa, baa-aa... nous avon, dans la tete, le cabine. Ici, on se trouve le petit capitaine Anglais, Monsieur Trubshawe. Second Frenchman (Michael Palin) : Vive Brian, wherever you are. First Frenchman: D'accord, d'accord. Maintenant, je vous presente mon collegue, le pour celebre, Jean-Brian Zatapathique (Transfers his moustache to Second Frenchman) Second Frenchman: Maintenant, le mouton... le landing... les wheels, bon. (Opens diagram to show wheels on Sheep's legs) First Frenchman: Bon, les wheels ici. Second Frenchman: C'est formidable, n'est ce pas... (Unintelligibly indicates motor at rear end of sheep) First Frenchman: Les voyageurs... les bagages...ils sont...ici! (Triumphantly opens the rest of the diagram to reveal the whole brilliant arrangement. They run round flapping their arms and baa-ing. Cut to pepperpots in supermarket with off screen interviewer.) First Pepperpot (Graham Chapman) : Oh yes, we get a lot of French people round here. Second Pepperpot (Terry Jones) : Ooh yes. Third Pepperpot (Michael Palin) : All over yes. Interviewer: And how do you get on with these French people? First Pepperpot: Oh very well. Fourth Pepperpot (John Cleese) : So do I. Third Pepperpot: Me too. First Pepperpot: Oh yes I like them. I mean, they think well don't they? I mean be fair- Pascal. Second Pepperpot: Blaise Pascal. Third Pepperpot: Jean-Paul Sartre. First Pepperpot: Yes, Voltaire. Second Pepperpot: Ooh- Rene Descartes. END OF SKETCH |
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